Wow! This is a good one. How many of us fall into this trap? At one time or another, probably every single one of us. It gives birth to all sorts of cliches such as ” The grass is always greener on the other side.” We continually postpone our happiness. Thinking it will find us over the next horizon. The hard truth is quite the opposite. The grass is really greener where you water it. The next horizon may contain new joys, but it will also contain new challenges. That is why ‘Destination Addiction’ is so dangerous. It can be facilitated by advertising convincing us that we need the next great thing. Social Media, where we compare our challenges to other’s highlights further pushes us in the wrong direction. Thinking our life does not compare to the life of those around us.
How do we overcome Destination Addiction? By changing the question we ask ourselves daily. We spend as much as 90% of our time on the journey and only 10% at the destination. If you had the choice, which would you rather work on making happier? What is the question we should be asking ourselves to make this switch? “What can I do to find, or create happiness right now?” In every situation there is the possibility to find some sort of happiness or the opportunity to create happiness. While it is true that certain circumstances are far easier to do this in, the truth is that our intention and mindset can make every situation a possibility for joy. Even if it may be difficult to find joy for ourselves, we can have the opportunity to create for others. Guess what that would do? Seeing that you have brought joy to another makes you feel….happy! Therefore, even in the struggle, even in the challenge, there exists the possibility of joy.
Have you ever thought of life in this way? Have you ever asked yourself the question we stated above, “What can I do to find, or create happiness right now?” Personally, I can confess that I have not done it enough. That should make us happy. It means we are leaving a lot of happiness unexperienced! There is so much more joy we could discover, and more important, experience, in our life! How exciting is that thought. Try asking yourself this question at least once a day. Whether you do it when things are going well, or if you try it when things are a little tough, you will add more joy to your life. That should be reason enough to do it!
How is your mindset? Is it empowering or is it filled with fear and holding you back? This is one of the first things we must get right in ourlife. There is a quote attributed to Henry Ford that states, “whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right. ” When you believe in yourself, and your purpose, you are less likely to let challenges stop you.
With your mindset being so important, why leave this up to chance? Make sure you have a confident and healthy mindset before you step out the door in the morning. That way the challenges we might face will not stand a chance to knock you down.
How do we do this? It involves some subtle tweaking to your morning routine. The majority of us pick up our phone right after we wake up. Often, before even getting out of bed!What greets you on your phone? It could be drama, negative news or a host of other things. We do not really know. It is better to set ourselves up with a guaranteed positive routine. This could be affirmations, quick meditation or just reflection on what we have to be grateful for.
How different would your day go if you spent 5 minutes thinking of, and feeling grateful for, all that you have in your life. In my upcoming book, I show you how to use both ritual and environment to set yourself up for success. That is develop your own routines to create a positive mindset. Fillyour environment with things that remind you of positive and happy events and thoughts. How would you do that? What routines do you have for starting your day off right?Share with the rest of us. You just may inspire someone else!
My mother suggested that I use more pictures of my favorite lovable bear, Winnie-the-Pooh, in my posts. This particular picture fits what we are going to talk about today. As you read this, it is the last day of March. This year, spring has seen its share of up and down temperatures where I live. The first day of spring was nice with the thermometer hitting about 50°. A few days later we got 8 inches of snow. For someone who dreads winter, and looks forward to the coming of spring, this is hard to take. Still, knowing the snow should only stick around for a little while, and the possibility of warmer temps any day now, makes it somehow easier to deal with. This thought was bouncing around my head the other morning as I drove to work on icy roads.
If this snowfall occurred in late fall, when the future held cold and more snow, it would be a little more depressing. Knowing that the snow would melt in short order, somehow made the stressful drive a little easier that morning. Same conditions, but the mindset was entirely different. What does all of this have to do with living an amazing life? It was a great example that mindset plays into the level of stress and ability to withstand challenges. It also demonstrated why having a compelling future allows us to make it through a struggling present.
