Tag: Motivation

SHHH….

Today is valentine’s day. Some call it a hallmark holiday and in many ways I do suppose it is. Much like Christmas,Easter and several other holidays the true meaning makes way for commercial interests. Just like the aforementioned holidays, we do not have to fall victim to this mentality and can focus on the meaning behind the day. 

In the case of today it is love. The cynical may say it is foolish and you should love everyday. This is one time I may be inclined to partially agree with the cynic. While it is true you should celebrate love each and every day (and I am sure that those of you that know my lady Margie and I realize we do) but having a day specifically set aside to remind us of the important role love plays in all of our lives can be very healthy. 

Above is a picture of the couple my lady and I are going to spend the evening with,  our friends Heidi and Bret. This couple, like all couples, have had their share of challenges. Still here they are back, and dare I say, better than they were a year ago. 

What is their secret to love? Well as we all know love is a very complex subject that has filled countless books and inspired even more movies and songs. To say there is one key to love would be selling ourselves short. 

However, because this is a blog and we should be brief i am going to share a secret Heidi and Bret, Margie and myself and countless other couples use to grow their love. Not in a relationship? That’s fine this one thing can unlock the secrets to capturing the heart of anyone you are interested in. 

These are all big claims but can all be achieved by doing one simple thing – listening. Before you dismiss this idea let’s take a look. The kind of listening I am talking about involves listening to learn. 

Let’s take a look at disagreements. When passions run high we can all too often listen just to contradict what our partner is saying. Come on, we have all done it. I know I have. Have you ever found yourself in this situation, you are arguing so intensely and for so long you actually forget what the argument is about? Even worse have you been in a disagreement only to discover you and the other party were totally disagreeing about two different things? These are all things that can happen when we don’t listen to understand what is upsetting our partner. 

When we actively listen which includes asking questions such as “what is truly upsetting you?” And “what can I do to make it better?” can shorten the duration and lessen the intensity of any disagreement. It will also show your partner you can and want to find a solution and not just who is to blame. 

Let’s not be all doom and gloom here. Listening has a very fun and exciting side. Don’t you wish you could always give the one you love the perfect gift or situation to light up their heart regardless of the funds you have available? Listening to the rescue! When I shop with Margie I listen closely  (ok most of the time). This has allowed me to learn what her favorite flowers are, what meat she likes the best, her taste in fashion. Even the conversations we have while doing the simplest things have given me clues as to what she likes and also what she dislikes. By paying attention and taking mental notes it has kept me in the first category. 

So this valentine’s day give your spouse the gift of truly listening to them. It can not only be a great gift for them  (who doesn’t enjoy really being heard and feeling important) and you (they will tell you lots of secrets if you pay attention) but also a great gift for your relationship (it will give you opportunities to grow love and limit upsets). 

*the author would also like to note listening will work in any relationship, friend coworker and clients. 

NEVER LOSE AT LIFE AGAIN!

Earlier in the week we looked at how to make life one long party. Today we are going to discover how you can never suffer another loss in life. Is this really possible? The short quick answer is yes. In fact, not only is it possible to not lose going forward, you can even look back and turn some of the things you feel were loses into wins.

How good would it feel knowing whatever you were about to attempt you would do so without the fear of losing or failing? How much more might you attempt? Not only is this possible, but it can be relatively easy after a little practice. Your brain will actually begin to wire itself to work in a way that will keep you from feeling defeated or lost.

Every great person I have studied (and probably the ones you have studied as well) have gone through challenges that may have stopped most of us. I have written about Walt Disney being turned down by over 300 banks trying to get a loan for Disney land. Seriously, can you imagine yourself walking into a bank after hearing ‘no’ over 300 times? I know I can’t. Thomas Edison and how many different things he tried for a light bulb. How many times do you try something before throwing in the towel? Even something we really are passionate about can seem pointless when we suffer to many defeats.

So, how did these wonderful people do it. Certainly they had to have a large dose of both faith and passion, but they had something else as well. They had a different way of looking at what many of us would view as failure. Edison said it best. Obviously most of us would think, “You tried to make a light bulb this way, it didn’t work so you failed”. Not Edison, this is what he said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”. 10,000? Are you kidding me? What in your life have you tried that many times? I can tell you in my own life the answer would be none.

What attitude do the great leaders have that allows them to persevere even when the odds seem stacked against them? They understand that a situation is only a failure if you do not get anything out of it. Guess who decides if you can get anything out of it? That’s right you do. If we look back on some of our most challenging times we have had we will often see we have learned some of our most valuable lessons. Maybe in Walt Disney’s case when he kept being turned down for the loan he learned new ways to present his case?

