Tag: Neil Panoisan

MY TIPS TO EASE THE GRIEF OF LOSS 😭

One of the traits I have developed through the years is an ability to survive the passing of loved ones better than most. This is not to say that I have been cold and uncaring. Quite the opposite. The sadness and sense of loss is just as great in my heart as the next person. What I have learned to do is give the loss, and in doing so the life of that person, a sense of meaning. A few posts ago I, titled You might be asking the wrong question, I spoke a little more about this process. If you are really struggling, or would like additional thoughts on grief and loss, you might want to read that after you are done with this one.

The earliest example of putting this to use was the passing of my grandmother. In my life, I was very close to both of my grandparents. When my grandmother passed, it was like the ending of an era. The large family gathering began to lose people one by one. Family gathered around the table for a big meal became less and less of an event. When I stopped to finally soaked in everything that was different about my grandmother being gone, I decided the best way to honor her memory was to be what she brought to the world. When my grandfather passed, that was an even bigger blow. It seemed surreal at the time. What it did do was make me appreciate everything my grandfather taught me both by word and example.

Between 2017 and 2018 I gave 5 eulogies. I am a public speaker, but let me tell you, those are some of the most difficult to give. It wasn’t until I turned the focus into serving those who were there also experiencing loss, that it became far easier. The same is true in dealing with my own grief. turning it into serving those in the world who would be missing the traits that those I lost had brought to the world made my grief easier to handle. Those we are filled with sadness due to their loss must have done many things that brought joy to our heart and others. If not, chances are we would not be that filled with grief over their loss. It is identifying those traits and stepping up to be that for others that will not only honor the lives of our loved one, but help us in our own grief.

I am not telling you that being a good listener because your late aunt was, or always blessing people with a little humor because your mother did is going to change the fact that you are filled with grief over missing them. I don’t think we should be focused on trying to remove the grief. Again, I suggest reading the post You might be asking the wrong question. By giving our grief, and therefore their life, some purpose, our heart may find it a little easier to go on. In fact, when we find ourselves doing something that our loved one would have done to make someone smile, it just might do the same for us.

HOW TO FIX THE WORLD 🌎

There is a lot of apprehension in the hearts of many people. It seems there is a great deal of concern that people with little care or concern to treat others with dignity and respect have been put in positions of power. As someone who has made it their life mission to leave the world a little better place than I found it, I can totally understand this. We were taught as children to respect each other, including those we differ with. We were taught that it is right to disagree with someone in a respectful fashion. Even on the elementary school playground we were taught that it was not nice to call people names just because they were different or held different opinions than us. Hopefully, these are the same lessons that we taught our children.

It is therefore understandable to be concerned when those who are supposed to be examples do the very opposite of this. Will the world become less caring and callous? I would be lying if I would tell you that some less-informed souls may view this as permission to act that way in their own lives. What can we do about all of this? Surprisingly, quite a bit. It is easy to feel hopeless and despondent about the whole thing. The more constructive action would to be to intensify our acts of kindness and compassion. Recently, I wrote a letter to the Dalai Lama, who is a master at teaching compassion. If you want any lessons on how to stay compassionate in an often cruel world, I recommend listening to some of his talks. Many are available on YouTube.

Many people view this solution as ridiculous or think of themselves too small to make that big of a difference. Nothing could be further from the truth. Let me break this down for you. How many people on average to you interact with on a daily basis? If you work in retail, this could be close to 100. Even if you don’t, you probably run into at the very least 10. Let’s just say 20 as an average. If you do your best to treat everyone you contact with kindness and compassion, maybe even say a few empowering words to them, do you think that would make a difference? What difference would 20 people make in a world of 8 billion? Let us do the math. 20 people a day, on average, for every day of the year equals 7300 people. If we went for the person in retail who sees 100 people a day, that number goes up to 36,500! Can you see the power we hold? You could be a beacon of hope for so many people. An example of goodness in the world. A reason to believe.

