Tag: Relationships

AN ARMENIAN PRIEST AND AN ARMENIAN AUTHOR WALK INTO STARBUCKS…☕️🇦🇲

While the title of this post may sound like the opening to a joke, it is actually what happened to me last Friday. In this story, I, quite obviously, play the role of the author. Although Armenian in nationality, I must confess to knowing very little about this country, its culture and its wonderful people. Growing up, there was not any of this knowledge conferred onto me. Being the knowledge-hungry and curious fellow that I am, learning this knowledge became one of my many goals.

To gain more knowledge on the subject, I did what many of us would. I looked up and watched documentaries. I also read books and listened to interviews. One of the most enlightening ways to learn about a country’s culture is to attend an ethnic festival. One great thing about where I live, is that they seem to have many of those. My lovely lady Margie and I always enjoy attending ‘Armenian Fest’ which is held at St. John the Baptist Armenian Orthodox Church. Here we find ethnic Armenian music, artifacts, delicious food, and most importantly, a vibrant and giving community.

 

Enter Fr. Guregh Hambardzumyan. He is the leader of this amazing community. That is him in the photo above. I was introduced by a fellow author at the festival this past summer. Fr. Guregh seemed quite kind and we exchanged numbers. This past Friday we met at a local Starbucks for a cup of coffee. If I am filled with little knowledge when it comes to Armenian culture, I must confess to being just this side of completely ignorant when it comes to the Armenian Orthodox Church and their beliefs. Fr. Guregh not only was born and grew up in Armenia, but has lived in Israel and traveled many places. He was generous in sharing both his knowledge of the Armenian culture as well. He is a man of great faith and has a passion for sharing that faith with others.

I cannot confess my gratitude enough to Fr. Guregh for taking time out of his busy schedule to sit down and help me get a better understanding about the great people of Armenia and their faith. I walked away with not only a greater appreciation for both of them, but for the man who was sharing the knowledge with me. It can be intimidating to meet such pious people, but this was not the case. I feel it can be so beneficial to learn all you can about not only your nationality, but about as many people and their cultures and faith as you can. It is only in this manner can we hope to bring about a peaceful world.

If you wish to do your part to bring about peace, do your best to learn and understand those you share the planet with. Once again, I wish to thank Fr. Guregh for taking the time to enlighten this author on so many different topics. I am very grateful to have had the chance to meet and talk with you. If you find yourself in the city of Greenfield Wisconsin in mid to late July, definitely check out Armenian Fest at St John the Baptist Armenian Orthodox Church. You will leave with a stomach full of good food and a spirit full of great joy from the community there. If you desire, you will also leave with a greater knowledge of the country, people and faith of Armenia.

GIVE THE GIFT, BE THE GIFT 🎁

This holiday season, the best gift you can give is to be the best gift! As we talked about last post, by expressing gratitude and genuine appreciation? Who would not want to hear why people think they are an awesome part of their life? The true gifts of the holiday are the times we share and the people we spend them with. Another great idea is to share happy memories you have while you are creating new ones. Maybe start a new enjoyable holiday tradition that will bring joy to all of those attending?

These are ways in which we can bring amazing gifts while being the best gift at the party. Make this holiday the best by giving others inner joy to carry with them not only during the holiday season, but all year long! This is what holidays should be all about. If you have any suggestions for adding joy and happiness to our holiday season, or fun holiday traditions you celebrate, please share them with us in the comments. In this way, you will be adding joy to those who read this blog in over 200 countries, celebrating a wide array of holidays. Here at secret2anamazinglife, we wish you and yours a safe, healthy and happy holiday season.

GO BACK! THERE IS MORE GOLD IN THE MINE! ⛏️

This post is a little deep for a Saturday. We will do our best to keep it brief as well. In so much as we can. This occurred to me as I was on my way to the gym today. I was listening to a motivational video to pump me up a little, as this was following a 9 hour work day. In the video the speaker advocated recalling the worst emotional pain you have ever felt. In my life, there have been many, so I decided to pick a recent one. This is where it gets interesting.

