This simple quote brings a lot to mind. Sitting with warriors could conjure up an image of men with swords and shields. It can bring to mind soldiers ready to go to battle. In the case of daily life, I think it means something entirely different. Warriors in life can be people just like you and me. They are people who battle every day with both the challenges the world throws at them, but also the demons contained within them. They are people who are often down, but never out. Do you know people like this? People who keep going no matter how tough the going seems to get? These are the people you want to surround yourself with.
Much like the importance of surrounding yourself with positive oriented people, which we have often discussed here, including the warriors of daily life in your social circle is essential. Why? Not only will you gain a large amount of inspiration from them, but you will also learn some of the tools and strategies, plus, the psychology they use to meet and overcome these challenges. It is important to include those people we wish to be more like in our daily lives. People who never give up have a different way of looking at, and talking about the world. Anytime you are able, you should sit with them.
I hesitated at choosing the title of this post. It sounds a bit too much like those scam videos we are all sent on social media. Speaking of the fine art of online communications, I am here to propose an idea. Stop your scrolling for a second and ponder the question above? Do you know anyone who is sunshine in human form? I’m sure we all do.
I’m going to mention a few, as I am grateful 🙏 enough to have many in my life. There is my mother. Always up for an adventure. This is especially true if it has to do with walking in nature. As you can see, it also could involve October fest too.
There is my friend Shannon. We have known each other for… well… let’s just say for a good number of years. 😉 We also shared a lot of walks in nature great conversations and an even better connection.
Raymon (far left) is another great example. Here he is with his wonderful wife, attending my recent charity book event. Raymon is someone who genuinely listens to understand and is a very thoughtful and caring person.
This list would not be complete without my lovely lady. Margie can turn a dark day sunny with just a smile. She always does more than that. The other day, when I was having a hard day, she room me out to lunch and made sure to put a smile back on my face. She really is my sunshine!
How about you? Is there someone in your life that can brighten even the darkest of days? Who are they? Maybe leave a little comment of appreciation on their social media. Take them out for lunch a cup of coffee or a walk in nature. Get around them and soak up the sun!
Your relationship is in danger! This includes not only friendships, but most importantly your intimate relationship. In fact, this is the one that may be in the greatest danger. What is the giant threat facing your relationship? Before we get to that – a warning. This threat may seem like not such a big deal. Trust me it is. If you value any, or all, of your relationships, take notice of what we are going to talk about today. More important than taking notice, is taking action. If you do, you will not only neutralize this dangerous threat, you will deepen your relationships and fall more in love than ever before. This is true whether that love is romantic or platonic.
The threat facing all relationships, be they friend or lover, is society’s tendency to focus on what is wrong with someone or something. I cannot recall how many times at work I see people gathered around complaining about they person they are in a relationship with. If someone doesn’t add to the conversation, they are looked at as a little odd. I never understood this. Why would you want the person you are with look anything less than beyond perfect? By making them look bad, what does that say about you? Here is the true danger – it gives others something to remind you of and to add to. If you want success in your relationship, share as much of what is right, and none of what is wrong. This holds true double for social media. Raise your hand if you know a couple that is constantly breaking up and falling in love online? Same two people. Depending on the day, they are either convincing you the other is the bottom of humanity, or they are the reason they get up in the morning. Do you know how that makes the two of you look? Like a couple of clowns.
Another thing that sharing negative information about friends, or worse the person you love, does is give others ammunition. There are always people who wish to break up friendships and relationships. Maybe they are jealous of your happiness? Maybe they want the friend or spouse you have? Whatever their motive, sharing your problems or negative thoughts gives them something to work with. They can either take that information and spread it to others, often including the person you were discussing, causing a further rift in the relationship. They can also remind you of these negative thoughts. A somewhat innocent comment like, “I know things seem good now, but remember when they did ___ to you?” This can put a limit to the amount of joy you can experience with someone and increase the negative feelings in a relationship.
The cure to this is really quite simple. Share as much wonderful things about your friends and those you love with as many people as you can. This will not only prevent them from finding a crack in your friendship and relationship to take advantage of, but it will also strengthen your feelings for that other person by reminding yourself of all the wonderful things about them you may have forgot. It will also have you looking a lot better in the eyes of others. Who wants to be friends with someone who is constantly speaking negative about people, or discussing problems they have with them? What do you think will happen as soon as you are not around? No, instead share the love. If it gets back to them, they will be quite impressed. If it doesn’t, it will still lead to an increase in the positive feelings you have for this person. Either way, it will strengthen the relationship and prevent the ever lurking danger from harming it. Speak love, feel love. What is something you find amazing about one of your friends or the person you love?
