In my first two books, A Happy Life for Busy People and Living the Dream, we discussed how our inner world affects our outer world. Your mind can either be your biggest obstacle, or done right, your biggest ally. Anyone interested in the law of attraction, has heard this countless times. It is true. What we think determines what actions we will take. The actions we take, in turn, will determine, to a great extent, the quality of life we live. If our minds are positive and encouraging, we will take actions that will lead to a positive and fulfilling life. If our heads are filled with self-doubt and negative thinking, we are unlikely to put ourselves out there and take many, if any, actions at all.
Like many self-improvement actions, this is simple, but not easy. Improving your inner dialogue and thoughts is a lifetime endeavor. It is an investment that is worth its weight in gold. The time you invest on improving what happens inside your head will manifest itself as a greater sense of well-being, inner peace and increased opportunities and accomplished goals. I recommend beginning this journey right now. You can pick up either of my first two books mentioned earlier, or even search “Improving my inner dialogue on YouTube or Google. There are so many resources available.
Working on improving the workings of your mind may seem like just one more thing you do not have time for. Let me assure you that it will be the most profitable investment you make. It will also be one you cannot lose. What you gain in knowledge and confidence will be with you the rest of your life and positively impact every area of your life. As Earl Nightingale once said, “Never give up on a dreamjust because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.” If you know of a resource that you have found especially helpful with helping you get control of your mind and thinking, please share it with the rest of us.
I am big fan of the 80’s. Not only is it the decade in which I grew up, but I feel a lot of great music and films came out of that era. John Hughes, was a great filmmaker in the 80’s. One of his most popular films was Breakfast Club. A coming of age film that helped launch several careers. In the movie, kids from several different social cliques are forced together to serve detention on a Saturday afternoon. The principal requires them all to write a paper explaining who they are and why they are there. What is supposed to be a punishment, turns into an opportunity for the kids to transcend their peer created barriers and discover they have a lot more in common than they knew, or willing to admit.
You would think the lessons learned in a movie 38 years ago (I am feeling old now) should be something we mastered. Yet, in 2023 we can feel more divided than ever. People are being attacked for their color, their religion or their political beliefs. High school kids, disconnected through a world existing mostly online, never are forced to get to know each other. We still belong to certain social cliques. Not only as children, but as adults. As we grow older we tend to limit our exposure to those who are different than us. In some cases, we even vilify them. In the same turn, we often work to impress those we are associating with.
If we were to change our focus to bettering ourselves, I think we would discover a great deal about ourselves as well as others. That lesson is that despite our differences, we share many of the same struggles and aspirations. By focusing on bettering ourselves, we can be both an example as well as a source of hope for others. You only learn something by exposing yourself to something new. That not only holds true for books and experiences, but for people as well.
Let us all take a lesson from this movie from the 80’s. (watching it again might not be a bad idea) Let us take the time to really learn about those who are different from us instead of judging them. Let us change our focus from impressing others by making our life look perfect, to admitting our faults and vulnerabilities and working on improving them. This way, our life will not only look better, it will actually be better.
As so often happens, as I was writing my last post, a revelation occurred to me. There are 2 words that can really help us in living an amazing life. We are going to share those with you today, and hopefully you can find ways to apply them in your own life. Even better, you can share how you do so with all of us on this site. The more ideas we have, and the more we work together, the more likely we all are to live an amazing life.
The first word is tradition. In life, I find it is helpful to have traditions. We are not talking about traditions that you feel obligated to do. Quite the opposite. These are ones that bring you joy, inner peace or any other wonderful feeling. I mentioned that I had my yearly vacation at the Wisconsin State Fair. Without even knowing it, I applied these two words to make it one of the best years I have spent there. Which is saying a lot.
In terms of traditions, there are plenty we have. One of which can be found in the first photo. It is food from one of the stands, Krautland. We enjoy the family that owns it and the amazing hospitality they provide. The second, a more recent addition, is a picture of the dog diving. These dogs compete by catching toys the owners toss into a 40 foot pool. Both the crowd and the dogs have an amazing time. When we take part in either of these events, we are not only creating new memories, but reflecting on the great memories of the past. It always gives us something to look forward to.
