Last post we discussed my love for the Wisconsin State Fair. The most common question I get is how do I not get bored. Lucky for me, I have mastered a key to keeping life exciting. That key is the ability to keep a fresh perspective. When I go to the fair,I go with different people. Some like music, some food, some shopping. That makes each experience unique
The fair also has new things to explore every year. This year was a cool circus. There are new bands to listen to. As I write this I am listening to a band cover Bob Marley’s “Simmer Down”. So there are outside circumstances that are changing.
That being said, one of the keys to an amazing life is your perspective. Looking at things from a different angle makes them fresh and new. This is so key when it comes to keeping your relationship fresh. I look at the relationship I share with Margie in new ways all of the time. It not only keeps it fresh, it prevents me from taking any of the wonders we share for granted. It also shines a light on many wonderful sides of her I might have missed.
How about you? What can you renew by changing your perspective? It will keep your life fun and exciting!
This blog post title comes with a caveat. If what feels good to you causes harm to yourself or others, than by all means, do NOT do it. I will not be responsible for you trying some ridiculous Tik Tok challenge. What I can tell you, is that if you find something in your life that feeds your soul, do it and do it often. In life, we are all to often asked, or required, to do things that drain our spirit and our soul. That could be a job that we do not relish. It could be coworkers that are less than inspiring.
This is a picture of my beautiful love, Margie, and I at the Wisconsin State Fair. Almost 20 years ago, I decided that was one of my favorite places to be. Since being with Margie, it has turned into two of my favorite places to be. The Wisconsin State Fair and with her. I enjoy the food, the garden and art tours throughout the grounds, dancing in the sand at the reggae bar and all of the kitchen gadgets that Margie and I purchase that we do not need. It runs 11 days in early August. On a fine day in 1996, I decided if I liked it so much, why don’t I attend it all 11 days? I have done so every year since. I go with different people and always have a great time. Some of my friends like the bands. Some of them like the food. Some like shopping and I hope they all like spending a day with yours truly.
A few years ago I even purchased a personalized brick to be placed at the fair. It not only went to support the event, but celebrated my favorite person to attend with. It has become an added bonus to look at when we are there. Creating memories with friends, family and of course Margie, is something I look forward to all year long. By the time you read this, we will have attended the first day with my mother. We have plans with good friends Faith, CJ, Nicci, Chris, Heidi and others. Each one will be a sharing of happiness, friendship and love for life.
If there is something in your life that brings joy to your spirit and soul, celebrate it as often as you can. Life will certainly throw challenges your way. It is always good to have something ready to lift your spirit. Why not? We all deserve that inner joy and sense of well-being. I look forward to hearing what brings joy to that beautiful heart of yours.
I mentioned the book I am currently reading in an earlier post. Where I cannot assume you read that post, the title of the book is Happiness is a Choice you Make by John Leland. It was recommended to me by a dear lady whom I had met at a graduation party. She was someone whom I had never met, but we conversed the whole time I was there like old friends. I am hoping I have the opportunity to thank her for such a great recommendation. The book covers 6 of the ‘oldest old’. That is to say people who are above the age of 87. Which I learned, is one of the fastest growing demographics in the United States.
In the section I am currently reading, the author is talking with a couple who are in their 90s. They found each other at the nursing home where they both live. The dynamics of their relationship is so fascinating to me. One of the aspects that makes it work is a great secret that all of us could use in our own relationships. This secret works not only in romantic relationships, but friendships, business relationships or relationships of any kind. If you don’t manage this secret properly, it can lead to what poisons a great deal of relationships. If you do learn, and are able to master this, it will give your relationship an advantage others simply don’t have. Both parties will feel happier and more confident with the relationship.
That is what we do here at Secret2anamazinglife.com. We teach you secrets to have an amazing life. One of the biggest factors of the quality of life is the quality of your relationships. Learning how to improve them has a positive impact on every area of your life. What is the secret the couple in the book practice that we all could put into use in our own lives? Learning to not only give, but receive. That second part especially. Independent people often want to do everything themselves. This is not necessarily a bad trait. When you are in a relationship, it can leave the other party feeling both a little unneeded and unwanted. If someone offers to say, get you a cup of coffee, and you always reply “I can do it myself.” It will not only leave the other party feeling as though they lost an opportunity to do something for you, but done long enough, they may stop offering all together.