Last post we discussed the magic we can create in our lives when we return the childhood act of finding the beauty that is all around us. If you haven’t read that, I highly suggest you do. When we are starting to make note of all the beautiful things that we might be missing in life, it can be helpful to at least start the habit alone. Once you see how much happier you are and how much more energy you have you will want to share this with everyone you care about! It would even help, sometimes to a greater extent, those people you find it difficult to be around. That is exactly what we are going to suggest you do in this post!
As tempting as sharing your new way of going through life may be, I suggest waiting for a little bit. The reason being, that some people could resist change, especially before they see the result. What is more amusing, I speak from personal experience, is to interject some of the beautiful things you have seen into your conversations with this person. When they are filling you will information about the latest violent crime or political happenings, just throw in the anecdote about how you had a nice saying written on your coffee cup you picked up in the drive thru or about a particularly charming garden you happen to see as you were driving. Initially, these may be swept aside after a brief acknowledgement. That’s to be expected. Many people do not know, and often feel uncomfortable, carrying on a positive conversation.
This may seem deflating initially. Especially in the beginning. Remember, these people have been programed, as we all have, to notice and concentrate on the negative in life. Do not be discouraged. Notice it, have an inward chuckle, and share a little bit more of the beauty you have discovered. Slowly, maybe after several meetings, they will stop resisting the positive elements you bring to the conversation. They may even feel compelled to share one of their own. They may realize, “I am meeting Neil for coffee today. I know he will have some positive thing to share. I guess I better have something to share as well.” Before you know it, they may even bring up positive elements to discuss. In this way, they will be helping you to remember to continue to focus on the beauty and magic in life.
There is one more very important reason to develop this habit of positive conversation. That reason is that adding positivity to anyone’s life, could literally be a lifesaver! We never know how our interactions can affect someone’s life. Let us make sure that they are positive ones. Sharing one more depressing news item, or one negative thing about the world at large, can push someone over the edge. The opposite is also true. Adding some positive conversation or some beauty and magic to someone’s life may change their entire day. It may also save their life if they are on that edge. Something we may often never know. Why take that chance? Make sure what you share with the world, and those it, is positive. The best way to do that? Use the tips discussed in this, and the post before it, to transform your life to one of beauty and magic!
One of the saddest things that seems to happen as we age is that we lose an appreciation for the magic and beauty of life. It is no surprise. When we are young, most of the things we are exposed to offer an encouraging motif. Think of children’s programing. Most of it is a blend of encouragement of teaching and encouraging. I recall shows like Sesame Street and Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood when I was young. I learned a lot, but there were also positive messages about myself, others and the world around me.
What happens as we get older? What we are exposed to takes a decidedly negative shift. News, crime shows, content on the internet and even that sent to our phones. Is the answer to stop using technology? Limiting our use of it may help somewhat, but that will not save us from interacting with other people. What are these other people exposed to? That’s right. The same negative influences we just mentioned. If you even attempt to be a light in this dark world, you will often be looked at as strange, weird or delusional. People will tell you things such as “You are looking at the world through rose-colored glasses.” or my favorite, “You just have your head in the sand. Can’t you see how bad the world is?”
What can we do to remedy this malady? Start doing something we may have stopped doing in childhood. That is looking for the beauty and magic that is all around us! It may not get the press and attention, but it is there. On social media, try subscribing to positive news stories and motivational pages. On your cell phone, download apps that send you motivational quotes everyday. These things really do exist! As for the sunshine-challenged people we share the planet with? Know most of them have just lost their ability to see the magic all around them. When they give you a crazy look or attack you, pity them. There life is one stuck in the darkness. In addition, add people who have the opposite mindset. Spend as much time around them as possible!
When you are looking to improve your life, it is always easer to add the positive than to eliminate the negative. You might want to read that line again. If you are trying to eat healthier, it would be easier to add a healthy meal than to starve yourself of meals that are not so healthy. The more you fill up on healthy food, the less room you will have for junk food. The same is true with everything in life. The more time you spend reading or listening to something inspiring is that much less time you could find yourself exposed to negativity. Adding smiles? Less time frowning. One minute of laughter? 60 seconds less of anger!
