In life, it can be easy to confuse battles with wars. What exactly does this mean? Our goals are like a war to win. In the journey to achieve them, we must fight several battles. My goal of reaches and serving as many souls with my writing is one that has its ups and downs. My first book, A Happy Life for Busy People, was a great success. It has sold roughly 5000 copies and is owned by rockstars, movie stars and billionaires. Some have even sent me personal letters to thank me. My most recent book, The Beat Goes On, has not done nearly as well as I had hoped. Does that make me a failure as a writer? No, it just means that battle did not turn out as I had planned.
Just like in war, we can learn even more from our loses than from our successes. Many people think viewing their goals as a war to win seems a bit over the top. That viewing life as some sort of life or death struggle may be a bit too dramatic. I am here to tell you that life is a constant struggle for territory, as Les Brown likes to say. If you do not stay committed to living a positive rewarding life, those negative thoughts will start creeping in. If you do not stay dedicated to your health and fitness, those calories will start showing themselves in unflattering ways.
Even in these examples, there are wins and loses. You may lose your temper and snap at someone who does not deserve it. You may give in and have one of those doughnuts in the breakroom…or two. This does not mean you are a failure, or have lost the war. No, it simply means that you have lost a battle. Use that to motivate you. Use it to learn from. The more battles you win, the sooner you will win the war.
Here is something you may not be aware of – you have amazing power. This does not depend on your professional position. It does not depend on the amount of followers you have on social media. Yes, all of these are a form of power, but there are far more intense ways of having power. You have the power to affect and influence your spouse, your children, your parents, your coworkers and even the cashier at the grocery store. You have the power to impact other drivers as you make your way down the street.
You may be wondering how you have power over all of these people. Let me explain. Your spouse. This is an easy one. The people closest to us are the ones who can affect us the greatest. You can say something to make them feel loved and attractive. You can also ignore them or make them feel like they are not a priority. The choice is really up to you. Your children. You can pass on all of the lessons you learned in life. You could also say one thing while doing another. Children learn far more by example than by words. Even your parents. You can make them proud by your actions, or you can make them feel like they failed as parents when you end up in jail for some immoral behavior. How about coworkers? Have you ever noticed when someone is on edge in the office, almost everyone is? There are people who come into work and can bring a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. Be the second person as often as you can. It will be better for everyone.
Even other motorists on the street. You can wave with one finger or the whole hand. That is up to you. It can impact someone’s entire day. In my neighborhood, I do my best to wave and give a smile to all of my neighbors. Even if I do not know them, it gives a feeling of community and hopefully a little pleasant feeling to their day. Cashiers at the grocery store, or anyone in retail, have their share of challenging customers to deal with. Being a pleasant and appreciative customer can not only make their day go by quicker, it can make them feel better about themselves and the world at large.
Does this seem like hyperbole? Think of when you have someone cut you offin traffic. Do you find yourself saying things like, “People are driving so crazy these days!” Suddenly, your view of the world’s drivers has taken a hit. Someone rude to you at work? Suddenly, customers are so demanding! Why can’t people have manners like they used to? Your opinion of the world is affected. It may not last very long, then again it might, but even for a moment, that person had the power to affect you. This is a power we all have. Are we using that power for good? Are we using our powers at all? Let us put our powers in action and let us use them for good as often as we can!
This thought is so powerful. Not just for the obvious impact on our relationships, but on life in general. Let us start with relationships. I love Margie. I think anyone who knows me, has that pretty much figured out. One could say that I ‘plucked this beautiful flower out of the garden of life’. That is not entirely true. When you pick something, whether that is a person or a flower, you aim to own it. Once you take that view, things can begin to go south in a hurry. In love, we should not focus on possession, but on giving. As the quote above says, when you find a flower you love, you water it daily. That way, it will allow that flower to be a part of your life for as long as possible. Would that same not hold true for people?
Before you get your squirt gun out and possibly irritate your spouse, let me explain. ‘Watering’ someone simply means to give them what they need to grow. In my case, it is helping get Margie what she needs to create her cakes and other magic. It is also introducing her to videos and books to help expand her base of knowledge and introduce her to new concepts. It is helping her see more of the world by traveling with her. It is also giving her a place, and a person, to feel safe and vulnerable with. On occasion, we do attack each other with squirt guns, but that is all part of the fun.
Different quote, but same idea. What I like about this one, is the very last line. “Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation.” This is something we could all ponder. No matter how good your love is, adding a little appreciation would make it even better. Love is about seeing which of you can give more. This could be in a relationship, a friendship or any other type of relationship. The facts still hold true. Even if it is a relationship that is suffering or on the verge of dying, a little watering could bring it back to life.
