If you have read either of my first 2 books, you know the story about the quote that inspired my personal and life transformation. It was “Better to light a candle than curse the darkness.”
There does appear to be a lot of darkness in the world these days. What we need is more light. We can all be a part of this solution. There are some great suggestions in the quote above. Be kind to yourself, love others and stay hopeful. It mentions when the path is unclear. I say try to develop an attitude of positive expectation. Even when life is going sideways, if you expect something positive to happen, eventually you will be right!
Remember, you can’t curse the darkness away in life anymore than you can in a darkened room. What do you do when you find yourself in a dark room? You turn on a light! Why should it be any different when you find yourself in a dark world? Be the light today. I would love to hear your suggestions for adding light in the comments below. I’ll leave you with the quote that inspired me.
I do not believe Mr. Whitman is advocating staring at the fiery ball in the sky. Not only would that be extremely bad for your vision, it would not end with an amazing life. What we are talking about here is something that we could all use a reminder of. That is staying focused on the positive outcome of the situation that you are facing. That is to say, the goal accomplished. When you do this, the challenges and obstacles, or shadows in this example, do fall behind you. They are still there, but you are not letting them overwhelm you.
What happens when we turn our back from the sun, or the forget to focus on the positive outcome of our situation? We end up looking at the shadows. This is just like the people who are constantly focused on everything that could go wrong. When you turn away from the light and stare at the shadows, the world appears to be a very dark place. If, however, you turn around and focus on the light, it seems like a much more enjoyable world. For all of you ‘realists’ out there, let me point out that the world itself has not changed. There is still light and shadows. What difference does it make what we focus on then? How life feels to us is the difference. If you asked someone if they would want to go through life feeling overwhelmed, depressed and negative, or would you want to feel happy, hopeful and positive? I am sure most of you would answer the second option. The tricky part is that our minds are naturally designed to focus on the negative. How can we overcome that?
There is only one way to do that. Work on our perception about the world. Most people spend a good amount of time and energy trying to control outside circumstances. I equate this to not liking what you see in the mirror and trying to change the image without changing the person looking into it. When we focus on ourselves, what we see in the world, just like what we see in the mirror, will change.
There are a couple of very useful tools that can help you improve your outlook. One of them, and in my opinion the most powerful, is gratitude. Finding things to be grateful for can do so many amazing things for you. It certainly can help you see more of the sun and less of the shadows. It can always be worse, and there is always something to be grateful for. Another is visualizing the best outcome. Spending just five minutes a day visualizing how you would want a situation to turn out as not only helps you gain clarity on what you want, but it also helps fill your subconscious mind with the solution.
Start doing your best to keep looking at the sun and leaving the shadows behind you. Use the tools and strategies we discussed here. What do you do to help keep a sunny disposition in a world all too often filled with shadows? Put your answers in the comments and let us all help each other!
What is something good that has happened to you today? Sharing positive stories with a negative world is like lighting a candle in a dark room. Not only does each one help, but each one makes it a little brighter.
So please share something good that happened to you this weekend with all of us. 😃
It is the weekend, should we still be keeping self-improvement in mind? Fair question. Let me ask you this, which areas of your life would you like to improve? A lot of people view self-improvement as ‘fixing what is wrong with you’. That could not be further from the truth! It is, as the term states, improving yourself. Every area of our lives can always be improved. In my life I try to remain both happy and unsatisfied. I suggest you take that philosophy as well.
Take for example my relationship with this beautiful lady. Am I happy with it? For sure! Just the other morning she even had a cup of coffee waiting for me when I woke up! If that isn’t love, I do not know what is. Am I satisfied with it? Not in the slightest! There are so many ways in which we can improve our relationship. Our love, as fabulous as it is, can always be deeper and further reaching. Finding new ways to love the person you are with is the key to keeping a relationship fresh and loving.Our communication is the key to success, as it is in any relationship. The better that gets, the better the relationship will become.
