Tag: Relationships

BE CAREFUL NOT TO CATCH THIS DISEASE 😷

When I saw this quote, I had to pause and give it some thought. In my second book, Living the Dream, I have an entire section on the 3 levels in which we live our lives and how they effect each other. Certainly a good read. When I wrote that, I was just beginning to learn about that aspect of life. Years later, as I write this post, I can see it in operation. That is why I would like to take a moment to talk about these STDs – spiritually transmitted diseases. They are even more harmful than we might think.

In today’s society, it seems there is very little mention or discussion of the spirit. This is a shame, because in my opinion, it is not only what makes us human, but is one third of who we are. When our spirit is sick, it affects every aspect of our lives. When we are feeling spiritually drained, our ability to concentrate and think clearly is all but nonexistent. When our heart is hurting our energy levels plummet, our immune system tanks and physically we are no good. In other words, when we have a STD, spiritually transmitted disease, it affects our physical and mental well-being too.

Last post we discussed the importance of self-care and what it can help you bring to others. If you missed that post, I encourage you to go back and give it a look. It is obvious that we really need to practice some spiritual self-care. We need to keep our spirit healthy and make sure we do not catch an STD. Try to eliminate or limit your exposure to those things that contaminate your spirit. Make sure to take time to do those things that strengthen your spirit and fill your soul. Take time to practice your faith, whatever that may be. Help others. That always makes the soul feel good. Try some of the items listed above. What are some of the things that you do to strengthen your spiritual well-being? Please share with the rest of us so that we may all have a strong spirit and be STD free.

HEAL YOURSELF 🧘‍♀️

It is shocking that even in this day and age, self-care is considered selfish by many. This could not be further from the truth. There are many reasons why this is so, but we are going to look at two that I think we should consider. The first should be rather obvious. When you work on healing yourself, be that from a personal trauma, or just from the stress of daily life, you allow your best self to shine through. Why is this so important? You then become the best version of yourself. This is one of the greatest gifts you can give to others. Showing up to meet your friend for coffee when you are lacking sleep, barely able to concentrate on what they are saying and falling asleep when they are talking is not that great of a gift. Sure, it is great that you are spending time with them, but it is not quality time. Now, saying, “I am sorry I need to get some rest. How about meeting next week?” may seem selfish. If you show up next week and are able to not only to stay awake for their story about sick aunt Agnes, but offer valuable insight on their story as well, that is a far greater gift.

Bringing your best self to any situation is a great gift. It means you are being the best parent, the best friend and the best lover. Taking the time to heal and make sure you are able to share your gifts with those around you is not selfish at all. In fact, by taking the time to bring your best self, you are giving them a gift. You are giving them the best of you that you can.

The second reason that self-care is not selfish may be even more important. The knowledge you gain and are able to share. When you discover ways to heal yourself, you can pass those ways on to others. Maybe you are really busy and live a stressful life. You find ways to balance that stress and not get overwhelmed. How do you do that? Do you think there are other people who would like to know how to do that as well? I bet there are. Have you found a way to heal your soul after losing someone very close to you? Taking that time, and engaging in those practices, will allow you to help someone else heal too. That is one of the best things we can put out into the universe, to help others heal. If you rush through life, do not take time to heal yourself, it will not only cost you, but it will cost others. You will show up as only a shell of yourself. You will not learn any healing methods that work for you and may help others. To me, this is far more selfish than taking time for yourself.

Take time for that meditation or yoga retreat. If you need to say “No”, than do it. Taking care of yourself is not selfish. It is actually one of the greatest gifts you can give to those around you and the world itself. Taking care of ourselves will allow us to share the best of who we are and every healing modality we learn. Self-care is not only care for ourselves, but it is one of the best things we can do to care for others.

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH THIS. 👫

There are many self-improvement aspects that seem like an obvious conclusion to me. One of those is that you tend to be like the 5 people you surround yourself with the most. Stop and take a mental inventory of the 5 people you spend the most time around. Can you see things you all have in common? The ironic thing is that this is one of the things people really seem to push back on. I am not sure why. If you surround yourself with people who are poor and struggling to manage their money, it is highly unlikely you will learn any financial skills from them. “I am going to be the difference!” I hear people say all of the time. It is true, that you could be the one who changes the group you hang out in. It is rather like swimming up stream, however.

