Tag: Neil Panoisan

FUEL OR ENTERTAINMENT?

In my journey to living a healthier lifestyle, one of the greatest challenges is eating better. This has become even more of a challenge in the last few years because I have a lady who is an amazing cook of delicious food in my life. One thing that helps me keep myself in line is this question, “What is the purpose for eating?” In simple terms, the answer is so you don’t die. Everyday for lunch I eat oatmeal. It amazes some, confuses most. I noticed one difference between healthy eaters and those who are…um…less than healthy is that the healthy eaters understand the consumption of food is about fueling the body, while those who are less healthy eat what is fun and tastes good. They view mealtime as a sort of entertainment. That is not to say you should eat bland food at every meal. Ponder what that pound of gummy bears might be doing to your body. Mix in some healthy options and find dishes that both taste great as well as provide fuel for body and brain.

The funny thing is that this is not a post about eating or healthy meal choices. It is about the reason and benefits behind our choices. The question we asked about food is the same we can ask about our viewing. Do we spend hours in front of the television watching reality shows that have very little basis in reality? Do we stream hours of mindless programing on Netflix? Do we spend a large percentage of our day watching cat videos on YouTube? Consuming information can be the same as consuming food. It should not be just an entertainment option, but should also fuel our brains, or even our spirit. Can you imagine how your day would start if you read something inspirational for 10 minutes before you checked your email and social media? How about swapping out one of those reality programs for one on improving your relationships?

I want to make it very clear that I am not advocating eating seaweed and oatmeal for every meal. I am also not saying you should spend all of your viewing time glued to documentaries about the effects of solar radiation on the skin. We need entertainment. That can be on our television or on our dinner plate. I just caution you to understand this should be an exception, not the rule. Our bodies work best when we feed them the proper fuel. So do our brains. There are times we need to relax and watch Dumb and Dumber for the third time. There are times when I enjoy a good pizza. When those cease to be something special and become our norm, we are not feeding our brains or our bodies with the right fuel. That is like having a sports car and putting the cheapest gas in it. Chances are it will not run as well as it should. If that sounds like something foolish to do, why would we do the same thing to our bodies? Let us try to strike a balance between fuel and entertainment. We should work towards putting the priority on fueling our bodies and brains while taking moments for entertainment. That is the secret to an amazing life.

WE ARE ALL GUILTY 😔

This post may be a little uncomfortable. For you, for me and for many of us. Many of us consider a life where we try to limit the hurtful and bad things we do, to be a good life. To some extent, this is true. Trying to do as few things to hurt your fellow man certainly makes the world a better place. Is it really enough? Voltaire reminds us in the quote above, that if we know of a good we could have done, but did not, we are guilty. Has there been a time when you know there was something good you could have done but did not? Maybe you did not have the time? Maybe you lacked the energy? Were you too nervous? Perhaps a little too shy? These are all true and valid reasons. Yet, if we deny some good to the world or our fellow humans, we are guilty as charged.

I know that I have been guilty of this as much as anyone. How many times have you thought about calling a friend or sending them a text message and then just became “too busy”? Meant to tell your spouse how wonderful they looked or made you feel, but then reconsidered it? Did you think it would sound silly? Maybe that they would not believe you? If you denied that good, you are guilty. I have worked my life to improve on this. I find when I have given all the good that I can in a day, that I can rest peacefully that night. Knowing that I did my best to bring all the good that I can to the world gives me a feeling of inner peace that is difficult to put into words. I am not always perfect, and I certainly have some work to do. I do my best to keep this quote of Voltaire in the back of my mind as I go through my day and would think it would benefit most of us to do the same

Remember, you are not only guilty of all the bad you did do, but also all of the good you did not do. Uncomfortable thought? Yes. It is still true. Let us take advantage of every good presented to us today.