What about those times in life that just suck? You know the ones where nothing good seems to be found and you can’t find a lesson in it anywhere? You can use that to better appreciate the good times that don’t suck. An example is as follows, the other day my lady and I went to a new cupcake place and from the moment we walked in were treated terribly. The lady was very rude and not helpful at all. After we had purchased a $4 cupcake we discovered it was dry and the frosting tasted like it came from a can. We stopped at a coffee shop to wash down said cupcake and were greeted with a very helpful, silly and fun staff. The place was roomy and very pleasing. In fact, it is where I am writing this now.

So you see I appreciated the good service I got here a lot more thanks to the poor service I received there. When you are sick, it allows you to stop and appreciate your good health that can be easy to take for granted. Once you start doing this you will find your mind automatically does this for you.

IT ONLY TAKES A LITTLE

Last post we looked at the practice of celebrating each other and turning our lives into one long party. Tomorrow we will look at how to never lose in life again (I recommend checking that out) so sandwiched in between is the secret to accomplishing these or any other goal you might be trying to reach.

So what is the secret to accomplishing goals? Think of the journey. What do I mean? Imagine your goal is to hypothetically travel from a cold northern climate to a warm and sunny tropical climate (Ok, this is really not hypothetical here) You cannot expect to take one step and go from your location to the one you desire. No, you have to cover the distance that lies between you are your destination. Just like you have to cover all the distance that lies between you and your goal. Now some means of travel are fast, like an airplane or  high speed train. Others are slower like a bicycle or walking. All of them get you closer to your goal if you keep going. Remember that most things take time. It is going to take you longer to make it to Jamaica than to the grocery store down the street. Unless of course you live in Jamaica and are going to the store down the street, in which case I would love to be your neighbor.

So my friends no that the journey is where the joy can be found. Knowing that no matter what pace you are going, each and every moment you are getting closer to your goal. Every day is a new adventure!

LET US CELEBRATE EACH OTHER

Here is an idea that could both make your life one continuous party (minus the hangovers) as well as cause you to be a lot more popular with your friends and strengthen your relationships. Ready to hear the idea?

Before we get to what this amazing and fun idea is, I should warn you of the side effects that is comes with. First, it will help you realize your goals a lot quicker. Second whenever you reach a goal, or something good happens to you suddenly you will find yourself surrounded by a lot more people celebrating with you. Finally, even when times are dark or challenging you will find you have a lot more cheerleaders and encouragers. Plus, there will still be things to celebrate when life is throwing you a curve ball.

Here is the simple thing we can do that can accomplish all of this. We can learn to celebrate good that comes to as many as others as we can. Once you start this you will be amazed at what happens. First, when you genuinely are as happy for the success of others as you are for your own people pick up on that. Have you ever had something really amazing happen to you and couldn’t wait to share it with someone and when you do they really seem not to care? It is a bit of downer isn’t it? The next time that you get a piece of good fortune you are not likely to share it with that person. Now on the opposite side of things when you have friends who take pride in your accomplishments, as we should it makes everything more amazing and makes you feel good about sharing with those people.

So we can see how it helps the person celebrating but what about those celebrating for someone else? First of all you notice that people celebrate different things. If you have a friend who just got out of the hospital after a trying ordeal that is worth celebrating. It may even cause you to take a look at things you may not be celebrating in your own life. Like your health or the fact you did not have to be in the hospital. Also celebrating feels good, whether it is you or another person. So it is a great way to add additional joy into your life. Also having pride in your friends accomplishments will encourage them to have pride in yours. If your friend Johnny celebrated with you when you finally stopped smoking and was genuinely happy for you and then Johnny calls you up to tell you he has finally met his weight loss goals wouldn’t you want to return the favor? Same with people who are struggling. If you have somebody sticking by your side when the going gets tough, you are certainly going to be there for them when they need it.

As you can see doing this can really go a long way to cementing good relationships. It can also help you accomplish your goals and give you more to celebrate. How? By activating a part of your brain called the reticulating activating system or RAS. Have you ever bought a particular outfit and then seen the outfit everywhere? Let me ask you did everyone just buy the outfit the same time you did? Of course not. Then what happened? The outfit was always there, but now that you bought it your brain recognized it as something worth noting. The same thing happens when we start celebrating things. Your brain then begins to look for, and here is the real bonus, create things worth celebrating. A good way to begin this is by asking yourself a question I learned from Michael Beckwith. Ask yourself every morning “What can I celebrate today?”. Eventually you will see a bit of good news, or your friend will share some or something will happen to you worth celebrating. Plus you will begin to feel like everyday is a party. This is actually how life should feel.

