Tag: Relationship

IT’S RIGHT THERE WITH YOU ALL OF THE TIME

image

Recently a friend inquired about my “search for happiness”. I calmly looked him in the eye and told him that I am no longer searching for happiness, that I had found it. Sensing there was something to my response he inquired as to where I had found my source of joy. Here is where my real answer came. “It is not actually anywhere, but everywhere” I always tell people at my live seminars that happiness is not a goal or destination to be chased after or arrived at, but a decision and a lifestyle to commit to.

I can hear a lot of you right now. “I am committed to being happy, but then my boss yells at me, or my spouse is upset with me. In fact, I was really happy yesterday but then my tire went flat on my car”. Life will have it’s ups and downs, there is no preventing that. The goal is to do our best to remain happy in the face of life as best we can. I say ‘the best we can’ because happiness is not about perfection. Most people on their quest for a more positive rewarding life feel like they have failed if they become sad or depressed. Nothing could be further from the truth.

When you make a commitment to live a happier life you are working to overcome years of mental and social conditioning. It will be a struggle to say the least, especially to begin with. After you decide to be happy if you find yourself in one of many of the less than pleasing emotions, find a way to be happy about that. Perhaps you can learn something about yourself? Perhaps you can notice those moments are starting to be farther apart? Perhaps you can just find joy in the fact that nothing lasts forever. There is always some good to be found in every situation. That is one of the fun challenges of a positive life, finding the good in every situation you find yourself in. Trust me it is there, so is the bad. It is choosing to acknowledge the things that are not working while focusing on the things that are working. Not only are both always available, but so is the decision on which to focus. If you find yourself focusing on the negative, just stop, take a breath, and laugh and remind yourself happiness is not about perfection, it is about perspective. From there you can refocus and begin to regain your smile.

After telling my friend exactly what I have just shared with you above he informed me I was living in some sort of “fantasy world”. I hear this all to often. After informing him I do not ignore the challenges in my life, I do what I can to fix them and focus on joy. In fact, recently I have discovered ways to even find joy in some of my challenges. “So I guess that is why you are happier more often than I am?” he asked. I thought to myself, yes I guess it is. That is my choice, and the same choice is available to all of you.

I NEED YOUR HELP!!!

image

Would you like to play a part in changing the world? What if I told you that to do so would take no more than a click of the mouse? In doing so you will slowly begin to transform our world into one with more joy and peace?

With very little effort you could affect people’s lives across your town and across the world? With actions that take you only a few seconds, you could help save the life of someone suffering from depression or who may feel lost and alone.

Don’t think you can afford to help? This world-changing, life-saving action will not cost you anything other than a few seconds of your time. With those few seconds you can help heal relationships that are faltering, help inspire young people who may have lost their way, or remind our elders how important they are.

What can do all this? The very site you are reading right now! On it you will find some of the best information from leaders in every field, along with inspirational quotes, suggested reads and life-changing strategies. Still, we need help spreading the word about this website and all of its free positive information.

What can to do? Simply ‘share’ this post on your Facebook page, LinkedIn page, twitter feed, or feel free to create your own post about http://www.secret2anamazinglife.com if you would like i will even be happy to send to business cards you can pass out to people you think would enjoy or benefit from the inspirational and motivational information shared here. From Azerbaijan and Brazil to New Zealand and Zimbabwe i will gladly send them anywhere! Please feel free to comment here or send me a personal message. Do not wait, you never know when someone needs you to make their day, or even save their life. Alone we cannot do much, but together we can change the world.

From the bottom of my heart, and on behalf of all the lives we will touch, thank you

RISE IN LOVE

image

Here is a secret from the Neil/Margie relationship file. Lots of people “fall in love” and that is great. It is a beautiful thing. The true beauty is revealed when you “rise in love”
What do I mean by this? Think of your current relationship. What does your partner bring to the table? I hear lots of responses to this that sound something like this “they are always there for me when I’m sad” “they always help me when I’m sick” thats great, but that is what they should do. If you are in a relationship that doesn’t have those basic courtesies then I suggest you take a hard look at your choices. If you want an amazing relationship, ask yourself what does your partner add to your life? How do they help you achieve your goals? How do they help you grow and develop as a person?  How do they help you help others?
Now before you go running off to tell your partner that this post you read on this very insightful website told you they are not living up to the standard of a great relationship, ask yourself are you? What are you doing to make your partners life better? Are you doing anything beyond common courtesy?  Could you be doing more? Perhaps you could even ask them? So do yourself a favor after you have fallen in love, find a way for you and your partner to rise in love