This is a tricky balance. We often to want to feel like a burden to our partner or friend, but we certainly want to give them an opportunity to feel as though they did something for us. Think if the roles were reversed. How would you feel if you were able to do something that would either help, or bring joy, to your partner or friend? You would feel good I would imagine. Why would you deny that good feeling to someone else? Have you ever looked at it this way? It may seem that one party is taking and one is giving in this equation. The truth is, they are both giving. One, the act of service. The other, the opportunity to provide that service. If you follow this up with appreciation, you actually get to give twice by receiving. How crazy is that? The other party feels good that they were able to do something for you, and they feel good that you let them know you appreciate what they did.
The picture above is me and my silly lady. We practice this secret daily. It is not always easy as we both love to do things for each other. We must remember that we like the other party to feel needed and appreciated. In fact, we love appreciating each other. One of the worst things you can do in a relationship is ‘keep score’. The thought that “Hey! I do a lot more for them than they do for me!” is poison to a relationship. You are actually providing them an opportunity to appreciate you and they are providing an opportunity to feel that you matter and serve a purpose in the relationship. Appreciation for your partner and all that they do is key in this equation. It is true that you never want to feel useless, or that you don’t serve a purpose in a relationship. You also never want to feel taken for granted.
Let your partner know that you appreciate everything they do for you. Give them an opportunity to do things for you, even if you can do it for yourself. This is not only a secret to an amazing relationship, but to an amazing life.
This is a big one! There are countless people who stifle themselves because of the opinions and actions of others. I have seen and heard it many times. I am sure you have too. “I would write this book, but my husband told me it is a waste of time.” Between being a bartender and a DJ, I have seen many people decide to quit drinking and going to bars because it does not serve them, or their live in a positive way. When others see this, they see things such as, “They are not fun anymore.” or “Remember when you used to hang out?” Plus, my favorite, “How come you do not have fun anymore?” This somehow translates drinking alcohol and being in a tavern as the only source of fun.
Whenever you are trying to make a positive change in your life, you will make some people uncomfortable. This could be for a variety of reasons. Two of the most prevalent are as follows. First, they often feel bad about their own condition. In our case of the person who leaves alcohol behind, their friends may, consciously or subconsciously, realize that they too would be better off with less imbibing. They realize their friend is making a decision that will improve not only their health, but their life as well. This may make them feel bad about the life decisions they are making. Instead of doing something to better themselves, they take the easier bath of lashing out and putting down their friend.
The second reason, which is even more common, is that people fear being left behind. Our example about the wife wanting to write a book and the husband not supporting her is such an example. Obviously, the husband should love and support his wife in something that she is really passionate about. In this case, he may fear that if his wife becomes a best-selling author, she will leave him behind. These sorts of reactions have more to do with the self-confidence of the other party than with your evolving. People fear if that are unable to evolve to the level their partner, spouse or friend does that they will be left behind. This should be source of motivation to better themselves or at least to share these feelings with the other party.
In your life, do not allow others to make you feel uncomfortable for wanting to evolve and better yourself. Go forth with the knowledge that by doing so you will make others uncomfortable. Do it anyway. If you notice this happening, you may want to reassure them, or invite them to evolve with you, but whatever you do, please do not let it stop your growth.
Here lies the secret for reducing stress and saving energy. It amazes me how many educated adults waste their time worrying about other people and their opinions. That is not to say you should charge through life without a care about anyone else. Not at all. Those closest to you, and those who play an important role in your life should be handled with care. What we are talking about is those who do not play an important role in your life.
In today’s world of social media and ‘keyboard rangers’, there are a lot of people who feel the need to express their unnecessary, and often unwanted, negative opinions. I often relate the story of a stranger on the site Nextdoor who placed negative comments on a post of mine for 2 days straight. Why? Simply because my title was in all capital letters to delineate the title from the body of the post. He felt I was personally yelling at him. For 48 hours straight, this man continued to post hateful things in the comments of my post about positivity. What did he think of the post itself? He never actually read it.
Sun Tzu, who work the great book, The Art of War, tells us the wise warrior avoids the battle. Does that mean we should live our lives as cowards? Certainly not. What Sun Tzu was telling us was that in every battle there will be losses on both sides. This holds true not only in war, but in business, our career, friendships and our personal relationships. Even if one ‘wins’ a battle, or argument, there will be some damage done. That could be in the form of some resentment from the other party, damage to our reputation, hurt feelings from words or deeds that can’t be undone and a million other things. The point is, there is no battle that does not have casualties. Which leads us to our final point on the subject.
