Tag: neil panosian

BE THE TEMPTATION 

Many of the questions I encounter in my work have to do with relationships and the stress that goes with them. Add to the fact that in addition to being a self-improvement author and motivational speaker I also have a very public and loving relationship people are inclined to ask me advice.

The picture above is obviously geared toward men, but would work the same way for either gender. Most of us focus on finding the right person. In reality if we are focusing on others we run the danger of losing ourselves. When you are becoming the best person you can be, the right person will naturally be attracted to you. If you are a person who enjoys reading or who would even like to, you may find your perfect match if you spend quality time in a bookstore or library. Wanting to get fit? Your soul mate may not be at an all you can eat buffet.

Here is another aspect of working on yourself. A quote I love and do my best to live by is one from the author and speaker Eric Thomas “You must be ready for the opportunity of a lifetime in the lifetime of the opportunity”. That opportunity may be the person of your dreams. If you are still dealing with your own issues, that person may not find it desirable to be with you. How many times have we found ourselves saying “I wish I would have not done/said that”. I think all of us, myself included have uttered that phrase a million times. If we are dealing with anger management problems, or emotional baggage from a past relationship it can make it very difficult, if not impossible to enter into a new, healthy relationship. I can safely say the success of my current relationship has as much to do with both parties working on bettering themselves as it does both parties working on the relationship.

Take being a better listener, problem solver, communicator or any other relationship skill. If you learn how to do these effectively your relationship whether the one you are currently in, or the one you will enter into in the future, stands a far more likely chance of being loving and successful. Even if only one partner has skills in any of these, it is easier to demonstrate them to the other. Both Margie and I have shared things with each other that we have learned trying to better ourselves. Those very things have went on to better the other as well as the relationship.

The good and the bad news? The bad news is working on ourselves is a never ending project. There will always be areas in which we can improve. The good news about that is it means our relationships, as well as our life will continue to get better as we continue to better ourselves. So if you want a better relationship, or a better life. The answer lies as close as the bathroom mirror. Ask yourself the empowering question “How can I become more?”

HURRY UP AND FAIL!

In the category of things that never made sense to me, but now have really changed the way I look at the world, I give you failure. Growing up with the guidance of well meaning people around me failure was a word that should attempt to be avoided. You didn’t want to fail because that meant you were no good. It meant you were not a success. As an adult I continued to look at failure in this light. It actually grew to be something I began to fear. I would do everything in my power to make sure I didn’t fail. That sadly included not trying things that were likely to end up in failure, at least at first.

If we look at our lives there are certain things we are naturally good at. I can usually get up and speak or give a toast with little or no problem. If you see me on the dance floor however, something would appear seriously wrong.

We naturally tend to pursue things that we have some basic skill in. For me writing and speaking are two of my more natural skills so I tend to do things that use those skills. Bartending and DJing use my speaking and relating skills. This website and my books use my writing skills (Notice I did not say grammar or editing skills). The reason we do this is our chance of failure is less likely and we naturally excel at them. This gives us a feeling of self confidence and accomplishment. That is great and I believe pursuing things you are passionate about will lead to great success.

That being said, do not let fear of failure stand in your way from exploring new things. Once you learn a new skill as we showed above in can translate into several other options. Realizing this can make enduring the initial failure can be a little easier. Failure is not an end,  but part of the journey. The quicker we do so, the quicker we can move on to developing our skills and becoming more proficient. Here is another little trick I find that works. If you can somehow use a skill you already have to learn a new skill it can make learning a lot less painful and a lot more fun. When I was learning how to become a DJ and my wonderful teacher, who happened to be the patient love of my life, was showing me all of the technical aspects (most of which I am still learning) I leaned heavily on the speaking part of the job because that is what I am naturally good at. It gave me a feeling of competence and a hope that I could one day be a great DJ like she is.

Takeaway today is don’t fear failure, embrace it. Do so quickly, because as soon as you get it out of the way you will be one step closer to success. Now if I could just find a way to link speaking and writing with dancing….

START A FUNDRAISER

I like this saying because it can be rather profound. Of course there is several meanings i see in this picture. 

First, if we view our work as a fundraiser for our lives it can change our perception of our work. When you realize what your money allows you to do, even if it is just paying the bills, you slowly shift how you feel. Even though work will remain frustrating at times there begins to enter a feeling of gratitude. Sure we would all like to earn more money, but the fact we are earning some allows us to love in a climate controlled house with clean water whenever we need. It allows us to eat everyday. Sure we might want steak instead of fast food more often, but we rarely go to bed hungry. This puts us so far ahead of most of the world that even if we don’t have the fancy car, exotic vacation or other things we might desire we still have a lot to be grateful for. 

