ONE OF MY BELIEFS

This picture sums up one of my firm beliefs. No matter what you believe spiritually, or even if you believe anything spiritually, you were put here for a reason. Even if you don’t agree with that much you cannot argue that your time here is limited. People ask me why I think happiness is so important. Why is it worth spending over a decade of my life studying? Why should everyone focus on it? If you go to my seminar I explain why in a lot more detail, but to give you the quick version what I tell people if you are not enjoying your life, you are wasting your life.

It is true in life there are challenges and there are obstacles that we have to tackle and solve. Why do we do that? Daily we face the world and do things because they make us feel good. Now I can hear a lot of you saying things like “going to work is for paying the bills, not to feel good”. In some ways this is true, but ultimately what does paying the bills get you? Less stress knowing that the lights will stay on? Happiness knowing you will be able to afford a good dinner and hopefully take yourself out every now and again. One of the main principles of this website as well as my books and seminars is this – happiness is not a destination, but a decision – read that line a few more times and let it sink in. It is the answer to how some people who seem to have everything can still be miserable, while people who seem to face every challenge show up daily with a smile on their face. They decide to. Sounds great, but it is easier said than done. How can we be someone who makes that decision?

Let us get a few things clear right away. Making this decision will not suddenly make life sunshine and rainbows. In fact it might just do the opposite in the short term. When you make a decision life usually decides to test you to see if you are serious. Ever decide to start eating healthier only to arrive at work and notice doughnuts sitting on the break room table? You need to be firm, know it will take some time and that you may experience setbacks. You also need a plan. I recommend fostering an attitude of gratitude. Look for the lesson and joy in every challenge. Water heater goes out and will cost money you don’t have to spend? Be grateful up until that day you have always had the option of hot water anytime you want. Know in the future, although it may be a financial drain, you will have it again. A large portion of the world has no hot water or even a place to live with running water. Happiness is largely a matter of perspective.

One last thing, by becoming a happy person and enjoying your life you are giving the world the greatest gift you can. How much better is your day when you encounter a happy giving soul in your daily journey? Be that gift for others and for the rest of the world. Even better, be that gift for yourself!

LOVE IT ALL…YOU REALLY CAN!

I was out the other day with my lady and we came across this sign. I must confess I cannot recall where. I may have to all her after I finish writing this post. I remember looking over to the love of my life and saying “I need to take a picture of this”. At the time I just knew I really liked the sign, but the more I think of it, the more it speaks to me. Last post we talked about the importance of what we focus on. We also discussed that we need to acknowledge problems only enough to create and begin working on a solution.

Here is another way I choose to look at challenges in my life, as opportunities. If you were suddenly granted all of our heart’s desires after a while life would become boring. You wouldn’t want the future to come because you know it would all be downhill from there. challenges (I’ve stopped calling them problems years ago) show us areas that life can get better in. If you don’t feel you are where you want to be financially, that’s great! Why because in addition to all you have to be grateful for now, there will be a time when it will be even better! Haven’t found the relationship you want? Great! That means as you work on becoming the best you that you can be there will be a time in the future you will have the perfect partner to share it with. This is why when people who feel they have hit rock bottom and everything in their life is no good (I believe there is always something to be grateful for and someone who always has it worse) they are at the perfect position for a breakthrough because everything can only go up!

So remember, just because your life is not perfect, does not mean it is not wonderful. As you focus on what you have to be grateful for and celebrate in your life, remember to embrace the challenges as they show you where life can be improved and only get better. Share this with all your friends to show them how wonderful life truly is!

HOW TO ALL GET ALONG…

This has always been one if my favorite bumper stickers. Recently the tragic events in Orlando have sparked some interesting debates. I have heard people speak out against the LGBT community, I have heard certain people speak out against the Muslim community. There have been arguments on both side of the gun issue. There have been both praises and criticism of law enforcement and government. I even heard a republican broadcast mention the shooter was a registered democrat.

