Tag: Neil Panoisan

ASK YOURSELF THE MILLION DOLLAR 💵 QUESTION. 💰

In this crazy, fast-paced world of ours, everyone seems to be working to get ahead. Does that sound like you? Have you ever found yourself working until you are exhausted? After that have you wondered to yourself, or maybe even out loud, if it is all worth it? Perhaps you even questioned what it is all for? Do not worry. You are not alone. Those can be powerful questions to ask ourselves, if we use them correctly. Still, there is one question that we should all be asking ourselves that would not only reduce those feelings of stress, worry and burnout, but help us feel refreshed, driven and accomplished.

What is that question? I call it the Million Dollar Question. The reason that I call it that, is because the benefit it has to our life is priceless. I have spoken about this in one of my YouTube Videos, and even dedicated a section to it in my book, Living the Dream. We took a look deeper into it on my podcast, Living the Dream with Neil Panosian. While I recommend you check out all of those, I will even post a link for the podcast episode at the bottom of this post, I am going to make it even simpler for you. I do this for 2 reasons. The first one should be obvious. We began this post by talking about how busy everyone is. What better way to help us live a positive rewarding life, than taking a complex idea and shortening it down to one question. The second reason is that a lot of people, my mother being one of them, had a problem with the way the idea was presented.

The video, the section in the book and the podcast episode advocated writing your own eulogy. It struck a lot of people as too morbid. Personally, I think it was a very healthy, albeit sobering, idea. We are all going to have a eulogy about us when we die. They are complex and difficult things to write. Trust me, I have given 5 of them in my life already. The purpose of the exercise was two-fold. One, it reminded us how fleeting life could be. I have already died once, and I am only 47. Good thing I came back because I didn’t have a good draft done yet. The point is, we never know when life may take us. The other point is the one we are going to address today. That is, what we will leave behind. I am not talking about material possesions, but the lessons. How will we have made people feel? Will we have done anything to help the greater good of our family, our community or the greater good?

I can imagine reading that and thinking, “Neil that is great, but it sounds like several questions to me.” You would be correct. We can simplify all of this down to one question you should ask yourself whenever you are feeling lost, do not know which way to go or even feeling burnt out. What is that question? I was beginning to wonder if we would ever get to it myself. The Million Dollar Question, as I call it, is this – What do I want to be remembered for? This may be a little less emotionally triggering than writing a eulogy. It is surely something that can be answered in the moment when we are facing making a difficult decision.

I suggest using this question in 2 ways. First, sit down with a pen and paper and give yourself some time to think. Write down many things that you want to be remembered for. Think of every area in your life. What kind of worker do you want to be remembered as? What kind of friend do you want to have a reputation of being? How about to the people who matter most, your family? How will they remember you. Write as much down as you can. There are no right or wrong answers. Then keep that paper somewhere safe. I suggest looking at it once a week at least. Perhaps on Monday to focus the week. Friday would be a good day to reflect and see if your actions the previous week would lead to you being remembered as you want to be.

The second way to use this is to ask yourself this question throughout the day. It will help guide your actions to be the person you want to be. Ask yourself when facing a difficult decision. Knowing who you want to be may help you make the correct, and sometimes difficult, decision. Maybe even write it down on an index card and carry it with you. Set it as an alarm on your phone to remind you to think of it at least once a day. How about you? Who do you want to be remembered as? I cannot wait to hear your answer.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO MY PODCAST ON THIS SUBJECT

WEDNESDAY MIRACLES 😇

Today is one of my favorite days of the year! It is the first day of summer where I live. I love the warm weather and sunshine. Where I live, both of those are in short supply most of the year. It is also Wednesday. This is a day where many of us may be starting to wear down a little. We have spent too many days getting up early and leaving our family to go to work at a place that may not feed our soul as much as we would like. Even if we love our job, the stress can start to get to us as our responsibilities pile up.