Let us say you are trying to live a life that is more positive and inspired. Your friends, on the other hand, are a rather negative bunch. While you may be reading inspirational books, listening to some inspiring podcasts and whatever else you can think of to change your state, you are going to be surrounded by people who are pointing out what is wrong in the world, telling you about their medical problems, and generally being in a depressed state. That will make it a little more difficult for you to look on the sunny side of the street. Going back to our earlier financial example, if you are looking to get yourself on a good financial footing, but your friends constantly find themselves brook, it could be a long road. Maybe you could read books on investing, talk to a financial advisor and set up an automatic savings deposit. However, your friends will be showing your their purchases from Amazon, ordering out dinner every night, wearing the most expensive brand shoes and clothes and wondering how to pay the electric bill. Which one of them will help assure you of a happy retirement?

I am not telling you that you have to get rid of all of your friends, or even some of your friends. Merely suggesting that if you would like to improve your life and do so in an easier way, you might want to consider who you spend a good deal of time around. Think of people who embody traits you would like to have. Consider those people who you feel could teach, inspire and encourage you on your journey. Then, make a point of taking them out to dinner or for a coffee. Just soak up their energy. While doing so make sure to share yours as well. Be authentically yourself. You will shine your light and attract those who you can serve by just being you. The greatest part about this life-improving lesson is that you have total control over it. Who you choose to spend your time around, for the most part, is up to you. Make sure you make this decision wisely as it has a great impact.

WEDNESDAY REMINDER 😀

Midweek! How are we doing on not only taking care of ourselves, but those around us? Just a quick reminder that it takes very little of your energy to be compassionate and encouraging to yourself and others. That little amount of energy can have a great impact on the quality of someone else’s day, but yours as well. As a bonus, the energy we expend is returned to us with the joy we bring to others.

What small thing do you plan on doing for those in your life? One little thing to encourage or inspire someone? Please share with the rest of us!😀

YOU’VE GOT THIS! LET’S GO!🥳

Every morning, there is something to celebrate. There is some win in our lives. It is important to recognize and celebrate this win. This is not just some new-age positive thinking activity. By celebrating our wins and what is going right in our lives, we do two very important things. First, we recognize both to the world, but more importantly to ourselves, that there are good things happening in our life. Too often we can focus just on the negative. Although, this can help us with discovering a solution, doing so without also focusing on what is working can drain us of valuable emotional and spiritual energy. Which is what the second thing celebrating a win first thing in the morning does; it gives us momentum and energy to tackle the day. With all of the negative influences that may come at us, we owe it to ourselves to give our focus to the good in our lives.

Quite often, what you focus on can dictate your drive. I always have an updated version of the map you see above saved on my phone. What is this map? The shaded countries represent where this blog is followed. As you can see by the number, we are also closing in on 100,000. When a particular post does not get as many views as I would hope, or my inspiration to write is not so great, I look at this map. I think of the young person in Peru, or the elderly person in the Congo needing some motivation or inspiration. When you know that others are counting on you to show up, it can give you that extra boost to do so. When you view how many wins you already have, you are motivated to have more. Still looking to connect with some beautiful souls in Greenland. Celebrating all the other wonderful countries that follow us helps me to stay motivated to do so. Hoping to reach 100,000 people. Celebrating the fact we have reached over 90,000 keeps me focused on that goal.

In your own life, do not forget to celebrate the wins. The more you focus on them, the more they seem to show up. Don’t trust me on this one. Prove it to yourself. Try finding a different win to celebrate everyday for 21 days and see what happens in your life. Even if that win is waking up to another day and a chance to do better than the day before. I would love to know what win you are celebrating?

WHAT I LEARNED WHEN I DIED ⚰️

For those of you who may be new to this blog, or to me in general, this title may sound a bit confusing. Let me explain. Last year I had open-heart surgery and had a brief flirtation with death. This cannot help but change someone’s life. I am sure you can appreciate that even if you have managed to stay on the right side of the great beyond. I am extremely fortunate that God was much like every hotel I have ever checked into. When I got there, I was told, “Your room is not ready yet. Please come back later.” Trust me when I tell you that, at the very least, I never get upset having to wait to check into a hotel anymore. There were many things that I walked away with from this experience. I chronicled them all in my book, The Beat Goes On.