There are 2 steps to taking your life to the next level. The first, as our first photo shows, is to wake up with a goal. If you do not know the purpose for getting out of bed, you likely will not achieve it. If your purpose is to work, pay bills and die, you will not live a very inspired life. Maybe you start the day with no purpose and just let the day ‘happen to you’. This is even worse! You will not live a very inspired or fulfilling life. You must have a purpose bigger than yourself. That goal can be ‘discovering more ways to add joy to your life and that of others’. It can be ‘finding new ways to love and show love in your relationships’, as we discussed above. Goals do not have to be about fixing something. They can be about taking something that is already great and taking it to the next level!
The second is to wake up with positive energy. Before you think this is impossible, let me assure you it is not. I get up at 4am Monday through Saturday. I also DJ until 1am on Sunday which makes a very short sleep opportunity. If there is anyone who might find waking up with joy a challenge it is the fellow writing this post. The key is setting up and taking control of your life. This means, having positive influences ready before you make it out the door. The outside world has plenty of interactions that are beyond our control, and many of them may not be that pleasant. That is why we must determine our day and not leave it up to chance. There are so many ways this can be accomplished. I will share a few of mine, and would love it if you would share any you have. The more we all have, the more likely our day is to be positive. I have a motivational day by day calendar. Each day it has a saying that will start your day with a positive thought. I have an app on my phone that sends motivational quotes. Each day I get a message that is motivational. How awesome is that? In addition, I fill my social media feed with as many positive sources as I can. These are just a few of the things you can do.
This weekend, set your days up to be successful! Find that purpose, or reason to get out of bed. Surround yourself with positive influences to affect your energy before the world has a chance to affect it. Do these simple 2 steps and your life will reach new levels! Don’t forget to share what you do to positively influence your energy every day.
Confused by today’s title? It really is as simple as the quote above. Let us be honest with each other here. The week is ending. The month is drawing to a close. Even the year is almost over. Many people think that with a month left to go, it is a little late to make any grand improvements. Here is the truth about improvements, especially self-improvements, they all start with a single moment. Yes, the may take days, months or even years to complete, but they all start with a single decision. It all starts to change when we finally say “Enough!” or “Now is the time!” The end of our rope is the location for many of our best beginnings.
One of the most profound changes we can make is our own attitude. It is our attitude at the onset of a project that most determines its outcome, as William James mentioned. We can think of how this may be true. If we begin a project with the belief that it will not work, how hard will we look for solutions to the challenges that may arrive along the way? Not very hard I would imagine. If we are determined to get in better shape, how many options will we be willing to explore? The net worth of the weight loss industry is estimated to be 72.6 billion. That is people trying a lot of options. How well any will succeed depends a great deal on the attitude of the person attempting them.
With one month left in the year, there is no greater area we can work on improving than our own attitude. We will have bad days. Many circumstances are out of our control. What is completely in our control is our attitude. The better our attitude, the better our chances of success in life. The worse our attitude, the worse our chances for success will be. This is not limited to just one area of our life either. Our attitude crosses over and touches every aspect of our life. This makes it one of the most important areas of study and improvement we can make. Why not work on entering the new year with a new, and improved, attitude?
With so many crazy events in our world, and more to the point in our life, we can often be left with feeling that we have a lack of control. To a certain extent that is true. Realizing a lot of what we worry about, and get upset about, is beyond our control. We cannot worry about what politicians do. We cannot worry about what criminals do. In fact, we cannot even worry about what other people do. Even the ones closest to us. Right now, I have grave concern about what the weather does. Do you know what I do not have? Any control over it.
Here is two things we do have control of. We control our attitude and our efforts. I am not a fan of cold and snow. What I should be focused on in not only my attitude during this tough stretch of weather, but my efforts in keeping my spirits up. In many places where this blog is read, there are far greater concerns. There are wars going on. There is corrupt government. There is extreme heat and extreme poverty. We have to be concerned about these things. We also have to be concerned about our fellow humans going through them.