Here is a simple formula for keeping the smile on your face and the pep in your step. Find miracles. That is not so hard is it? I can see many of you staring at your screen with either a confused or somewhat condescending look on your face. “Yeah sure Neil, there are miracles around every corner of my life. I’ll just start writing them down.” That may be said with a degree of sarcasm, but it is actually true. Before you are tempted to tune me out entirely, ponder this. How, when you literally pass thousands of motorists in a month, do you not get in an accident? You may offer that you are a good driver, and perhaps you are, but what about everybody else? What do you think the odds that someone would not be paying attention, driving recklessly, or maybe even under the influence? Out of the thousand motorists you pass, I would say there are several. Yet, you still remained safe. How about how many germs you come in contact with everyday? A quick search on Google will tell you that number sits at roughly 60,000. That is a lot of germs. We are not sick everyday. That is a miracle. Think of these odds. There are between 100 and 300 million sperm at the time of conception, yet, here you are! You won that lottery.

These may seem like we are looking at life through rose-colored glasses, but it does not make any of the mentioned facts less true! How many cracks in the sidewalk do we make it past without tripping? How about being fortunate enough to have access to a blog post written by a very charming author who could be halfway around the world? Only a few years ago, this would have been unheard of. These are all miracles. Take note of them. In my life, I often think it is a miracle that my beautiful lady has the patience to not only stick with me, but to love me as well. It is a miracle that Margie does not run away when she sees my Albert Einstein/Don King hair style first thing in the morning.

Here is my suggestion. Take note of 3 miracles you see in life, be it your own or others, and write them down every Wednesday. See the difference it will have in how you approach the rest of your life. Writing them down accomplishes two very important things. First, it forces us to slow down and think of them. Second, it gives us a great list to refer back to when we need a little lift. Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to celebrate the miracle of warm weather in Wisconsin.

REWIRE YOUR BRAIN 🧠

It can be so frustrating when you are doing your best to live a calmer and more loving life and people do their best to challenge that. You can bite your tongue one time, but the next time you just remember how much it hurt. Not only that, but people can be so thoughtless and really push us. You may even ask yourself, “What is the point of trying to resist acting on my anger when I can’t do it all of the time?” That is a fair question. One, every time that you do manage to do it, you end up with less hurt feelings on the other side and less to apologize for later. As the picture above says, you are also working on rewiring your brain.

If you take the same path in the woods everyday, and then you choose to change it up for a week, the second path will not be nearly as worn in as the first. Similarly, if you have been a slave to your emotions for years of your life, and now you are trying to take control of them, the path in your brain for reaction will be a lot more worn in than the one for intelligently responding. It takes practice and, on occasion, we may slip and go down the more familiar path. Give yourself some compassion. It takes a long time to rewire a house. Can you imagine rewiring a machine with over 86 billion connections? That is how many neurons are in the average brain. They make up our ‘wiring’.

Doing your best to rewire 86 billion connections not enough motivation for you? Think of this – those people disturbing your peace would love to see you lose control. In fact, sometimes that is all they are after. By maintaining control and responding instead of reacting will infuriate them like nothing else. Done enough times and they might give up trying to upset you all together. What if you fail and let them get to you? Just remember, they may have won the battle, but the war is still yours to win. Use that feeling of frustration and failure to motivate you to keep control next time. As the picture above says, “Someone out there is holding their breath waiting for you to fail. Make sure they suffocate.” You don’t actually want to kill anyone, but killing off their desire to upset you would certainly help you live a more calm and peaceful life.

Keep doing your best to resist giving into anger. You are not at the mercy of your emotions, you are their master. That does not mean you should turn into a cold and unfeeling person. It means you should learn how to use and channel every emotion you experience. Both the good and the seemingly bad. I used the word seemingly because you can use them as well. Have a lot of anger? Go to the gym and get a great workout in. Feeling sad or down? Use that to reach out and connect with friends. Feeling lonely? Perhaps you could make friends with a stranger who could also use some company. Feel your emotions, just remember to master them as well.