Whenever tragedy strikes people want to look for something to blame. It gives them comfort and a false sense that they can correct the ‘problem’ once they assign blame to what they think the problem may be. It is this kind of thinking that is the problem. Your sexual orientation does not make you kill people. Your ideology does not make you kill people. Certainly what political party you vote for does not make you more or less likely to commit violent acts. Yes, it would be easy (and very naïve) to say all members of this religion are bad, or if you vote in this political party you are to blame for all of the worlds ills. When I hear statements such as this it makes me think the person making them is not very well educated.

So what does cause people to harm others? To be filled with such hate that they resort to violence? It is the inability to coexist with others who are different from them. There are over 7 billion people on this planet and if we cannot get along with others who may do things that we would not every day will be a long day. I am not saying you have to be in agreement with everyone that would be ridiculous and very boring actually. Still, being able to afford others the right to believe the way they do even if we do not agree with it is a sign of a mature and cultured individual. I am not gay, but I have quite a few friends who are. To expect them to be straight because I am makes no more sense then if they were to ask me to be gay because they are. I am not Muslim so I do not celebrate Ramadan, but I certainly wouldn’t want to prevent my friends who do from doing so.

Ok, so what then is the answer to all of this senseless violence? I believe it is compassion and knowledge. For years I have encouraged people to explore other cultures and beliefs. If you do not agree with someone or something, get to know more about it. You may still not believe the same thing, but it will help you appreciate why they believe as they do. There have been several times when people I know who “hate” this group of people meet one of my friends who happen to fit into that group of people and tell me how nice they are. After they find out they belong to a group that the person believes is no good they end of feeling a little confused, silly and sometimes angry. I have even seen this with members of my own family. It is through this positive exposure that minds are slowly changed and beliefs questioned.

So what can we do? What is our part of the solution? First, learn all you can about the people you meet. Look for the good in them. Second, whatever you are, be a good one. If you are gay, be the nicest, most helpful gay person you can be. If you are a republican, be the most caring and compassionate republican you can. That is the only way you can truly change someone’s beliefs is through experience and education. Share all the positive aspects of who you are. If someone voices a strong dislike for it, try reaching them through education and compassion. If they persist in their hate all you can do is be shining example of how wrong they are and the only way to do that is by being an amazing human being.

Lastly, share this post. Let us educate everyone and let us all do our part to get along with those we may disagree with the most.

EVIDENCE OF GROWTH

Oftentimes I ask myself if I am truly getting better and growing as a person. Another question that pops in my head (other than can I convince margie to eat pizza again) is what benefits does all my study and work bring to my life? This question is important for two reasons. First, it keeps me motivated to keep improving my own life. Second, and perhaps more important, I can share with all of you the great things that will happen when you work to improve yourself and your own life. Putting in effort is a lot easier when you know there is a reward at the end of it.

So where am I going with all of this? Here is where. Last week I was taking Margie to get cake supplies at a specialty store. In the process I was confused to where the store actually was. I thought I was supposed to turn right, but as I was doing so Margie informed me I should be turning left. So I stopped and switched my turn signal. The light was red so we had to wait. Now as I thought I was going to turn right, which I could have done, the bumper of my car was in the crosswalk. A lady happen to be crossing the street and had to walk around the front of my car. Now I realize this was an inconvenience for her and it was my mistake for not knowing which way to turn. What was this lady’s reaction for having to walk around my bumper? She began to yell a string of curse words at me and waving, all be it with one finger. Margie was eager to offer this lady an explanation with equal enthusiasm. I convinced her that may not be in our best interests.

Here is what I learned. My first reaction to this was “Wow, I can’t believe she is getting that angry over something that trivial”. Then I began to recall how I used to do the same. Often our reaction is built up over early events and spills out when we have just had enough. My next thought was what this lady was doing to herself. That much anger can have bad physical consequences. It releases stress hormones which can cause us to gain weight. It raises our blood pressure and puts stress on our heart. It prematurely ages us. All this because she had to walk a few extra inches. Yelling at me was doing more damage to her. I felt compassion and then had the urge to give the lady the address of this very website. Perhaps she had a lot of stress in her life that she could use some help solving.