This is obvious when it comes to relationships, but it is true of anything we love in life. You love your career? What can you give to it? How can you show it more appreciation? When I become frustrated with my writing, it is in finding new ways to give or reach new audiences that I feel inspired once again. How about you? What are some things, or someone, you love in life? Have you been trying to possess them or appreciate them? How could you show them more appreciation and ‘water’ them more? I would love to hear your answers in the comments below.
Do you like to argue? I am guessing if you are reading a site like this, the answer would be ‘no’. Generating more stress in your life is a very poor waste of energy. That is energy that you can spend in laughter, gratitude and inner peace. This seems pretty logical, and it really should be. Ask yourself, how many people get upset over things people like that they do not? Take the Pumpkin Spice craze. There is pumpkin spice lattes of course. There is also pumpkin spice creamer, ice cream, Little Debbie cakes and a million other items. I think pumpkin spice tastes awful. Most of the time it tastes fake and artificial to me. Do you know what I do when someone I am out with orders one? Do I feel compelled to tell them how much I dislike it? No. Why? if it brings them joy why would I ruin it?
This holds true with everything else in this list as well. Unlike pumpkin spice, I love avocado toast. Would I really want to hear about how ordering it is not a good value? Would I want to hear that it is not as healthy as some people say? How about how someone doesn’t like the taste of it? No. I just want to enjoy my damn avocado toast. This is really crazy when it comes to things people are fans of. Like teams, television shows or whatever else. If it is not the same as us, we usually tell them how ours is better and theirs is not. Oddly enough, this seems to happen in religion too. Have you ever heard someone say, “I know your team lost to my team today, but they played a great game?” If so, it doesn’t happen that often. How about this, “I know you belong to a different religion than me, but I admire how dedicated to your faith you are?” It doesn’t have to be that intense. Do you know what most of us would be better off saying when we come across someone who likes something we don’t? Not a damn thing. If it does not harm them or someone else, and it brings them joy, let them have it.
This also makes you a lot more pleasant to be around. If you wish to be a better liked friend, here is a two-fold secret to becoming one. First, when someone voices their admiration for something you don’t like, fight the urge to inform them of your distaste for it. Just try saying nothing. If they happen to mention liking something you do like, enthusiastically add to it. If you are keeping score at home, let us recap. Do not put down what you don’t like and be enthusiastic about what you do like.
Imagine the difference in being around someone who is constantly telling you how much your team sucks, or the television show you like sucks. How awful that flavor of ice cream you just ordered is. This would not be very enjoyable. Now, what if this person only spoke up to tell you how much they liked that movie that is your favorite or how they always dreamt about going to Fiji as well? (Ok, that last one is a personal favorite) How much more enjoyable would hanging out with this person be? Which one are you most of the time?
Anyone who knows me, knows I love coffee. As I write this, I am sitting in a coffee shop. My computer has 2 local coffee shops advertised on it. Coffee, like life is very customizable. If your coffee is too strong, you can add cream. Too bitter? Throw a sugar or honey in there. Too weak? Use more grounds. Too thick? Use less grounds. Coffee comes in a range of different quality as well. You can get a can of store brand coffee for less than ten dollars. My favorite coffee is Jamaican Blue Mountain. This, will cost you around fifty dollars a pound. Life is like that. We can be blessed with a Blue Mountain coffee kind of life. Maybe our parents are rich. We have our health and a great circle of friends. That life may seem to taste great. We may also be given a ‘Chuck Full o’Nuts’ life. In case you are not familiar, that is a coffee that can be found on the more economical end of the spectrum. It also happens to be really fun to say. In the case of life, this can be a life where we grow up in a single home. Maybe our family struggles to pay the bills? Maybe you grow up with some health challenges? This life can seem to taste bitter and not so good.
Why did I use the word ‘seem’ in my mentioning of how life tastes? Let us refer back to our coffee analogy to better understand. If I have some Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee, which should happen more often, it does not guarantee that I will have a great cup of coffee. What if I left that coffee sitting open on the counter for several weeks? What if I decided that since I liked it so much, I was going to double the amount of grounds that I was going to use? Maybe I made the coffee with distilled water? In these cases, the coffee would not taste great. Same with a Blue Mountain kind of life. How many kids, who seemed to have it all end up with a terrible life? You may have a lot of money and decide to indulge in recreational drug use. You may have your health, but throw it away by partying every weekend, or more. You may simply focus on the material aspect of life and live an unfulfilled existence.
Just as having some Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee does not guarantee a great cup of coffee, Chuck Full o’Nuts does not mean you will have a terrible cup of coffee. If you use just the right amount of grounds, if you store them correctly, if you use some great spring water, the coffee will taste really good. Do you know what else makes the coffee taste good? Being grateful for the fact you have some coffee. I grew up in what may be described as a Chuck Full o’Nuts life. My parents were divorced. My mom was a single mom with 2 kids which meant we never really had a lot of money. I had bad allergies and asthma growing up. This meant I often had to avoid certain sports and social activities. Does that mean I now live a bitter and bad tasting life? Not at all!