I WAS IRRITATED, THEN I USED IT 🤔

The strangest thing happened to me the other day. Margie and I both work extremely hard. It is rare we have 2 days off in a row. For me, I don’t even have one. This coming Monday and Tuesday I do. We decided to take advantage and treat ourselves to a mini getaway. We chose a local hotel about 10 miles from our house. We like the restaurant that they have, but never stayed there. I stopped by to book the room one day after work. That was about a week ago. Just yesterday, they called to say they were canceling my reservation. Why? You might ask. It was because I did not live far away from the hotel. It would appear this national hotel chain does not book rooms to anyone who lives in a 30 mile radius. To me, this makes absolutely no sense. Why, as a business, you would say “If you live 30 miles from our hotel, we do not want you as a customer.” is beyond me.

The more I thought about this, the more it confused me. I am an author, podcast host and blogger followed in over 200 countries. If my next door neighbor wanted to buy my book, do you know what I would do? I would sell it to him. If my good friend in Australia wanted a copy of one of my books, I would sell it to her as well. I would not eliminate anyone from my business because of how close or far they live to me. I was willing to pay a good sum to stay at this location, and they refused my money. Margie, who was also confused by the policy, called the hotel to see if there was some mistake. The lady informed her that was indeed their policy and added for good measure, “There is no way I am going to rent you a room.” Not only does it appear this business is not interested in serving their local community, but they seem bent on supplying poor customer service on top of it.

Then I do what I always do. I started asking myself empowering questions. What is this lesson trying to teach me? How can I use this? What is good about this situation? What I decided was that if a hotel was not concerned about alienating their neighbors and customer service that leads to negative word of mouth advertising, I probably would not enjoy my stay there. It also reminded me of the importance of taking care of your neighbors. It put into my head an idea for a great charity event that I am putting together for next month. (More on that in a future post.) Then I asked if perhaps there was a better location that Margie and I were supposed to stay at.

With this in mind, I began to look for other hotels that may be more interested in taking my money. This Not-so-best Western ‘plus’ seemed fine without me. I drove to a hotel a few cities over, just to make sure it was more than 30 miles. It was a Country Inn and Suites. Not only was it connected to 2 amazing restaurants, but the lady could not have been nicer. Just to be safe, I asked her if they had any distance restrictions. She wore a puzzled look. I explained my situation from the earlier hotel. “Oh no. You could live 1 minute away and we would be happy to serve you.” she assured me. This was so refreshing.

In the end, the first hotel may have frustrated and inconvenienced me with their silly policy and waiting until the last minute to inform me of it, but it served me well. It not only gave me the content for today’s blog, but reminded me how important taking care of those closest to you is. It spurred a great idea that I can use to serve my community. Hopefully, as you read this, Margie and I will be enjoying our getaway with a heated pool, hot tub and free breakfast. Let us all learn from the Mistake of the Worst Western. Let us not be so focused on changing the world, that we forget our own community. In every challenge, there is the seed for an even greater opportunity.

START PEOPLE TALKING DIFFERENTLY 👄

One of the areas people complain the most about is social media. Why is it so negative? Why are all the posts they see political or making fun of people. My first question is who chooses what you see on your social media? That would be ‘you’. If you have a person who routinely posts such content, perhaps you can live without their input online. If this person happens to be a friend or family member and deleting them would only serve to start even more issues, you still have two choices. The first would be to ‘hide’ or limit the posts you see from them. Most social media platforms have this option.

The second option is even better and is what we will discuss here. Flood your feed with positive items. Follow people who provide positive content. There are endless motivational and inspirational pages as well. You can also change the discussion to something more positive. Look at the picture above. It is one of those things I happened upon on one of my social media platforms. Why not get people talking about what they like about each other? Do you know where people talk good about someone? At their funeral. Why not start doing this while they are alive? Post this picture and see what people like about you. I would love to hear what answers you get. I will certainly share mine. Encourage your friends to share the same picture so you can share what you like about them. It sure beats the “share this or God will fill your bed with fire ants.” or the “If you don’t share this, I know you don’t care” type post. Let us get people focused on, and discussing, something positive. Maybe ask people one positive thing that happened during their day? How about having them name a person who made a positive difference in their life? There are so many ways we can change the narrative.

