One of the things I loved best when I was in West Hollywood, and even when I go back to visit, is the complete shock with someone who is honest and sincere. In an Instagram filter world, many people are so afraid not to be perfect. Although, if asked in private, 99% of them would admit they are not perfect. Here is a news flash, none of us are! One of the ways in which this reveals itself is the fear of asking a question. This I cannot understand. One of the quotes I like best is that when we talk we are only repeating what we already know, but when we listen we can learn something new. In the shower I talk to myself, so I guess I am both at that moment.
The one glaring exception is when you open your mouth to ask a question. Yes, you reveal that you may not know the information that you are requesting, but you also show all of those in attendance, including the person you are asking, that you have a desire to acquire more knowledge. Another point to ponder is that you may never have an opportunity to ask the question again. There are so many unasked questions that I wish I would have asked people who have passed on, moved away or situations that have just passed. I feel like a fool for missing the opportunity.
If you find yourself afraid to ask a question, remember you will only be a fool for a minute, or until you get the answer. If you never seek the information, you will remain a fool forever. How long do you want to be a fool?
Wow! With all of the political negativity and the fallout that comes after it, I could sure use a vacation. Sadly, this year I do not think that will happen. Currently saving for a car and a wedding, funds can be a little tight. My brain is currently where this picture is. Presently, I am sitting in a coffee shop typing on a lap top. I would much rather be sitting in one of those beach chairs…typing on a lap top.
It will be vital in the coming months that I practice many of the self-care tips I recommend on this site. Usually, one of my secrets to make it through the cold and snow is having a tropical vacation to look forward to. Without that, the grey snow and trees without their leaves could hit a little harder. One axiom that I am always reminding people of, is that there is no law of physics or biology that states your mind and body have to be in the same place at the same time. Even though my body is here at the coffee shop, my mind can be on the beach drinking out of a coconut!
One way in which we can help ourselves along is to use reminders of where we want to be. For me, it could be laying down, closing my eyes and listening to the sound of ocean waves. I even recorded a bit last time Margie and I were in the beautiful Bahamas. I could put some coconut or vanilla scented oil in a diffuser. We even have what I call an oversized green house here in town that I could visit to see some living plants. Trying to convince my lovely fiancé to walk around the house in her swimsuit might not happen, but I can look at pictures of our vacation and be grateful for all the fun we had!
If you find yourself overwhelmed by recent affairs, or just by life in general, it is important to remind yourself of the importance of self-care. Keeping our spirits and energy up with help us greet the world, and those in it, with the best version of ourselves. It will also keep us from being forced to rest when it might be less convenient.
This tag is really great! It is something we should all wear. Sure, the ingredients and warning signs may differ slightly, but we are all 100% human. It is true that our contents may vary in size, shape, color and belief. Underneath it all, we are all still human. We all need to be handled with care. I certainly would require caffeine. Wouldn’t it be great if people came with instructions like this? You could look at their tag and know exactly what you are getting. Unfortunately, it does not work that way. We need to put forth a little effort to get to know our fellow humans.
It wouldn’t be a bad idea to make a little tag for each of your friends. Not for them to actually wear, but for your own records. Remember what they enjoy, any warnings that come with that person and anything that would be on a tag if they were to have one. It is important to remember that we are all 100% human, no matter how different we are. We all need to be treated with love, dignity and respect.
Whether it is political nonsense, office gossip or the news in general, we are regularly exposed to negative influences. Think about what you tend to share when you begin a conversation with someone. This could be inperson, on the phone, social media, or even via text. How much of the conversation is positive verses negative?
I think we should make it as much of a point to share as much positive as we are able. If we look around, sometimes we have to look hard, there is always something good to find.
The benefits of this are two fold. First, we will make the person we are taking to feel positive by hearing the good news. We will also feel good sharing it. Second, by making sure we always have something good to share, our subconscious mind will be on the lookout for good things in life that we can share. This will go a long way to changing our perspective.
How will waking around with good news in your heart just bursting to share affect your day? My challenge to you is this – for the next 7 days share as much good news as you can. This can be sharing many good things with one person, or sharing one good thing with multiple people. You can start right here by sharing something good with our community!
As a speaker, one of the things I enjoy doing is watching other speakers. I can see how they use their body language, how they use their words to get their point across and a million other things. Even things I do not like about their delivery can help me improve my own. To this point, I found myself watching a live seminar by one of my favorite speakers. During his performance, I witnessed something I have never seen at a motivational seminar – a heckler. Why on earth would you go somewhere to be motivated only to heckle the speaker, I have no idea.