The most important decision when fighting any battle, be that militarily or personally, is whether it is worth fighting in the first place. You might want to write that down somewhere. If we run around responding to every fool out there, we will not only become very tired, very quickly, but we will become a fool ourselves. For it is a fool who attends every argument they are invited to. Again, you might want to write that down. Take, for example, a young lady at my day job. She has some severe anger management issues and seems generally unhappy with her life. There are times she lashes out at me and even spreads lies and vicious gossip about me. If I were to get upset every time she did that, I would end up as unhappy and angry as she is. Like our first photo reminds us to ask, is why would I care if this generally unhappy and angry lady is unhappy and angry with me? I don’t. If I were to spend my energy on that, I would have less energy for the things that really matter. I would have less energy to check in with friends. I would be too exhausted to make it to the gym. There would be less energy to put towards loving my beautiful lady. For what? To sink to the level of someone else? I don’t think so.
How about your life? Do you spend energy fighting battles that really don’t matter in the big picture? Do you worry if everyone likes you? Are you overly upset when one person decides not to like you? Why do you care? Again, if it is someone you genuinely care for, that is a different matter entirely. However, if this is just a negative Nancy, do not let them bring your energy down. Another warning about letting everything upset you, if you do so long enough, there will be a greater price to pay. When you are in a negative emotional state for a long period of time, your immune system goes down. You develop physical ailments such as an upset stomach or ulcers. It also starts to affect your outlook and well-being. It may even turn you into Negative Norman. Ask yourself, “Is the battle I am about to fight even worth fighting?” It will save you a lot of stress and a lot of energy for things that are far more important.
I want to share a story about a farmer with you. There was a young man who wanted to be a farmer. He thought it would be an easy endeavor. “All you do is plant the seed and the crop comes.” He believed all he would have to do was work one time and he would reap the rewards as long as the crop grew. He bought some seeds and quickly put them in the ground. Then he proceeded to relax in the knowledge that soon the crop would come and he would be rich.
A few days went by and there was no crop to speak of. Concerned the young farmer went out and dug up the seeds to see why they were not growing. The few he found had not even sprouted. He put them back in the ground and began to impatiently wait some more. A few more days; still no plants. He decided the seeds he had got where no good and went back in town to complain to the seed store where he had purchased them. “Those seeds were just fine.” the man behind the counter informed him. “Farmer John bought the same seeds and already has a crop coming in.” Informed he would not get his money back, he decided to start bad-mouthing the store and its owner to everyone in town. Within a few minutes he ran into farmer John. “What kind of soil did you plant those seeds in? Was it properly tilled?” farmer John asked him. The man said he had just placed the seeds in the land behind his house. “Did you at least water and fertilize them?” Farmer John asked. The young farmer looked down as he confessed ignorance to knowing that he was required to do that. “Oh yes. Not to mention you must look out for the weeds and the insects that will come to ruin your crop once it starts growing.” farmer john offered. The young farmer just walked away meekly complaining about the bad seeds he was sold.
This farmer may sound like a complete idiot. Perhaps he should have learned about farming and what was involved before getting started. He should have not have been looking for the easy way out. Before we pass judgement on our young farmer friend, let us make sure we do not have more in common with him that we think. How many of us are looking for an opportunity to take the easy road in life? Whether that is playing the lottery, hitting up the casino or buying into some get rich quick scheme? Maybe we even think starting our own business is the way to riches.
For every budding entrepreneur, there are a million who dive in planting seeds without testing or tilling the soil. That is, they start businesses without knowledge of what is really involved. They do not develop their own self-discipline and work ethic. They do not craft a solid business plan. They do not research markets and set a good foundation. They also are not patient to understand the time it may take to succeed. They are like our young farmer digging up seeds they just planted. They move from one opportunity to another. They also do not take the time to invest in their endeavors. Putting in the effort. They think they can just put in effort one time and it will succeed. This makes no more sense than skipping the watering and fertilizing like our young farmer. What about preparing for those pesky weeds and insects? In every endeavor we embark on, there will be challenges and people who will be obstacles on our path to success. If we are not prepared for that, it will destroy our crop as farmer John warned.
How about you? Are you taking all the steps necessary to be a successful farmer? Are you setting a foundation to make sure your undertaking has the best possibility to succeed, or are you just starting anywhere? Once you have begun, are you willing to put in the work even after you start seeing results? How about those insects and weeds, or negative people and challenges, that will show up? To you have a plan in place to deal with them, or will you let them destroy your crop you have worked so hard on? Be a smart farmer. Be like farmer John.
*Side note – my grandfather’s name was John and he was a farmer as a young man.