As an added bonus, try using this in person. You can begin to change the narrative of in person conversations as well.

THE UNEXPECTED BENEFIT OF BEING FILLED WITH LOVE ❤️

Being filled with love has so many benefits. It may sound like a fluffy, new-age way of living, but it is much more than that. One, it helps everyone you come in contact with feel better. Even if you are someone who doesn’t care much about the people around you, although I doubt you would be reading this blog if you were, there is a benefit to you when they do. Do you know what happens when you make everyone around you feel good about themselves and life in general? They usually return the favor. Imagine doing this for a while and then you have a rough day. Suddenly, everywhere you go, people are kind to you and wanting you to feel good. Your rough day stands a very good chance of improving. Trust me, I have been there.

Another benefit to being filled with love, is that life seems a lot more beautiful. Remember how it felt when you first fall in love with someone? Nothing seems to bother you. Everything seems brighter and more amazing! Now, I am not advocating being someone who falls in love with a new person everyday. No, I am advocating falling in love with life! A great way to do this would be finding as many things as you can to be grateful for! Before you know it, your heart will be filled with love! Again, I have experienced this personally, and it is a great feeling!

One of the best benefits of smiling is that it confuses those who would rather not see us smile. It could be the office gossip. Maybe the fellow who insults something we passionately believe in. How about the customer that that unfairly treated us harshly at our job? Nothing confuses these people, and sometimes drives them crazy, as much as our ability to maintain our happiness despite their attempts to steal it. We can do so by practicing what we have learned in this blog, and the two prior. Fill our hearts with love. Make sure we spend enough time on self-care. Make sure we keep the key to our happiness in our pocket. Have reminders of what we have to be grateful for everywhere. A picture of who we love as the screensaver on our phone. A picture of the vacation we are using our job, and therefore that customer, to save up for. How about reminders of our families, friends and the people and things we enjoy? That will keep us filled with love.

Keeping our hearts filled with love will not only make our life better, it will confuse anyone who is trying to make the world a less loving place. Being able to maintain that love when they challenge it, is not only confusing to them, but will drive them crazy. Want to take it a step further? When someone treats you harshly, or is negative, treat them with love. It will not only fill you with a feeling of pride that you were able to overcome their negativity, but prevent you from feeling the regret of sinking to their level. Who knows, it may even start them thinking how much happier they could be if they were filled with love like you!

6 SECRETS TO SOLVE LIFE’S BIGGEST PROBLEMS 😳

Here is something very important I have learned by having followers in, and talking to, people in over 200 countries – we all have basically the same issues. Sure, there might be slight differences in the nuances, but the core issues tend to be the same. We are going to take a quick look at the six listed above and how they can dramatically improve our life. Who wants to make their life a lot less stressful while making it a lot more productive? I can safely assume we all have our hands up for that one if we are reading from a blog called Secret2anamazinglife.

We are going to go through these quickly for the sake of keeping this post short. You are welcome to research a little more on your own, or just incorporate them into your life and reap the benefits. Exercise is a word many people either fear or think they don’t have time for. Exercise does not have to mean hours in the gym several days a week. It can be a walk after dinner. It can be zumba class, a pick up basketball game or even water aerobics if your joints are sore. Whatever you enjoy and are likely to stick to. One thing I promise you will discover is not only the feel-good chemicals that are scientifically proven to be released in your body with physical exertion, but also a sense of pride in your accomplishment and the improvements in your body. Do whatever you enjoy.

Meditation. Another word that has far too much baggage attached to it. Meditation does not mean sitting in the lotus position (something my body is not capable of at the moment) on a beach, like the lady in the picture above. No, meditation can take so many forms. Essentially, meditation is being present. This may sound easy, and in essence it is. What is tricky is how many distractions we face in the world today. That is why I suggest a walk in nature leaving your phone in the car or at the very least, turning it off. Walking in nature has its own benefits, but being fully present is something that is missing in today’s world. Even taking a few moments, closing our eyes and paying attention to our breath for a few minutes can do wonders. Throw an inspiring word like ‘peace’ or ‘relax’ in the exhale is even better. Find whatever type of meditation works for you. Done a few days in a row and stress will begin to melt away.