In regards to today’s post, spend more time actively looking for beautiful things in life. The more time you spend doing so, the less time you will spend noticing and dwelling on the negative. That doesn’t mean you are ‘burying your head in the sand’ and pretending they don’t exist. No, you are simply choosing not to dwell on them. As an example, above is my coffee as it was served to me at the pick up window at Starbucks. Not sure which employee took the time to do this, but it added a little brightness to my day. As I was in that sunny mood, I noticed the dandelion growing through a crack in the pavement right next to a dumpster. Proof that there is always a little light in the darkness. When we are children, we don’t have to look for the magic. It seems to show up at every turn. As adults, we need to train ourselves to get back to that. This may mean a little concentrated effort searching for the beauty in life. Done enough, it will start to show up in your life everywhere.
Another great idea is to keep images around you that remind you of the beauty you have and are currently experiencing in your own life. Above is a sample of mine. Great times with the beautiful love of my life, Margie. My mom celebrating Octoberfest. There is fun times watching a pig race at the Wisconsin State Fair and a very beautiful and loving sentiment that Margie wrote in the sand while we were enjoying time away in Jamaica. This not only reminds me of the beauty and magic in my life, it adds what could be the most powerful thing to create an amazing life. That one thing is gratitude. How could I not be grateful for all of these things? Being grateful and looking for all the beauty that is around us will positively transform our lives. Next post we will learn how to take all of this information and not only help others transform their lives, but create an almost automatic way to fill our lives with these things! Please come back tomorrow to learn all of that!
I am big fan of the 80’s. Not only is it the decade in which I grew up, but I feel a lot of great music and films came out of that era. John Hughes, was a great filmmaker in the 80’s. One of his most popular films was Breakfast Club. A coming of age film that helped launch several careers. In the movie, kids from several different social cliques are forced together to serve detention on a Saturday afternoon. The principal requires them all to write a paper explaining who they are and why they are there. What is supposed to be a punishment, turns into an opportunity for the kids to transcend their peer created barriers and discover they have a lot more in common than they knew, or willing to admit.
You would think the lessons learned in a movie 38 years ago (I am feeling old now) should be something we mastered. Yet, in 2023 we can feel more divided than ever. People are being attacked for their color, their religion or their political beliefs. High school kids, disconnected through a world existing mostly online, never are forced to get to know each other. We still belong to certain social cliques. Not only as children, but as adults. As we grow older we tend to limit our exposure to those who are different than us. In some cases, we even vilify them. In the same turn, we often work to impress those we are associating with.
If we were to change our focus to bettering ourselves, I think we would discover a great deal about ourselves as well as others. That lesson is that despite our differences, we share many of the same struggles and aspirations. By focusing on bettering ourselves, we can be both an example as well as a source of hope for others. You only learn something by exposing yourself to something new. That not only holds true for books and experiences, but for people as well.
Let us all take a lesson from this movie from the 80’s. (watching it again might not be a bad idea) Let us take the time to really learn about those who are different from us instead of judging them. Let us change our focus from impressing others by making our life look perfect, to admitting our faults and vulnerabilities and working on improving them. This way, our life will not only look better, it will actually be better.
As so often happens, as I was writing my last post, a revelation occurred to me. There are 2 words that can really help us in living an amazing life. We are going to share those with you today, and hopefully you can find ways to apply them in your own life. Even better, you can share how you do so with all of us on this site. The more ideas we have, and the more we work together, the more likely we all are to live an amazing life.
The first word is tradition. In life, I find it is helpful to have traditions. We are not talking about traditions that you feel obligated to do. Quite the opposite. These are ones that bring you joy, inner peace or any other wonderful feeling. I mentioned that I had my yearly vacation at the Wisconsin State Fair. Without even knowing it, I applied these two words to make it one of the best years I have spent there. Which is saying a lot.
In terms of traditions, there are plenty we have. One of which can be found in the first photo. It is food from one of the stands, Krautland. We enjoy the family that owns it and the amazing hospitality they provide. The second, a more recent addition, is a picture of the dog diving. These dogs compete by catching toys the owners toss into a 40 foot pool. Both the crowd and the dogs have an amazing time. When we take part in either of these events, we are not only creating new memories, but reflecting on the great memories of the past. It always gives us something to look forward to.
The second word we touched on last post. That word is new. I think finding something fun and new is the key to keeping life fresh and exciting. We want to avoid falling in the trap of feeling like we are in a rut. Nothing can deflate the spirit more than feeling like there is nothing to be nervous or excited about. Again, I will use my recent vacation as an example of how to incorporate this. We discussed how we used tradition in the paragraph above, here is how we used newness. People often ask how I do not get bored going to the fair every year. Simple, I enjoy the traditions, and incorporate new things. This year, we did new foods such as a sweet potato latte, and the brat-e-o. We also went to different parts of the park such as the new Valentine coffee shop. I discovered a new local band I like. These are only 4 of the new things we tried among many.