The moment I was reflecting on this time was a twofold situation I found myself in almost 2 years ago. It was the day of my open-heart surgery. This happened to be taking place during the second wave of the Covid scare. I was to have no visitors while I was in the hospital. This was only explained to me the day before surgery. When I relayed this information to both my mother who was to drive me that day, as well as my lovely lady, Margie, it did not go over as well as I am sure the hospital had hoped. They immediately launched into a plan to sneak into the hospital with me. Although I advised against this course of action, they were not to be dissuaded.

They thought they were being as crafty as two spies, it probably resembled 2 comedy actresses. To their credit, we all made to the operating floor. I recall a long line of plastic chairs we all sat it. If memory serves, they were orange. At that moment, I knew we were to be discovered any second and they would be escorted out. There was so much I wanted to say to both of them before what was a possibly life or death surgery. Instead, we all sat in silence. Before long a nurse informed them they had to go. I watched the elevator doors close, knowing It would be more than a week before I would see either one of them again.

Surprising enough, although sad, it was not this moment that was the worse. I took my seat back on the orange plastic waiting chairs. Soon enough they called me back to a preparatory room. I was instructed to strip down and wash myself with some adult-sized baby wipes. Not my finest moment. As I finished and dressed myself in the fashionable hospital gown, I knew surgery would be quick in coming. I picked up my phone and snapped a selfie of the charming author so dapperly attired. I sent it to the love of my life. Just then a thought crossed my mind. “Could this be the last message I ever sent her?” As I placed the phone in the bag with the rest of my belongings, I felt a pang of loneliness that was stronger than any I can remember. I knew when I woke up after surgery, that is if I woke up, there would be nobody there. I knew I would not see the faces of those I loved for many days. It was as if I had been transported to a different world without the chance to say goodbye. Soon, there would be humiliating moments such as two twenty-something young ladies shaving my body from head to toe. The whole story can be found in my book, The Beat Goes On. I will leave a link at the end of this post if you care to purchase that, or any of my other books.

 

Left once again in a world devoid of contact with anyone I loved, I was just left to wait for them to open my chest and slice and dice the organ that gives us life. Now without my phone which presumably would be taken to my recovery room for after the surgery. The loneliness returned with a vengeance. This remained up until the sedatives kicked in for the surgery. Even after being brought back to life after a brief flirtation with death (Again, complete story in the book) the feelings remained.

Although this memory was painful to relive, I had questions. Why was that one of the worst feelings of my life? Was I afraid of dying? Not at all, actually. Death is a lot harder for those left behind than for the one doing the dying. Leading up to the surgery, as I was in what they delicately referred to as “The holding pen”, I had been focusing on all that I had to be grateful for. I specifically recall thinking of all the silly faces my lady makes in the pictures she sends me. I was filled with appreciation for the amazing life I had lived up to that point. Death, although a possibility, was not a fear. What was it then?

The answer hit me! It was loss of connection. Could that be the case? I began to ponder some of my best moments in life. I recall the book signing I held at a local, now defunct, brewery. So many people attended and I was able to greet and speak with them. I had a large dose of connection. I thought of some of the best moments that I have had with my mother, my lovely lady and others in my life. The best moments were when I felt the greatest connection! Up until this very thought, I never realized how important connection is to me. With this knowledge, I can certainly set my life up to have a lot more feelings of joy and a lot less stress!

Here is the other cool thing that came out of this inner conversation I had with the soon-to-be best-selling author – I had gained a new lesson from reliving an old experience. Proof that we can learn so much by looking at our past with a fresh perspective. It is no secret that we learn more, a lot more, during challenging times that we do during times of celebration. It may be tempting to avoid reliving those times where we hurt the greatest, but then we will be leaving gold in that mine. My surgery was just shy of 2 years ago. I learned that lesson a little over 4 hours ago. How about you? Are there moments in your past you can go back and look at with a fresh perspective? Maybe there is more gold for you to dig out of that mine. How many mines do you have?

