Talk about simple yet profound! This is really a secret to an amazing life. In life we will all experience hurt. There is no way around it. No matter how dedicated to living an amazing life we are, sometimes things just won’t go our way. What then? It is then that we approach a figurative ‘fork in the road’. We have a choice in front of us. One way will not only prohibit our self-improvement, it will actually lead to our decline. It will keep us stagnant. In a world that is moving and changing so quickly, being stagnant will mean being left behind. It will also add considerable mental, emotional and physical stress. Stress in all three areas, who would want that?
The other path in the fork in the road can lead us to a far different result. It can propel our growth in a far more rapid manner than before the hurt. It can not only not add any additional stress, it can transform the initial stress of the hurt into gratitude. This reduction in stress will lead to a greater sense of inner peace, a stronger immune system and better relationships. The rapid growth will lead to a feeling of accomplishment and a better relationship…with ourselves! Less stress, more joy and growth? Better relationships? Who wouldn’t want all of that.
In case it is not obvious. One path is focusing on the hurt, the other is finding the lesson. When we find the lesson in the hurt, we transform something that brought us down into something that can propel us forward. This is huge. Anytime you can take a negative and turn it into a positive, you win. This is one of those ways. You will reduce your stress and increase your feeling of accomplishment. I cannot count the times when I say to myself, or out loud, “That sucked, but it helped me become the person I am today.”
Today take the challenges of life and mine them for the lessons. The payoff will be nothing short of priceless. Instead of being stuck in the quagmire of hurt and sadness, you will be using them as stepping stones to move yourself, and your life forward!
When I read this quote, I immediately loved it. It seems so logical on the surface. You might think it is something that everyone with half a brain would know. You should be right. When we look at what happens between countries on a global scale, however, it would seem those in the greatest positions of power missed this memo. How much retribution are we seeing. This country, or group of people, attack another group. Therefore, that group has to pay them back. That payback generates a retaliation from the first group. It creates and endless loop of violence.
While the examples may not be so great on a personal scale, the formula is the same. Someone hurts us so we hurt them. When they get hurt do they stop and think, “Wow. That must have been what it felt like when I hurt them originally. I feel this is my sign to wake up and improve my behavior.”? My guess is the answer would be a solid ‘No’. They are then feeling hurt and want to get back at us. It takes a well-trained and calm mind to react kindly when someone else hurts us.
This is not advocating letting others walk all over us. Not at all. What we are talking about is living life with thoughtful action and not emotional reaction. You might want to read that last line again. Living a life of emotional reaction is what can lead to generational abuse, and increasing the hate in the world. The negative news in the world can be overwhelming some days. One way to counteract that is to respond to darkness with light. To respond to hate with love. It is not easy and you may feel it makes you look weak. I think we all can admit you have to be a much stronger person to do so.
Today, respond to whatever negativity you encounter with positivity. It will not only reduce your stress and increase your inner peace. It will brighten and clean the world. Remember the quote above. You cannot clean dirt with dirt.
This is one of the many thought patterns that I use to help me live an amazing life. Allowing situations to be what they are is so key to reducing stress and increasing productivity. So many people spend their energy upset and complaining about why a situation is not to their liking. The only effect that this has is to raise their own stress level. We all know what a prolonged raise in stress can do to us both mentally as well as physically.
Allowing situations to be as they are does not mean you allow yourself to be victim to those situations. Quite the opposite. Fighting against the reality of the situation is like swimming against a current. You may certainly wish the river was flowing in the opposite direction. You can even complain that it is not. Neither of these will change the situation of the river, or more importantly, your situation. Conversely, accepting the river is going in the opposite direction you may want to go, and then making the best of it, may be getting out of the river and walking on the shore. Sure, it might not be as quick as if you were in a river flowing in the right direction, but it will be a lot less stressful, and a lot more productive, than swimming against the current.
In your own life, there are many situations that we wish were different. Accepting them for what they are, followed by asking ourselves how we can make the best of them is a secret to an amazing life.
When doing a little research for this blog post, I came across this quote. I really like the point it makes. In life, it is never fun to run into ties that challenge you. After vacation, I was looking to get back into my fitness routine. With only two hours notice, the gym I went to decided to close. No advance notice to either their members or their employees! (Not good business Xperience Fitness) Joining a new gym is a rather trying and stressful thing for me. You have to find one relatively close, with the amenities you are looking for and at a reasonable cost. For the next several weeks, I pondered and could not make up my mind.
It was not until a chance conversation with my mother, who was also victim to this gym closer, did a solution occur to me. She mentioned finding out if my insurance had any fitness club benefits. Back story, I have had this insurance since 2002 and never thought of looking into that. It turns out that I can join two different gyms for less than the price I was paying for one. (Welcome VASA and Planet Fitness) Not only will I be back on track to be physically stronger, but the same can be said about my finances. It also gave me a sense of accomplishment to get this all sorted out.