A personal example is my fourth book. I am working on it as we speak. I know there will be long nights of writing thousands of words that may not even be included. There will be tossing and turning because sleep is prevented by ideas bouncing around in my head. There will be weeks of editing, which I enjoy slightly more than a trip to the dentist. If I placed my focus on that, it would be very hard to continue. What I am focused on is positively impacting the lives of millions across the globe! I am thinking about having a book signing that will benefit charity. Having that compelling future will allow me to push through all of the challenges I mentioned.
In your own life, have a compelling future for any endeavor you are embarking on. Another important aspect that we can use, is making sure that future is positive. My third book failed to live up to my expectations. Am I worried or concerned that my fourth might do the same? Not at all. It only drives me to make sure the quality only improves with this latest book. There are certain things beyond our control. We cannot worry about them. We can only focus on what we can control and do it to the best of our ability. Mindset can turn a test into a testimony.
It is Friday, and it seems like we have been waiting forever for the weekend. What we should have been doing is preparing for it. What do I mean by that? When you find yourself in any situation where you are waiting for a goal, be that the weekend or a business of your own, use that time to prepare for its arrival. The weekend, for example, can often seem fleeting. Preparing to squeeze as much joy and life out of those 48 hours can make it that much mor enjoyable.
This doesn’t mean that you have to account for each and every second of time. That can often take some of the joy away from that time. What you can do is look forward to ever moment you get to spend. Find ways to be present. This is a key to slowing time down. We will dive deeper into that in a future post. Know that if you are too busy looking forward to the next thing, you will fail to fully appreciate the current thing. It can be a fine balance to walk, but one that makes all of the difference.
Often, the longer you have to prepare, the more amazing the goal is when you finally achieve it. It may allow something to occur to you that you had not thought of. It may allow you to be able to soak in and appreciate your accomplishment more than you would have if you had not had the time to prepare.
Does this really make that big of a difference? It just reminded me of a quick story I would like to share with you. It involves Rodney Dangerfield, who was one of the most popular comics of the 1980’s. He was in movies, on talk shows and performed in front of sold out crowds. He even owned his own night club. It was at this night club where our story takes place. Norm Macdonald, another comic was performing there when Rodney walked in. The crowd went so crazy, that Rodney had to tell of few jokes in the middle of Norm’s set to appease the crowd. After the night was over and the club was closing up, Norm approached Rodney who was having a cocktail at the bar. “Wow, you sure are popular. It must feel great to be so loved and successful.” Norm said. Rodney looked at him, slammed his drink and replied, “No, it sucks. It should have happened years ago.” Here is a man who was wildly successful but couldn’t enjoy it because it happened too late for his liking. Rodney died still bitter his success came too late instead of elated it came. He viewed the wait as a punishment and it ruined his entire life. Do not let that happen to you.
Last post we discussed the importance of having fortifications of positivity in your life. If you did not read that post, I cannot stress enough the importance of doing so. In this post we are going to talk about winning the toughest war you have, the one in your own head. It is composed of many different battles. It is also a war without end. This may sound rather fatalistic, but that does not make it any less true. As with so many things in life, such as our diet and our fitness, we do not ever have them ‘handled’. Even if we get to a state of satisfaction with these areas, if we stop working on them they will not stay the same. If you get your body into great physical shape and then cease going to the gym or being physically active, your body will not stay in that state. After my heart surgery I can attest to that.
Here is the good news. Once you reach a state of accomplishment, it is easier to maintain than it was to get there. It his great book, The Art of War, Sun Tzu reminds us of the advantages of fighting from a higher elevation than our enemies. When you are climbing the hill in any journey it is difficult. That could be trying to get your weight under control. It could be reducing your stress. Climbing that hill is hard. Here is the good part, when you are on top of the hill, staying there is a lot easier than getting there.
You may be wondering what exactly is he getting at with all of this talk about fighting and wars. My life is not that bad. Les Brown, one of my favorite speakers, said “Life is a fight for territory.” If you do not control your life and what it consists of, someone will be more than happy to do that for you. There is no greater example of this than what is in your own head. I am often asked, “How can you be so positive all of the time?” or “What can I do to be more positive like you?” Two great items to get to here.