The second word we touched on last post. That word is new. I think finding something fun and new is the key to keeping life fresh and exciting. We want to avoid falling in the trap of feeling like we are in a rut. Nothing can deflate the spirit more than feeling like there is nothing to be nervous or excited about. Again, I will use my recent vacation as an example of how to incorporate this. We discussed how we used tradition in the paragraph above, here is how we used newness. People often ask how I do not get bored going to the fair every year. Simple, I enjoy the traditions, and incorporate new things. This year, we did new foods such as a sweet potato latte, and the brat-e-o. We also went to different parts of the park such as the new Valentine coffee shop. I discovered a new local band I like. These are only 4 of the new things we tried among many.
In our lives, it is important to blend the traditions we know will bring us joy with the excitement of the new and unknown. When it comes to both, keep and open mind and be flexible. Perhaps the new restaurant you try may not be to your liking. That is ok. Maybe the tradition you enjoy may not work out as it has in the past. That does not mean you have to give it up. All of these are just stories and memories to create and share together. Tradition and new may seem like opposites, but they can work together to create an amazing life. How about you? What traditions and methods for incorporating something new do you have?
Today is my first day back at the day job after 2 weeks of vacation. I enjoyed every day of the Wisconsin State Fair. I made new friends. I created some new opportunities as well as learned some new things. I just realized that is a lot of ‘new’. One of the best discoveries was a new tradition that my lovely Margie and I started. The State Fair opened daily at 10am. As someone who usually gets up at 4am for work, I was usually up with plenty of time to get myself ready and enjoy a leisurely cup of coffee. Margie has started a new workout schedule with her daughter. Can I mention how proud I am of her? This meant she was usually up early as well. We sat on our porch and drank a cup of coffee together. Shared our plans for the day and thoughts that were on our mind. Reflecting on that, it was one of the best parts of my vacation!
As I return to work, I realize that paradise may not be available to me. Being that I leave for work around 420am, I do not see Margie, or myself waking up at 3 to sit on the porch and enjoy a cup of coffee. Another great paradise that occurred happened when I was attending the fair with my mother. It was early and the crowd was still light. The temperature was around 83 degrees. After enjoying a breakfast burrito and pancakes, we got a hot cup of coffee (perfect on a hot summer morning) and a doughnut. New to the fair this year was a shared stand with a local bakery, and my favorite local coffee, Valentine. We took it to the ‘Central Mall’ area of the fair and got a table in the sun. As we got our dose of vitamin D, the band Banana Wind, which neither of us had heard of, began to play. They filled the air with songs of the topics. The sun was shining, the music was tropical, I had my favorite local coffee and a sample of 3 different local doughnuts. In the middle of January, when the temperature falls south of the zero mark, this will not be an option. Actually, it never was an option again, as that band only played that morning.
This post may begin to sound a bit depressing. “Great Neil. You found some amazing experiences and now you can’t do them anymore.” This is true to some extent. This is where asking yourself the question, “How can I use this?” comes into play. There are two words that come to mind – adjust and reflect. I will not be able to sit on the porch every morning and sip coffee with my love. However, I do know that on my days off, that will be something to look forward to! We can also do so when I get home from work.What a better way to unwind? As for the second episode, reflecting on what a great time my mother and I had that day in the sun, will be good to ponder when winter days get me down. It will also be fun to share that memory and reflect together! As I always say, just because you can’t be there physically, doesn’t mean you can’t be there mentally.
How about your life? What are the moments of paradise you have? Is there a way to visit them often? Maybe create a photo album of that vacation to the tropics? You can look through it and take yourself back whenever you need a little escape. How about special times with those you love and care about? It is a must to schedule those into your routine, and do so often. I would love to hear about your paradise and how you go there in your life.
This blog post title comes with a caveat. If what feels good to you causes harm to yourself or others, than by all means, do NOT do it. I will not be responsible for you trying some ridiculous Tik Tok challenge. What I can tell you, is that if you find something in your life that feeds your soul, do it and do it often. In life, we are all to often asked, or required, to do things that drain our spirit and our soul. That could be a job that we do not relish. It could be coworkers that are less than inspiring.