In our lives, it is important to blend the traditions we know will bring us joy with the excitement of the new and unknown. When it comes to both, keep and open mind and be flexible. Perhaps the new restaurant you try may not be to your liking. That is ok. Maybe the tradition you enjoy may not work out as it has in the past. That does not mean you have to give it up. All of these are just stories and memories to create and share together. Tradition and new may seem like opposites, but they can work together to create an amazing life. How about you? What traditions and methods for incorporating something new do you have?
Today is my first day back at the day job after 2 weeks of vacation. I enjoyed every day of the Wisconsin State Fair. I made new friends. I created some new opportunities as well as learned some new things. I just realized that is a lot of ‘new’. One of the best discoveries was a new tradition that my lovely Margie and I started. The State Fair opened daily at 10am. As someone who usually gets up at 4am for work, I was usually up with plenty of time to get myself ready and enjoy a leisurely cup of coffee. Margie has started a new workout schedule with her daughter. Can I mention how proud I am of her? This meant she was usually up early as well. We sat on our porch and drank a cup of coffee together. Shared our plans for the day and thoughts that were on our mind. Reflecting on that, it was one of the best parts of my vacation!
As I return to work, I realize that paradise may not be available to me. Being that I leave for work around 420am, I do not see Margie, or myself waking up at 3 to sit on the porch and enjoy a cup of coffee. Another great paradise that occurred happened when I was attending the fair with my mother. It was early and the crowd was still light. The temperature was around 83 degrees. After enjoying a breakfast burrito and pancakes, we got a hot cup of coffee (perfect on a hot summer morning) and a doughnut. New to the fair this year was a shared stand with a local bakery, and my favorite local coffee, Valentine. We took it to the ‘Central Mall’ area of the fair and got a table in the sun. As we got our dose of vitamin D, the band Banana Wind, which neither of us had heard of, began to play. They filled the air with songs of the topics. The sun was shining, the music was tropical, I had my favorite local coffee and a sample of 3 different local doughnuts. In the middle of January, when the temperature falls south of the zero mark, this will not be an option. Actually, it never was an option again, as that band only played that morning.
This post may begin to sound a bit depressing. “Great Neil. You found some amazing experiences and now you can’t do them anymore.” This is true to some extent. This is where asking yourself the question, “How can I use this?” comes into play. There are two words that come to mind – adjust and reflect. I will not be able to sit on the porch every morning and sip coffee with my love. However, I do know that on my days off, that will be something to look forward to! We can also do so when I get home from work.What a better way to unwind? As for the second episode, reflecting on what a great time my mother and I had that day in the sun, will be good to ponder when winter days get me down. It will also be fun to share that memory and reflect together! As I always say, just because you can’t be there physically, doesn’t mean you can’t be there mentally.
How about your life? What are the moments of paradise you have? Is there a way to visit them often? Maybe create a photo album of that vacation to the tropics? You can look through it and take yourself back whenever you need a little escape. How about special times with those you love and care about? It is a must to schedule those into your routine, and do so often. I would love to hear about your paradise and how you go there in your life.
Today, take a pause from reacting to what others say. Instead, really work to understand them so instead you may respond intelligently. If you really listen to understand what the person is telling you, not only will you have a better chance of knowing what they are truly saying, but you will deepen that relationship.
This week, do not listen to reply, but listen to understand.
Last post we discussed my love for the Wisconsin State Fair. The most common question I get is how do I not get bored. Lucky for me, I have mastered a key to keeping life exciting. That key is the ability to keep a fresh perspective. When I go to the fair,I go with different people. Some like music, some food, some shopping. That makes each experience unique
The fair also has new things to explore every year. This year was a cool circus. There are new bands to listen to. As I write this I am listening to a band cover Bob Marley’s “Simmer Down”. So there are outside circumstances that are changing.
That being said, one of the keys to an amazing life is your perspective. Looking at things from a different angle makes them fresh and new. This is so key when it comes to keeping your relationship fresh. I look at the relationship I share with Margie in new ways all of the time. It not only keeps it fresh, it prevents me from taking any of the wonders we share for granted. It also shines a light on many wonderful sides of her I might have missed.
How about you? What can you renew by changing your perspective? It will keep your life fun and exciting!