I DON’T THROW STONES AT DOGS 🐕

For those of you who know me personally, the title of this post should not be much of a surprise. On any given day, I would rather speak with a dog than some people I know. If you read into the quote, it also fits the author. In this case the dogs that bark are people and situations that cause a distraction. When you are working on transforming your life to one you not only can be proud of, but one you will enjoy living every day, you cannot stop and worry about what Jane said about Susan. You can’t even really worry about the gossip that Jane or Susan may be saying about you.

In 23 years of bartending, and now several years being a DJ, I have noticed there are plenty of people who could fit in the category of barking dogs. If I did stop and worry about all of the people who wish to be detractors, I would have a lot less energy and time to work on improving myself and my life. Add to that, the input I receive from the over 200 countries this website is followed in, and there are countless people with something to say. This is not to say you should not listen to feedback. To me, engaging with people around the globe is one of the best parts about being international. What we should not fall victim to is the ‘keyboard rangers’, as Greg Plitt used to refer to them. Those are the sad souls who spend their lives criticizing from behind a computer screen. These folks are generally not putting in time to improve their own lives and are more focused on tearing down others. Do you think people like Warren Buffett and Jeff Bezos sit down and respond to every negative comment about them? No. They are busy running their respective companies.

Next time you are tempted to respond to ideal gossip or some ‘keyboard ranger’, ask yourself, “Will spending time on this bring me any closer to my goal? By doing so, will it take precious time away from improving my life and my position in it?” There are a lot of people who feel they need to respond to everything that is said and done. Is that not letting your emotions control you? I know there are people who slander you and continue to say negative things. I know you would like to get back at them and get some feeling of revenge. Trust me, it is not worth it and gives them even more power over you. Still don’t trust me on this point? That is fine. I will leave you with the wise words of the singer Frank Sinatra.

IMPORTANT THOUGHT AFTER THE ELECTION 🗳🤔

Here in the United States, people are reacting to the results of the recent elections. Some are rejoicing. Some are quite upset. Some are worried. Some races have yet to be decided. As I mentioned on my post the day of the election, we should focus on uniting despite our differences. Now that elections are over, the focus should be on how to work together to come up with solutions that make a better life for all of us. It can be hard to understand and appreciate those who have a different thought or opinion than we do. I am hoping this picture above helps. Which gent do you think is right? If you look at the picture, you would be inclined to say, “Both of them.” How can that be? How can they both be right?

In the picture it is easy to see that the situation is correct for both gents because it looks different based on their perspective. Hmmm…something to think about. This is easy to see and appreciate in this visual example. The same holds true for spiritual, social and philosophical examples as well. If you were raised in a household that never had to worry about money, you would look at situations and life far differently than someone raised in a poor family. If you were raised in a Christian household, you may have a certain set of values. Those would differ in many ways than if you were raised in a Muslim household. Even a Christian household in say… Peru, would be different than one in Greenland.

Yet, knowing that situations could not possibly be the same, we spend the majority of time and effort trying to convince others that our way and opinion is the right one. Can you see how foolish this is now? Instead we should say, “This person has an opinion and way of doing things that is different than mine. How can we both respect our differences and work together to come up with a solution for the problems we are facing?” When I mention things like this, people tell me that will never happen. They say it is too much of a fantasy. They call me an idealist and say these thoughts are radical. I feel quite the contrary. To me, they are the most logical and productive course of action. Why is being able to respect our differences while working together seem so untenable? It would be the logical course of action if we hope to promote peace and further progress.

My guess why people find this hard to believe and even harder to picture being put in place is because it involves being able to control your emotions. To most people, the thought that we can control our emotions instead of letting them control us, is as foreign as speaking a different language. That does not make it any less true. I implore you to not only picture this way of relating to one another, but to work towards it. Elections have a way of either bringing us together or tearing us apart. Once again, it is important to realise that decision is solely in the hands of the people. Not the media reporting it. Not the political leaders who appear to be running the show. Not the winners. Not the losers. The power to decide if we are going to work against one another or to work with one another is entirely up to us the voters. Stay united and learn to work with each other. In the world, in your community and in your neighborhood.

