This is a picture of the amazing coffee that I enjoyed with my good friend Nick the other day. Every time we get together, the discussion is always so productive. We encourage each other to ask ourselves the tough questions. We bring new points of view and different experiences to consider. In addition, Nick holds me accountable in many of my projects. That is the benefit of having a friend like him.

This afternoon we found ourselves on the subject of people overcoming great adversity in their lives to go on to both accomplish great things as well as inspire others to do so. He shared a story of a young lady who was a 16 year-old theater student. While preparing for a role in a production, she fell through a door in the stage and become paralyzed from the neck down. As a young person just beginning their life, this had to be devastating. She confessed to crying herself to sleep on many nights. Over the decades that followed, and with intense therapy, she managed to regain use of 4 of her fingers. This may not sound like much, but it allowed her to operate a motorized wheel chair. This gave her a greater deal of autonomy and motivation to continue to push on. Thirty years after her accident, she appeared on stage and sang a song from the production she had been training for on that fateful day when she was sixteen. Something the doctors had told her would never be possible.

For those of you who follow this blog, you know I am a big fan of Inky Johnson. He is a gentleman who trained to be a professional football player since the age of 7. His junior year in college he was told he would be a top pick in the NFL making him an instant multi-millionaire. He called his family who were all living in great poverty and told them the great news. Two games later he suffered an injury that left his left arm paralyzed. This ended any hope of a professional sports career. He is now a prolific speaker sharing his story to inspire others. Again, after much therapy and countless sleepless nights.

My question to Nick, and to myself really, was what was it that makes these individuals able to overcome the challenges they face while so many of us go back to bed if we stub our toe getting out of bed? What is that mindset that allows you to push on long after others would have quit? It is the ability to be resilient. The definition of that word skillfully placed above this paragraph. What allows someone to be resilient and how can we develop more of it? Inky Johnson would credit his faith as a major reason for being able to keep going. That may be a part of it, but those without a spiritual belief have also demonstrated this ability. What allows a person to have the fortitude to make it through sleepless nights, through tears and heartache?

The reason this question kept bouncing around my brain is because pain, loss, and heartache are things all of us will go through at some point. The desire to quit is also something we will all face. That can be the desire to quit a job because you do not like your boss. The desire to quit on your marriage because you and your spouse cannot seem to get along. Giving up on your health journey because you are tired of waking up sore and eating chicken breast. To, of course, giving up on life itself. Being the person that I am, and the mission I have for my life, it is my goal to help people persevere more. Too many of my friends have given up on too many aspects of their life, and sadly some on life itself. That bothers me so greatly it has motivated me to do all that I can to bring as much love and light to the world as I can.

How can we develop the ability to be resilient? The first step is acknowledging that it is a skill worth putting the time in to develop. I think we can all agree that you are always in one of three stages in life. You are heading into a storm of life, in the middle of one or just coming out of one. That is not negative thinking, but realizing that there are always challenges to face. Most of them are not nearly as intense as the two listed above, but some are even greater. One of the things that we can do of the start is to have a vision for our life. If you do not have a destination for your life, how are you going to get anywhere? What is the purpose for you to get out of the bed in the morning? If it is to just pay bills and die, you are not going to be able to withstand what life has to throw at you. If it is to see your grandchildren grow up and bring as much to their lives as you can, that is a far stronger reason.

In addition to developing a strong ‘why’ for your life, developing a strong self-care routine is essential. If we do not take care of ourselves, we will not be able to take care of anyone else in our life. In addition, meeting challenges in the best possible state we can will give us the best chance of overcoming them. That is not something you can do if you do not take care of yourself. I would throw in a study of people who have overcome tragedy themselves. I cannot think of anyone who has made it through something intensely trying that did not want to share what helped them do it with others. Start with watching some of the videos Inky Johnson has on YouTube. If you know someone in your life that has overcome something challenging in their life, ask them for advice. In my second book, Living the Dream, I share several of these stories at the end as inspiration for us all.

If you find yourself in the middle of a circumstance that has you wanting to give up, let me share something that has helped me personally. Knowing the pain and hurt you are experiencing will give you the tools and strategies that can help others in the future going through that same pain will not only help you to keep pushing forward, it will also have you being present enough to learn the lessons that you will pick up along the way. You will emerge a stronger, more credible, and yes a more resilient person on the back end.

One very important note on the end of this post. If you are thinking of giving up, reach out for help. There are times when we need help developing that resilience. It will also give those helping you a feeling a value and purpose. Never give up on yourself. Study resilience. It is something that can and may save your life.