What I would really like to share with you is the powerful thing I learned before I died. It happened when Margie and I were at the movies roughly 2 months before my surgery. That is not us in the picture above. I am shorter and Margie is cuter. I had been diagnosed with the problem, aneurysm on my artery, 3 years prior. They told me it could unexpectedly explode at anytime and I would die. As you can imagine, that causes a slight shift in the way you live your life. Every pain at the gym was initially viewed as “Did I rupture it?” I say initially because even the looming specter of possible death hanging over you like a storm cloud, can become oddly routine.

This all changed when they told me that I did indeed need surgery. They told me the surgery was dangerous and there was a chance I might not make it through. Oh, and how about having it in 2 months right after the first of the year? It may seem like I am making light of it now, but that is actually how it went down. After setting a date for the surgery, Margie and I went on a date of our own to the movies. An hour into the film, I regretted drinking several cups of coffee before we left and excused myself to the men’s room. It was there that I realized the full extent of what dying might mean. It could mean that would be my last thanksgiving, my last Christmas, and who knows, my last movie with the woman I love. This realization did not bring on a feeling of fear or dread. It actually brought on a sense of urgency. How could I make the most of all of those events? Thinking of Margie, I began to wonder, “What could I do that would make this woman understand how much I love her even if I am gone?” Then my brain went into overdrive multiplying that to include all the people an events in my life. I began to wonder if I had shared enough content? Had I inspired all of the people I could? When it came right down to it, the burning question was, “Had I done enough to leave the world a better place than when I arrived?” Not only for those I deeply care about, but for the world as a whole?

These were deep questions that did not have easy answers. What they did do was light a fire under me to take action. Do you think you have time to make the world a better place? Do you think you have time before you die to not only tell but have those you care about feel how much you love them? Do you know what you could do to accomplish these things? Do you know how long that might take? Do you have enough time left to do so? If you are mulling these thoughts around in your mind, you might have come up with the question, “How do I know how much time I have left?” That is a great question. None of us do. Before going into the hospital for an unrelated issue, I had zero idea there was anything wrong with my heart. This is true for most people with an aneurysm. You feel great and then you fall over. It is pretty much that quick. There are no warning signs. That is why you not only need to get checked out regularly, but you need to have a sense of urgency and do all you can to leave the world a better place by sharing the gifts that were given to you and only you.

WHAT DRIVES YOU?🚗

Inky Johnson is one of my favorite speakers. If you have never heard of him, I would highly suggest you look him up on YouTube and watch his story. It will bring out the emotions in you. One thing he said was “Perspective drives performance every day of the week.” What does that mean? He further expands on it by saying, “Why you do what you do will determine how you do what you do.” If we reflect in our own life, I am sure we know this to be true.

Take your job for example. When you think of going to work in the morning, does an image like the one above come to mind? If so, I can tell you what your work day must feel like. Have you ever asked yourself, “Why do I go to work in the morning?” Before you answer make sure you are not asking yourself, “Why do I have to go to work in the morning?” Most of us live in a country where we don’t have to go to work. It is a choice. Of course, if we choose not to, there are some consequences that go with that. Just small things like no heat or no eat. If you just go to work to pay bills, chances are you will keep feeling like the photo above. Your job will seem like a prison sentence. Although, it must be reminded, one you can free yourself from at any moment.

It is better to have something you are working towards. For example, maybe you are saving for that next wonderful vacation? The picture above was taken at the Riu Negril in Jamaica where Margie and I were last month. The staff and hotel management were amazing and we had a great time creating memories and meeting new friends. Whether your dream is a new car, a vacation, a new outfit or a million other things, a goal could transform that sentence into an opportunity. Yet, there is one goal that I recommend above any others.

Here is the fickle thing about material goals – they can shift or disappear all together. Margie and I had been going on vacation for the last 5 years. There was a hurricane one year, the pandemic, my open-heart surgery another year and well…you get the picture. Sometimes that new car is not enough to keep you motivated to get to the office. I will tell you what is though. Focusing on who you want to become. Knowing what the process will bring to the table. I work roughly 50 hours a week just at my day job. I work Monday through Saturday. I DJ with Margie on Sunday. For those keeping track, that is zero days off. It can be extremely difficult to stay motivated. Especially, getting up at 4am to start everyday. What does is the knowledge that I am setting a good example. I am demonstrating to the love of my life that she has a man that will work hard so we can enjoy the finer things in life. I am showing my readers that there is time to put in a full-time job and still pursue your passion. Most importantly, I am showing myself that I can be a self-disciplined man who will embody the values he puts forth to others.