KEEP IT SIMPLE

image

Often times I am asked for my opinion on a wide variety of religious and spiritual practices. My general reply is those matters tend to be a personal matter best left up to the discretion of the individual. I firmly believe we are a entitled to believe as we do as long as it does not harm others. Speaking of others, as long as they are not harming us, i believe they have a right to believe as they wish free from our judgement or the judgement of others.
I support everyone’s beliefs even if they are different than mine. Still i ask myself how much better the world would be if we all followed the simple religion spoke of by the 16th president of the United States of America? 

IT IS WORSE THAN WASTING TIME

image

I am a firm believer in the terrible effects of worry. Many things have been said about the practice of worry and I would like to share some with you now. Early on one of my favorite things I heard about worry is that it is like riding an exercise bike, you get really tired but do not go anywhere. Think of the productive aspect of worry, is there any? Another thing I have heard that I thought powerful was worry not only disturbs our present, but steals our future. It is true. If you spend your time in worry, you are taking time away from productive things you could be doing. The final two things I would like to share with you are this. According to Bob Marley, Complaining and worry are prayers to the devil. Also, worry is mentally rehearsing what we don’t want to happen. If you know anything about the law of attraction it is that thoughts become things, and if your thoughts are focused on that which you do not wish to happen you are giving that all of your energy.

Studies have proved that a full 90% of what we worry about are things we should not be. Things in the past that cannot be changed, useless petty worries and things of the like. So do yourself a favor, use worry to take all the action you can to prepare or address a situation and then let it go. You will lose that knot in your stomach. That feeling of dread and weight you carry around on your shoulders. Try to eliminate worry as much as you can this coming week and see how you feel.

KELLY MEET KELLY

image

Time to showcase two more of my amazing friends. Here are two of my good friends. Not only are they both wonderful ladies, they both happened to be named Kelly. They are two people who have brought joy and a fresh perspective into my life. They have some significant differences, but share some great qualities as well.

Kelly B, who is on the left I have known many years. We went to school together. Only in the past few years, however, have I really had the honor of getting to know her well. We both were bartenders at the time and she was throwing a themed party where she worked. Our mutual friend invited me and we began to chat. Through both stopping to see her at her places of work and the wonders of Facebook I discovered she was a stylist. It just so happened at the time I was in need of a haircut and went to her. Over the next few haircuts we learned a lot about each other and she gave me some advice I had shared earlier in this blog. (see Kelly’s words of wisdom May 9th, 2013) Since then she has discovered the love of her life and is the process of celebrating that. Another thing we have in common.

Kelly S, who happens to be the Kelly on the right I have only known about a year. In a short period of time she has brought a lot of laughs into the lives of both myself and my lovely lady Margie. Kelly stopped in at the bar I work on Monday night where I bartend and Margie is the DJ. Not only has she made everyone of our other customers feel at home, she always has a joke and a way to make people laugh. Kelly and I also share books and she has introduced me to several new authors as well as given me feedback on my own book. A final great quality Kelly brings to the table is this, she is always celebrating and cheering on the love I share with the lady in my life. Something that makes us both smile.

Here what I learned from these two ladies. Kelly B has taught me no matter how long you know someone their true treasure and value can only be enjoyed when you take the time to get to know them. Plus, you may have a great friend in your life for years before discovering how wonderful they are. Kelly S has reminded me how important it is to laugh. Showed me ways to make people feel welcome and part of the group. Also gives me someone to celebrate my amazing relationship with.

I am truly blessed to know both of these ladies. If you have a chance to have a friend named Kelly I would suggest you take it.

