Tag: Relationships

ARE YOU RUNNING WITH THE PACK?🐺

Running in packs sure can have its advantages. Just ask wolves. Their cooperative hunting strategies have allowed them to flourish and be more successful. They same can be said for those of us working on team projects. It certainly can come in handy in our spiritual faith. When we feel that faith faltering, it can be our ‘pack’ that can lift us up. How about our friends and family? That can be an amazing pack! They can check on us and have us feeling loved and cared about. They can also be a great source to lean on when we are down.

Where packs can turn from an asset to a detriment, is when we allow the pack to do our thinking for us. This seems especially true in both politics and faith. As we described earlier, the latter can help us a great deal. I am not sure about the former, but I digress. I have seen, in my own family, people leave their own family behind for no other reason than their faith was different. It is important to be able to step back from the pack, on occasion, and think for ourselves. If your pack is asking you to believe, and act in a certain way, it is ok to question that way. It does not make you a ‘bad’ member of the pack. In fact, you could be the one to lead the pack in an entirely different direction. You can still make good use of the pack, and be able to think and act on your own.

It can certainly be tempting to allow our thoughts and actions to be influenced by the pack. It is something we must stand guard against. If your pack infers, or outright says, that people of a certain group should be avoided, or worse looked down upon, because they are different, ask yourself if that is what you truly believe. In a word that seems to be growing more divided by the day, it is our pack of humanity that must learn to work together. Just like the wolves, we will survive and be more successful if we do.

HOW DO YOU CHERISH?

I love this quote by Bob Marley. It causes us to take a step back and reflect how we treat the people in our lives. When you have a person with a certain skill set, do you cherish or use that skill? There is nothing wrong with ordering a cake from someone you know who has a talent at creating them, hypothetically. It is also important to cherish that skill and that person. What is the difference in this case? I think cherish can be replaced by the word appreciate. I think that is what is tricky in this situation. Even those of us, myself included, need a gentle reminder to cherish as well as utilize the people in our lives.

The obvious next question is how we can do this. I think this is where many of today’s technological offerings can be put to good use. If people only spoke with me when they needed some writing, that can go two ways. On one hand, it certainly is a compliment. You know my skill set and would like to make use of it. If, however, that is the only time you ever speak to me, after a while, I could feel somewhat used. If you were to blend this with a mention on social media, or even a compliment in person, that would mean the world to me.

Cherishing a person does not even have to be limited to professional avenues either. Do you have a spouse that is an amazing cook? A friend that is a great listener? Let them know! Maybe even get them a little card to say thank you. Send them an email. Buy your spouse flowers and let them know you appreciate their hard work in the kitchen. It can be easy to unconsciously almost take people for granted. Whether that is making a cake, writing, being a good cook, a good listener or just a good friend. It is for more likely for us to think, “I need someone to listen to me. I know Jane is a good listener. I am going to call her.” Than to make that same call to thank Jane for being a good listener. We often assume they know how we feel. They may not. Even if they do, it is good to both be reminded and cherished, or appreciated.

How do you appreciate all of the amazing people in your life? From the friendly bus driver to the helpful person at the coffee shop. How can you make them feel like the cherished people they are? We are always looking for good ideas. Please share yours.

CREATE YOUR OWN NEIGHBORHOOD

One glance at the picture above and I am instantly transported to Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. As most of you who have followed me for any length of time already know, I am a big fan of that famous childhood program. I still think the self-improvement fundamentals taught on that show could apply to many adults to this very day. Do you know of anyone who could benefit from watching the episode “What to do when you are mad”? It would appear many of us have either forgotten, or could use a gentle reminder of many of the qualities that make us all good humans.

In today’s social and political climate, it is “You either agree with me or you are evil”. It would seem many of us have forgotten how to be civil to each other. Add to that, many of us do the bulk of our communicating behind a keyboard and it becomes worse. It seems without the personal accountability and responsibility of face to face communication, we do not feel constrained by manners. Social media, ironically, has made us forget how to be properly social. There are terrible acts of violence against each other in the news almost daily. Some are politically motivated, some are completely random. When I come across these items it makes me long for a neighborhood like Mr. Rogers had on his program. One of mutual respect and admiration.

Then it occurred to me. Each of us is responsible for creating this neighborhood. It is in not only teaching the fundamentals that were taught to children on Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, but even more importantly, living them. Include people who are different. Learn about them and their culture. Not with a motive to judge, but to understand and appreciate. Learn to respect those whose opinions may be different than those of your own. Learn new skills, sing songs and yes, learn what to do when you are mad. A great way might be to check out some episodes of Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood. Yes, the program was made for children, but the values are just as important, if not more, to adults of today’s world.