This is a picture of my beautiful love, Margie, and I at the Wisconsin State Fair. Almost 20 years ago, I decided that was one of my favorite places to be. Since being with Margie, it has turned into two of my favorite places to be. The Wisconsin State Fair and with her. I enjoy the food, the garden and art tours throughout the grounds, dancing in the sand at the reggae bar and all of the kitchen gadgets that Margie and I purchase that we do not need. It runs 11 days in early August. On a fine day in 1996, I decided if I liked it so much, why don’t I attend it all 11 days? I have done so every year since. I go with different people and always have a great time. Some of my friends like the bands. Some of them like the food. Some like shopping and I hope they all like spending a day with yours truly.
A few years ago I even purchased a personalized brick to be placed at the fair. It not only went to support the event, but celebrated my favorite person to attend with. It has become an added bonus to look at when we are there. Creating memories with friends, family and of course Margie, is something I look forward to all year long. By the time you read this, we will have attended the first day with my mother. We have plans with good friends Faith, CJ, Nicci, Chris, Heidi and others. Each one will be a sharing of happiness, friendship and love for life.
If there is something in your life that brings joy to your spirit and soul, celebrate it as often as you can. Life will certainly throw challenges your way. It is always good to have something ready to lift your spirit. Why not? We all deserve that inner joy and sense of well-being. I look forward to hearing what brings joy to that beautiful heart of yours.
Here is a point worth pondering. Many of us who are in survival mode fail to recognize, or take advantage of, the opportunities to do good. If your focus is to just wake up, go to work and pay the bills, you are missing out on a large portion of life. My fourth book, which will be released late 2023/early 2024, will be focusing on switching our life from surviving to thriving. One of the best ways to do that is by acting and not reacting to life. If you assume that if you are not doing harm, you are therefore doing good, that is only half of the story.
It was this very thought that gave me a brilliant idea. I was searching for how to put my gift to the best use. As an author and writer, the ways in which I can do good seemed somewhat limited. As quickly as that thought came, it was replaced by one that removed those limits. My good did not have to be limited to donating books to local cancer centers. Although that was one of the more rewarding aspects of my writing career. No, by using the products I had created, I was able to raise money for two wonderful causes.
I hosted a book signing. 100% of the profits from the sale of my books was given as a donation to two wonderful local charities. This, along with money from donation buckets we had set up and a generous donation from the establishment hosting the event, allowed us to really make a difference. When all was said and done, we were able to donate $250 to W.I.S.H. (Women Initiate self-healing and hope) Which is a group that supports victims of domestic violence by hosting support meetings as well as providing them some essentials needed for these ladies who were forced to start their lives over.
In addition, we were able to donate another $250 to Rescue Gang. This is a group that not only rescues animals, provides them the medical attention they need, but also has a network of foster families that care for these animals until a forever home can be found for them. It is sad that animals cannot raise their voices for help, and that we must serve as that voice.
Handing over checks to these two amazing and hard-working ladies (Thank you Holly and Jennifer) was a very rewarding experience. It did open my eyes to the many possibilities still out there. Not only for me, but for you as well. What is your gift? Have you discovered all of the ways in which you can use it? If you are a person that does siding, you could not only assist on helping to provide siding to a local church, but could donate a portion of your sales to help other causes near and dear to your heart. You could reserve a spot of your delivery truck or website to a deserving local charity. Again, the possibilities are endless. Not only are the ways to help countless, so are the groups that need our help. My challenge for you today is to find one of the groups you passionately believe in and then brainstorm on ways you can use your gifts and talents to help them. Working together, we can make a big difference in supporting those who make our world a better place.
There are simple things that we can use to have a transformative effect on our lives. In my first two books, I mention the power of talismans. When most people hear that word, they think of an inscribed ring or stone that has magical powers. In fact, that is how the definition reads online. We are not talking about anything occult, but the way in can affect your life will seem like magic. As with everything I share, I can relate to you from personal experience. I am going to show you how simple it can be to cultivate inner peace by looking at the end of your wrist.
Above is a picture of a bracelet I purchased from an amazing young lady who turned her own personal struggles into a way to help and serve others. Her name is Pamela and she is the owner of At Peace Designs. A link to her amazing website will be found at the end of this post. I met Pamela at a local event called ‘West Allis A La Carte’ where I live. I noticed her stand and was drawn to it for the simple, yet powerful, message. The engaging owner came up and shared with Margie and I her story and what took her on the path to create the business. This included a great story about a tattoo on vacation, but I will let her share that one with you personally.