LISTENING CAN BE YOUR SECRET WEAPON

image

Recently my amazing lady outdid herself by throwing me what you can see was one fun surprise birthday party. That by itself is sweet and impressive. In addition to writing this blog to express my sincere gratitude for her doing so, there is another reason. I am sure many of you have had parties thrown for you in your life and if not I sure hope you do. It is a great way to show those in your life that you care. Here is what I feel makes the lady in my life even more impressive. This party was thrown for me at my favorite place, the Wisconsin state fair. It actually happened while the fair was going on. She managed to speak to the owner of my favorite stand there which has a tropical theme with sand and a reggae band and rum. She even managed to get a hold of a lot of my close friends and family as you can see. She managed to go there and decorate without me knowing. This is hard to do because I am there every day. She did all of this without me knowing. Which, both of us working in the bar business is extremely hard to do.

Other than informing you what an amazing lady I have, what does any of this have to do with you? What is the lesson we can take away from all of this and apply to our lives? That is a great question. Here is what really impressed me about my lady and this party. She listened. She knew I loved the fair, which is not a great secret, but she also learned where my favorite place was at the fair. She listened to people I spoke about that I considered friends and made sure they received an invite. She put all of what she learned into action by reserving the both and decorating and even making very delicious cupcakes. All of these things made this a lifetime memory.

So here is my suggestion. If you want to have an amazing life, and if you want to blow your spouse, friends, boss or anyone else in your life away; listen. Not just before the event, but all of the time. That is what my wonderful woman did. She listens whenever I talk. Anyone who knows me can understand that is a lot of listening. By doing so she was able to discern a lot of information and used that to make me feel very special. So listen to everyone you come in contact with. You never know what you can learn and how you can use it to help them or make them feel good.

Once more, thank you Margie my love for an amazing party and a memory that will last a lifetime.

RENEW YOUR MARRIAGE LICENSE

image

While at the fair I happened to catch a stand-up comedian’s act. To be honest he wasn’t very funny, but one thing he said got me thinking. After spending far to long on a joke that came at the expense of his wife he quipped “Have you ever noticed that your marriage license is the only one that doesn’t expire? Like every four years the court doesn’t ask you if you still want to be married to this woman?”. If she had heard his jokes I can only imagine her verdict would be. At first I just thought it was as goofy as the rest of his humor. People get married because it is a sign that they intend to stay by each other’s side for the rest of their lives. Still the more I thought about it, the more good I saw in such an idea. I think a lot of relationships tend to get ‘comfortable’ once the marriage certificate is signed. I’m not sure if the thinking is “This person agreed to be stuck with me so I don’t have to try anymore” or is it more of the thought that the prize has been one, the peak of the mountain has been reached. Fill in whatever analogy you care to use. I am all for marriage. I love to see love celebrated and I am a fan of committing to one person to honor and respect for the rest of your life. Still, would 50% of marriages end in divorce if you knew you had to keep trying? Would things be so comfortable if you knew in four, six or however many years you were going to be asked if you still wanted to remain married? How would you act different if you knew your partner were to be asked the same thing? Would you work harder to keep your partner happy and loving if you knew they were going to be asked if they still wanted to stay with you or walk away? I am sure we have all known couples who stay together simply because of the cost and legal issues with divorce. Even this keeps them from trying to improve their situation because they feel comfortable their partner will not leave them. This is also why I am a fan of renewing vows. Telling your partner that you would marry them all over again can be even more romantic than the first time. So ask yourself, or if your brave enough ask your partner, “Would you renew our marriage license?”. Even if you are not married, do you think if your partner knew all they would have to go through and the current state of your relationship would they choose to get together with you in the first place? If not, you should probably consider what had you fall in love in the first place and how to get back there. Even if you think they would, ask yourself what can you do to keep things loving and passionate? You might want to start by renewing your vows, or telling them you would want to get together with them all over again if given the chance. Do yourself and your partner a favor and renew your marriage license today.

I PROPOSE A TOAST

image

While writing my book “A Happy Life for Busy People” i was always on the lookout for little things we could incorporate into our lives with minimal effort that would return a great amount of joy. It is even better if these things can be fun and easy to do. I guess that habit has never left me. Which, unlike other habits I have, may be a blessing. It was while walking by this picture the idea came to me. You see the gentleman in the picture I am standing in front of is proposing a toast of some sort. It is exactly that which I would like to discuss with you today.