Second, perhaps we need to add to the fundraising aspect. If we set up a special savings account, or even a coffee can we contribute to designated for a fun special purpose it can motivate us when work is challenging. 

So this week set up that account (or fun bank) pick a fun purpose and start saving what you can, even change. Then notice all the bills you are able to pay thanks to your job. It may not seem like fun, but try to imagine life without them. 

WAITING….

I am currently nominated for best author in Milwaukee. The reason I mention this is that I have been waiting to discover the results since the voting ended December 1st. They plan to announce the winners on January 17th at a big party.

This seems like an eternity for me, but gives me plenty of chances to reflect. One, on the gratitude I feel for being nominated. It is not an ego thing, but an honor that so many people value the work I put my heart and soul into creating with hope that I can leave the world a better place then when I arrived. It also has me thinking of why I would desire to achieve such accolades. I am normally not the kind of person who chases titles or recognition, so why do I find myself waiting with excitement? It is the reason I desire to win in the first place. Winning will allow me more exposure. Sounds funny for someone who doesn’t need a trophy, but it is what that exposure will allow me to do.

Having been recognized as the best author in the city I live in will allow me to bring my  message of hope and positivity to many more souls. Helping people who may not have been exposed to me if not for this award. Realizing all of this had me thinking about what I can do while I am waiting. I have begun to more actively search for new speaking engagements and how to promote myself better. All this should result in me realizing my life mission even more. That mission is to help people see the beauty in themselves, others and the world around them.

If you have any ideas to help spread this message please feel free to leave them in the comments below. Also feel free to share this website with friends and family that may enjoy a little motivation and inspiration.

BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE AROUND

Your vibe attracts your tribe.  This is a very interesting statement. It can be found on some of the most intense law of attraction and self-improvement websites. Do you know where else it can be found? On the playgrounds and in the classrooms of even the earliest years of school. You see as children we know if you would like to be around positive people you have to emulate some of what they do. Yet as adults we seem to forget that. We complain about the negative people we are around and how much they ruin our day. We are jealous of all the fit people we see, but seldom inquire about any of their training tips.

So here is my simple tip for today. Be who you are trying to be. That may sound silly but if you change your vibe, your mind and body will follow. It is almost a ‘fake it until you make it’ way of thinking. What you are doing is deciding what kind of person you want to be, or even be surrounded by and then asking yourself these all important questions, “What would that person that I want to be say?”” What would they eat?” “How would this person think?” “What would they think about?” “How would they treat others?” If you come up with answers start being that person. Soon the reality and the friends and connections will show up to support you. If you cannot find answers to these questions then it is time to model. Not take a walk down the runway, but watch somebody who has the group of friends you would like to have or the position or spouse you would like to have. Then incorporate some of what works for them into your life.

Notice I said ‘incorporate’. This does not mean copy. If this person makes people laugh, then you should use your own sense of humor to do the same, or maybe even develop one. Do they always seem to dress well? Maybe it is time to update your wardrobe. Are there certain phrases they use? Just remember you may have to work a little to convince your mind you would like to emit a new vibe. Pay attention to what kind of feelings you are giving off. Maybe inquire with a few close trusted friends to ask what kind of vibe you give off. I think I will conclude here and do just that.

Feel free to share any thoughts you have on the statement – your vibe attracts your tribe – and how it has worked in your life. Also, as always feel free to share this post!

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU MAKE A MISTAKE 

All of us make mistakes. What we do after will affect how much that mistake will affect us. The first thing we should do after making a mistake is own up to it. When you deny making any mistakes you actually separate yourself from others. When you own your failures as well as your successes you give yourself a lot more control. So we have got to the point of admitting that you are the one who made the mistake. What is the next logical step?

The next thing to do is to begin to put forth the effort to fix the mistake. If this mistake involves another person a good idea is to offer a heart felt apology. Let me pause for just a minute here to make a very important point. Saying your sorry is not the end of your job here. In fact, it is a very good beginning. I wrote a blog post quite some time ago called ‘A broken plate’. You are welcome to go back and read it, but for the sake of time I will give you the theme in a nutshell. There was a gentleman who kept hurting peoples feelings, apologized but did not change his actions. Eventually a wise teacher explained to him what was wrong by breaking a plate. He told the man to say he was sorry to the plate. He then asked if that did anything to put the plate back together. The man said “Of course not”. Which brings us to our next point.