Reading. This is something not a lot of us do in today’s world. Yet, there is more information, on more subjects, available today than every before! Want to become more attractive? There are things to read on that. Want to learn more about your job and increase your chances of a promotion? Yep, there are things to read on that subject. Do you want to increase the joy and reduce the stress in your life? You can read the book the wonderful lady is reading in the picture above. It can be a paperback, an ebook, articles online or any other source. Sitting down reading will allow us to learn a host of information we desire. It also helps us to slow down and be more present.

Reading is great for learning about others and the world around us, but what about learning about ourself? Why do we do the foolish things we do? Why do we always date the people who seem so wrong for us? How come we don’t take actions that will get us ahead? If you want to learn the answers to these questions, hire the greatest therapist of all time – a journal. You can learn so much about yourself just by writing down your thoughts. In addition, it clears space in your head when you are feeling overwhelmed. Often, just writing things down will allow you to gain some clarity and see patterns in your life you may have missed by attempting to keep everything in your head.

We have done entire posts about the importance of self-care. If you want to bring the best to others, you have to be the best version of yourself. The only way to accomplish this is to care for yourself and make sure you are 100%. The better shape you are in, the more you can help others. Self-care may seem selfish on the surface, but it is often the best thing that you can do to serve others. Which, is why we are here in the first place, to serve our fellow humans. (and animals.) Make sure you take the time to practice some self care. If doing so comes with any feelings of guilt, remember that the better you are, the better you can help others.

To accomplish any of these items quicker, and to make sure they stick as habits in your life, make sure you are having fun. That is the whole point in life. If you are not enjoying your life, you are wasting your life. You can have fun exercising, as we pointed out in that section. Find ways to look forward to meditation and journaling. Make self-care something to treat yourself with. Pick a good book, like Living the Dream, to look forward to reading a little bit of every day. The more enjoyable you make any of the items we have listed, the more likely they are to be effective. Coming up with ways to make them fun is enjoyable as well!

Put the six items in this blog into action and there is no way you will not be living a more amazing life. I would love to hear about actions you take in any or all of the categories! All of us are looking for new ideas to make our life more positive and rewarding. Sharing how you do, could give us that idea! In everything you do, remember to have fun!

2 BOOKS + 2 HABITS = 1 AMAZING RELATIONSHIP 👏

People often wonder what the secret to the relationship I have with Margie. Firstly, it helps that she is an amazing, patient and understanding woman. However, there are certain things I do on my end that ensure we will continue to not only maintain, but grow our love for each other. They are 4 simple things that you can do in your own relationship, starting as soon as you finish reading this blog post! We are going to discuss how this works in intimate relationships, but as you will see, the four items can be used to create an amazing relationship whether it is platonic or intimate.

The first suggestion is to purchase the two book featured in the photo above. We will look at them one at a time. How to Win Friends and Influence People is my favorite book of all time. It not only is filled with secrets to help you navigate the often tricky world of interpersonal relationships, but to do so making the other person feel loved, valued and heard. The ‘influence people’ portion sounds like you might be manipulating someone, but it is quite the opposite. Let us say you would like your partner to be more romantic. You could try being direct and saying, “Why on earth can’t you be more romantic?” That would not only have them feeling defensive, it would also not stir up many loving feelings. If, however, you encouraged romantic behavior by telling them how loved you felt when they did ______ . ‘That’ being whatever romantic behavior they last did. Perhaps, you could start by doing romantic behaviors yourself. When they are overwhelmed with love, you can say something to the effect of, “I know it is important to let you know you are loved. Doing romantic things are the best way I can think of to show that.” These subtle behaviors will have them wanting to be romantic with you and they will even think it is their idea. You are influencing their behavior, but it is more guiding than manipulating.