YOU ARE YOUR PAST… BUT THEN AGAIN, YOU’RE NOT. 🫤

Well, isn’t this a confusing title? I should certainly say so. Let us start with how you are, indeed, your past. Any of us who study the Law of Attraction know that a certain energy will attract to itself. This is one reason that it seems the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, as the saying goes. If you have only been exposed to poverty growing up, that is all you know. Your thoughts and actions leading up to this point have you in a state of poverty. Same holds true if you grew up rich. That is what you know. You take actions that will allow you and your money to remain lifelong friends. If you wake up and find that putting on that pair of jeans you bought last year seems like a bit more of a struggle, it is not because of the one doughnut you had for breakfast. No, it is years of eating poorly. You are, in fact, the result of the decisions you have made up to that point. In this way, you are your past. There is good news to be had, however.

You are also not your past. What? Let me explain. I hear a lot of people refer to themselves as something. It can be something positive, or something negative. “I am a procrastinator.” they say. “I am not a morning person.” is another great example. “No, that is what you have been.” What you are today can change in an instant. You can begin working towards creating a new you. Just as we discussed above how your present self is the result of the decisions you have made in the past, your future self will be the result of the decisions you make going forward.

Many people also choose to let past trauma define who they are. “I am a child of alcoholic parents.” or “I was in an abusive relationship.” Look, things may knock you down in life. Scratch that. Things will knock you down in life. That is not and will not be your fault. If, however, we come back years later and you are still on the ground, that is your fault. That is not to say that these things are not painful and do not leave emotional scars. They do and many of them may take years to recover from. We do not have to let them define us. It may take therapy. It will take confronting these issues and the fears and trauma they have created inside of us, but we do not have to be our past.

The same is true of others. In the past, people may have done us wrong. They may have not been people we would have liked to associate with. If that is not who they are today, and we are judging them, then we are convicting an innocent person. That is not to say you should be gullible and believe someone has changed just because they told you. We should not hold them prisoner for their past actions. Just as we can change, so can others. If you knew me a long time ago, you may think, “This guy is not someone I would want to be around.” You would have been right. Now, I can’t count how many people compliment the way I treat Margie. Many ask me to talk to their man and try to show them how to talk and act.

This change all came from the fact that I chose to no longer be my past. It didn’t hurt that I meant a lovely and spirited woman who held me accountable for my behavior. You can do the same. You are the result of the decisions and actions you have made up to this point. So, you are your past. You are not a prisoner of that past, however. Starting the very second you finish reading this blog, you can choose to no longer let your past define you. Changes occur in an instant. Commitment and follow through is what changes identity going forward.

In my second book, Living the Dream, there are several stories of people who prove that you do not have to be defined by your past. There is a woman who was abused as a child. She is now part of a group that helps abused children. There is a man who saw his family get killed. He moved to a different country and started a family. A gentleman who grew up in rural West Virginia, uneducated and with little prospects. He went on to become an accomplished musician and live the life of his dreams. Do they still have parts of their past that haunt them? I am sure they do. We all do. What is true about all of them is they did not let those circumstances define them. Their future was not dictated by their past.

ARE YOU A VERB OR A NOUN?🤔

I like this question because it really makes us think. Are you confusing the two? Ok, that is a lot of questions. Let us take them one at a time. When we fail it is a verb. It is something we are doing. Therefore, we can continue to do it, or we can change. It is like when you hear people say, “I always am late.” or “I always start things and never finish them.” No, you always have been late. You have started things and not finished them. If you are not dead yet, and sense you are reading this I am going to assume you are not, then you have a chance to change. Let us not confuse an action with an identity. An action is something we do (verb) an identity is something we are (noun)

Many of us think of ourselves as failures because we have failed at certain things. This only becomes true if we have thrown in the towel on life and on chasing our dreams. Maybe you have even been a failure at something up to this point. I used to be a failure at being a good man. Relationships were not always my strong point. Now, I teach others on how to be an amazing friend and lover. How? I grew tired of the frustration of failing and realized it could drive me but it did not have to define me. I faced what I was failing at, and made it a point to turn it around. This didn’t happen overnight and it sure as hell was not a linear process. In fact, it is a lifetime journey of learning and practicing. Sometimes I still “fail” at being a good friend and lover, but I am no longer a “failure” in these aspects.