First, if you want to be ‘positive like me’, know it is something that will take years and years of effort. Before you say to yourself, “That sounds way too difficult.” Ask yourself what is the alternative? Your thoughts create your emotions. Do you know what your emotions are? They are your life. In short, how you feel is your life. Can you have a good run of luck and still feel sad and lonely? Sure can. How many celebrities have all of the fame, fortune and followers you can imagine, yet commit suicide? Have you ever seen some of the poorest people in third world countries who seem to have a grin permanently affixed to their face? Of course we have. Life is truly an inner game. Without mastering your mind and emotions, you will be at the mercy of them, and of life in general.
I fought the uphill battle against my emotions. I fought against the negativity. I fought against the seasonal depression I suffer from. I fought against the sadness of losing loved ones. I fought against defeats in business and my career. Want to fight uphill? Become an independent author trying to sell as many books so you can reach as many souls as you can. When I started, I was fighting uphill. These emotions had a strategic advantage. They had been there my whole life and had established themselves. They were at the top of the mountain. Many times, they won the battle. I slipped into depression. I lost my temper. I felt defeated. I kept fighting. With every loss, I learned. Eventually, I found myself winning battles and climbing that mountain.
Now I find myself at the top of the mountain in this area, so to speak. Does that mean I am positive all of the time? No. If you do not believe that, ask my lovely lady Margie. She will definitely tell you I have my dark moments. What it does mean is that those moments are now fighting uphill to defeat me, instead of the other way around. With the tools and strategies I have learned climbing the hill, I can usually fend them off with little or no damage. Do they knock me off the top every now and again? You bet. They say the wolf on top of the hill is never as hungry as the wolf climbing the hill. Sorry to use all of these cliches, but they do help paint a more accurate picture. These negative emotions, the depressing thoughts, the anger, they used to rule me. Now they want that power back.
It is said that those who lack power will fight to achieve it, and those who have power will fight to maintain it. The same holds true for the battle for your mind. Those negative emotions will be ever fighting to overpower you. Make sure they are fighting uphill. Last year, I released my third book and it was a flop. As an author, I had two successful books up to that point and felt like I was on the top of the mountain. I thought for sure the sharing of my recent health struggles and brief flirtation with death would really connect with people. I was wrong. What did those voices in my head start to tell me? “You are not a very good author.” “Nobody wants to hear what you have to say.” “Nobody really cares about your journey.” For a while it knocked me off the top of the mountain. What it didn’t do was keep me there.
If you are fighting uphill at anything in life right now, know that you will have to take some defeats along the way. That doesn’t mean you failed. It means you are climbing the hill. It means you have more to learn. Also know, when you get to the top of the hill it will be easier, but it will not be over. In the example of my third book failing to connect as I had hoped, I had tools and strategies that picked me up and helped me continue to fight. I had friends that encouraged me with what they enjoyed about my writing. I had my beautiful lady who not only literally picked me up when I was down, but fights along side of me. I have the very tools and strategies I wrote about in my first two books and talk about in the third that helped me survive death. They certainly can help me get back to the top of the mountain again.
In your own life, the time to prepare and conquer your mindset is now. Fight those inner demons. It is not easy, but it is worth it. Once you are on the top of the mountain, it will be easier. You will be able to not become stressed when things do not go your way. You will be able to maintain an attitude of gratitude (which is a great tool by the way) even in times of struggle. You will become your own hero.
Make sure you declare to yourself first thing in the morning that it is going to be a good day. This works even better if you are looking in the mirror setting it out loud. It still works, however, if you say it out loud to yourself on your morning commute. It is also makes the other drivers wonder what you are up to.
Being our own cheerleader may seem awkward at first, but it shouldn’t. There is only one person you are with 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and that is yourself. Make sure you are encouraging and a positive friend.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 