Toasts are common place at weddings, graduations and fancy dinner parties. What is a toast? One person who is either designated or the host/hostess of the party raises their glass of usually an alcoholic beverage and says what all in the room are ‘drinking to’. This is usually someone’s good health, good fortune or in terms of a wedding, to the couple who are being joined. What happens next is everyone thinks that thought be it good wishes, gratitude or joy, they all bump glasses and drink. Everyone is usually in good spirits and has taken if but a moment to ponder something worth drinking to.

Here is my thought, why wait for a special occasion? Why does it have to be champagne? What do you think your spouse would do if over your morning cup of coffee you bump your mug into theirs and say here is to our love? Perhaps they may fall over? Look at you and wonder what is exactly in that coffee cup of yours? Either way they will more than likely feel good you are taking a moment to celebrate your love together. Don’t stop at your spouse. How about at work? How do you think things would improve if you raised your coffee/water/rum whatever you can get away with and said “here is to my great coworker!” Again you may be initially greeted with suspicion and random drug testing, but I think a little more joy may be the end result. What if you are on lunch alone? Why let that stop you? Raise your glass and toast to having a great day or whatever you feel at the moment. People may wonder if you are having a conversation with your imaginary friend. Let them wonder while you focus on what you are looking forward to or being grateful for.

These small acts will do more than make others feel good. They will also serve to change your focus. You will be constantly thinking and looking for things to toast to next. Recently I was listening to a audiobook by Michael Beckwith in which he suggests you should ask yourself “What can I celebrate today?”.  After all that is what toasts are, mini celebrations.  Let’s face it in every day there is something to celebrate. Maybe just making it through the day? Here’s to a life of toasts and reasons to have them. I’ll raise my glass and drink to that.

THEN MAKE A NEW ONE!

image

A few days ago we discussed the value of old friends. Since then a few of you have told me either your old friends had passed on or even that you did not have any. What to do when that great treasure of life is not available to you? Simply this, when you do not have a treasure it is time to invest. What do I mean? Begin to put together a team of great people that will help you in your journey of life. Napoleon Hill referred to them as a ‘Mastermind group’ regardless of what you call them, start to look for new friends. This becomes more difficult as we grow older, but it need not be. As discussed in yesterday’s post, the opportunity to meet new people is around us every day. Not to mention the more we know and experience, the more people we come in contact with and the more we have to discuss with them.

See the picture above. In addition to my sister, it features good friends of mine that I have met in the last few years of my life. Each one of them brings something to the table to make living life more of a pleasure. They both are teachers and students of mine. We teach and learn from each other’s lives and experiences. They also bring unique and wonderful gifts and talents. The decision to meet, talk and listen to both of these gentleman has brought far more into my life than had I not. To explain fully may take an afternoon, but allow me a brief example.

Starting on the far right is my friend Travis “Treezy” Jones. We met about 4 years ago when he walked into a tavern I was working at. We enjoyed some great conversation and laughs. He returned a few more times and we began to learn that we had a lot in common. We both enjoyed making people feel good and creating a positive atmosphere. Before long he also began to work at the same place. Together without really understanding what we were doing we began to attract people as much for the atmosphere we created as for the drinks being served. Through a falling out with ownership both of us left that place and lost touch. Several months passed and during which time we both developed our life philosophy. He then happened to walk into a new place I was working and explained he had started a “Bring it movement” challenging people to create positive situations wherever they go. We are working together on that and soon he will be creating a website of his own to promote his ideas.

The other gentleman is Bret. I had the good pleasure of being introduced to Bret through the amazing love of my life, Margie. Bret is a man who thinks deeply and shares often. Him and I have had several discussions on life and the people we share it with. I have know him a little over two years and learned a lot in such a little time. Bret also travels quite a bit and interacts with people he encounters along the way. Doing so gives him an unique look and life and how different people may see it differently.

My life would be much different without these two gentleman I have befriended as an adult. Taking risks and getting to know people, especially those different from you can expand your life to levels you would never know by keeping to yourself. Friendship is one of the few places where 1+1 equals far more than 2. Working together you can help build and expand each others lives to a great level. So invest today in some friends you think will bring a lot to your life and that you can bring a lot to theirs. The greatest return on new friendships? They turn out to be old friendships.