This gentleman is a rather passionate and aggressive speaker. If you had your heart set on derailing a motivational seminar, his would not be my first choice. He is also a very smart and quick-witted gentleman. After the heckler had called him a “fake” and said all of his stuff “doesn’t work”, the man calmly asked the man one simple question. “What kind of phone do you have sir?” The man quickly pulled out the latest iPhone. When asked how much it cost the young man, he sheepishly replied his parents had purchased it for him. Passing on the opportunity to address this, the speaker simply asked how much the phone had cost his parents. “About $1000 dollars I guess.” was the young mans reply. Without changing his tone, the speaker asked the young man one final question, “You spend $1000 every year to update your phone. When was the last time you spent $1000 to upgrade yourself?”
I was obviously cheering for my fellow speaker until I realized something. He could have been talking to me. How long had it been since I invested in myself. Sure, I have bought new shoes because I thought they would help me workout better. If I bought a new cellphone I might be able to upgrade my YouTube videos, but that is not investing in myself. That is buying myself new things. What if I invested that money in courses or books to gain more knowledge? That would upgrade my videos in a much better way. I realized it had been quite some time since I had invested in myself.
We often view investing in ourselves as something indulgent or selfish. That is foolish thinking. Look around at the people closest to you in your life. Do you think they would benefit with an improved version of yourself? How about your career? Do you think improving yourself could lead to some advancement or additional compensation? I think we can agree that the answers to all of those questions would be ‘yes’. We are actually improving the lives of those we care about, and the world at large, by improving ourselves and striving to be the best version of ourselves. It is actually a very selfless thing to do.
As the new year approaches, let us all work a little bit harder to balance investing in material things, with investing in ourselves. That investment does not always have to be financial. Committing an hour three days a week to working out is an investment in ourselves. Investing time to read or meal prep is also investing in ourselves. Learning is an investment in ourselves. Therapy or meditation is an investment in ourselves. Saying ‘no’ when our spirit is drained is investing in ourselves. How do you plan on investing in yourself in the new year?
I want to begin this post with a quote from my favorite distracted genius. “If I keep temporarily eating this junk, I’m going to permanently stay fat.” Meaning, if you just eat that one doughnut because they were free in the break room, or have ice cream because you are out with friends and they are having it. These temporary indulgences can have lasting results. I am not saying that going out for ice cream every now and again is a bad thing. I do it myself. What I am saying is that if you have too many of these moments, you will end up with permanent bad results. If you only eat a doughnut when they are in the break room, what happens if they are in there for 3 days this week? If you only go out for ice cream if a friend is going, what happens if several friends go day after day? What if both of these events happen in the same day?
Even having a snack size bag of Doritos has 260 calories. If you have 4 bags a week, that is over 1000 extra calories. See how long it takes running on the treadmill to burn 1000 calories. I can tell you it is a few seconds longer than forever. Eating that little bag doesn’t seem like much, but as you can see if you keep doing this behavior, it will result in some terrible results. That is scary.
Here is a fact to ponder. This is not only true of food. Think of mindless scrolling on your phone. Well, I am only going to watch a few reels. Suddenly, you have spent a half an hour on mindless nonsense. That may not seem like a big deal, but how many times do you do this during a day? Even once a day adds up to 3 hours a week. Meanwhile, our houses are a mess, we haven’t meal prepped and the dog needs to be walked. What do we say? “If only I had more time.” You don’t consider that few minutes of harmless scrolling that bad. Can you imagine what you would do with an extra 3 to 6 hours a week? Even if all you did was get extra sleep, you would still come out ahead. Whether it is a few calories in a bag of Doritos, or a few minutes on reels, take the advice from my beautiful Margie. If you keep doing these temporary behaviors, you will end up with some scary permanent results.
Over 2 decades in the self-improvement field. Over 2 decades as a self-improvement author. Over 2 decades writing this blog. Over a decade with my YouTube channel. These facts not only make me feel a little old, but show me I have been doing this a very long time. I have given seminars in some of the strangest places. There have been countless books read, seminars attended, podcasts listened to, and conversations had. There continues to be as learning should be a life-long endeavor.
The most popular question I get whether at a book signing, a seminar or even an impromptu conversation in a men’s room is, “What is the best thing I can do to improve my life.” In my second book, Living the Dream, I devote a whole section to what I personally feel is the best activity you can do to change your life. In my many years of experience and in my own life it was what has worked the best. That is developing an attitude of gratitude. What way is the best to do that? Is it a gratitude journal? Is it gratitude affirmations? Is gratitude really better than goal setting or visualization? The answer is the same activity you would use if you were looking to get in shape, lose some weight, improve your relationship or just about anything else in life.