In the midst of all this craziness, we must fully understand that we cannot control them. We must check in and ask ourselves, “How is my attitude? Am I determining it, or am I letting outside circumstances and people do it for me?” Then, focus on the other side of the coin. Ask yourself, “How are my efforts?” Are you just complaining the boss isn’t letting you get ahead, or are you studying and pursuing other opportunities on the side? Are you complaining about the corrupt politicians or are you doing something to change that? It could be as simple as voting, or as complex as running for office yourself.
A quick note. Complaining about things without taking any action to correct them does not count. Not only is it really a lack of effort, but it shows a bad attitude as well. Our attitude is often the most important factor in any situation. Our attitude at the beginning of a task goes a long way into determining the outcome of the situation. Do you know what else it will affect? Our effort. That is why Earl Nightingale called ‘attitude’ the most important word. They are both under our complete control. If there is an area of your life that feels like it could use some work, make sure to check on your attitude and efforts first. Only you can change them.
Last post we discussed the importance of having fortifications of positivity in your life. If you did not read that post, I cannot stress enough the importance of doing so. In this post we are going to talk about winning the toughest war you have, the one in your own head. It is composed of many different battles. It is also a war without end. This may sound rather fatalistic, but that does not make it any less true. As with so many things in life, such as our diet and our fitness, we do not ever have them ‘handled’. Even if we get to a state of satisfaction with these areas, if we stop working on them they will not stay the same. If you get your body into great physical shape and then cease going to the gym or being physically active, your body will not stay in that state. After my heart surgery I can attest to that.
Here is the good news. Once you reach a state of accomplishment, it is easier to maintain than it was to get there. It his great book, The Art of War, Sun Tzu reminds us of the advantages of fighting from a higher elevation than our enemies. When you are climbing the hill in any journey it is difficult. That could be trying to get your weight under control. It could be reducing your stress. Climbing that hill is hard. Here is the good part, when you are on top of the hill, staying there is a lot easier than getting there.
You may be wondering what exactly is he getting at with all of this talk about fighting and wars. My life is not that bad. Les Brown, one of my favorite speakers, said “Life is a fight for territory.” If you do not control your life and what it consists of, someone will be more than happy to do that for you. There is no greater example of this than what is in your own head. I am often asked, “How can you be so positive all of the time?” or “What can I do to be more positive like you?” Two great items to get to here.
First, if you want to be ‘positive like me’, know it is something that will take years and years of effort. Before you say to yourself, “That sounds way too difficult.” Ask yourself what is the alternative? Your thoughts create your emotions. Do you know what your emotions are? They are your life. In short, how you feel is your life. Can you have a good run of luck and still feel sad and lonely? Sure can. How many celebrities have all of the fame, fortune and followers you can imagine, yet commit suicide? Have you ever seen some of the poorest people in third world countries who seem to have a grin permanently affixed to their face? Of course we have. Life is truly an inner game. Without mastering your mind and emotions, you will be at the mercy of them, and of life in general.
I fought the uphill battle against my emotions. I fought against the negativity. I fought against the seasonal depression I suffer from. I fought against the sadness of losing loved ones. I fought against defeats in business and my career. Want to fight uphill? Become an independent author trying to sell as many books so you can reach as many souls as you can. When I started, I was fighting uphill. These emotions had a strategic advantage. They had been there my whole life and had established themselves. They were at the top of the mountain. Many times, they won the battle. I slipped into depression. I lost my temper. I felt defeated. I kept fighting. With every loss, I learned. Eventually, I found myself winning battles and climbing that mountain.
Now I find myself at the top of the mountain in this area, so to speak. Does that mean I am positive all of the time? No. If you do not believe that, ask my lovely lady Margie. She will definitely tell you I have my dark moments. What it does mean is that those moments are now fighting uphill to defeat me, instead of the other way around. With the tools and strategies I have learned climbing the hill, I can usually fend them off with little or no damage. Do they knock me off the top every now and again? You bet. They say the wolf on top of the hill is never as hungry as the wolf climbing the hill. Sorry to use all of these cliches, but they do help paint a more accurate picture. These negative emotions, the depressing thoughts, the anger, they used to rule me. Now they want that power back.