If only 20 retail employees did what we are discussing, that would bring us close to a million people shown kindness and compassion. When you add words of empowerment, that could be a million lives you positively impact. What do you think those people would go on to do? You can see the power of the ripple effect here. It works in reverse too. If one person decides they are too insignificant to make a difference, that is between 7300 and 36,500 people who will be negatively affected. Do you see the power your one example can make? What if you are a teacher? A boss or a leader of some other fashion? The impact of everyone makes a huge difference. Do not let an election or a sometimes hard world make you believe otherwise.

UPON FURTHER REFECTION 🤔

Above is a picture of my great-grandfather. His name was Leon, but they called him Leo. I never knew the man. I believe he had passed on by the time I was born. I’ll have to check on that and get back to you. Here is why I am posting his picture here. While reading Our Wisconsin magazine the other day, there were black and white pictures filling the pages of time gone by. Looking at them, you could really feel the moment in which they were taken. There was no color, no 3D aspect to them, but there was emotion in the expressions on the peoples faces and you could see in their body language. In a world of such advancement, it was striking to me that powerful impact these simple pictures had.

This is a picture of my great uncle Ray. Him I met. Although he did pass away quite a few years ago. I recall him being a very dedicated bachelor. He lived by himself and was a very avid outdoorsman. Also, very thrifty gent. If he was only eating a little bit, he would cut a paper plate in half. Seems crazy to me, but when you grew up going through the great depression I suppose that is how you are wired. Looking at this picture, I wonder what life was like for him as a youth. What formed the attitudes he carried. What made him pick out the shirt he was wearing. What was fashion like when he was young? Pictures often provide as many questions as they do answers. What they always do is lead us to great reflection.

Here is a black and white photo of my lovely lady and I. There are probably a million color photographs of us together. I might honestly be off by one or two. Still, this is one of everyone’s favorites. Just like the photos of my ancestors above, I think the lack of color may help but strengthen the emotion emitted. Try looking into some old pictures you have come across. They do not have to be of long gone relatives, or even people or places you know. It could just be a scene from a time that has passed. Take a hard look at the photo and imagine what the scene was like. What were the people’s lives like? What would they think of our modern world? What were their dreams and aspirations?

What purpose does reflection like this serve? I think it can better capture our ability to appreciate the present. Thinking of times past can reshape how we view our current situation. What would they be grateful to have that we take for granted? What did they have that we might be better off with? Often, I envy the simplicity of times gone by, but appreciate the convenience that we have now. Something as simple as looking at, and reflecting on, a black and white photograph can shift our perception of the present. What do you think the pictures you take now will tell others when they look at them decades from now? What have you ever learned from looking at pictures of the past?

BE A FOOL FOR A MINUTE ⏰️

One of the things I loved best when I was in West Hollywood, and even when I go back to visit, is the complete shock with someone who is honest and sincere. In an Instagram filter world, many people are so afraid not to be perfect. Although, if asked in private, 99% of them would admit they are not perfect. Here is a news flash, none of us are! One of the ways in which this reveals itself is the fear of asking a question. This I cannot understand. One of the quotes I like best is that when we talk we are only repeating what we already know, but when we listen we can learn something new. In the shower I talk to myself, so I guess I am both at that moment.

The one glaring exception is when you open your mouth to ask a question. Yes, you reveal that you may not know the information that you are requesting, but you also show all of those in attendance, including the person you are asking, that you have a desire to acquire more knowledge. Another point to ponder is that you may never have an opportunity to ask the question again. There are so many unasked questions that I wish I would have asked people who have passed on, moved away or situations that have just passed. I feel like a fool for missing the opportunity.

If you find yourself afraid to ask a question, remember you will only be a fool for a minute, or until you get the answer. If you never seek the information, you will remain a fool forever. How long do you want to be a fool?

IT IS TIME TO GO! 🌴

Wow! With all of the political negativity and the fallout that comes after it, I could sure use a vacation. Sadly, this year I do not think that will happen. Currently saving for a car and a wedding, funds can be a little tight. My brain is currently where this picture is. Presently, I am sitting in a coffee shop typing on a lap top. I would much rather be sitting in one of those beach chairs…typing on a lap top.