Many will say this is wishful thinking. They will argue how much difference can one person spreading kindness and compassion make in a world of people spreading hate and judgement. Can you imagine what a difference it would make if every ‘one person’ who was told that would have taken action? There are roughly 8 billion people on this planet. Can you imagine what it would be like if even 1 out of every 10 decided to indulge in random acts of kindness? Think of the ripple effect and how many people that would affect? Do you know where it starts? It all starts here and with you. Be that one person. Start that ripple effect. Be the change you wish to see in the world. Create your own neighborhood.

ANOTHER WAY TO BEAT LIFE’S CHALLENGES

Last post we talked about the frustration of road construction and how we can view it differently. I am going to share another method for not being set back by life’s little challenges. This great and power secret (which really isn’t a secret at all) is to find the humor in the situation. Like the meme I found above in regards to road construction signs. I never thought about how the ‘end road work’ sign could sound like a protest. It made me laugh out loud when I read it. Guess what happens every time I pass one of these signs? You guessed it, I chuckle to myself. This is particularly good because I am usually just leaving some road construction I have just driven through.

Steve Rizzo calls this ‘getting in touch with your humor being’. He says that when stuck in traffic he talks like the lion from Wizard of Oz. Why? Because it makes everything more humorous. What if you picked your favorite comedian and tried to imagine the situation through their eyes? I find Groucho Marx works good for this, but that is a personal preference. What about a famed explorer? How about a television reporter who is covering your situation? A narrator in the movie of your life? “Margie looked down at the floor to discover the bag of powdered sugar she was carrying had left a trail showing where she had been.” Does this sound a little absurd or insane to you? Good! Life can be both a little absurd and insane. Go with it.

Doing this does two very important things for us. First, it adds something to laugh at. The more time you spend smiling and laughing in life, the better your life is. Second, and perhaps more importantly, it reduces the amount of stress in a situation. It may even transform it into a situation that causes you to laugh. Do you know what you call a life that has less stress and more laughter? A better one! Who would not want a less stressful, more joyful life? I know I would!

I will continue to search for the humor in life. Lucky for me, and for all of us, life is constantly supplying us with situations full of humor if we are looking for them. I have a lady that also supplies a great deal of humor. If you are not so blessed as to have a spouse who does the same, there are plenty of ways to add humor to your life. You can add an app to your phone that sends a joke a day. Perhaps get a group of friends together that look for funny signs. That way you all are working to bring humor to the group. What about a funny day by day calendar? How about joining a humorous social media page? The more ways you find humor in life, the more ways YOU win!

THE RIGHT KIND OF LABOR

Today is a day where we are scheduled to take a well-deserved break from our labors. I think this is important. It is also helpful to recognize all of the sacrifices those before us have made to create the safe working conditions we now enjoy. As we are contemplating all of this, may I humbly suggest another thought to consider? If you are looking to have a fulfilling and successful life, one way to assure that, is to find a need and fill it. If you can help enough people get what they want, they will help you get what you want.

Today, I suggest we spend a moment thinking of how our labors can best serve others. No matter what your occupation, it helps serve others. A focus on that aspect can not only help improve our performance, but also help us stay motivated and understand what a difference we make. If you are not content with the way your current occupation serves the greater good, perhaps you can pursue a passion on the side that is more in line with your values? You may find yourself switching occupations all together! If the world needs anything, it is more people pursuing their passions and doing their best to serve others. How can you do this?

WHAT WE CAN DO ON A BAD DAY

Bad days, we all have them. Certainly, there are things we can do to minimize the possibility of one occurring, but there are just too many variables for us to contend with. One thing we have complete control over is the state of mind and attitude that we bring to each day. We all know people who can face the worst circumstances and have it bounce off of them like nothing ever happened. There are people who seem to turn every disadvantage to a learning and growing experience. Wouldn’t it be great to be one of those people?

We can! It only takes working on one thing – our attitude. We cannot know what variables are coming our way, nor can we hope to control them all. Trying to control every aspect of our lives, which often includes the lives and opinions of others, will drive us crazy. Just ask any micromanager. All we can control is our attitude towards life and its challenges. The way we do this is to surround ourselves with inspiring things such as calendars, screen savers and pictures. We also listen to empowering things on our daily commute. We read inspiring material. It is even more powerful if we do so to begin our day.