Having a ‘why’ in our life will make everything easier. Like Inky said, “prospective drives performance.” We used the example of our job, but imagine putting this in place in…say…your relationship? Why put forth effort there? Personally speaking, I put forth maximum effort in my relationship for several reasons. Margie deserves nothing less. She deserves to know how much she is loved and valued. By treating their mother with respect, I am hoping to set a good example for her children to follow in their own lives. Again, I also have a moral responsibility to represent the values I teach others. Who follows anyone who is an example of “Do what I say and not what I do.”? What is your ‘why’? Does it represent the values you hold dear?

HAVE YOU THOUGHT OF CHANGING THIS?🤔

I love this quote by Leo Tolstoy. So often we are tempted to complain about the world and the state that it is in. Whether we are foolishly blaming a political party or race of people for the world’s trouble, or just venting out loud, we are missing the point. *spoiler alert* no political party, no matter how much we dislike them, gets together to figure out how to destroy the world. *spoiler alert 2* No race, culture or religion is filled with evil people whose soul focus is to destroy your way of life* These are just brainwashing techniques used to keep you in fear so your mind and emotions can be controlled.

If there is no specific “us against them” to rally against, how can we change the world? He is a short answer – we can’t. Here is a second short answer – we should not. Here is what I mean. In any relationship, you should never Focus on changing the other person. This is why many marriages fail.They have the right to live as they see fit and so do you. Expanding that to our global community, people have the right, so long as they are not directly harming others, to live, love and worship as they see fit. It is not on job, nor our responsibility to change them just because we do not agree with them. Just as we should not have to conform to their ways either.

If we can’t, nor should, change others, how can we change the world? Take advice from Mr. Tolstoy. We change ourselves. That is all we have complete control over. This works to change the world in 2 ways.

First, we lead by example. Parents, this especially true for you. Children may rarely listen to what you say, but they will always watch what you do. It is not just Parents that have this responsibility. We are all being watched everyday. Especially in this world of social media and everyone walking around with cameras in their pockets. Make sure your actions positively inspire others. A great question to ask yourself is, “Would I be happy if everyone acted like me?” Before you are quick to think of how great that would be, stop and consider your faults. Would we like everyone to judge and insult based on religious or political affiliation? Would we want everyone to be quick tempered? To drive without using their turn signals?

The other way changing ourselves works to change the world is even more powerful, in my opinion. That is the law of reciprocation. You may have heard it stated as “whatever you sow, you reap” or “what you do comes back to you” However you word it, what we put out into the world becomes part of the world. If we are judgemental of others, the world becomes more judgemental. If we are harsh with our words, the world becomes a colder harsher place. This is the key to positively transforming the world.

Whenever we love others, we make the world more loving. When we stand up for the repressed and abused, the world becomes less tolerant of those behaviors. Whenever we allow those we disagree with to live as they see fit, the world becomes more loving and accepting. The only way we can truly do this is one person at a time, and that person is us. The only way we can change the hearts of the masses, is to first change our own. As Leo Tolstoy said, the only way we can change the world is by changing ourselves.

THE SECRET TO BECOMING BEAUTIFUL 😍

Here are a few interesting facts that I have learned lately. On average, Americans spend between $244 and $313 on cosmetics…every month! The average global income is $9,733. The global cosmetics industry is valued at 571.10 billion! This is a lot of money to be spent in the quest to make us look better. Yet, most of these people do not invest the money, or the time, into the one thing that is sure to improve their appearance – their soul. How does working on your soul, or personality, make you more attractive? More to the point, how can we do it? Let us take a look.

The first thing to consider is what accessories you choose to wear. I am not talking about that expensive bracelet or purse you carry with you. The most attractive accessory anyone, man or woman, can wear is a smile. When you smile, you cannot help but to increase your own mood. When you do that, it is infectious. When you see someone smile at you, it is natural to smile back. We have already mentioned that smiling can make you feel good while you are doing it. So it stands to reason, someone who makes you smile, say by smiling at you, will be a person you will want to be around.