Just like our coffee example, I could have continued to drink the bitter coffee, but I did my best to make it taste good. My life was a little bitter, so I added the sweetness of my beautiful Margie. The obstacles were a little too strong at times with the allergies and asthma. I added the ‘cream’ of eating healthier and taking charge of my health. Now, my ‘Chuck Full o’Nuts life’ tastes better than many Jamaican Blue Mountain lives. It is clichÃĐ, but life really is 10% what you are given and 90% what you do with it.
I like my coffee, and my life, delicious. Therefore, I take the time to make them that way. What about you?
It is that time of year that students are heading back to school. This could be high school, college or any other school. I hear a lot of them praying for graduation and for “It to be all over.” What many of them fail to realize, is that if we are to be successful it is never over. That is, if we wish to rise above the hoards of average individuals and live an amazing life, learning never stops. In fact, when we do graduate it is called commencement. That word, by its very definition, means “a beginning or start”.
After two decades (wow that sounds like a long time), 2060 blog posts and 3 published books, I consider myself to be a very avid student of self-improvement. Not only are there so much material to consume, there are so many teachers to learn from. When I say so many teachers, I mean they are everywhere! Not only formal teachers, like Nicci, the favorite art teacher of Margie and me, but informal teachers as well. We are actually all teachers. I learn a lot from my friend Kurt who is currently writing a great book I can’t wait to share with all of you. I learn from my friend Nick who is a great student of life himself. Even thousands of miles away, I learn from my friend Eduardo in Italy. He has such a unique and amazing way of interpreting what I write. There are even people who teach us through their mistakes and bad behavior. I can’t count the times I have witnessed someone treat an employee rudely and am reminded how important it is to show these people appreciation.
Even some of the more negative aspects of life can be great teachers. The news, seldom inspiring, will show us what is wrong in the world. This is a great teacher of what we need to do to change the world. Life’s challenges are great teachers. They allow us to learn new ways to develop strength and prepare for things we never knew we had to prepare for! Our mistakes, as painful as they can be at times, are great teachers. They show us areas in our life that we may need to change and improve in. Those people who say and do things that anger and hurt others and boldly proclaim, “That’s just who I am. I am not changing for anybody.” Those are people who are not developing and learning. I don’t think there is a decent person alive who really wants to hurt others. Maybe it involves communicating better. It could be fostering a better understanding between the two parties.
Remember the meaning of the word ‘commencement’ and that leaving school is just the beginning of our education. Look around at your life and notice and appreciate all of the teachers that you have.
Think of all the things, and people, in your life. Are you seeking to possess them, or are you truly appreciating them? If it is the former, how can you show them more appreciation?
This is a picture my friend Phil Posted. What a great message it has on the cup. I advocate surrounding yourself with as many positive and encouraging messages as you can. This may seem hokey to some, but it really is just balancing the scales. After all, the world today exposes us to many negative messages. There are positive ones too, but they don’t seem to get as much press. Sometimes, you just have to supply your own. It is even better if you are friends with someone amazing like Phil, who will help you by posting a positive picture such as this one.
As an author, this has an even greater message to me. That is one that I do my best to tell everyone, and now I am tell you, the dear reader. That is simply what is says on the cup – there is strength in your story. It amazes me how many people think that their life has nothing to offer the world. Nothing could be further from the truth! Maybe you are a single mother who is barely making it paycheck to paycheck. Do you know how many other single mothers you could inspire and give hope and a sense of community to by sharing your story? Are you someone living with a disability? A recovering addict? A struggling addict? A school teacher? A kid who is being bullied? Sharing our stories helps us create a greater sense of community in the global neighborhood we live in.
That last line may sound a little bit like Mr. Rogers, but that is ok. I happen to be a big Mr. Rogers fan. I think he would agree that each one of us has strength in our life story. Even if your life appears to be a total dumpster fire at the moment and you are barely hanging on day to day. That, my friend, can inspire others.
I recall a couple of gentleman I used to have the honor of serving at the meal program I volunteered at. I remember one fellow lost all of his teeth and had someone steal what few belongings he had. “How do you carry on?” I inquired. He pointed at the other gentleman he came in with. This man was a homeless vet who had lost his leg in war. He could not afford proper health care or even a decent set of crutches. “If he can keep getting up every day, then so can I.” The first man informed me. Even this man who was homeless, had lost his leg and could not afford a pair of crutches was inspiring others. How? Just by getting up to face every day. How many ways to you think sharing your story, in whatever form you choose, could inspire someone who truly needs it?