I think another reason life tests you is to strengthen your commitment. Here I was finally all set up with not only one new gym, but two! Ready to work out. I was also looking at a little more free time and eager to start my fourth book. Then….BAM! Literally! I wacked my head into the corner of a metal shelf. There goes time at the gym and staring at a computer screen. I finally had the gym, the time and the urge to start my fourth book. Instead, I was sitting at home with blood coming out of my head and a concussion.
This could have went two ways. I could have threw my hands up in the air and said, “I guess I am not supposed to work out or write that book!” or I could have used it to increase my desire for it that much more. Like a kid who is told he has to wait to open his gift until the next morning. You can just see the desire building. Life challenges are much like a parent telling us we have to wait to open our gifts. That is the goals we are chasing. Know when life gives you a challenge, it is not a denial, it is just a delay. A chance to strengthen your character and your commitment!
Few people are as globally recognized as Oprah Winfrey. In fact, she is one of those people who are instantly recognized by her first name alone. Many people know the famous side of Oprah. Her role as not only a talk show host, but producer, actress, author and media business woman. She was not only the wealthiest African American of the 20th century, but once the world’s only black billionaire. These items alone can inspire people to action. A “If she can do it, so can we.”sort of cheer. We are going to break down how many different people Oprah inspired and close with learning something very important about ourselves.
Many of us know the successful Oprah Winfrey, but how many of us know what she overcame to get there? I want to take just a little time to share some of the struggles she faced, how it can inspire us, and what it can teach us about our own story. Oprah was born on January 29th 1954 in rural Mississippi. This was not only a time of great challenge in our country for people of color, but that was amplified in the deep south. Her unwed, teenage mother soon moved north and left her in the care of her grandmother. This proves people can overcome societal prejudice and lack of the influence of a biological parent to become successful.
Oprah’s grandmother, Hattie Mae, was extremely poor. So poor, that at a young age, Oprah had to wear old potato sacks as clothing. Many of us find it hard to picture the fashionable Ms. Winfrey dressed in a potato sack, but that is how she began. The other children mocked her for her clothes. Her grandmother was also a strict disciplinarian, often whipping young Oprah. She was also told there was no room inside the house for her to sleep. She made her bed on an outside enclosed porch. This is proof that you can overcome extreme poverty, and being ostracized at a young age and still make a great life for yourself.
At the age of 6, her grandmother became ill and she was sent to live with her mother in Milwaukee. Her mother worked as a maid and did not have the energy to raise young Oprah. At the age of 8 she was sent to live with her father in Tennessee. Her third home in her very young life. While she was there she was sexually abused by family members, as well as a family friend. Things got so bad, she ran away from home at the age of 13. At the age of 14, she became pregnant. Her son was born prematurely and died only a few days later. This means that moving around from state to state and parent to parent does not prevent you from realizing your full potential. Suffering a terrible childhood trauma like sexual abuse by a family member does not make you less than. Oprah later used that to let others know she had suffered the same fate they had and was able to overcome. Not only having a child at a young age, but then having that child pass away could be enough to break anybody. Oprah is proof that you can draw strength from a challenge like that.
By the age of 17, Oprah was in a far better place. Not only winning the Miss Black Tennessee beauty pageant, but landing a job at a local black radio station doing the news part-time. Considering what she had come from, this would be a success for most people. Ms. Winfrey was not done, however. She also won an oratory contest. This secured a full scholarship to Tennessee State University. She went on to study communications.
After television work in both Baltimore and Tennessee, Oprah found herself in Chicago. There are many good stories I am leaving out for the sake of brevity, I would invite you to investigate these on your own. Given a spot on a sinking ship of a show called AM Chicago, her passion and performance turned it into the station’s number 1 and flagship program. Soon, it was renamed The Oprah Winfrey Show and syndicated nationally, continuing her meteoric rise to fame. There is a story I would like to mention here as well. When the show was syndicated, Oprah rightfully received substantial financial compensation. Her staff, which was largely female, did not. Upon discovering this, Oprah went into the offices of management and demanded her staff receive the benefits of the financial windfall as well. Using her voice to be a voice for others.
Imagine being a young woman raised in the racist atmosphere of the times. Being brought up in terrible poverty. Moving at the young age of six to a mother who had no desire, or energy to raise you, and starting a new life. Only to have to move again a few years later to a father you have not known to this point in an entirely different state. Once there, suffering sexual abuse at the hands of those who are supposed to protect you. Running away from home at the age of 13, only to become pregnant and eventually lose a child only a year later. At the age of 14, Oprah had experienced many conditions that would cause the average person to give up.
