You hear a lot about seeing red flags in people these days. You hear about it on dating sites, on social media, and even in books and YouTube videos about relationships. It is good to have a list of signs that someone, be they friend or intimate partner, is not right for you. Being able to identify and set boundaries early on will certainly make life easier. Knowing when a person’s values do not match yours is crucial for long-term success in any relationship.

As I often do, this made me ask the question, “What about the positive side of this?” This was a little awkward as I asked this when I was sitting alone at a coffee shop, but I digress. Equally as important to knowing what you don’t want in a relationship, is focusing on what you do want. It may actually be more important as it has been shown we tend to attract to our lives that which we focus on. If you are constantly saying, “I am sick of meeting people who don’t have their life together.” That is what you will tend to see.

Instead, let us focus on what we are looking for. What are some of your green flags? Mine are people who are driven to improve their lives. I enjoy people I can discuss both new-age and self-improvement concepts with. Maybe someone with an appreciation for the tropics. People who have a general positive outlook on life tend to get a green flag from me. Anyone who has a grateful heart is a green flag in my book.

This is not to say that if someone doesn’t seem to match what you consider a green flag that you automatically discount them. We need friends that offer us a little contrast. Rather, it is to train our focus to notice those who share some of the character traits we find enjoyable. If we come up with a list of things that we consider green flags, it should also bring up a feeling of gratitude for those already in our lives that posses these traits.

Come of with some ‘green flags’ of your own. I have told you a few of mine. What are some of yours? There really is no right or wrong answer to this question. We all enjoy and value different things in people and in life. Knowing what we do want can help us notice when we see that in others.