Let us take a look at the most storied example of this. Thomas Edison. Depending on what numbers you get, he either failed 1000 to 10,000 times to invent the light bulb before he got it right. How many times have you tried something more than 10 times before you gave up? I know that number is not too many for yours truly. He didn’t. He kept failing, but he never saw himself as a failure. At one point even telling a reporter, “I have not failed 10,000 times. I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways it will not work.” This represents the importance of our perception. Inky Johnson, one of my favorite speakers, has a quote that states, “Perception will always drive performance.” If Edison had perceived himself as a failure, do you think he would have continued to try? Of course we know the answer to that question would be ‘no’. How about you? Do you recognize that fail means “First attempt in learning?”

Remember to see failing as a verb in your life. It is actions, ones you can change. You are not a failure unless you decide to be. You can fail 1000 times such as Edison did and still come out victorious. It happened with the light bulb, why can’t it happen in your life? The antidote to failure is perseverance. I put that last line in italics because I wanted you to get it. As long as you are still working, you are not a failure. As long as you are willing to keep working until it works, you are not a failure. It may take encouragement. It may take inspiration. Do whatever it takes to keep fail as a verb and not a noun in your life.

GLIMMER YOURSELF 😧

You hear a lot of people discussing their triggers these days. Things that can set them down the spiraling path of sadness, depression or anger. Maybe it is something that reminds them of a past trauma they still have not healed from. Perhaps it is just an issue they are emotionally attached to? Usually, it is something that may seem innocent or harmless enough to the rest of us. I think Tony Robbins described it best. If someone would walk by and brush your arm, you may find them a bit overly friendly, but beyond that not much harm done. Now, if you had a open wound on that arm, and someone even lightly touched it, you would jump to the ceiling. Triggers are like emotional wounds. Until they heal, they are very sensitive. Unlike physical ones, they cannot be seen. It is important to understand what yours might be for two very important reasons. First, to avoid, as much as possible, putting yourself in situations that might contain a trigger. Second, when you know what your trigger is, you can begin to address and heal from it. Although that can be emotionally tough, it can limit the amount of anguish you will have to go through in the future.

Most people seem to have vast knowledge of things that trigger them or bring them down. Again, probably good, as you want to avoid those if you can. Equally, if not more important, is knowing what makes you happy and feel that inner joy. Here is why this is more important. When you are avoiding what makes you upset, you are not necessarily doing something that makes you happy. However, when you are doing something that makes you happy, you are certainly not doing something that makes you sad.

This also makes use of a principle that I refer to often. It is far easier, from a psychological standpoint, to add something to your life than to remove or sacrifice something. That is why people have such a hard time with diets. They feel like they are depriving themselves of what they want. Do you know what would happen if they just focused on adding healthy food to their diet? They would have less room to eat the junk food. By adding something positive, they would, by default, be limiting the negative. This works for many things in life. Want to see less negative things on social media? Start interacting with more positive things. You feed will be filled up with things that inspire and motivate you. Therefore, there will be less room for all the doom and gloom.

That is why I like the idea of ‘glimmers’ so much. I suggest making a list of what you consider a glimmer. In fact, it would be best to do this with a friend, family member or coworker. Someone you see on a regular basis. Tell them about what you learned about glimmers today. When you experience one while you are around them, say “That is a glimmer!” Share with each other what are glimmers to each of you. Get in the habit of discussing and talking about glimmers. We know what we give our energy to, tends to expand in our life. Why not give our energy to things that bring us joy instead of fearing or avoiding things that might bring us emotional pain?

Start noticing ‘Glimmers’ today. They will add joy to your life and fill your spirit. Find yourself a ‘Glimmer buddy’ to share what lifts you up and makes you feel safe, warm and content. Let us take the focus off of what we fear and put it on what helps us gain hope.

10 TIPS TO DEAL WITH THE HOLIDAY BLUES 🥹

It is the holiday season. “The most wonderful time of the year” as the song says. To many, it is one of the most difficult times of the year. It could be due to the pain they are feeling because they lost a loved one. It could be feeling inadequate because they are unable to afford gifts for everyone they wish to buy for. Maybe it is the stress of planning, attending and getting to all of the social obligations that come with this time of year. Whatever the stress is, there are not many of us who make it through an entire holiday season without some.

That is why I am sharing these 10 tips for reducing stress during the holiday season. Everyone should be able to enjoy that love and peace that comes with celebrating with family and friends. The important things are gratitude for what we do have. One of those is the last tip – the ability to help others. Making the holidays brighter for someone who is also having a hard time is not only the right thing to do, it makes you a superhero in my mind. It will also help reduce any feelings of sadness and depression you may be feeling.