I am constantly learning and being reminded of things to improve my life. Here is such a story. While organizing some of my things, I came across an item that both reminded me of something important, and gave me a new idea to write about. Before we get to the item I found, let me tell you a little bit about the idea and how they relate to each other.
One of the great things about living in the world we do, is that there is an app for just about everything. It also happens to be a little bit of a curse. I can’t begin to tell you how many I have on my phone, but it is a lot. There is an app for each gym I go to. The app for the fitbit that measures my fitness level while I am there. Starbucks to help me earn free coffee while I write these blogs. There are countless others, but I am sure you get the idea. People are often looking for the one app that will transform their lives. There are a lot of good apps that I recommend including to take a little stress out of the job of turning your life around.
Here is a screen shot of some of the apps on my phone. I use one to do my podcasts, there is one for motivational speeches I can listen to, even with a dark screen. There is even an app that sends me motivational quotes everyday! All of these apps, and more can assist you in living a more rewarding life. You can download a fitness app. You can get one that reminds you to drink more water. One that sends you the weather with a picture of a puppy. There are countless ones to make your day, and by result your life, better. Still, there is one that everyone has, that almost everyone overlooks – the alarm clock. That’s right, the good old alarm clock. The very thing that goes off every morning at 4am to remind me how much the United States Postal Service would love my company. On your phone, you can customize your alarm. You can pick a song or sound that would be the least painful to wake up to. You can even type something for your phone to say to you. This is kind of creepy, but fun. This is only scratching the surface. There is a bigger and better way to use the alarm clock to radically improve your life.
Now back to the thing that I found. I bet you forgot about that, didn’t you? I almost did and I am the one telling the story. I came across a copy of the book 3 Alarms by Eric Partaker. I read this some time ago and learned a great idea I would like to share with you. In this book, Mr. Partaker uses his alarm clock to remind himself of some very important roles he plays in his life. In fact, he used it to remind himself of what is truly important in life. I will give you the idea in a nutshell, but I HIGHLY recommend you get the book to receive the full benefit. Every day he sets 3 alarms on his phone. One to remind him to be the healthiest version of himself. One to focus on his career and lastly, one to focus on his relationships.
This is great for several reasons. The main one is that even the greatest intentions can be forgotten in a busy world. Like say this awesome book you read that you only recently found while organizing your home office. If daily your alarm clock would go off with a simple message of “Don’t forget to be the healthiest version of yourself.” and at that very moment, you are reminded of your goals to get both a smaller waistline and lower medical bills, what would that be worth to you? How about one that says “Remember to be the best spouse you can.” If it goes off on the way home, you might be tempted to swing by and pick up a surprise bunch of flowers. If it goes off in the middle of the work day, it might prompt an unprovoked loving text. Can you see how powerful this method is? Again, please get the book. I am only scratching the surface of how this can be used. You will be amazed by Eric Partaker’s story as well and the genius ways he uses a simple alarm clock to bring radical positive transformation to his life and how you can too.
As an added bonus, I suggest picking a time that is meaningful to you. It could be the time you were born. Not sure when that was for me. Even something like 11:11 or 3:33. The first picture is 12:34, which Margie and I use to celebrate…well…each other. It is an alarm clock of sorts. It reminds us to take a second out of our busy day to send each other love, if we can, or at the very least celebrate our love. What ways can you think of using the alarm clock on your phone to change your life?
I am so grateful for all of you who have been following this blog. We have been sharing tools and strategies to turn the life we have into the life we love for over ten years now. We are a self-improvement family that includes individuals in over 200 countries and are on all 7 continents! My heart is so filled with gratitude for this community and only strengthens my desire to provide content that will serve you all.
I am always asking in what ways can I further serve? The answer was brought to me by several of you. It really hit home when that included the lovely lady I share my home with. Many people enjoy the content we share with each other here, but may not have the time, or desire, to sit down and read. Therefore, we have started….Living the Dream with Neil Panosian podcast! It can be found wherever you stream your content. This includes me reading and discussing posts we have on this blog as well as sections from my three books. We also have special guests to share their opinions. I would love to have you all subscribe. You can take me with you when you are at the gym, going for that walk after dinner, driving in the car or whenever else you listen to podcasts. There are episodes that range in time from 10 minutes to a half an hour. They fit whatever time you have allowed.
Listen to and subscribe to the LIVING THE DREAM WITH NEIL PANOSIAN podcast today. I look forward to your feedback and being able to serve all of you in a new form of media. I would love to expand the podcast (currently followed in 10 countries) to all 200 who follow Secret2anamazinglife.com. I look forward to meeting all of you there.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 