It is said that those who lack power will fight to achieve it, and those who have power will fight to maintain it. The same holds true for the battle for your mind. Those negative emotions will be ever fighting to overpower you. Make sure they are fighting uphill. Last year, I released my third book and it was a flop. As an author, I had two successful books up to that point and felt like I was on the top of the mountain. I thought for sure the sharing of my recent health struggles and brief flirtation with death would really connect with people. I was wrong. What did those voices in my head start to tell me? “You are not a very good author.” “Nobody wants to hear what you have to say.” “Nobody really cares about your journey.” For a while it knocked me off the top of the mountain. What it didn’t do was keep me there.
If you are fighting uphill at anything in life right now, know that you will have to take some defeats along the way. That doesn’t mean you failed. It means you are climbing the hill. It means you have more to learn. Also know, when you get to the top of the hill it will be easier, but it will not be over. In the example of my third book failing to connect as I had hoped, I had tools and strategies that picked me up and helped me continue to fight. I had friends that encouraged me with what they enjoyed about my writing. I had my beautiful lady who not only literally picked me up when I was down, but fights along side of me. I have the very tools and strategies I wrote about in my first two books and talk about in the third that helped me survive death. They certainly can help me get back to the top of the mountain again.
In your own life, the time to prepare and conquer your mindset is now. Fight those inner demons. It is not easy, but it is worth it. Once you are on the top of the mountain, it will be easier. You will be able to not become stressed when things do not go your way. You will be able to maintain an attitude of gratitude (which is a great tool by the way) even in times of struggle. You will become your own hero.
Last post we discussed the magic we can create in our lives when we return the childhood act of finding the beauty that is all around us. If you haven’t read that, I highly suggest you do. When we are starting to make note of all the beautiful things that we might be missing in life, it can be helpful to at least start the habit alone. Once you see how much happier you are and how much more energy you have you will want to share this with everyone you care about! It would even help, sometimes to a greater extent, those people you find it difficult to be around. That is exactly what we are going to suggest you do in this post!
As tempting as sharing your new way of going through life may be, I suggest waiting for a little bit. The reason being, that some people could resist change, especially before they see the result. What is more amusing, I speak from personal experience, is to interject some of the beautiful things you have seen into your conversations with this person. When they are filling you will information about the latest violent crime or political happenings, just throw in the anecdote about how you had a nice saying written on your coffee cup you picked up in the drive thru or about a particularly charming garden you happen to see as you were driving. Initially, these may be swept aside after a brief acknowledgement. That’s to be expected. Many people do not know, and often feel uncomfortable, carrying on a positive conversation.
This may seem deflating initially. Especially in the beginning. Remember, these people have been programed, as we all have, to notice and concentrate on the negative in life. Do not be discouraged. Notice it, have an inward chuckle, and share a little bit more of the beauty you have discovered. Slowly, maybe after several meetings, they will stop resisting the positive elements you bring to the conversation. They may even feel compelled to share one of their own. They may realize, “I am meeting Neil for coffee today. I know he will have some positive thing to share. I guess I better have something to share as well.” Before you know it, they may even bring up positive elements to discuss. In this way, they will be helping you to remember to continue to focus on the beauty and magic in life.
There is one more very important reason to develop this habit of positive conversation. That reason is that adding positivity to anyone’s life, could literally be a lifesaver! We never know how our interactions can affect someone’s life. Let us make sure that they are positive ones. Sharing one more depressing news item, or one negative thing about the world at large, can push someone over the edge. The opposite is also true. Adding some positive conversation or some beauty and magic to someone’s life may change their entire day. It may also save their life if they are on that edge. Something we may often never know. Why take that chance? Make sure what you share with the world, and those it, is positive. The best way to do that? Use the tips discussed in this, and the post before it, to transform your life to one of beauty and magic!
