I recall a cousin of mine when I was young who was always frustrated at not being able to ride a bike. It seemed they had taken longer than the normal child would to master the skills of balance and coordination needed to go forward without the assistance of training wheels. Eventually, they learned and were able to harness the freedom a bicycle affords you when you are a child.
This would not have been able to happen without their parents there to refuse to allow them to give up and quit, which was a desire my cousin expressed many times. When we are children, if we are in a healthy family situation, there is always somebody encouraging and refusing to allow us to accept no for an answer. It could be a parent, a caring teacher or even an older sibling.
When we are adults this is often not the case. If an adult expresses the desire to give up because the results they are seeking seem just out of grasp who is to tell them no? If you need an example, look no further than me trying to operate with any sort of skill on the dance floor. Another thing we seem unwilling to do as adults is to move outside our comfort zones. Quite often we stay with just what we are good at. There is some wisdom to this. If there is something you enjoy and are naturally talented at, it would serve the world best if you were to focus on that.
If, however, like most adults, you have a yearning to master a skill you are not quite proficient at don’t let the speed of which those skills seem to be coming to you discourage you. It seems the fear of looking foolish, or even not talented in front of others is a fear most of us are unable to leave in childhood. Comparing yourself to others around you will rarely serve you. As a quick reminder, the harder you have to work at something, the greater the victory when you finally accomplish it. Keep going my friend.
Yesterday we looked at the things negative people have in common. I did that for a couple of reasons. One to show that positive or negative is not a result of bad genes, or luck or destiny. What those are is excuses. Whether your life has more joy or sorrow is a matter of decisions. it is a matter of small choices we make daily. If you are not satisfied with the amount of joy that appears in your life it is time to stop looking at outside circumstances to blame and start looking at the decisions you make. So what decisions should you make? That is a great question.
Here is the first big decision you must make. It encompasses several areas we will look at in greater detail in just a moment. That decision is what to focus on. If you are deciding on trying to add more joy to your life you have already made a positive decision on what to focus on, what brings joy into your life. This sounds like a no brainer until you are asked by some innocent bystander or an inquisitive blog writer at the post office. How long would it take you to rattle off 5 things that bring bliss into your life? If you can right off the top of your head you are in better shape than most. now let us take a look at those five things. Do any of them contain things you wish were not in your life-like our example of our negative lady yesterday? If you said “it would make me happy if I didn’t have to go to work” or “drive through rush hour traffic” you are missing the point here. you are focusing on what your life is lacking. Everybody’s life is lacking in some areas and abundant in others. The trick is here that positive people focus on what they have. My friend George, the insurance man I have mentioned in here before was one of the first ‘happy people’ I asked for his secret to maintaining joy. Without a second of contemplation he answered “I count my blessings I suppose” in other words George focuses on what he has in his life. I am sure George would rather be retired and drink coffee while talking town history with the locals, but he does not focus on that. he focuses on the fact that he has a job where he does get to meet people and help a good deal of them. Now I imagine in the insurance business as with any business dealing with the public there are a few challenging customers, but I have never heard him focus on that either. Just mention that he enjoys meeting so many wonderful people.
Another secret positive people use, and one I use frequently myself is to focus on the goal you are striving for verses everything that stands in its way. If for example your goal is to get to and maintain a healthy weight, do not focus on what you way now, or how many times you must work out, the food you must give up. These are all thoughts that will discourage you and bring unhappiness and failure. Instead think about all the pluses you will have. More energy, more vitality. You will be able to wear different outfits, do more things. It is like the issue of quitting smoking. How many people tell you they are going to “Quit smoking” they are already focused on what they have to give up just by the mere title of it. Plus, quitting is generally not used in good terms. Few people say “I am working to become smoke free” that is focusing on what you have to gain. A more pleasant smell, more stamina, more energy, longer and healthier life.
I believe it was Earl nightingale who gave us this definition of success “Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal” what this means is as soon as you decide on a worthwhile goal and begin to pursue it you are a success. Even if you haven’t achieved it yet, even if there are bumps along the way and you may take a step back or stumble. if you keep pushing towards that goal you, my friend are a success.
So there are the two most common traits of happy people. They have a feeling of gratitude while focusing on all the good they have in their lives. As well as focusing on the goal they are striving for and all the good that will come with it instead of where they are now and all the obstacles they will have to go through. So I hope you have developed a plan for this weekend. Begin to appreciate all the good in your life that you have to enjoy and stop focusing on what your life lacks. Have a little money? it’s better than none! Pick a ‘worthy ideal’ to strive for, imagine all the benefits achieving it will bring you. Stoking your ‘why’ enough to get you excited. Ask the people in your life what makes them happy. Take away what you can and develop some of your own secrets. Have an excellent weekend my friends!