YOU NEED TO SHARE IT!

This past Saturday I took part in an event that featured several different authors. Above is a picture of me talking to one of them. These events are always fun and enlightening. Talking with other authors, we all discover we share some of the same struggles and can support one another. At this particular event, another great aspect of the benefits of writing was on display – sharing your story. There are not words strong enough to convey my desire to have everyone share their story. It is such a gift in so many ways. We have discussed a few of them in past posts and I will provide a quick reminder here. It helps those that read it know and feel they are not alone. No matter how uniquely crazy your situation feels, I can guarantee there is someone out there going through something very similar if not the same. It also helps share and provide a record of mistakes you may have made and helps others avoid them. If it is too late for that, it may help them see how you made your way out of it. Sharing your story helps to foster a sense of community in whatever group you are writing about. With technology, that community can even be global!

Those benefits, as great as they are, do not come close to completing the list of benefits you can get from sharing your story. Here is what I heard at this event. There was an author who lost her husband suddenly and unexpectedly. She was left with 3 children to raise and a host of challenges. One of which was just managing to go on after losing the person she loved most in the world. How do you manage to love your life after a moment like that? She managed to do it and shared how she did it in her book. Another author lost her child. That is devastating to any parent. In addition to having to heal from her own pain, she had to explain what happened to her other children. How can you possibly do both of those? She did and she wrote a book that will help other parents who may tragically find themselves in the same situation. A third author has 3 autistic children. One who also has hearing and vision challenges. While doing her best to raise them, she is often judged harshly by those around her who are ignorant to her struggles. One time even having the police called on her. How does she manage to stay sane and raise her children? What struggles does a parent in that situation go through? She is going to write a book about that.

In this case, writing was a great form of therapy for all of these authors. It helped them heal and by sharing their journey, it will help others do the same. We may be fortunate enough not to have events like these occur in our life. I can promise you we have all faced some struggle. Job loss, relationship loss or a host of other challenges. Sharing our story and our journey with others is both a gift to them and to us. When we share our story with the world, it is the world that benefits. Unless you are some sort of extraterrestrial, which would make a great book, that world includes you! When we share, everyone, including ourselves, wins.

What if you are not a writer? That is fine. Everyone is not a reader. You can share your story through music, painting, sculpting or whatever medium you decide. Today, you can make your own videos to share on a variety of platforms. You could start a blog. You can start your own podcast and talk to people that way. These are all great because people consume in different ways. Some people listen to podcasts. Some of us read blogs. Some of us watch videos. Some of us still read books. Some of us do several or all of these. That is why it is so important to share your story in whatever form makes you comfortable.

Share your story. When you do we all win.

DON’T FALL FOR IT!🗳

Here in the United States, today is election day. For anyone who lives here, this is not a news flash. You are reminded of it anytime you pick up a newspaper, go online, look at your phone, watch television or listen to the radio. If you go home to escape the chaos, there are more reminders in your mailbox. It is not simply a reminder of the need to go vote. It is not even telling you why you should vote for a certain person and how wonderful they are. No, 95% of these ads are negative. The percentage is probably higher, but we will go with 95%. That means out of 100 political ads you see, (This can feel like it happens in one day), 95 of them will be negative. It is not just that this person would be a poor choice. Oh no, this person who is running against the candidate they want you to vote for is an evil human being. They will come at night and steal your cat. They will put salt in your Starbucks coffee. Once they win they will start the whole world ablaze just to amuse themselves. This may sound ridiculous, but it is not far from what is being put out there. Quite often, they never even mention why their candidate is a good choice, if they even mention them at all. This, ladies and gentleman, is called getting you to vote in fear.