Remember to treat everyone with a little extra kindness this holiday season. There are so many who are fighting inner battles that we know nothing about. If you have any tips that we can use to help us deal with the holiday stress and blues we might be feeling, please list them in the comments below. We can never have too many.

TIME TO THRIVE!

Currently, I am working on my fourth book. It will discuss the tools and strategies that I used to go from a life of surviving, to one of thriving. Many of us, for a wide variety of reasons, are just focusing on living paycheck to paycheck. We show up at a job that does not feed our soul, and often not even our wallet. So sad is this, that the highlight of many people’s day is to go to the bathroom, sit down and look at their phones. This is not how our lives are supposed to be!

What can we do? We have to work to pay the bills. In my next book we will look at several methods to change our perspective, our emotions, and in doing so, our life. Today, I am going to give you a very basic and powerful tool to start with as you wait for your favorite author to complete his next book. Using this one tool can change mornings from something you dread, to something you can’t wait for. If this sounds a little crazy, trust me when I tell you I can understand that. I wake up for work at 4am Monday – Saturday.

What is this one activity? Finding a project that feeds your passion and makes your soul start on fire. The thought of adding one more thing to your already busy plate may seem like the last thing you would want to do, but it will actually give you energy and not drain it from you. This could be taking up a sport like bike riding or pickle ball, which seems to be all the rage at the moment. It could be planting a garden. Maybe working on that book you always wanted to write?

Having something to look forward to doing, either before or after work, will give you reason to make it through the day. It can also serve as a great mental escape when you find yourself at a job that is slowly draining your soul. You know that your passion project will help fill it back up again. It is vital that we have something to give us that inner peace and joy that allows us to make it through all that life has to throw at us. I would love to hear what passion projects you work on to feed your soul in the comments below.

ISN’T THIS GREAT? ACTUALLY, IT IS! 🚙

This weekend sure was a busy one! Friday was my lady’s birthday. After work, I plannned on taking her out to dinner. I also had to get the gifts that I got her together. Then, I worked Saturday morning. After which, I was going to go to the gym. That evening, I planned on taking my lovely lady out for a second, more romantic dinner. Sunday, the gym again, plus we DJ at night. That is a lot of activity. It also involves a lot of driving.

It started with climbing into my car to go to work at 4:30am on Friday morning. What happened next, has probably happened to a lot of you. My ‘check engine’ light came on. It wasn’t even five o’clock in the morning and already I was facing a significant challenge. I had a lot of driving to do and my car was telling me that it was not feeling the best. Was it something serious? Was my gas cap just loose? Would it die on my 35 minute commute for work? Would I have to cancel the amazing dates I planned? A million questions swirled in my head as I pulled out of the driveway. The light wasn’t flashing, so I figured it was worth a shot of making it to work.

To counteract the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, I decided to focus on what I was grateful for as I drove along. I was grateful my car was still running. I was grateful I was going to work to earn money that could be used to fix whatever problem this happened to be. I was grateful to have such a beautiful lady to be celebrating, even if I couldn’t take her for dinner. It was painfully clear that nothing could be done until I was able to take my car to my mechanic. I was grateful to have one that I had an established relationship with.

Turns out that this was a fuel pressure sensor. This is nothing that will destroy my engine if I kept driving it. It was also a reasonable fix that I will be able to do tomorrow. All of this was more to be grateful for. Discovering this issue before my car refused to start or before I was stranded in the middle of nowhere was certainly something to be grateful for. I also would be able to do all of the things that I had planned that weekend. Once I get it fixed, I was told I might even notice a slightly better fuel performance. Another thing to be grateful for.

Like many things in life, having your ‘check engine’ light come on is seldom considered a blessing. Really, having such a warning can ultimately save us money, inconvenience and help us be safe. It allowed me to shift my focus on what I had to be grateful for and to practice some of the very things I teach. That opportunity could not have been had without the challenge. How many opportunities are made available in your life through struggle? Are you able to see them that way? 