One more amazing thing I realized later. In the past even though I realized how ridiculous her anger may have been, being cursed out like that would have affected me. Nobody like to be yelled at, cursed out or given the one finger salute. In changing my reaction to one of compassion and concern for this lady, which has taken years of practice to do, lessened the effect it had on me. In fact, by making the situation more about her and less about me I suffered less.

We never know people’s stories and why they may be upset. This lady was correct in that my car should not have been in the crosswalk. I made a mistake and she had to walk around because of it. Still her anger towards me did her far more harm that it did me.

So remember to stop and consider if things are really worth being upset over. If you are on the receiving end, remember if you try to fight anger with anger you are only going to make things worse for you. Sure in the short term it may feel good to yell back or even worse. In the long term however, we are doing more harm to ourselves. Do your best to develop a sense of compassion. Is it easy? No. Is it worth it? Absolutely. Feel free to share this post as well as any ideas you have on developing compassion.

YOU’RE A PEACH!

It always hurts a little when someone may not be our biggest fan. Especially if you are doing your best to be the best person you can be. Personally I find this hard to take at times because I care so deeply for people. When we factor in personal beliefs such as prejudice or racism the reasons people may not like you often have more to do with them and the way they look at the world. People’s opinion can also be colored by their past experiences. Perhaps they had an abusive uncle named Neil growing up. If they meet me they very well may not even take the chance to get to know me, or worse yet decide they do not like me based solely on my name. This can hold true for the color of your skin, the way you dress, what job you hold and a million other reasons. Before we start thinking to ourselves how ridiculous this may all sound, understand a lot of these opinions can come with some strong emotional attachment. In the case of racism, it may be how the person was raised and sadly beliefs that were engrained in them before they had to learn the truth about people. If the person has had a strong negative experience such as physical or sexual abuse related to someone who shares traits that you have, that judgment may also include a great deal of fear.

So what is the takeaway from all of this? Understand that people not liking you can often be none of your business. We must greet this judgment with a good deal of compassion. We rarely, if ever, know the story behind it. Is this easy? Absolutely not. It does, however benefit us in the long run. Changing anger and frustration into compassion and understanding helps us deal with the negative actions associated with people not enjoying our company. Another important thing this does is not reinforce their negative opinion. If someone chooses to not like us for reasons of their own creation the worst thing we can do is reinforce them. Do your best to show them what a great person they are missing out on. If they still choose not to like you, which often may be the case, treat their opinion with compassion and respect. Continue to be the best you can be and focus on those who do love you. At the very least you have left them with a good example of what a person can be. Remember like the picture says above, “Some people just don’t like peaches”

Feel free to share this post on your social media pages as well as with anyone you think could benefit. Feel free to leave any other suggestions you may have in the comments below.

TAKE THE LESSON

Often in times we can feel defeated. This is a natural and not to thrilling part of life. There will always be pain. Pretty inspirational so far huh? This blog, and my work is not about denying reality, but rather learning to thrive in any circumstances. So what do you do when pain strikes? Sometimes a moment to yourself of quiet reflection is needed, as long as it does not turn into hiding from the world for days on end living in the pain. Sometimes it shows us that we may need to distance or eliminate certain people in our lives, but we must be careful not to start losing our faith and trust in everyone. Sometimes pain will have us evaluate situations we are in and determine if they are still in our best interests such as relationships, jobs and friendships. We must just guard against becoming bitter and resentful towards the world. In all of these we must remember to take the lesson. If it is a person causing us pain, we must decide if it is worth keeping them in our lives. If not, and we still do we will still have the pain. If it is a job that does not fulfill us we are quite literally committing spiritual suicide. If we go to the opposite side of the spectrum and decide because one relationship left us hurt that all relationships are hurtful we will be denying ourselves the love we deserve.

This reminds me a lot of working out. When you first start working out, or any new physical exercise the following day can leave you feeling like you played a game of chicken with a semi…and lost. If you stay too long in trying to wait until you feel back to normal to try again you will just get pain and have to start the cycle all over. That being said, if you just decide “this hurts and working out is painful and bad” you will never get healthy and shape the body you want. We must grow from the pain and not let it destroy us.