We must ask ourselves, “What is the motive behind all of these political and personal attacks?” Who stands to gain what by having us live in fear and in anger? The million dollar question to ask yourself is this – “Who stands to gain the most by having us so divided we live in fear and hatred of each other?” Do you think it is really neighbor Bob who voted for a different party than you did? I can promise you that neighbor Bob is probably thinking the same thing of you. Here is the truth, it is neither of you. By having groups of people divided against themselves, they are often too busy to notice what is happening behind the scenes. I am not saying that you should avoid voting. Quite the contrary. I believe you can’t complain about the game unless you play. Here is what I am saying. Respect those who vote and think different of you. Watch those in office, even those you vote for. Make sure they are doing what they promised. Communicate with your neighbor. You do not have to agree with them, but you can still respect them. That is what all of these political ads want you to forget. They want to brainwash you into thinking anyone who thinks different, or who may vote different is evil.

I ask you on election day, as I do on every day, do not let other’s agendas divide us. You can disagree with someone and still respect them. If you cannot, the problem lies with you and not with them. Stay united my friends. That is where our power is.

WHAT ARE YOU CHASING?🏃‍♂️

It is time to start the week. I always do so on little or no sleep. We can’t start dragging our feet. We have to focus on why we are going to work, and what dreams we are chasing.

As you start the week off, what dreams are you chasing?

SECRET TO A GREAT RELATIONSHIP…PART II

A few posts ago, we examined two secrets to a great relationship. If you are looking at strengthening your relationship with that special someone, or really anyone in your life, I suggest you give it a look. After I published that post, there was a lot of reaction. It always makes me happy to have engagement with anything I write. One particular comment brought to attention another very important aspect of a great relationship. If you seriously implement this one relationship tool, it will improve your outlook on your partner and their outlook on you. There will not even be a need for any awkward conversations.

There was a particular comment that brought up a really good point. The young lady shared the secret from turning frustration in her relationship into appreciation. Sounds like it could be an impossible task, but it is easier than you think. In fact, it only takes learning one thing. One of the most frustrating things in a relationship is when you feel your partner does not show enough affection. When you feel you are saying or doing all the right things and they seem unaffected. The only frustration that ranks a close second is when your partner says you are doing the same thing. Quite often, it is not affection that is missing from these relationships, but communication. Even if there is a lot of talking going on, we can often be speaking different languages. Can you imagine trying to solve a problem in a relationship if you spoke Zulu and your partner spoke…let us say French? How easy to you think it would be to understand and appreciate each other’s point of view? How about making each other feel loved or feeling loved yourself?

You might be saying, “Neil, both my partner and I speak the same language, but there still feels like a lack of love.” You might speak the same language, but do you speak the same Love Language? There is a great book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I don’t get a commission on sales, but I would recommend getting your hands on a copy. You will learn a lot about yourself and your partner. You will learn the five ways in which people express love. Maybe you are someone who is more verbal (Neil) and you are good with putting your feelings into words. Perhaps you are someone who is more physical (Margie) and instead of some long-winded monologue comparing your growing love to a blossoming flower, you just want to come up and wrap your arms around the person you love. They are both expressing love, but in different ways. Add to that the other 3 languages and you can see how tricky this can get. Do you want to really blow your mind? People do not often express and receive love in the same language. They can express their love verbally, but like to feel it physically. Maybe it is the opposite? Maybe it involves acts of service? How about spending quality time with your partner? Maybe even receiving a gift? If your partner and you speak different love languages, it can often seem as different as Zulu and French.

Just like personality, where your partner can be more silly and you express your humor in a more stoic fashion. Once you realize and acknowledge your differences, you can help balance each other out and help grow and discover different parts of yourself you may have neglected. When Margie and I discovered our different love languages, it really helped us not only understand the communication coming from each other, but how best to communicate with each other. Doing the little exercises in the book The Five Love Languages did involve a little amount of work, but it was fun and exciting work. Discovering how both you and your partner speak and receive love can be one of the most rewarding experiences. It can also help you avoid many miscommunications in the future and help you remedy any disagreements a lot quicker. Imagine having the knowledge of “I know how to make my partner feel loved.” in your head? What a great tool to have!