It will be vital in the coming months that I practice many of the self-care tips I recommend on this site. Usually, one of my secrets to make it through the cold and snow is having a tropical vacation to look forward to. Without that, the grey snow and trees without their leaves could hit a little harder. One axiom that I am always reminding people of, is that there is no law of physics or biology that states your mind and body have to be in the same place at the same time. Even though my body is here at the coffee shop, my mind can be on the beach drinking out of a coconut!

One way in which we can help ourselves along is to use reminders of where we want to be. For me, it could be laying down, closing my eyes and listening to the sound of ocean waves. I even recorded a bit last time Margie and I were in the beautiful Bahamas. I could put some coconut or vanilla scented oil in a diffuser. We even have what I call an oversized green house here in town that I could visit to see some living plants. Trying to convince my lovely fiancé to walk around the house in her swimsuit might not happen, but I can look at pictures of our vacation and be grateful for all the fun we had!

If you find yourself overwhelmed by recent affairs, or just by life in general, it is important to remind yourself of the importance of self-care. Keeping our spirits and energy up with help us greet the world, and those in it, with the best version of ourselves. It will also keep us from being forced to rest when it might be less convenient.

WE NEED THIS TAG! 🔖

This tag is really great! It is something we should all wear. Sure, the ingredients and warning signs may differ slightly, but we are all 100% human. It is true that our contents may vary in size, shape, color and belief. Underneath it all, we are all still human. We all need to be handled with care. I certainly would require caffeine. Wouldn’t it be great if people came with instructions like this? You could look at their tag and know exactly what you are getting. Unfortunately, it does not work that way. We need to put forth a little effort to get to know our fellow humans.

It wouldn’t be a bad idea to make a little tag for each of your friends. Not for them to actually wear, but for your own records. Remember what they enjoy, any warnings that come with that person and anything that would be on a tag if they were to have one. It is important to remember that we are all 100% human, no matter how different we are. We all need to be treated with love, dignity and respect.

OUR NEW MISSION 🫶

If you live in the United States, you are no doubt suffering from election and political burnout. In my mailbox, I received so many political ads I lost count. Most of them were filled with warnings of doom and gloom. The world ending if we voted for the wrong candidate. I wish I was being dramatic, but I am not. Couple this with radio ads, television, YouTube ads and the list goes on. Fear and hate were spread by both parties in abundance. I get it. Fear motivates people to take action. Now that the election is over, it is time for us to move on.

Even if you do not live in the USA, there is plenty of negative in the world. There is the wars in the middle east. There is the war in the Ukraine. Plenty of hate and negativity to go around. I am part Armenian. Lots of problems in that corner of the world. In short, there is grave shortage of love in the world. At least that is what we are told. If you spend your days with your eyes glued to the news, even the best of us can walk away disillusioned. What is the cure? Go out and talk to your neighbors. Not about recent political events. Not about war and what country is to blame. Talk about your favorite recipes. Talk about the dreams for your kids if you have any. Talk about your dreams and aspirations. Here is what you will find – your neighbors are not that different from you.

I am sure the people of Russia and the Ukraine wish the war was over. Families are being torn apart, economies are suffering. The only thing worse than global conflict, is to allow it to become generational conflict. Do not let the hatred of the few corrupt the love of the many. Find the beauty in those who are different from you. Yes, it can be hard. Yes, some may not deserve it. The truth is that we will never find peace if we continue to hang on to hate. It is a virus given to us by those we seek to divide us. Love can unite us and keep us moving forward. I am reminded of two quotes by great men. The first is by Martin Luther King Jr. “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” Eventually, someone has to have the compassion and bravery to forgive. We need to use love to drive out hate. That is the only way in which it will work.

The second quote is by Buddha. He said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” Our anger only succeeds in destroying us. Even if we can inflict some damage on the party we are angry at, it does not come without a cost to us. If we fill ourselves with love, again not always an easy task, it will only serve to help us. The first step to filling ourselves with love, is to practice forgiveness. Not only to others, but to ourselves.

It is apparent that in many areas, anger is spreading faster than ever. Instead of focusing our energy on ‘stopping the anger’, let us focus on spreading the love and joy. Let us begin by learning how to forgive those who hurt us, including ourselves. If hate can spread this fast, let us show one another how fast love can spread.