Regardless of the area of your life you wish to improve, the activity you should use is the same. Are you on the edge of your seat? Wondering what this activity is? Personal trainers, life coaches and others will back me up on this. The activity you should use to improve your life is the one you enjoy the most. Take fitness for an example. Squats are one of the best exercises for improving your body. If you committed to doing squats, but did not like them, how long would you stick with it? A month? A week? Maybe only until the soreness kicks in. Taking a walk with your spouse after dinner is not as impactful as a few sets of squats a day. If you enjoy doing that and stick with it for a year, it will have a far greater impact than doing a week of squats and then quitting.
We began this conversation talking about self-improvement. The same holds true here too. Maybe you do not like keeping a gratitude journal. If you do it for a week and quit you are not likely to see a great impact. Maybe saying what you are grateful for out loud is better for you? If you do that for a month you are far likely to see an impact. Next post we will look at an additional way to develop an attitude of gratitude. What if gratitude just isn’t your thing? What if you would rather create a vison board? Maybe you like meditation? Then do those things. If there is something you enjoy, you are more likely to stick with it. The longer you do, the greater impact it will have in your life.
There you have it. The best self-improvement tool is the one you like the most and are most likely to stick with.Whatever that may be. Again, personally I think gratitude is super powerful, but I would rather see you engaged in an activity that works for you. If you are interested in developing an greater sense of gratitude in your life but you haven’t found something that really works for you, come back next post where we look at a way that makes gratitude almost automatic! Feel free to share what is the self-improvement activity you enjoy the most in the comments below!
This continues the theme we were discussing yesterday. You should never be too hard on yourself if you are working to get better. This is easier said than done. Who doesn’t have those moments in their life that upon reflection fill them with feelings of guilt and regret over the way they acted or the choices they made? We all do. I certainly know I do. Those feelings serve a purpose. When you feel that pain, it makes you never want to act that way, treat people that way or whatever else it may be. That is not necessarily a bad thing. We can put that to use for us.
When it becomes detrimental is when that paralyzes us from taking action in the present. You must forgive yourself for past mistakes. Yes, it may have been hurtful. Yes, it could have hurt someone’s feelings. You definitely would take it back if you could. You can’t. You have learned. You have made many positive choices and decisions since then. You have learned. If you are punishing the present you for the actions of the past you, then you are convicting an innocent person.
As the year draws to a close, let us all work on being a little kinder to both each other and to ourselves. Creating and maintaining a positive self image will go a long way to helping us treat others with more kindness and compassion.
It is almost the end of the year. Upon reflection, no doubt many of us are feeling a twinge of disappointment for resolutions we set at the beginning of the year that we failed to reach. You wanted to eat healthier but you are reading this blog while having a bowl of ice cream…after a large pizza. It is easy to do. Life can get pretty crazy over a 365 day span. Giving ourselves that little dose of pain and disappointment can be a healthy thing. It can spur us to action, even if that action comes at a significantly later time than we intended it to.
That brings us to today’s point. You can start a new beginning at any time. Not only can you, but you should be proud when you do. If you ate like complete garbage for the first 10 months of the year, give yourself a little feeling of guilt and disappointment. That is ok. It will help motivate you not to do so any longer. Following 10 months of supporting local fast food chains, if you have a healthy week of eating, give yourself some love for that. A week of healthy eating is still something to be proud of. It doesn’t matter if it comes in January or November. The more positive associations you attach to a healthy behavior, the more likely you are to maintain it.
You may not have accomplished the goal of being in better shape by the end of the year. You can still be proud of not having any soda this week. Perhaps you haven’t stuck to your gym 3 days a week plan. You can still be proud for taking walks after dinner. Build on the momentum. Your goal will get closer each and every day.
This may be hard to believe, but that is an actual picture of the cabin air filter that came out of my car. No wonder my allergies acted up whenever I turned the heat on. When it comes to my car, I am really good with upkeep, but this is a part that I never thought of. Thankfully, now I am breathing free and clean. It started me thinking, as so many things do, of the things we discuss on this site. This filter was supposed to keep out things that would be harmful. Instead, by not inspecting my filter, my car was being filled with all kinds of unhealthy things. It was literally causing me to be sick.
You might be able to guess where I am going with this. In our life we have many filters. One of mine is that I do my best to limit the influence of negative people and situations. Why surround myself with things that will lower my energy if I have a choice. I also try to limit my exposure to unhealthy diet options. Both of these filters need constant inspection. There could be some negative people who have positioned themselves in my life. This is often a ‘friend of a friend’. There are the unhealthy snacks bought as gifts from well-intentioned friends. If I do not examine my filters often these can slip through.
These negative influences can sneak through and end up making big impacts if we are not careful. Check your filters. Make sure there is nothing getting through in your life that may have a negative impact. While you are at it, you might want to check the cabin air filter on your car as well. Take my word for it.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 