“Life has no meaning, life is an opportunity to create a meaning.” That is powerful stuff. Have you ever asked yourself, “What is it all for?” I am sure at some point in our lives, we have all asked that question. The ironic part is most of the time we ask it of others. Whether that be directly, as in asking a person what the meaning of life is, or searching for meaning in books, seminars and even blog posts and YouTube videos. The truth is the meaning of life is whatever we decide to make it.
That may seem a little scary to some of us. You mean there is no right answer written down somewhere? No book that will provide us the answers? No. What the meaning of our life is depends on what we decide we want it to be. Once we make that decision, there is a wealth of information to assist us in our endeavors. The secret is to not only decide on an empowering meaning for our life, but one that we are committed to emotionally.
In my own life, I decided the meaning of my life was to help others live a more positive and rewarding life using the tools and strategies I learned and have continued to learn. I do that by not only posting this blogs, but with my books, my YouTube videos and my Living the Dream with Neil Panosian podcast. The meaning of your life may be to bring joy and comfort to people through the creation of a special cake. It may be to pass along the healing power of creating art. It could be to be a good example to your children. It could be to correct social injustice. None of these are more noble than any other. In order to live a great life, you do not have to do great things, you just have to do everything with a great love.
There are many times when I hear such things as “Monday is hard.” Yes, it sure is. Having to leave one’s family and go to work can be a difficult decision. It can be a struggle. Especially if the weather is poor and we have not had enough sleep. How can we stay dedicated to our goals when it would be a lot easier to call in to work and stay in bed? How can we stay committed to our fitness goals when it is so easier to just eat that delicious pizza or tacos? We could do both, and anything else we are trying to accomplish by understanding one principle.
Not to ruin it for you, but the answer is in the quote from Jim Rohn up above. Hard work is well, by definition, hard. Saying no to staying in bed and sleeping is hard. Do you know what else is hard? Being fired for not working hard or not showing up. That is hard. Not having enough money to pay our bills is hard. Being embarrassed to seek help from family and friends just to get by. That’s hard. Having people think we are a loser because we can’t get out of bed. Thinking the same thing about ourselves. Those are hard.
Same holds true in our diet and fitness realm. Saying no to the free doughnuts in the breakroom, that is hard. Going to the gym in freezing weather when we could be tucked under the blanket? Quite hard. Doing it when you have a beautiful blonde to snuggle up to? Very hard. Trust me on that one. Do you know what else is hard? Having elevated blood sugar and cholesterol. Being at greater risk for heart attack and death. That is hard. Having more aches and pains and running out of breath. Hard. Possibly leaving your loved ones behind at an early age? That is not only hard for you, but for them as well.
We may think staying in bed or eating that doughnut is the ‘easy’ or ‘painless’ solution. It might be at the time. What we must realize is that everything has a cost. What may seem difficult in the moment, the pain of discipline, will make our life easier in the long run. What seems like ‘giving in’ or the easy solution, will cost us much more in the end. That is the pain of regret. As Mr. Rohn pointed out, discipline weighs ounces, regret weighs tons. Think of what pain you are suffering.
A few posts back, I shared a great insight I had received from my new friend and teacher CJ. As an example of how important surrounding yourself with the right people can be, I would like to share another amazing nugget of self-improvement gold I get from him. This tool is only four words long, but can transform your way of thinking and thus, your way of approaching life.
Four words to change your life? Really? Like many of the tools and strategies in my first two books, this one is customizable, but I am going to relay it to you the way CJ told me. He came across this idea of measuring his actions and patterns against four words that represented his values. The four words, or four H words, were honest, hungry, hone able and humble. When a challenge arises, he reviews it through the lens of these four words. Is he being honest? This could be honest with others, but what about being honest with himself? Honest about his motives? Honest about his intentions? Hungry is a good one. Les Brown says hunger is one of the most powerful forces in the human spirit. Napoleon Hill calls it ‘burning desire’, but it amounts to the same thing. You must passionately pursue that which you are chasing. This holds true not only for career and financial goals, but what about your relationships? If you are not continuously hungry for that love between you and your partner, the relationship is vulnerable. Hone-able technically not a word, but being able to hone ourselves and our skills is essential. A closed mind is never open to opportunities. Humble. That word is worth its weight in gold in a society where everyone is looking for their fifteen minutes of fame. Knowing that you do not know it all will allow you to learn more and be open to more.