Please share this post with everyone you might know suffering from pain. thank you for helping me help others.

THE MOST EXCITING P WORD!

What do you think of when you see the word passion? Is it time with the one you love? That certainly is one kind of passion, but not the one we are discussing here today. We are going to talk about the passion that drives you. The one you get out of bed for. The one that keeps you going when things get tough. You do have something like that in your life, right? Don’t worry if you had to answer no to that last question we are going to discuss how to fill your life with passion.

First let us ask ourselves the very important question “What is passion?”. Simply stated passion is your why behind what you do. Think of a subject that generally excites you. Now try to list why it excites you. What is so important to you about that subject. Same for goals you are trying to accomplish. Why are you trying to accomplish them? What makes it so important? You should be doing this with every goal you set. Creating passion gives us fuel and drive to stay focused and track. This holds true not only for our goals, but for our life as well. Begin to think of things you are passionate about and how you can include a few in your life at regular intervals. This gives you something to be excited about and something to look forward to.

So how does one develop passion? The first we touched on already, discover the why. You say you would like to be rich, but why? “So I wouldn’t have to work anymore” only drives us so far. Now, things like having the freedom to spend my time doing whatever I want, whenever I want to, or being able to support causes that are important to me and make the world a better place. Those create more passion. Another little known way to increase passion is to increase knowledge about anything. The more you know the easier it is to be excited about things. So spend some time learning about the things you are passionate about or about your goals and watch your passion soar.

Please feel free to share this post and let us create a world of people full of passion. Also feel free to share what you are passionate about below in the comments

THIS COULD BE THE MOST IMPORTANT P WORD OF ALL TIME

Today’s ‘P’ word may not be that easy to guess by the picture. It may, however, be the most important word in your life. As I sit here typing in the local coffee shop I am debating how to fit all of the information about this word in a short blog. Know what you read here will be expanded upon in my upcoming book Living the Dream. Still this word will change your life. It will act as an internal compass giving your life direction. It will automatically give you a sense of what is right and wrong for you to do. It will even help you decide what is worth spending your time and energy on.

In my own life let me share with you what this word has done for me. It has eliminated the small stresses in life that used to bother me. It has given me an excitement for life that I didn’t have before. It has allowed me to feel like I am being a use to the world and to my fellow man. The negativity that surrounds my day job at the post office seem to become comical. Most importantly though for me is every day I wake up I have a drive and a direction to go in. It gives me a reason to get out of bed, and for those of you who know me that can be a challenge. We won’t even mention what I am like before my first cup of coffee.

Ok, what one word could possibly do all of this and how can you get in on it? Here is the good news, this word comes to you free and clear. The only requirement is a little bit of soul searching which ends up being pretty fun anyway. This word that can do all of that and more is PURPOSE. How can purpose do all that? Let me try to explain in brief. Here is my life purpose. To help others see the beauty in themselves and the world around them, including the people they share it with. Finding your sense of purpose can tell you if you are doing things that are a waste of your time and energy or not. Does it bring you closer to your purpose or not? For me if what I am doing does not help others see the beauty in themselves and the world around them than I am not using my time and energy correctly. It also helps me with my morals. If I were to do something that would go against people seeing the beauty in themselves or the world around them that would be defined as a sin in my world.

Here is a few things about purpose. You do not have to change jobs to live your passion, although you may find yourself heading down that path after a while. For example, my job at the post office puts me in touch with a lot of people and I do my best to make their days brighter and let them know good things about themselves. I also purchased a motivational calendar for the break room to help set a better mood. Still I find myself devoting a greater amount of time and energy to this blog, my next book and seminars. Which is how I found myself part of the Wisconsin author festival pictured above. Another thing about purpose is that it should be something bigger than yourself. It may very well include yourself as in the example above, but not exclusively.