So start celebrating with me today! Feel free to share something you are celebrating for yourself or someone else in the comments below!

NOT WHAT I THOUGHT

This picture shows that I now have 1000 likes on my blog. That alone is a thought that is very humbling. 1000 people all like the same thing and it happens to be the content that I put out on this very blog you are reading. This is the subject I fully intended to write about this fine day. As happens often with writers and inspiration, something went left when I thought it would go right.

What am I talking about? A new fun and exciting thing we can all try together that will not only put a smile on our faces and hearts but make our life far more amazing. Are you in? This simple exercise requires three things. 1. a pen 2. a small journal or notebook. 3. a fairly good sense of introspection and observation. That’s it. No complicated tools, no degree from a famous university, no occult secret and no magic formula.

Ok, so what on earth is this activity. Here is the story of how this post came to be and this idea came to me. For the last two or three days I have not been feeling well. Some sort of stomach flu or something. Spent most of that time laying in bed. My car issues are on the way to a wonderful conclusion and things around the house have been crazy. What I really needed was some relaxing quality time with my lady. So we decided to go to the mall today for lunch and she was going to shop while I wrote. She is actually there now so I better make this short so I can pick her up.

We decided to check out a new brew pub that just opened up there. We were greeted friendly and could feel a very positive vibe right off the bat. We saw a few friends while we were there and I exchanged information with a gentleman also on the path to self-enlightenment. It was a marvelous experience. Not to mention after lots of stress physically and emotionally both my lady and I were smiling and actually had some time together. As I left to write this, the sun was shining and it was not to insanely cold, which for Wisconsin this time of year is a win. I began to just think of all of these things and then it hit me. A great idea! A fun idea! A life transforming idea!

Enough with the story behind the idea, here is the idea. I was going to write about 1000 different people all liking my blog and how that felt like such an honor. These people come from over 70 different countries, across all social, religious and political fields. Then the idea came to me. I bet this one person (that would be me, which at the time I guess I was referring to in the third person) likes 1000 different things. I started noticing the afore mentioned things I was enjoying. The sunshine, the nice people I met, the amazing time with my lady. Guess what? I had me feeling as if I were floating instead of walking. I thought “wouldn’t it be great to feel like this more often?”. Then, as I am want to do I followed that with the thought “How can I?”. The solution my friends is simple, fun and I am going to share it now.

Keep a journal of what makes you happy. That’s it? Yes, that is it. Whatever it may be. Sunshine, balloons, penguins, the way the person you love smiles at you. Write them down in a special journal. Do it whenever the mood strikes you. Just keep the journal handy. Why write them down? It makes it more visceral. Not to mention when you open to write the next time you will be greeted by the last things that make you happy.

What can you do with this information? Lots of things. You can use it when you are feeling down for things to try to turn things around. When loved ones ask you what you might enjoy doing or what gift you may enjoy ideas are there. Looking for things to put in a gratitude journal? How about things that make you happy. Not to mention something else happens that makes life more of an enjoyable adventure rather than a arduous task. You become more aware of the things that make you happy when they occur.

I am blessed to have a lady in my life that has a very unique skill. When I am down and suddenly listing things that all suck in my life (Yes even self-improvement authors have these moments) she is quick to point out things that are going right, or could go right. This can seem slightly annoying when I just feel like complaining, but let me tell you it is an amazing blessing, because it gets me out of that state. I can only imagine doing this fun activity will only make her job easier. Another bonus I just thought of, if she reads my happy journal she will know lots of things that make her man happy.

So please will you try this activity with me? Share this with all of your friends. Let us all be happier in 2017!

YOU ARE THE CEO

It is amazing how people will but more effort into a work project than a life project. I have the honor of dealing with plenty of entrepreneurs on a daily basis. I see these people take so long to decide who they want to work with, who they will surround themselves with and work 12 to 16 hour days perfecting and growing their business. Which is great. It shows they have the spirit and determination to succeed.

The funny thing is I seldom if ever see these or any other of my friends work this hard and give this much thought to their personal lives. Maybe it is time to treat our lives a little more like a business. This does not mean having our lives devoid of any emotion. Quite the opposite. Emotion is the currency of a successful life.