THIS SHOULD WIN EVERY ELECTION ☑️

Hopefully by the time you are reading this, we have a clear winner in the United States presidential election. I am actually writing this a few days before. The victory is sure to upset some and elate others. What is important for all of us is to practice love and compassion to our fellow humans. Why? Not only is it the right thing to do, but as the Dalai Lama says above, without them humanity will not survive. Parents tell their children not to be cruel to those who disagree with them. I think most of us can recall a story when we were younger when we were told “Don’t pick on Bob and Betty just because they are different than you.” This was good advice then. Do you know what? It is still good advice. These same parents can often be the ones posted hateful messages online about opposing political views.

Isn’t it ironic that we have trouble as adults following advice we often give to children? It is true there were many issues that affect people’s lives on a very person level. I am not denying that. It is true that people have a lot of belief and passion when it comes to the issues near and dear to their hearts. That is good. We must stand up for our beliefs. That does not mean going to war with those whose beliefs differ from our own. They no more deserve to be put down for their beliefs than we do.

My challenge to each of you reading this is to find ways to demonstrate love and compassion for all of your neighbors. One thing that puts fear into leaders is to see people working together. A little bit of fear in our leaders is a good thing. ‘Divide and conquer’ is more than just a cliche, it is the truth. As has been demonstrated, when leaders just argue and blame, nothing gets solved. Let us not emulate that. Let us work together to create a better world for our children. Let us do this by using love and compassion.

WHAT WE DO NOW..🗳

As you read this blog, the United States is going through a very important election. One of the more important in my lifetime. It will not only decides who will lead our country, but also many of the elected officials that will serve with them. This will help shape the future of the country for the next few years and beyond. As you might expect, it has also been one of the more polarizing elections as well. Understanding that our control is not so much in electing an official, but how we respond to our family, friends and neighbors. This is especially true of those who may vote or believe different than us.

I am writing this post long before the election is over. I have no clue who will win and it is really not important for the point we are making here. When the dust settles and those we have elected settle in to blaming each other for what is wrong, hopefully balanced out with finding solutions for it as well, we must set the example. Whether the election turns out in favor of your candidate or not, we should act with kindness and humility.

Another very important point is to not stress over national events. Often, quite often actually, political parties and the media will seek to divide us. They do that by filling us with fear and anger. Do not let this happen to you. Tomorrow we will look at wise words that will give us a much better option. Until then, realize that if you voted, you did your part. Focus on what you can control. That is the love you bring to others. Whether you are a force for good in your community or not. We cannot control what those in power do. What we can control is how we use our own power. Let us use it to empower, encourage and inspire. Let us use it to stay united and not give up that power to fear, anger and division.

1 RABBIT OR 2? 🐇

Before some well-meaning reader reminds me, I am fully aware that I used this quote in a post not long ago. No, I am not getting lazy on my mission to post inspiring content for 1000 days straight ( this is day 855) I am posting this quote again because this came up in conversation the other day. One of the wonderful things about having conversations in the self-improvement field is that there is always so much to learn. Even after over 2 decades in the field, I benefit tremendously by staying humble and keeping an open mind. The moment you think you know it all is the moment you cannot learn anything else.

Case in point, this quote. When I wrote about it last time, I used the example of someone who is multitasking. This is a great example as to why that is not a good idea. When we picture someone, even ourselves, trying to chase two rabbits at the same time, the visual is pretty hilarious. That is always how I viewed this quote. The person I was speaking with reminded me of the flipside. “I think it means that when you focus, you are more likely to ‘catch the rabbit'” they said.

What a great way of looking at this quote. It is a reminder of the power of focus, and the penalty of the lack of focus. Working together we had come to this conclusion! There were so many lessons to take away from this. If I had acted as if I knew everything there was to know in the self-improvement industry (which is impossible) than I would not have been open to hearing his great interpretation of this quote. If I had been stuck in my way of thinking I may not have rejoiced in seeing his. Working together we more than doubled the knowledge we took from this inspirational quote.

Keep your mind open and stay humble. Do not forget the power of focus and the penalty for not focusing. Remember, if we chase too many ‘rabbits’ at once we will catch none of them.