Here is something to consider. You do not only smile with your mouth. We all know people whose eyes light up when they smile. Having a welcoming posture makes you more attractive as well. If you are walking around slouched over, eyes down, with a shuffling gate, you won’t be nearly as appealing as someone who is walking upright, bright-eyed with a spring in their step. Here is another crazy thought. Smiling is not just physical. You can smile with your words. How is this possible? When you are someone who only relays the negative news of the day, or spreads today’s gossip, this will detract from your looks no matter how beautiful you are. On the flip side, if you are constantly speaking encouraging words and bringing out the best in everyone, you will be instantly more attractive.

These suggestions may sound trivial or corny to you. This does not make them any less true. Think about your own life. Would you rather spend time with someone who has a cheery disposition and always has a good word to share, or someone always spreading negative gossip and wearing a frown? I don’t know about you, but I would choose the former. While we are investing in new outfits, cologne, make up, shampoo and other things to help our physical appearance, let us not forget to invest some time and money to increase our inner beauty. Unlike the outer beauty, this investment will not fade with time.

2 REASONS YOU SHOULD BUY MY BOOK. ✌️

I recently returned from a week in the wonderful country of Jamaica. As soon as I got off the plane, I felt like a different person. Have you ever had this experience? As soon as your vacation begins, stress melts away and life just feels amazing. Whether that is driving to the mountains, flying to the tropics or any other destination. Ten years ago, I asked myself a question you may have pondered as well. “How can I carry this amazing feeling of vacation into the other 50 weeks a year that I am not on vacation?” I have spent every day since looking for the answer to the question, “How do we live like we are on vacation?” The first answers resulted in my book, A Happy Life for Busy People. It focuses on quick and simple ways to reduce stress and increase joy in your life. They all require very little effort and most can be done without spending a single cent.

As the years went by and I continued to learn more, I created my second book, Living the Dream. It took a deeper dive into how life works. How to create the relationship of your dreams. How to create a feeling of inner peace. How to better control your emotional state. How to better handle the challenges life throws at us all. How to develop a champions mindset. If any of this sounds like something you would like in your life, I suggest reading that book. To simplify this, I will put a link at the bottom where you can get all of my books. If you incorporate these tools and strategies, it will help you create a life that feels more like a vacation. Do not get me wrong, I certainly would not mind more tropical escapes with the love of my life, but every day with her seems like a dream come true. Why? We have both used the tools in this book to take our relationship to a higher level and continue to do so. We both are chasing our passion and focused on gratitude in our lives. Which leads us to the final point that will benefit you from reading my books.

With all of the self-improvement books on the market, why should you bother to pick up mine? Why did I even bother to write a book, never mind several, in a field that is already so saturated? Those are questions I get a lot. The answer is a simple one. These books were written based on two things. One, the wisdom of several very intelligent individuals. Some as far back as 500 B.C., some who are still alive today. The other is my own mistakes. That is what started my journey to begin with. My life was in a terrible state. In order to take control over my life and turn it around, I began to read. By ‘began to read’, I mean reading everything I could get my hands on. Here is what I learned. Many of the books told me that when I was in China, it was a good idea to speak Chinese, but they never taught me any of the vocabulary.

My book will not teach you how to speak Chinese. What I mean is that many books will give you practical theories, but not tell you simple ways to incorporate them. I tried the things that I read about. I recorded what worked and what did not. I tweaked them. In my books you will not only get the theory behind them, but step by step instructions on how to implement them in your own life. There are also funny personal stories of how they worked when I applied them.

If you want to change your life. If you want to start living the dream, or living like you are on vacation, I highly suggest picking up one or more of my books. Allow me to be of service to you. I put over two decades of both wins and loses, success and failure in these books. What works and what does not. It is my life’s mission to leave this world better than I found it, and that starts with you. If we can work together to take your life to a higher level, then the world, and more importantly your world, will be a little bit better. You can even share the tools with those you love and help them positively transform their lives. Whether you read my book or another, please never stop learning and improving yourself and your life. It is the best thing you can do to make the world a better place.

CLICK HERE TO VIEW ALL OF MY BOOKS AND TO GET THE ONE THAT SPEAKS TO YOU!😀