Let us look at a business. A successful business has a lot of features to it. Successful bottom line, fulfills a need to people, invests in research and development as well as marketing. A good deal of the success of any business has to do with the people in it, especially in charge of key positions.

Now let us look at a successful life. A successful life is measured by peace of mind and heart. We do that by helping others, or fulfilling a need. If we want our life business to grow we need to invest in research and development. That means reading things that will improve or expand us. We also need to market ourselves and our ideas. We also need to make some shrewd decisions as to what people we have in our life business. Remember some people belong in your heart, but not always in your life. Do not sacrifice your emotional well being out of a feeling of social obligation. We only have this one life we need to make the most of it!

Feel free to share your ideas for a successful life business in the comments below.

PROBLEM OR POSSIBLY?

Yesterday we spoke of our ability to choose happiness or sorrow. Sounds easy on paper (or computer or phone however you read this) In reality however, it is one of the most difficult challenges.

Enter the picture above. I hear so many people go on for hours explaining to me a problem and how bad it will affect their lives. When I ask them “What are you going to do now?”. Almost without fail I receive the same three word answer, “I don’t know”. So let me get this straight, you have spent enough time thinking of how bad it is to tell me about it for an hour, but when I inquire as to what solutions you might have explored you simply do not know.

I am not putting anyone down here. This used to be something I did quite often. On occasion, especially at the onset of a challenge I am still likely to do this. With every challenge and bit of bad news in life there is what I like to call a mourning period. Take a little time, have some self-pity. Notice I said a little time. You can say “this is not fair!” or maybe even “why me?”. Then realize life can not be fair. Sometimes it is just your turn. Everybody has things and periods in their life that just, in a technical term, suck. We all do, it is called life. It is what we do and what we choose to see in those challenges. That separate different kinds of people. It is a chance to show your true character. In fact, Les Brown, one of my favorite authors and speakers advises to never say you are having a bad day instead say you are having a character building day. It is a chance to show the world you are tougher than what life can throw at you. Perhaps it is a chance to let your friends have the satisfaction of helping you. We all like to help and feel we have been of use to someone, but are afraid to give someone else that opportunity.

Remember, problem or possibility it is all up to you.

YOUR MOST IMPORTANT CHOICE 

Let us get down to basics here. Many people have forgotten how powerful we can be. We have a super power of sorts. What is that super power and what can it do? It can do a lot of things. It can bring you happiness in the darkest of times. It can turn a enemy into a friend. It can turn anger into compassion.

Be warned, however, this super power can also be used for evil as well. It can turn a great day into a bad day. It can turn someone we love, into someone who drives us crazy. It can take a misunderstanding and can divide people for life.

So what is this power? How do we use it? How can we control it? The power that can do all of this and more is the power of choice. It is not a power that is often easy to control and one that can take a while to develop, but once mastered can change your life forever. Let’s take the easy physical options. Do you choose to go for a walk and have a cup of tea and a salad after, or do you chose to order pizza so you do not have to get off of your couch and interrupt your Netflix marathon. Trust me when I tell you I am the first to advocate taking time to relax and enjoy life, but if you continually do either of those the results will be much different.

Now, on the more spiritual side, you have an even more powerful choice. You have the choice of meaning. What does something mean to you? People tell me it can be very difficult to always try to see the positive in a situation. I agree. Which is why an easier question to ask, especially in a dark challenging situation is this, “What else can this mean?”. Just assuming it means that the day and or situation sucks is not only giving away some of your power, or not using it to your advantage. It also feels terrible.

For example, in my recent car being totaled while I was in bed sleeping event I had. I asked myself, how on earth could this be good? Well, for one perhaps something on my car might have went bad and caused an accident while I was in the car. Causing not only loss of the vehicle, but medical bills instead. Maybe if this man had not hit my empty parked car he would have hit a car with children in it causing far more injury. Both of those could be true. We will get more into this next post.

So today think of all the choices you have made both good and bad. Think of the results they have brought you. Had you made better choices could you have had better results? Do not beat yourself up over them, just realize the power of your choices and work on controlling and developing that power. The next few posts we will look at ways to do just that.

WHAT IS VALUABLE?

This story was inspired with a conversation I had this Saturday night. We will begin with an odd question. Which of these is most valuable? A rock given to you from a child, a bag of spicy pork rinds or a reassuring compliment? Depending on your love of either geology or fried parts of a pig your answer may very. So what does this have to do with living an amazing life? Let us find out.