What makes Pamela’s products so great is that they provide us a simple reminder to put an accent on maintaining our inner peace. For me, all I have to do is look at the end of my wrist. She also has coffee mugs, yoga mats, stickers and my personal favorite – gratitude journals! She has many other products that feature her amazing logo as well. In a world where chaos and stress are everywhere we look, what a great advantage to have a simple reminder to focus on our inner peace. I highly suggest you take a look at Pamela’s amazing website at the link below and pick up your At Peace Designs before stress and fear gain any more ground in your life. Do you know someone who could use a little more peace? They make great gifts as well.
I mentioned the book I am currently reading in an earlier post. Where I cannot assume you read that post, the title of the book is Happiness is a Choice you Make by John Leland. It was recommended to me by a dear lady whom I had met at a graduation party. She was someone whom I had never met, but we conversed the whole time I was there like old friends. I am hoping I have the opportunity to thank her for such a great recommendation. The book covers 6 of the ‘oldest old’. That is to say people who are above the age of 87. Which I learned, is one of the fastest growing demographics in the United States.
In the section I am currently reading, the author is talking with a couple who are in their 90s. They found each other at the nursing home where they both live. The dynamics of their relationship is so fascinating to me. One of the aspects that makes it work is a great secret that all of us could use in our own relationships. This secret works not only in romantic relationships, but friendships, business relationships or relationships of any kind. If you don’t manage this secret properly, it can lead to what poisons a great deal of relationships. If you do learn, and are able to master this, it will give your relationship an advantage others simply don’t have. Both parties will feel happier and more confident with the relationship.
That is what we do here at Secret2anamazinglife.com. We teach you secrets to have an amazing life. One of the biggest factors of the quality of life is the quality of your relationships. Learning how to improve them has a positive impact on every area of your life. What is the secret the couple in the book practice that we all could put into use in our own lives? Learning to not only give, but receive. That second part especially. Independent people often want to do everything themselves. This is not necessarily a bad trait. When you are in a relationship, it can leave the other party feeling both a little unneeded and unwanted. If someone offers to say, get you a cup of coffee, and you always reply “I can do it myself.” It will not only leave the other party feeling as though they lost an opportunity to do something for you, but done long enough, they may stop offering all together.
This is a tricky balance. We often to want to feel like a burden to our partner or friend, but we certainly want to give them an opportunity to feel as though they did something for us. Think if the roles were reversed. How would you feel if you were able to do something that would either help, or bring joy, to your partner or friend? You would feel good I would imagine. Why would you deny that good feeling to someone else? Have you ever looked at it this way? It may seem that one party is taking and one is giving in this equation. The truth is, they are both giving. One, the act of service. The other, the opportunity to provide that service. If you follow this up with appreciation, you actually get to give twice by receiving. How crazy is that? The other party feels good that they were able to do something for you, and they feel good that you let them know you appreciate what they did.
The picture above is me and my silly lady. We practice this secret daily. It is not always easy as we both love to do things for each other. We must remember that we like the other party to feel needed and appreciated. In fact, we love appreciating each other. One of the worst things you can do in a relationship is ‘keep score’. The thought that “Hey! I do a lot more for them than they do for me!” is poison to a relationship. You are actually providing them an opportunity to appreciate you and they are providing an opportunity to feel that you matter and serve a purpose in the relationship. Appreciation for your partner and all that they do is key in this equation. It is true that you never want to feel useless, or that you don’t serve a purpose in a relationship. You also never want to feel taken for granted.
Let your partner know that you appreciate everything they do for you. Give them an opportunity to do things for you, even if you can do it for yourself. This is not only a secret to an amazing relationship, but to an amazing life.
This is a big one! There are countless people who stifle themselves because of the opinions and actions of others. I have seen and heard it many times. I am sure you have too. “I would write this book, but my husband told me it is a waste of time.” Between being a bartender and a DJ, I have seen many people decide to quit drinking and going to bars because it does not serve them, or their live in a positive way. When others see this, they see things such as, “They are not fun anymore.” or “Remember when you used to hang out?” Plus, my favorite, “How come you do not have fun anymore?” This somehow translates drinking alcohol and being in a tavern as the only source of fun.