Above are the 5 love languages, from the book of the same name. We are all a mix of each and doing anything from the list is good. Still, we are usually predominantly one. That is to say, we usually receive love best through one of them. Here is the tricky part, we also usually show love through one of them. What if the way your partner receives love, and the way you show love do not match up? You may feel like you are working so hard to show them love they are not really seeing it. That’s ok. There is a quiz in the book that will help you discover how you, and your partner, both show and receive love. This will allow you to have your partner feeling more loved than ever before and you can do so easier than you imagined. If they are on board as well, you will be feeling more loved as well. Talk about a win/win! If you are not into reading, or don’t have the time, get the audio versions of these great books. Listen to them on your morning commute or when you clean the house. Imagine coming home from work being a greater lover than when you left? Imagine if you did this every day for a month?

The 2 habits we are going to discuss are ritual and reminder. Do not let the word ‘ritual’ scare you off. We are not going to sacrifice a living animal under a full moon. A ritual is a dedicated set of actions done with intent and feeling. How does any of this have to do with creating a great relationship? Simple. Once you discover the way your partner best receives love, set up a ritual, or routine if that word still scares you, that accomplishes those actions. Let us say your partner best receives love through words of affirmation, my personal one, then set up a ritual where you do something on a regular basis that accomplishes that. When you start out, maybe do it once a week. One day it may be an online post letting the world know why you love them. The next might be an email letting them know all of the reasons they are amazing. The following could be mailing them a card with a heartfelt message.

The possibilities are endless. They are only limited by your creativity. Not so creative? That is what Google is for. An important side-note. When your partner takes the quiz, you will see they have a first, second, third and so on, list of how they receive love. I would throw in a few in the number 2 category as well. Remember, we are not just one or the other when it comes to receiving love. In addition to what you are already doing, maybe you could do a load of laundry for them. Stop at the grocery store and pick up something you know they need without them asking. You could even let them know you will be passing the store on the way home and ask them if they need anything.

How on earth are you going to remember to do all of this? That plays into the last of our 4 tools to an amazing relationship. A reminder. This leaves room for creativity as well. I like setting an alarm in your phone. Maybe for shortly after you leave work. Just a quick reminder to do one of the actions that make your partner feel loved. You can also make it your screen saver on your phone. Most of us look at our phone hundreds of times a day. What a better way to ingrain a habit into your mind that to look at it hundreds of times a day. How about picking a symbol? Meaning, every time you see the word ‘love’ somewhere it will remind you to take the actions to make your partner feel loved. It should be a symbol you see regularly, but not so much it does not stand out.

If you take these 4 actions, I promise you that your relationship will be better than before. It works for me and it will work for you. As you can see, this can be used for any person that you wish to increase a connection with. The tips in How to Win Friends and Influence People can be used in a business setting, with friends or family and anyone else you want to win as a friend. The 5 Love Languages even sound romantic, but if you replace the word love with the feeling of importance and value, you can see how it would work in the platonic sense. As for ritual and reminder, it can be used to call your mother, compliment your boss or check in on a friend. These tools will improve any relationship you want to focus on. The one at home has the biggest impact on your emotional well-being, but having great relationships across the board will improve your life!

ARE YOU MISSING IT?😳

I am so excited for today’s post! The picture above says it all. A lot of us may be tempted to look at it and say, “What a stupid cat!” Be careful. You might have far more in common with that cat than you think. Before we get any further, let me assure you that I am as guilty of this on occasion as anyone. It really can be a problem for high-achievers. That is this, focusing so much on a problem that we fail to see the solution. It may not always be as black and white as how to get out of a cat carrier, but sometimes it is not that far off.

One of the rules I do my best to apply in my life is the 80/20 principle. I spend 20% of my time focusing on the problem. This will include gaining clarity on what the problem is. You would be surprised how many times this is a misunderstanding that compounds many a disagreement. I also want to look at possible causes and variables that went into the problem. The remaining 80% of the time I spend focused on the solution. What are variables I could introduce into the situation that could bring a resolution. Do I need to issue an apology? Do I need to adjust a behavior?