Here are good friends of Margie and me, Chris and Nicci. Also, the couple that provided the inspiration for this post. Something that Nicci said in her comment is so true. It really made the difference in their relationship, it really made a difference between Margie and I when we implemented it, and I know it will help take your relationship to the next level. She mentioned when they really experienced joy and contentment in their relationship was when they stop looking for each other to express love in specific ways and turned their attention to finding the way that each other was already expressing love that they might be missing. It is important to both look for how your partner does express love and letting them know, lovingly I might add, how you really feel love. If your partner brings you flowers to show they love you and that works for you, great. If they change the oil in your car so you are safe and don’t have to worry about having it done, that is expressing love and caring too. I cannot express how much fun discovering each other’s love languages can be. It worked for Margie and I. It worked for Chris and Nicci. It will work for you as well. Instead of feeling frustrated your partner isn’t exactly as you would like them to be, look for the treasure they have that is already there. You might be missing a lot of love they are expressing.

SECRET TO AN AMAZING…RELATIONSHIP!😍

Last post we discussed 2 actions we could take to help us live an amazing life. If you haven’t read that, I highly encourage you to do so. Today we are going to focus that even further. We are going to look at 2 things you can do to have an amazing relationship. People often ask Margie and I what the secret to our amazing relationship is. In a nutshell, we tell them lots of hard work. That may turn some people off. “I don’t want to be in a relationship that is hard work.” We hear them say. If you want any relationship to be the best it can be, even the relationship with ourselves, it takes work. That work can be some of the most enjoyable and enlightening work you will ever do in your life. The payoff? It is more valuable than gold. The question then becomes what kind of work should we be doing? Let us look at just 2 things you can do daily that will have a huge positive impact. There are endless ways and actions you can take to improve the quality of relationships, but let us start with just 2.

Before we jump into the first secret to an amazing relationship, let me ask you a question. If you worked really hard to get in the best shape of your life, and got there, then stopped working out, what would happen? Would you maintain that physique? Of course not. If you work really hard to create the relationship of your dreams, and you even get there, what would happen if you stopped working on it? Would it remain the relationship of your dreams? If you learned all there was to know about computers, and then stopped learning, where would your knowledge be 2 years from now? Computers are a rapidly changing and advancing field. You would be little better informed that someone who has never turned a computer on. Do you know what changes more rapidly than a computer? People! Specifically, in this case, your partner. You need to grow and develop in this field just to maintain the love that you had, not to mention, growing it to new heights.

The first secret to an amazing relationship may sound basic, but it is not. That first secret is to listen. Not just to formulate a response to what your partner is saying, but to learn. Ask yourself, “What is my partner sharing right now?” or “What is my partner really feeling right now?” Do what is called ‘active listening’. Do not just passively absorb words, but really listen to understand. In an age where everyone is looking to get noticed, how valuable of a gift is it to help someone feel significant and noticed? Why would you not want to do that for the most important person in your life? When we listen to our partners with a desire to increase our knowledge about them, there are so many gifts that come with that. We learn what makes them happy. We learn what does not make them happy. We learn what would make a good gift for them. We learn their hopes and dreams. If we put effort into our listening, we will end up making our life easier and our relationship better.

That leads us into our next secret for an amazing relationship. That is to learn something new about our partners everyday. You may think that you have been together so long, there is nothing left to learn. That couldn’t be further from the truth. There are so many ways to learn about your partner. You can do so by listening with the intent to learn. Keeping the question in your head, “What can I learn about my partner from what they are telling me?” will help you listen intently. You can also learn by observing. When you are out at the grocery store together, notice what brand of ketchup they like. What kind of tortilla chips do they like? Are they the same kind you do? (this is a big one in our house and I can tell you the answer is no.) When you are out celebrating together, notice what dishes they like to order. What do they like to drink? All of these bits of information can serve you and your relationship later. Here is both the gift and the frustration. Once you learn all of these things, a lot of them will change. People learn and grow and their tastes change. That means you will never have your partner 100% figured out. This sounds frustrating, but it is a good thing. You always have an opportunity to learn.