Offering an explanation for your actions without making an excuse can help clear up any confusion in the future. Again, explaining why you broke the plate will also do little to put it back together. You must take actions to do so. In the plate example the man glued the plate back together. The teacher noted even though the plate was now back in one piece it was no longer the same. This can hold true of our mistakes. By taking actions to correct them, we can put things back together but we must understand there might be lingering issues. To this let me add one thing. I have read about a tradition of gluing broken pottery together using gold glue. That way the cracks then become something of beauty. In many ways this can be true of mistakes. When we own up to them, sincerely apologize, take action to correct them and work with the other parties involved to come up with a plan to avoid them in the future we can actually improve our relationships and grow closer.

Here is one other positive on making mistakes. It never feels good to say that you are the one who messed up, but know there are very few opportunities equal to this one to show the strength of your character as well as your dedication to making things right. Mistakes are one of the greatest opportunities we have for growth. We must take advantage of that. So next time you mess up, do not just say sorry and walk away. Think of what you can do to fix the damage and what you can do to avoid the same mistake in the future. Then you have just turned a mistake into a lesson.

MY LATEST YOUTUBE VIDEO. GREAT STUFF!

Here is my latest YouTube video. i explain the one thing you can do to make it through the valleys of life easier, while enjoying the peaks more!

THE GREATEST GIFT 

It has been a year already. It has been a year since I was able to celebrate the birth of this wonderful lady. The woman in the photograph is my lovely lady Margie. As you are reading this we are enjoying ourselves in Las Vegas. It was a trip I planned for sometime. Every year I do my best gift ever. This year I finally have it all figured out!

So a trip to Las Vegas is the best gift ever? In short, no, but then again…yes. Please let me explain. This is something I would like to share with all of you gentleman out there. The best gifts you can give to the lady in your life are not the most expensive, the most elaborate or the most material. So why a trip to Vegas and what is the greatest gift ever? A trip to Vegas is because with the exception of when she was a toddler my lady has only been to the states surrounding the one we live in. She has not been on a plane since she was one. Why is this the greatest gift?

Here is what is important. As a gentleman I realize the greatest gift I can give the lady in my life (this applies for friends and family too) is the gift of the experience. The greatest gift you can give is one of respect, time, attention and love. So this was not just a trip to a city that sparkles like my lady, but a chance to give her experiences she has not had. A chance to expand her world. An opportunity to bring something new into her life. The greatest souvenir we will both take home from this trip? It is the greatest gift. The gift of loving memories.

Happy birthday baby. That is the gift I wish to give to you today. The gift of my time, my attention, my respect and my love. I would wrap up all the memories we are going to create on this trip if I could, but since I can’t I will just wrap you in my arms and tell you I Love you.

LOOK TO THE FUTURE 

Yesterday we discussed one way in which people are able to meet and overcome challenges . Today we are going to look at another way. As a bonus this will not only help you not get overwhelmed by your challenges, but also give you some motivation. Sound too good to be true? Let us take a look.

One of the things that became evident when looking at the difference between those who maintain a positive disposition and those who find their mood at the mercy of their circumstances is whether or not they have one thing. This one thing can make the difference on what you feel like when you get up in the morning, how everything that happens to you during the day, be it good or bad, feels. What is this powerful secret that can give you inner strength and motivation?

A COMPELLING FUTURE.

Stop and think about what that means to you. Do you have a compelling future? Of all the people I work with at the Post Office I would say 90% of them do not have a compelling future. When I asked them their plans for the future I received such answers as “I just want to make it to retirement”, “I want to get out of debt for once”, and the ever popular “I just want to make it through today”. With future plans like that it is hard to live an inspired life. If you notice most of them are focused on their challenges. Whether the years they have left to work, the debt they have or even the challenges of the day. They are pushing their way to their future. Think of pushing a boulder up a hill, not even knowing what is at the top of that hill. When I asked these people what happens when they do retire, or get out of debt or even make it home at the end of the day most of them gave me some version of the same answer, “I don’t know. I guess I will figure it out then”. They didn’t even know what completion of their goal would bring them. Not very inspiring to say the least. When you do not have a clear and compelling goal for the future and suddenly you face a challenge it can seem overwhelming.