If you want to be a person who does not fall victim to every challenge in life, forget working on controlling everything. Switch your focus on controlling just one thing – your attitude.

BE THE LIGHT 💡

This picture was sent to me by Terri, a friend of Margie and mine. In a world where there appears to be a lot of darkness, it can often feel uninspiring. I am often asked how people can remain positive in a world that seems bent on making sure we are surrounded by negativity. This is a really good question. It can be difficult. It used to be that you would have to to seek out negativity. This could be by opening a newspaper or turning on a television. Now the negativity follows us. It will even send us a little alert in our pocket. “Hello, negativity here. Come see what is wrong with the world.” It might not be that straight forward, but will disguise itself as a social media notification. Worse yet, everyone else is subjected to this same negative atmosphere and will be happy to walk up and share it with you. Many times you do not have to even ask.

How then, with all of this negative influence, can we hope to have a positive, and amazing, life? The answer is almost counterintuitive, we must give one. This isn’t a post about the law of attraction or a testament to the biblical saying of “As you sow, so shall you reap.” It does, however, give credence to both. I am going to give you two quick and personal examples of the application of this strategy in real life.

I have told this first story on this blog and in my second book, Living the Dream, but it bares a quick recap. There was a point in my life that I was facing the loss of a job, personal problems at home, a car that was breaking down and other life-altering problems. They began to consume me and I had a hard time seeing any solution. In an effort to get out of my head, I decided to put in extra time at a meal program I volunteered at. I did this despite the fact that I may very well need it in the not so distant future. Two things happened that day. First, I saw people in far worse situations than I was in with far better attitudes. Second, I realized that I had a gift to serve and to inspire others. By giving the people that came that day not only the gift of food, but of respect and kindness, I could see their burden lighten. In turn, that lightened my burden as well.

The second example is more current and ongoing. As most of you know, during the day I work for the United States Postal Service. This is an institution that seems constantly gripped with staff shortage, political upheaval, and a general feeling of stress. The employees are often pushed to do as much work as they can until they, or their bodies, give up. All of this often happens in a combative and stressful work environment. Honestly, this could be greatly improved with some communication and appreciation. Unfortunately, by the time someone is in a position of management they can be too bitter to offer much of this. The result? Workers and bosses find themselves fighting against each other all while trying to accomplish a near impossible job. This can all feel pretty hopeless on any given day. My solution? Be the one who brings the communication and appreciation. I am constantly letting people know they did their job well, or offering a bit of encouragement. Sadly, I am often told that I am the only one who does so. One of the greatest feelings is when you hear the lines of encouragement you offer repeated by those who have received them.

I like to think of a dark room. What happens when you flip a light switch? The darkness disappears. The same can be said with kindness. Start with just one person and soon that light and that kindness will begin to spread. You will help create a positive world around you.

KEEP CALM,BE THE BEST

Here are some words that come to us from a very smart man who lived 2500 years ago. In situations where there is conflict, it is one of the greatest challenges to remain calm. Trust me, I know this personally. When you feel you have been wronged, or someone has violated a principle that is near and dear to your heart, it would be extremely unlikely to avoid emotions entering into the situation. The benefits of limiting emotional aspects of any conflict should be relatively obvious. I think the quote from the Taoist master above is easy to understand, but very difficult to put into action. One of the things that could help us stay calm in the face of conflict is to remember the why the conflict exists to begin with.

Have you ever been arguing with someone so long, that you can’t even remember what the point of the disagreement is all about? I think a good amount of us can say we have fallen into that situation at least once in our lives. In a relationship that has not evolved, the goal can feel like it is to hurt the person who hurt you. While this may seem like a good idea at the moment, seldom is that really the solution. It is 100% certain it will not feel good in the long term. I find asking yourself, “What is the reason I am so upset?” throughout the argument will help keep you on track. An even better question to ask is, “What is the solution I hope to have with this disagreement?” This not only helps you stay calm, but keeps you solution oriented. Asking, “How can I use this disagreement to create a new sense of closeness and growth?” can be a very empowering question.

It can also be a little selfish to remain calm. The one who is the calmest usually can steer the conversation and resulting actions in the direction they choose. While the party ruled by emotion is usually in a state of reaction, the one who is calm can operate from a state of action. Trust the words of a 2500 year-old wise man. Next time you find yourself in the unfortunate situation of a disagreement, ask yourself one of the empowering questions to remain calm.

BE PREPARED AND BE LUCKY!