This method is not reserved solely for interpersonal relations. It can work in business. It works good when working on some self-improvement issue. It is relationships that I would like to discuss today, but feel free to think how you could apply this in business and other fields. To focus on solutions, you must start by knowing your goal. This sounds elementary, but it is not. If you are having a disagreement with your spouse, for example, the goal is to get back to a loving state. That may seem obvious as you read this, but in an emotional situation it can get lost in the shuffle.

If your spouse did something that hurt you, or maybe violated a standard you have for the relationship, it may seem hard to focus on getting back to a loving state. Especially, if you are the one who was hurt. You may want them to feel hurt, or even just to know how much they hurt you. Again, spending 20% on the problem here can be helpful. Being very clear to the other party what the problem is as you see it. You would be amazed how often people are working to solve two entirely different problems. Never assume your partner should know why you are upset. Yelling and screaming that you are hurt or mad does not relay the cause of the issue at hand. The more tactful you can convey why you are upset, the more likely the other party will understand. I get it. This is difficult to do when you are in a highly emotional state. I do not always get this right, even though I know this stuff. If possible, I suggest taking a moment to help yourself become clear as to why you are upset, and how you can convey those feelings in such a way that the other party will not feel attacked or defensive.

Spend the other 80% of the time focused on the solution. That is, getting back to a loving state. If the desired state is to be on a harmonious state of interaction, you can begin to focus on that. Certainly, figuring out who is to blame would not get you any closer. However, suggesting alternative ways certain situations could be acted out in the future that would leave both parties happy would get you closer.

Notice this in your own life. Are you spending too much time focused on the problem? Are you finding your disagreements spent rehashing the problem, or discussing possible solutions? Even if you disagree on a solution, the fact that you are working towards that is what is healthy. Even throwing the question, “How do you think we can get back to being loving?” in the middle of a heated disagreement, can put you back on track. Sometimes, it is can be beneficial to cool off and come back together with possible solutions in mind. There are so many possible solutions to suggest. The more you put out there, the more you stand a chance of succeeding.

Here are two bonus items that will make this even better. The first is that it is essential to validate your partner’s feelings, even if you disagree with them. Saying things such as “I understand you feel….” can open the door to solutions. It also lets your partner know they are being heard. This is very important. The second thing that greatly increases the odds that your disagreement will leave your relationship stronger and not weaker is to ask for help. What I mean is to let your partner know that you would love to get back to a loving state with them. Saying something like this, “I really want us to be loving and I would love your help in coming up with a solution to do just that.” Now, how can you continue to be upset when you hear that? The important part about both of these is that they cannot be hollow words. You must mean them and follow them up with actions that show you mean them. They say, “Where focus goes, energy flows.” Do you want to give your energy and focus to your problems, or to your successes and solutions?

WOULD YOU SIGN THE CONTRACT?📝

I was recently watching an interview with Sammy Hagar, who is a fan of my first book A Happy Life for Busy People, and the interviewer asked him two questions that got me thinking. I want to share those questions with you and not only get your take on it, but maybe start a change in thought pattern in your life as well. The first question he was asked was how often him and his wife do not get along. His best guess was out of 52 weeks of the year, they do not get along for roughly a total of three weeks. That is if you add all of the days together. Then, the interviewer asked a deeper, more thought provoking question.

This question was this – if you were given a contract that said, “For roughly 49 weeks of the year you will be happy. You will share a great life together, have amazing sex, help each other with your struggles. However, the other 3 weeks, you will be upset with each other. There will be hurt feelings on both sides. This will undoubtedly distract you and prevent you from bringing your best to whatever activity you are pursuing. Then he asked Sammy, “Would you sign that contract?” What an interesting thought.

The answer really depends on you and the other individual. This is true in all of our relationships, whether they be intimate or platonic. Is the stress, of which there will always be some, worth all of the joy you will receive? If it is, know that you do sign up to be a friend, business partner, or life partner and you should fulfill your half of the contract, written or not. How about you and your own life? What do your contracts look like? How about you? Do you think you are worth signing a contract for? Would your friends, family and lover agree? Just a little food for thought heading into the weekend. I would love to hear your views on this.