The other day, I had one of those days. You know the ones. A day where everything that could go wrong, does go wrong. In fact, even some things that I did not know could go wrong, went wrong! I worked for hours on a press release only to discover it was the wrong format and would not work. I wrote a really nice blog and published it only to discover I forgot to save the second half before I pushed “publish”. This means it was deleted and now I had a half-written blog out there. At the end of this day, I was finally home relaxing and about to eat dinner on the porch with Margie. I had a can of sparkling green tea. I pulled the tab and can you guess what happened? Nothing! The tab came off and the can was still closed. I stared in disbelief at the can that had added its own bit of betrayal to my already trying day. Did I scream or shout? Did I get disgusted and start to complain about one more thing going wrong? No. I laughed hard and long.
It is not that I am delusional or like a day filled with personal inconveniences. I just knew that getting upset about being betrayed by a can of green tea would only add stress to my life. It would not even help me open the can. Which I did with the end of my fork so I would not add cutting my hand to the challenges of the day. Did my day suck? I guess you could say so. Events turned out the opposite of the way I was hoping it would.
Whenever I have a day that goes south of expectations, I am reminded of something the great Les Brown said. He said, “Never say you are having a terrible day. Say you are having a character building day.” To some of you this may sound like a positive thinking, splitting hairs way of looking at things. To some extent, it is. That is life though. Your language goes a long way to determining your attitude. The only thing we have complete control over is ourselves and our way of looking at the world. Getting upset over situations in which we have no control makes as much sense as trying to keep the sun from setting. (An event I may have tried when I was younger) If you are finding things in your life that seem to suck, remember you have complete control over how you look at your life and the things in it. With a change in your attitude, and an increase in your gratitude, life can feel a whole lot better. Even if your can of green tea doesn’t open on the first try.
Yesterday, we showed you something that would have a positive impact on your life and not require a single cent. If you missed that post, it would serve you to check it out. Today, we are going to look at some things that could radically improve your life and require zero talent. If you are keeping score at home, in two posts we will show you how to improve your life without spending any money and without the need for any talent! Can you see why subscribing to this blog can be so powerful?
We are not going to go through everyone of these, but I want to touch on a few to give you an idea. Let us start at the top, being on time. Why will being on time improve your life. Believe it or not, being on time says a lot more about you than the fact you are punctual. Being on time shows that you have respect for the event you are attending. If you are meeting someone for coffee, being on time shows that you have respect for both that individual as well as their time. Being on time for your job shows your boss that you respect the employment they have given you and the money they are paying you to do the job. Being on time also shows the world that you have self-discipline. It shows the world that you know how to control the events in your life and to adjust circumstances to achieve a certain goal.
A positive attitude is one of the most important tools in our toolbox. It doesn’t require any talent, but can propel you past people with talent! The quote above gives us good food for thought. Why is having a bad attitude so…well…bad? If we are negative, or pessimistic, it can often prevent us from seeing solutions and opportunities. This is not only true when life is going well, but even more so when we are facing a challenge. It will also help us with out social contacts. More people would be willing to, and likely to, help someone with a good attitude verses a bad attitude. Developing and maintaining a positive attitude will go a long way to improving every aspect of our life.
The final of the 10 things we will look at is being coachable. Socrates once said, “The only true wisdom is in knowing that you know nothing.” That is so true. To this day I am learning more in every field I am involved in. Writing, self-improvement and speaking. I am constantly learning more about relationships, work ethic and how to positively impact others. When you have the attitude that you know everything, you close your mind off to any possibility of improvement. We all want our lives to improve right? Sometimes that requires us to be humble enough to admit we do not know everything. Nobody does. Admitting that does not diminish you in anyone’s eyes, but demonstrates that you are a student of life that is eager to improve themselves.
There are so many other great things on this list. The point is that there are many things you can do to improve your life that do not require a degree, years of schooling or even any talent at all! I encourage you to look at the other items on the list and meditate on how you can incorporate them into your own life. I also invite you to think of additional items that could be on this list that would improve your life with zero effort and share them with the rest of us.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 