I cannot count the times that I have heard someone say “You are so lucky because _____.” This could refer to many things in my life. I have heard how lucky I am that I have such a great relationship. I have heard how lucky I am that I was able to write three books. I even heard how lucky I was to make it through covid and my open-heart surgery. I will admit that there was a good amount of amazing people and grace involved in all of those situations. Do you know what else was involved in those situations? A hell of a lot of hard work.

When I had the good fortune and grace to meet Margie, I treated her with respect and worked on learning about her and improving myself. Do you know what the result was? I was lucky enough to have a great relationship with the most beautiful lady in the world. If I was a jerk, didn’t care about her wants and needs and didn’t work to improve myself, then I wouldn’t be so lucky. Even though she would still be an amazing and beautiful lady. It was, and is, both of our hard work that makes us lucky enough to have such an amazing relationship.

Lucky enough to have written three books? Unless you have written one yourself, in which case I cannot imagine you saying that, you would have no idea the hard work that goes into creating a book. To be honest, I didn’t either when I wrote my first one. I thought you just put some words on paper and someone turns them into a book. Oh no, there is editing. There is formatting. There is choosing fonts, covers for images, titles, pricing, promoting and a million other aspects that may have changed my mind into pursuing being an author had I known about them. Just one of my books took 5 years from start to finish. The last one caused me to give up most of the very short Wisconsin summer to create. That meant sitting inside looking at the warm weather and sunshine while I sat inside typing away. Anyone who knows me would understand what a torture that was.

Lucky enough to make it through open-heart surgery? Once again, I will admit some very talented, and when it came to me patient, people in the medical field. Still, there were 5 days a week spent at the gym. There is oatmeal for lunch every day, when there is doughnuts sitting in the break room. There is a 4-mile walk in the park with your mother after working for 9 hours. If I would have ate how I want (Pizza every day) and just worked out when I felt the urge (That would be next to never) the odds I would have been so lucky to recover from my surgery would have been next to nothing. If I did, it would have been longer and a lot more painful.

In any area of life, if you want more luck there is one way to assure that will happen. That way is to work your butt off. You will find yourself surrounded by more opportunities and luck. If you know someone who seems to turn anything they touch into gold, you might want to look at how hard they work behind the scenes. With that in mind, I am going to leave you with this quote from Thomas Edison. It also speaks about how to create more opportunities in your life.

USE YOUR ENEMIES

There are people in everyone’s life that seem to serve no other purpose than to make life miserable. Call them haters, gossipers, enemies or any other term you like. They can make our life more difficult and prevent a lot of the good we deserve. One of the best ways to handle these people is to use them. Nothing frustrates one of these people more than to know their actions actually went to serve the greater good. How annoying would that be? Here you are, just doing your best to bring some negativity to the world and someone finds a way to turn it into something good. If that keeps happening, it might not even be worth spending your energy on anymore.

So, how do we use our enemies? Listen to what they say. Often they are the first people to let you know some area in which you are slipping. That is why I always recommend using these people if you are working to improve any area of your life. Say you want to start working out, or maybe quit smoking? Tell these people who would love nothing better than to find you not keeping your word. They will watch you closer than any life coach you could pay. They will do it for free and be happy to. They will actually be exciting to catch you laying around eating a doughnut or out back lighting up. Can’t you just see the joy on their face when they mention it to you (and anyone else in earshot I would imagine) Now don’t you just want to smack the smirk off that face? After all it is hard enough to make a change without them taking relish in your struggle.

Before you give into the warranted violence, there is a better option. I know, it can be hard to imagine something that would feel better than knocking the block off some soul who lives to point out the faults of others. Here is what I suggest, put a big smirk on your face and say something along the following lines, “Thank you. It is hard enough to do this, but with your help I know I will succeed. Thanks again.” First of all, they were not trying to help you and will find it terrible to know they did. Second, their grin will usually fade into a look of confusion or contempt. Both of these will feel better, at least in the long term, than physically wiping their grin off yourself. It also gives you more motivation on your own journey. In the back of your mind will be the thought, “I better not light up or that jerk Mark from accounting will tell everyone and take delight in my failure.” Then Mark goes from a pain in the butt we might be trying to work on, to an unpaid employee that will gladly work for free. We also know if we view Mark’s delight in our struggle as something that works for us, it will take a great deal of joy out of it for him.

Even the people who are the biggest pains in our lives can serve to be a great asset if we find a way to use their behavior to our advantage. This will also take a lot of stress out of our lives and help us to live an amazing life.