I challenge you to use these four words this weekend. Ask yourself if you are living up to them in every area of your life. Where you are not, ask yourself how you can improve. Try this for the next 48 hours. Then what? Come up with your own four words. What core values would you like to represent? If you are having a hard time coming up with some, just ask yourself how you would like others to view you. When your name comes up, what would you like them to say? I would love to hear what you come up with.
Here is a story that was relayed to me that I would love to pass on to all of you. It is a prime example where you can go from being a victim, to being a miracle worker. I warn you that doing this is not easy or for the faint of heart. What I can promise you is that it will bring you boundless joy and help transform the world. Does that sound like I might be reaching for hyperbole? Hear my story and decide for yourself.
My friend was working at a dry cleaners. I am sure on an average day most transactions transpired like the picture above. Both parties smiling and things going smoothly. Maybe a lot of them are people complaining about the price of dry cleaning? I really don’t know as I have worked with the public, but never in a dry cleaning concern. What is certain is that if you work with the public for long enough, you are going to have a tough day. It is just such a day that our story takes place on.
An older customer came in looking to get a suit cleaned. “This is a very important suit. I need it cleaned very carefully and back in a timely fashion.” the woman stated. My friend informed her of the charges and the lady paid. My friend prepared the suit to be sent off to be cleaned. He marked it urgent and placed it ahead of the other garments that were to be sent out for the day. The next day he was expecting to see the suit come back. It did not. As expected the lady came it to retrieve her garment. My friend had to apologize and inform the older lady that it had not returned yet. “It is important I get that suit back on time young man.” she asserted once more. My friend promised her he would look into it.
The following day came, but the suit did not. The lady appeared before my friend and inquired about picking up the suit she had paid to get cleaned. When informed that is was not present, she became incensed. My friend told her he would call the location that cleaned the item himself and he could call her with an answer. “I’ll wait.” she informed him, becoming angrier by the minute. My friend picked up the phone and inquired about the nice suit he had sent to get cleaned. “Umm…that one, yeah we lost it.” the voice on the other end of the receiver told him. He glanced up at the elderly woman who was becoming impatient for an answer. “Can you find it?” he implored. “We will look and call you back.” He hung up. “Well, what did they say?” she pressed. He swallowed hard before giving his answer.
When informed the garment had been lost, he had expected her to be upset. What he did not expect was the rage and expletives that followed. She repeated how important this suit was and how she needed it back right away. Just then the phone rang and it was the warehouse. “Yeah, that suit is gone.” He was told unofficially that sometimes nicer items, such as this suit, had a way of disappearing. Could he really tell this lady who was already so upset that someone might have taken it? The man on the other end of the receiver suggested that my friend offer a coupon for the next time she wanted something cleaned. How that would work if you lost the first item is beyond me, but that answer is easy to give when you are not face to face with the customer.
Seeing how upset the woman was, my friend decided to take a different approach. He recalled a saying he once heard, “Hurt people hurt people.” He went over to the woman and said, “Ma’am, I understand you are upset about your suit being lost, and I don’t blame you. However, is everything alright?” Now, after being cussed out and screamed at, would you consider that customer’s feelings? Most of us would have to honestly answer ‘no’. My friend did and this is where the miracle occurred.
After my friend’s question, the woman broke down in tears. Between her sobbing, she explained the suit had belonged to her only son who had just passed away. His funeral was that weekend and she wanted him buried in his finest suit. Soon, my friend’s eyes were also filled with tears. He asked the lady if he could give her a hug. Suddenly, all of the vicious things, and expletive rants made sense. It wasn’t anger over a lost suit. No, it was the pain over the loss of an only son. After she had left, my friend called the owners of the dry cleaner and explained the situation. The contacted the woman. Although they were never able to find the suit, they gave her money to buy the best suit in town for her son as he was laid to rest.
The point of this story is that my friend took the time and effort to discover what the woman was hurting from. Instead of compounding the woman’s grief, he may have very well showed her, through his compassion, that others really do care. Suffering the loss of her only son was a grief he could not take away, but seeing a young man care so much for a stranger that was cursing him out, may have given her a little feeling of hope.
If we understand that it really is hurt people that hurt people, we can go from victim to being someone’s angel in time of need. Is that easy? No. Not taking someone’s insults personally and still showing enough compassion to inquire about their pain can change the world. Not only for them, but for the world at large. How about you? Are you able to brush off a personal attack and consider that person may just be expressing they are hurting? It doesn’t have to be a stranger. Think of how many times this happens in families, at the workplace or even between loving spouses. Understanding their anger may be coming from a place of pain will allow us to heal in a way we could not if we just feel like a victim.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 