Despite all that she had faced in the first decade and a half of her life, today she is hugely successful. She not only had the highest ranked talk show for 25 years, but has her own network, her own XM radio station, her own magazine, has built a school for under-privileged girls in South Africa, and even received an Academy Award nomination for her role in the movie A Color Purple. That means she gives hope to not only African Americans and women, but to those facing discrimination, those raised in poverty, those suffering sexual abuse, and even those who have lost a child. As impressive of a list as this is, there is one more group that Oprah inspires that I feel touches the people who read Secret2anamazinglife.
When Oprah was covering the news, she would often be overcome with emotion at the stories she was reporting on. This caused her to do such things as break into tears when reporting about a family who had lost their home in a fire. As you can imagine, the powers that be did not find this a redeeming quality. She was informed this ‘character flaw’ made her unfit to be a reporter and so she was relegated to doing a talk show. I think we can all agree she made the most of that opportunity. What this shows me is that when someone tells you that your gift is a character flaw, you can use that gift to serve and help others in a very meaningful way. It also shows us that being empathetic to others and their suffering is a gift that is greatly needed in the world today.
Lastly, I want to bring to your attention what this all means for our own life. We all have stories. We all have faced challenges. Most of us, not to the degree that Ms. Winfrey has. Some of us have faced even worse. I highlight a few of these cases in my book Living the Dream. Oprah shows us that we do not have to remain victims to what has happened to us, but we can overcome life’s challenges and use them to serve others. The greater the challenges we face, the more challenges we face, the better we are set up to inspire and serve others. Think about your own life and what you have faced. How could you use that to serve others? With that thought in mind, I would love to leave you with this great quote from Martin Luther King Jr.
When you are facing a tough challenge in life, it can be very tempting to run away from it. That will not facilitate growth of any nature. It is not our fault that we are predisposed to do this. Our brains are wired to avoid pain. I have learned two things about the storms of life from Les Brown, one of my favorite speakers. He said you are in one of three situations. You are about to enter a storm, you are in the middle of the storm, or you are just leaving a storm. This may sound a bit doom and gloom, but there are always challenges in life. Another thing he said is that there is too much pain in life to duck. No matter where you hide, it will find you. Don’t want to pay your credit card bill? They will find you and chances are, you will end up owing more.
The above quote from Wilma Mankiller seems counter intuitive, but it really is a secret to reducing stress in life. Your brain may be screaming “Get me the hell out of here!” That is the opposite of what you want to do. By running away from a problem, you only prolong it. Not to mention, you have the stress of knowing the challenge is still hanging over you. Conversely, if you run headlong into the challenge, you actually shorten its duration. It may be uncomfortable at first. No, actually it will be uncomfortable. The stress you will go through initially, will reduce the stress you feel long-term.
It can be so tempting to run from your problems, but doing so only makes them last longer and become bigger. Face them. Run through them like the buffalo. You will find that your life contains a lot less stress than if you would spend it trying to avoid problems. As an added bonus, you will have tremendous growth of character that you would not get by avoiding the storms of life.
Almost all of us know the cliche “the struggle is real.” I think all of us have struggled, or are struggling currently with at least one thing in our lives. That says that all of us will suffer and will continue to do so, to greater or lesser degrees, for the rest of our lives. Not very optimistic sounding, but certainly true.
How come some people seem to float through one struggle after another, while others are paralyzed? It is preparation and mindset. Our mindset, or attitude, about life has a greater impact than anything else. I heard a song lyric today that said, “You say the struggle is real. I say the struggle reveals. ” What does struggle reveal about you? Are you preparing your mind for the struggles that are coming?
That brings us to the next obvious question, “How can we prepare our mind for struggle?” Les Brown, when asked why he didn’t give up when he was diagnosed with cancer said, “I just decided cancer wasn’t going to beat me.” That is a powerful mindset. I determine to find the gift and lesson in every struggle. It is like saying to the challenge life has thrown at me, “You tried to destroy me, but I used you to help me grow.” In short, it is like giving a middle finger to struggle, but far more productive.
It is time for you to think how you handle struggle. None of them are easy. All of them suck. We have the choice to decide if the storms of life will use us, or if we can find a way to use them. PLEASE share any ideas you have for not letting struggle get you down. I think we could all benefit by working together on this subject .
Bad days, we all have them. Certainly, there are things we can do to minimize the possibility of one occurring, but there are just too many variables for us to contend with. One thing we have complete control over is the state of mind and attitude that we bring to each day. We all know people who can face the worst circumstances and have it bounce off of them like nothing ever happened. There are people who seem to turn every disadvantage to a learning and growing experience. Wouldn’t it be great to be one of those people?