Before we craft our answer to the first question, let me throw a second question at you. Which of these two items are more valuable, a diamond or some water? As happens quite often, you may be tempted to question my sanity. It is the diamond right? Not so fast. Sure in our day to day lives if given the choice we would take the diamond. After all how many fancy bottles of water could you buy with that diamond? Well what if you happened to be stranded in the desert? Or what if that water was given to you by someone who was stranded in the desert with no water? You see, value not only depends on meaning but on situation as well.

Back to our original question. After DJing a busy show on a Saturday evening my lady and I had a chance to share a quick conversation with our friend Nicole. She told us of a recent story where her son had given her a rock and told her “I want you to have this”. (It should be noted this generous young man gave me a drawing he created for my last birthday) The reason she shared this with me is that is reminded her of a section from my book A Happy Life for Busy People titled ‘Gratitude in your pocket’. Which basically instructs one to carry a special talisman in their pocket to remind them of things they have to be grateful for. If you would like more info search the blog post of the same title or purchase a copy of my book. What she said next is what really got me thinking. “That was all he had” You see that child could not give her a new car, a diamond or anything else he did not possess, but he gave the one thing he had which was the rock. She saw the value in that and now uses it to remind her of what she has to be grateful for.

Ok, spicy pork rinds? How valuable are they? $2.99 a bag? Not in this case. During this same conversation Nicole was telling us how proud she was of the growth she saw in her husband. She mentioned how he knew to take her on their first date to all the places she liked. Then she added “The other day he bought me a bag of spicy pork rinds”. To some if their significant others bought them something like that they may just say a simple ‘thank you’ or even ask “Is that all you brought me?”. Nicole chose a more intelligent way of receiving this gift. She told us “This means he listened to me about what I like and went out and got it”. How valuable is it to you to know someone cares enough to listen to what makes you happy and then go out and take action on it? Certainly more than $2.99 a bag. Admittedly this is a lesson I did not always appreciate, but through the love of my young lady I am now relishing in it.

Speaking of my young lady, that brings us to the last item, a reassuring compliment. I mentioned it was a very busy night that night. My baby being the caring and wonderful DJ and person she is was extremely focused on making sure everyone had their song in and nothing went wrong technically. (sometimes I even wonder what I am there for). A few hours into the evening she stopped and looked right at me and kissed me. What she said next melted my heart. She said “I’m sorry I know I working so hard right now and not really talking to you I just wanted to let you know I appreciate you and love you”. Wow. That meant more to me than if she would have bought me another drink, or even gave me a diamond. Sounds crazy but true. To know that she thought enough to realize that although she was busy making sure everyone of our amazing friends was well taken care of, she knew her man would appreciate knowing he was too.

Did you notice something about what Nicole and I did? We took gifts that on a material level may not seem like much and appreciated the thought, effort and feeling behind them. When you do that not only do the ones giving the gifts feel appreciated, but you realize something even more important. You can be, in fact you are, rich right now. You give yourself the gift of feeling loved and abundant. So when someone gives you a gift, make sure you see the true value in it.

HOW TO TURN AN ENEMY INTO A FRIEND

This comes from the religious text of Islam. Without being Muslim myself, I have personally used this great secret often. Read the quote again. It shares with us the plan for turning enemies into friends. It also tells us what to do when we are faced with a negative, or evil situation. What is that? Repel it with what is better? Someone treats you harshly, treat them with love. Someone continually expresses views contrary to the ones you express? Treat their opinions with respect and consideration. Is this easy? Not at all.

Then why should we do it? Why, as the Quran urges us here, should we take the high road? If you look at the beginning of the quote is reminds us that good and evil deeds are not equal. Meaning that in the long run, doing good will be more powerful than doing bad. Thus, the quote instructs us to repel evil with what is better, not just what is opposite. I am a firm believer that good will always triumph over evil. Hitler, Stalin and lots of other famous evil doers had the final years of their lives filled with paranoia and suffering, even though at periods of time it seemed they may never be toppled.

Another reason why we should always counter evil with good, negative with positive is stated in the final line of this quote. The one who was once your enemy has become your dearest friend. Enemies are a lot of stress. When we know there is someone who is against us we must always be on guard for deception and wrong-doing. This drains us of a lot of energy and physical well-being. So how do we turn enemies into friends? We cannot do so by force, or by proving our points or our person as superior to their own. The French revolution should be evidence of this. No, the only way we can turn the hearts of our enemies is through Love and compassion. The two most powerful tools against hate and evil.

Tomorrow we tie everything we have learned this week with one amazing example. I look forward to sharing that with all of you.