Now let us look at the other 10%, the group we become part of with a compelling future. When I asked them about their plans for the future I received answers such as “I am saving to buy a ranch to raise horses on when I retire” and “I plan on opening up my own travel agency”. One person even have a different take on the ‘make it through the day’ answer. They said “I’m looking forward to going on a date with my wife tonight”. Notice the difference. These people all had a goal, or ‘prize’ if you will at the top of the hill. Instead of pushing that boulder up a hill not even knowing what they may see when they get there. These people knew clearly what would be there and it pulled and compelled them to keep going. Although what they were doing presently may not have been that enjoyable for most, which included driving around in the snow delivering mail. Those who had a clear goal of why they were doing it were better able to make it through and do so with a more positive disposition.

So what about your future goals? How can we stay inspired and use them to keep going when the going gets tough? I asked the man who was wanting to buy the ranch did he just think of the ranch when needed to be inspired? Obviously he didn’t have all of the funds he needed right now. He told me another little secret. He told me he did little things he could do now. He thought of names for his ranch. He looked at designs for cabins he might like to have there. He even drew maps with the layout of the ranch. He also had decided what part of the country he wanted to locate his ranch. He also began pricing the things he would need fences, lumber etc. I asked him if that became overwhelming and depressing when he added it all up? He told me it actually inspired him to contribute to the savings account he set up for just such a purpose. He also told me it inspired him to work harder and not mind extra hours that he sometimes had to put in, knowing he was getting closer to his ranch.

This would obviously work for the person wanting the travel agency or any other goal you might have. Do the little things you can at the moment. Design a logo, develop a business plan, set up a saving account, do your research and make connections with people who could help. Even the man who was looking forward to his date told me he thought about his wife, how beautiful she was, how much he was looking forward to the meal and the relaxing time they would share. My only caution here is the motivation will only last the day, but that is better that not having any at all.

So feel free to share your compelling future plans as well as the things you do right now to work towards them. As always feel free to share this post as well.

STRENGTH TO OVERCOME

What are the secrets that allow some people to overcome challenges while others are sunk by them? This is one of those questions that are at the very core of what I do, helping people live an amazing life.

The truth is this, whether rich or poor, tall or short whether we are from Fiji or Greenland we all have ups and downs in life. Maybe that doesn’t sound so profound, but when we stop to think of the amount of time we spend on finding ways to ‘get rid of problems’ or ‘avoid problems’ it becomes evident we are trying to create a state that will never exist. Instead of trying to live problem free, we should try to not only limit the effect problems have on our lives, but learn from them and actually put them to work for us.

Ok, so how come some people can seem to do this and some people just keep fighting against life? There are quite a few things we can do to move ourselves from the second category into the first. The first is an understanding that problems will always be a part of our lives. Not to inspiring to hear at first is it? This revelation can actually be quite liberating. When we know longer spend our physical and mental energy fighting against problems, we free up that energy to constructively use them.

Now it is time to get into the nuts and bolts of how we can do just that. First is to change our language in terms of how we refer to our challenges. This may seem trivial and even silly on the onset but remember the words we use is how we speak to our subconscious mind. Rarely do I even use the word problem. I prefer challenge as life is challenging us to grow and become something more in order to overcome the situation in front of us. Another word I tend to use is ‘obstacle’. The word itself gives you the feeling of something to be met and overcome.

This also applies in specific situations as well. Instead of saying “I am having a terrible day” or whatever not so pleasant description you care to use, say “I am having a character building day”. At first this may sound like saying the same thing but using different words. Which, in essence we kind of are, but words have power and create feeling. Say the two statements separately 3 times in a row. Notice the different feeling you get. This is important for 2 very important reasons. One, when we feel better we do better and two, when we phrase the situation in such a way that we can see potential in it (i.e. character building day) we know we are going to get something for the pain we are feeling at the moment.

So try this in the coming weeks. Try changing how you refer to the problems in your life. Begin by calling them challenges. Look at situations and see how you can word them constructively. Make a game out of it. That demanding boss that says mean things to you can go from being an ass to being a patience building trainer. Again, this may sound silly to you at first and that’s ok. Laugh at it. After all, laughter is a good feeling. Try this for the week ahead and see if you notice a difference.

Feel free to share this post with everyone you know. Also feel free to share some of your more creative word changes below. You may help the rest of us.