There you have it. Two little things that will make a big difference in your relationship. Imagine learning one thing a day about your partner. In a year you will have learned 365 new things. Even if they are little things, that will make a huge difference in your ability to be a good partner and to create a loving relationship. Many people may think this sounds like too much work. They think they can’t be so disciplined everyday. It is a lot of work, but it will be fun and enjoyable work. Unwrapping your partner and relationship is much like solving a great mystery. When you don’t feel like putting in the work, think of our fitness and computer analogy. Even if you have an amazing relationship at the moment, if you don’t continue to put in effort, it will not stay that way for long. As for being disciplined to work on your relationship everyday? I will just leave you with the quote below.

NEVER STOP DOING THIS!😮

People ask me what things I do daily that makes a difference in my life. There are a few, but 2 of them I would like to share with you. I cannot urge you enough to add these to your own life. When you hear what they are, you might wonder if I, and more importantly you, have to do them every day. I would respond with a question of my own – Do you really want an amazing life? Do you want less stress and more joy and fulfillment? Do you want to love deeper and laugh more often? Then yes, than you should absolutely do these 2 things every day. You can even do them several times a day, if you are very driven and ambitious. That is not necessary, but will speed up any improvement you will experience.

Just like the picture at the start of this post says, these are small improvements. They are of the 1% variety. You may not think they will make much of an impact or difference. Again, like the picture above, 1% everyday over the course of a year really adds up. It is not, however, 365%. If you know about compounding interest, you are improving 1% on someone who is 1% better than yesterday, so it compounds. Over the course of a year, you will end up 37 times better! All from making small, almost imperceptible shifts once a day. That is a lot of return for not a lot of effort.

Secret number one to creating an amazing life is listen to or read a little something that will help you improve yourself everyday. This doesn’t have to be an entire book. It can be something as simple as a YouTube video. Keeping yourself inspired and motivated is not a one-time event. Zig Ziglar said it best, “People say motivation doesn’t last. Neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” You can listen in your car. You can wake up 15 minutes before the rest of the house to read a few pages of something inspirational. You can listen to an audiobook on your morning commute. There is always time to sneak something in. I cannot convey in words strong enough what a difference this has made in my life. Do not take my word for it. Prove it to yourself. For just one month, listen or read something everyday that inspires or motivates you. I challenge you to prove this to yourself.

The second secret? You guessed it. Learn something, at least one thing, everyday. This can happen in so many different ways. The world and its experiences are teaching us something all of the time. What makes this even more powerful, is if you do some focused learning. Pick a subject that is very important to you and add to your base of knowledge about it. Today, I decided that I should listen to some videos that offered ways in which you could improve your intimate relationships. Now, I think I am a fairly good man to my beautiful Margie. I actually work very hard to be so. That does not change the fact that I do not know everything. If I could improve my wonderful loving relationship by 1% a day for 365 days, how loving would we be? You can spread this knowledge growing around to several subjects. One day it could be videos about improving your relationship. The next day, an audiobook on the way to work about how to increase your self-discipline. The following day? How about a book of parenting tips? The word is full of knowledge to be gained. Even a little bit everyday will make a huge impact.

People ask me if they really have to do this everyday. My answer? No, you have the gift of opportunity to do this everyday. You don’t even need to spend any money. There are resources online, not mention a library in almost every city with thousands of books. Can you imagine having the knowledge of just 1% of those books? Can you picture the positive impact that would have on your life? These are 2 things that I do, without fail, every day. The difference in my life cannot be understated. Do it today!