TRUE LOVE DOESN’T COST A FORTUNE 💰🤑

This post was inspired by a very special lady, who is celebrating a very special day today. Before we get to her and the reason we are celebrating today, let me clear a few things up first. There have been countless reality shows about love lately. Here is the crazy thing, none of them come close to the reality of what love truly is. Worse than that, they have started a very disturbing trend. People are confusing the entertainment they see as standards for what love should be. There are even news stories of regular working people refusing to get out of the car on dates because the restaurant they were taken to was not expensive enough. They film themselves sitting in the car acting like a four year old throwing a temper tantrum. They should be grateful they are being taken out for dinner.

Refusing to get out of the car on a date because you are not being taken to the same restaurant that Kim Kardashian was taken to, is like me refusing to go to a book signing because I am not being booked in the same hotel say a Stephen King or Bill Bryson would. They are authors worth millions of dollars. I am still waiting to be worth millions of dollars. Instead, I am grateful to be asked to appear at a signing. With that attitude, I have often been asked to return, as well as offered new opportunities. When you are grateful to be taken on a date, you are far more likely to be offered, and taken on, a second date. It may even be to a fancier and nicer place than a first date. You also give yourself the opportunity to appreciate love in its deepest sense. When you refuse to get out of the car because you are being taken to a restaurant that is not on a reality television show, you will not only not enjoy that date, I can almost assure that you will be asked on a second date. When you are in a relationship for material reasons is ceases to be love and becomes a transaction.

My love and I

True love, my friends, does not have to cost a fortune. What true love really costs is far different than what you see on television. The price for true love is attention. It is caring and focus. It is affection and understanding. True love can often cost you your patience, and if you are dating a future best-selling author, your last nerve. Above is a picture of myself with the love of my life. I followed the picture of Kim Kardashian with hers for two reasons. First, she is a big fan. Second, for my money she is far more beautiful and I consider myself lucky to have her. She knows the meaning of true love and how to express it.

She has been working hard these last couple weeks with her daughter. As a reward for all of this effort, they were featured in a news story. You can see the picture as it appeared in my news feed above. I will share the link to the story at the end of this post if you would like to read all about my amazing woman. Speaking of her, today is her birthday. I am looking forward to taking her out to a nice place she has been wanting to go for a long time. Hopefully, this birthday date and dinner will be amazing, but it will not be nearly as amazing as what she did for me the other night. It was a great demonstration of love.

I came home after a 9 hour workday. She informed me that we were going on a date. I was excited to see what she had planned. When I got home, I was shocked to find she had the bathtub filled with water scented with some of my favorite essential oils, and the the bathroom had a light that made the walls and ceiling look like the ocean. In addition, there was a nice scented candle lit. “Get in.” she urged. Then she added a very sweet, “You deserve it.” While I relaxed in this amazing atmosphere, she created a wonderfully tasty meal. I got out before it was ready. She had the bed made with my electric blanket turned on and warmed up for me. “Lay down and relax. You must be tired.” She offered. She was correct and I took her kind suggestion and made the most of her loving efforts. When I awoke, dinner was ready and we ate while watching a Christmas movie. There was even more amazing things that evening.

The funny thing? All of this was created with stuff we had at home. Did I feel cheated? Would I have rather went to an expensive steak house? Absolutely…not! First, if you ever had Margie’s cooking, you will know there is no place I would rather eat than home. Second, her effort is putting all of this together showed more love than purchasing any meal ever could. The thoughtfulness of knowing that I was sore and tired from a long work day and would really appreciate all of the relaxing items meant more than a fancy night out. It also made me feel more loved. True love is considering what your partner may be going through or need, and acting on that. True love is being there for someone.

I am so proud of this beautiful, sexy, amazing, loving woman. It is her birthday, but I am the one celebrating. Being able to love each other is one of the greatest gifts we give each other, not only today, but every day. In the past year, she has taken back control of her health and looks more youthful and beautiful than ever! It is as if she is aging in reverse. Knowing how to express love is a great gift that she has. Being able to appreciate the love that I give her, only has me wanting to give her more! Happy birthday my love. Thank you for showing me what true love is all about.

CLICK HERE TO READ THE ARTICLE ABOUT MY AMAZING LADY AND HER DAUGHTER