So how does one go about discovering their passion? There are many sites and books devoted to the topic and I would recommend exploring the ones that speak to you. Also creating a simple life mission statement like the one I had for my life earlier in this post goes a long way. There is a free tool to help you do so on http://www.nightingale.com Also think of things that interested you as a child. This can also leave clues as to what may be your life’s purpose. Hobbies are another great source that one can explore their purpose as well. Again this is just the tip of the iceberg when discussing this subject.

Please feel free to share your life’s purpose in the comments below as well as how knowing it has improved your life. PLEASE share this post anyway you can. If more people in this world find their life’s purpose the world will be a better place for all of us.

YOU DECIDE WHAT IT MEANS!!!

I’m VERY excited to be writing this post. This is a picture that my lady posted on Facebook. I fell in love with it right away, much like I did with her. Here is the powerful thing about this, it points out a very important thing that many of us do not utilize. We can control what things in life mean to us. What it is often perceived as a negative experience can often be the greatest of all lessons and motivate us further. If you look at words they have a powerful impact on how we feel. When someone says you ‘FAIL’ it makes us feel bad, but if you ask any successful person they suggest you should embrace failure. Why? because when you fail, you are getting one step closer to succeeding. In fact, if we never fail, we would never learn anything. We would never grow. If we change our definition to “first attempt at learning” we can better understand how it can help us grow.

‘END’ is another word that can make us feel down. A job comes to an end, we can feel like we did something wrong. Only if we give up. If we change our definition to “effort never dies” it encourages us to keep going. So next time we are told we have come to an end, let us not accept that. If that door closes, let us go on looking for another which may very well open up into a room full of new opportunities that we may never have encountered.

How about when we have been pushing and doing our best and someone tells us ‘NO’? We must not accept that as a final word. In my own life I have faced many ‘NOs’. Each one has had me feel let down. From now on, thanks to my beautiful Margie, I will understand that is just means “Next opportunity”. In my professional career I have been pushed to new jobs, new people and new gifts and talents I would not have discovered had I not lost the position that I had previously. In my personal life, a lot of ‘FAIL’ ‘END’ and ‘NO’ has changed my life for the better more than anything else.

If you like this as much as I did, thank Margie and feel free to like/comment/share with others!

CLEAN YOUR FILTERS BEFORE SPRING

This is a quote from Michael Bernard Beckwith, one of my favorite inspirational authors and speakers. Here is what I get from this. Filters, what are they? Well in a furnace they trap dirt and other things from getting through. In cameras whether video or still, they change the way we look at things. So now we have a clear idea of what filters are. How does all of this affect our lives?

Here is the thing, filters in life, what are they? In short, experiences. You have a powerful experience in colors the way you see life from that point forward. If you were in a relationship and there was a lot of dishonesty that you ended up being hurt by, in the future you may be less likely to trust. In fact, you may see dishonesty where there is none. This as you can imagine, can cause great problems for any new relationships. So like a camera filter it can totally color the way you see the world. If you put a red filter over a camera lens everything looks different. If you look through the filter of past hurts and dishonesty the world looks different than it may actually be.

Here is something else that can act as a filter, belief systems. If you were raised in a certain spiritual belief system you may not understand or accept others. Worse yet, if you were raised with certain prejudices you may have beliefs or dislikes for certain groups of people. This could act like a furnace filter mentioned above. It could trap things from getting through to you. Say you were raised to believe people with red hair were not smart. Then any idea you receive from a person with red hair you would dismiss. This could result in you missing out on a lot of good ideas.

Ok, but filters can also be good. The furnace filter mentioned above traps impurities, which serve as a good thing. I do my best to have a filter in my life against negativity, gossip and judgment. Working with the public, especially in places where alcohol is being served that filter can trap and stop a lot of those impurities and become less effective. So I am going to have to replace or clean that filter. How do we do this? That is a topic we will address in an upcoming post. Until then, look at your own filters. Are there any coloring your world in a negative way? Are there some you could add to color your world in a positive way? Do some need cleaning? Feel free to share any ideas you have for doing so in the comments so are other readers can do so as well. While you are in a sharing mood feel free to share this post in any way you see fit. Thank you for reading and sharing.

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