Whenever you are trying to make a positive change in your life, you will make some people uncomfortable. This could be for a variety of reasons. Two of the most prevalent are as follows. First, they often feel bad about their own condition. In our case of the person who leaves alcohol behind, their friends may, consciously or subconsciously, realize that they too would be better off with less imbibing. They realize their friend is making a decision that will improve not only their health, but their life as well. This may make them feel bad about the life decisions they are making. Instead of doing something to better themselves, they take the easier bath of lashing out and putting down their friend.
The second reason, which is even more common, is that people fear being left behind. Our example about the wife wanting to write a book and the husband not supporting her is such an example. Obviously, the husband should love and support his wife in something that she is really passionate about. In this case, he may fear that if his wife becomes a best-selling author, she will leave him behind. These sorts of reactions have more to do with the self-confidence of the other party than with your evolving. People fear if that are unable to evolve to the level their partner, spouse or friend does that they will be left behind. This should be source of motivation to better themselves or at least to share these feelings with the other party.
In your life, do not allow others to make you feel uncomfortable for wanting to evolve and better yourself. Go forth with the knowledge that by doing so you will make others uncomfortable. Do it anyway. If you notice this happening, you may want to reassure them, or invite them to evolve with you, but whatever you do, please do not let it stop your growth.
Here lies the secret for reducing stress and saving energy. It amazes me how many educated adults waste their time worrying about other people and their opinions. That is not to say you should charge through life without a care about anyone else. Not at all. Those closest to you, and those who play an important role in your life should be handled with care. What we are talking about is those who do not play an important role in your life.
In today’s world of social media and ‘keyboard rangers’, there are a lot of people who feel the need to express their unnecessary, and often unwanted, negative opinions. I often relate the story of a stranger on the site Nextdoor who placed negative comments on a post of mine for 2 days straight. Why? Simply because my title was in all capital letters to delineate the title from the body of the post. He felt I was personally yelling at him. For 48 hours straight, this man continued to post hateful things in the comments of my post about positivity. What did he think of the post itself? He never actually read it.
Sun Tzu, who work the great book, The Art of War, tells us the wise warrior avoids the battle. Does that mean we should live our lives as cowards? Certainly not. What Sun Tzu was telling us was that in every battle there will be losses on both sides. This holds true not only in war, but in business, our career, friendships and our personal relationships. Even if one ‘wins’ a battle, or argument, there will be some damage done. That could be in the form of some resentment from the other party, damage to our reputation, hurt feelings from words or deeds that can’t be undone and a million other things. The point is, there is no battle that does not have casualties. Which leads us to our final point on the subject.
The most important decision when fighting any battle, be that militarily or personally, is whether it is worth fighting in the first place. You might want to write that down somewhere. If we run around responding to every fool out there, we will not only become very tired, very quickly, but we will become a fool ourselves. For it is a fool who attends every argument they are invited to. Again, you might want to write that down. Take, for example, a young lady at my day job. She has some severe anger management issues and seems generally unhappy with her life. There are times she lashes out at me and even spreads lies and vicious gossip about me. If I were to get upset every time she did that, I would end up as unhappy and angry as she is. Like our first photo reminds us to ask, is why would I care if this generally unhappy and angry lady is unhappy and angry with me? I don’t. If I were to spend my energy on that, I would have less energy for the things that really matter. I would have less energy to check in with friends. I would be too exhausted to make it to the gym. There would be less energy to put towards loving my beautiful lady. For what? To sink to the level of someone else? I don’t think so.
How about your life? Do you spend energy fighting battles that really don’t matter in the big picture? Do you worry if everyone likes you? Are you overly upset when one person decides not to like you? Why do you care? Again, if it is someone you genuinely care for, that is a different matter entirely. However, if this is just a negative Nancy, do not let them bring your energy down. Another warning about letting everything upset you, if you do so long enough, there will be a greater price to pay. When you are in a negative emotional state for a long period of time, your immune system goes down. You develop physical ailments such as an upset stomach or ulcers. It also starts to affect your outlook and well-being. It may even turn you into Negative Norman. Ask yourself, “Is the battle I am about to fight even worth fighting?” It will save you a lot of stress and a lot of energy for things that are far more important.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 