We can! It only takes working on one thing – our attitude. We cannot know what variables are coming our way, nor can we hope to control them all. Trying to control every aspect of our lives, which often includes the lives and opinions of others, will drive us crazy. Just ask any micromanager. All we can control is our attitude towards life and its challenges. The way we do this is to surround ourselves with inspiring things such as calendars, screen savers and pictures. We also listen to empowering things on our daily commute. We read inspiring material. It is even more powerful if we do so to begin our day.
If you want to be a person who does not fall victim to every challenge in life, forget working on controlling everything. Switch your focus on controlling just one thing – your attitude.
It amazes me how life presents us opportunities that we routinely miss. Misfortune, challenges and pain. Those are three things nobody likes to have in their life and things that everybody does have in their lives. When you are going through something it is often very hard to see the positive in it. Whether that be a heartbreak, job loss, loss of a loved one or a host of other unpleasant situations, we can put them to use for us and others.
This is the very method I used to put the situation of getting the Coronavirus to work for myself and for others. When we go through something challenging, there are 3 ways in which it can be turned from a negative to a positive. Are you interested? I hope so. If we can turn the negatives in our life into positives, can you imagine how that would improve the quality of our life? It would make it, dare I say, amazing! Let us take a look at them one at a time. By using even one of these 3 secrets we can begin to put life to work for us instead of being at the mercy of life.
The first secret is learning and growing. People have one of two relationships with challenges and failures. Either they view it as the end. They lost. It won’t work. Things such as that. Then there are others who view it as a stepping stone to success. As Thomas Edison continued to fail in his attempts to find something to use as a filament in the light bulb, he remarked, “I have not failed, I just discovered another way not to make a light bulb.” Even something as painful as the loss of a loved one can teach us many things. It can help us discover ways to help us heal our heart. It can deepen our spiritual connection. It can even show us who will be there for us when we are at our lowest. Lessons are most often not fun to learn, but they help us grow and develop more than any other period of our life. We always learn more from our trials than our successes.
The second thing we can do is what today’s picture speaks of. We can inspire others by the way we handle things. When I shared my virus Journey with everyone it helped me as much as I helped others. On the days I did not feel like getting up and writing a post or shooting a video for my YouTube channel, I thought about the people watching my journey. Often, things are not that public.
We can use the fact people are watching us to motivate us. I am always on the lookout for ways I can improve and be the best man I can be in my relationship with my lady Margie. One of the many ways I use to stay motivated is that I remind myself how many people are watching how I treat her. Her family, her children, our friends and even those who might want to take my place in her heart. I would say at least once a week someone comments on our relationship. Usually, these are compliments about how loving we are. To me they serve not only as a reward for working so hard on our relationship, but a reminder that her and I do not live in a vacuum. People are watching.
The last positive thing we want to discuss about challenges is this – it provides you tools. When you go through something it gives you skills you can then use to help others going through the same situation. It gives you credibility. When someone is troubled, they will be more likely to listen to someone who has actually went through what they are going through. Following this equation, the more things you go through in life, the more you can help others. It is almost as if every challenge is a painful gift of sorts.
These three things may not take the pain or feeling of loss out of a situation in the moment, but they will help in time. Here is an added bonus – the more you use these three things, the more they become a part of you. When they become a part of you, the time it takes to go from pain to learning, inspiring and teaching becomes quicker and quicker. In my own life when something bad happens it has become so quick that I catch myself thinking, “Well this sucks but I will be able to use it for something good.” I would love to hear what you use to turn the negatives in your life into positives. The more ideas we share the more we can help each other!
In life there never seems to be a shortage of challenges. Whether you are a financially struggling blog writer and author or a well-established millionaire, there are going to be challenges. I will have to speculate on the second one for the moment. As you read this where I live the temperature will be -50 degrees with the wind chill. Those temperatures are in Fahrenheit where freezing is +32 degrees. In other words, it will be really cold outside. Whether your New Year’s resolution was to go to the gym more often, or just get to work on time, today will be a challenge. When it is this cold cars tend not to start, energy drains and the temptation to stay in bed with the one you love can be hard if not impossible to overcome. That is just life. The challenges will not always be this extreme, but they will always be there. The question is how to overcome these challenges. To make it very simple we will break it down to two words – face them. When you look a challenge straight in the eyes (if the challenge has eyes. If not, you just have to imagine them) and say as my friend Travis is inclined to say, “Bring it!” It may seem as if the challenge gets the best of you. Maybe you wish to go to the gym but the car will not start. Then go inside and do a little workout routine at home. If you are a little late for work again learn what caused you to fall behind and work on that for tomorrow. To put it as the picture says, ‘Challenge your limits’. Doing this daily you will be surprised at how much further you can go. You will see your life improve in each and every area.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 