Tag: Mental Health

SECRET FORMULA FOR A POSITIVE LIFE.

image

I posted this on my Facebook page 4 years ago. It showed up in my memories and I was interested to note although I agree with this statement, my approach is almost opposite. While it is true if you fill your days with attention to negative people and situations there leaves little time to focus on what is good. This will leave you feeling at the very best uninspired at the end of the day. Do this over a prolonged period of time and you will feel tired, worn out and depressed.

So how can you eliminate the negative from your life? Here is a very painless and easy formula I share at my seminars. If you are anything like me telling your negative friend “I can’t hang out with you because you just bring me down and complain all of the time” is not that easy. So how can you eliminate negative things in your life? Here is the formula. The best way to limit and get rid of the negative is by adding the positive.

How does this work? Well I heard people say that they don’t like looking at their Facebook pages because it is to negative and drama filled. I tell them to get rid of those people or at the very least hide their newsfeeds. I hear a million and one reasons why this can’t happen. “It’s my uncle though” or “I have to work with this person everyday”. Ok, well then add positive pages and people. At least that way when you log on between the politics and drama you may find some motivation and inspiration. Same works for negative people that want your time. Find some positive people and pursuits and commit your time to them. Then when the negative Nancys come calling you can honestly say “I’m sorry I am busy that night” Even if you feel obligated to spend some time with these folks if you also add positive people and experiences they can certainly be a little easier to take.

Feel free to share this blog post and formula with all of those you care about. Thank you.

RELISH THE NOW

image

Here is something great about being older,  you know how to appreciate and live in the moment. Have you ever noticed how in reflecting upon some of your greatest moments you often find yourself thinking “I wish I would have paid more attention to that”. Maybe it is just me. Take vacation for example. My last trip to the tropics was one day more than forever ago. I find myself forgetting what the ocean air smells like. The accent of the local people, the taste of the food. At the time you can become so involved with enjoying the experience that you forget to look around and soak it all in. As I’ve grown older though I not only look forward to more things I try to appreciate them not only after the fact, but while they are happening as well.

My latest example happened just the other night. After a long week apart and a morning helping her daughter purchase her first car, which we enjoyed being a part of. We were starting to really miss each other. Even though we DJ together Thursday through Sunday and I bartend while she is the DJ on Monday, the time is usually spent talking with our friends and singers, or looking up songs and addressing computer issues. What this means is by Tuesday we are really longing for time together. This particular Tuesday We began the day excited to go to the car dealership with her daughter and pick out just the right car. The whole experience was quite fun, but lasted all morning and then I had to leave them to go to work. I work until 6pm, by then I was really eager to go home to bed. Still my lady had been busy herself. After her daughter had taken home her new dream car, my lady Margie had met with some ladies to discuss details of a specialty cake she was going to create for them. She was also quite worn out by the time I got off of work, but asked me if I could stop off for a cup of coffee before coming home as she was working on a surprise for me. I was really tired and may have even heard a whisper from my pillow asking where I was, but seeing how she was taking the time and effort to do something nice for me after a long day herself I was more than happy to relax at the local coffee shop.

Here is where it gets good. As I walked through the door I noticed she had made the house clean and it smelled of candles and incense. She lead me by the hand into the kitchen before telling me “Wait the surprise is not in here” This was followed in the same manner in my office, and a few other rooms. Finally stopping in our hallway she said “ok, here it is”. She opened the bathroom door and showed me where her effort had been. After cleaning the entire bathroom, she had filled the bathtub with Epsom salts scented with eucalyptus and mint, lit candles and poured a cold glass of wine. “Take your time, there is more” she said as she left me there.

As I lowered myself into this amazing world I must confess the writer in me was the first to kick in. “I have to blog about this!” was my very first thought. Then something great happened. While I was figuring out what exactly to say I began to focus on every detail of the experience. First was the scent. The eucalyptus and mint had a calming yet invigorating effect on my brain. Then the feel of both the salts and hot water on my body. It was both calming and healing all at once. Aches and pains that had been there for a week straight began to melt. Then I looked at the tropical colors and decorations all lit by the candles and thought how much it all resembled the finest spa. Then the taste of the wine, cool in contrast to the hot water. As I lowered myself into the bath the world was still and quite, silenced by the water covering my ears. That is something you do not get in the daily world of quick showers before work. I forgot how much I enjoyed the simple pleasure of being under water. as I looked up I saw clouds of steam floating over my eyes. I watched as they danced around each other before disappearing as they cooled. Something I had probably witnessed but never noticed until that very second. Then the feeling of gratitude for the amazing efforts of the lady that put this all together.

This was followed by a series of other wonderful events that continued to spoil me. I took the time to notice and appreciate every detail as much as I could. I also tried to employ as many of my senses as I could. Then when I recalled the event as I did while writing this blog, it seems as real and amazing as can be. Far too often I have had great moments only to fail to recall the details, just that they were fun, romantic or happy. By being present, not on my cell phone or thinking about what is for dinner the next day or a million other worries not only was the event so much more enjoyable, but so is the memory. By the way the evening concluded with watching one of my favorite movies I had been wanting to watch for weeks followed by some of the most blissful sleep I have had in ages.

So here is the takeaway on this one. Starting right this very moment do your best to be present. Enjoying and taking in whatever circumstance you find yourself in. Out to eat? Notice the decorations in the restaurant and the waiters personality. enjoy the aroma of the food as it arrives at the table. Feel grateful you do not have to do the dishes after. Enjoy the looks and conversation of the people who took the time to join you. Enjoy every second of every experience in life.

Feel free to share this post as well as your own memories you enjoy in the comments below. To conclude I want to again thank my beautiful lady for not only making this blog possible, but the evening and the memory as well.

CAN YOU MAKE IT THROUGH?

image

Are you a passionate dreamer? Are you someone who has a clear vision of who you want to become? Do you have big dreams and great ambitions? If so this picture is for you. I was immediately drawn to it because it shows what we all must go through.

First, let me tell you this, if you are not pursuing a great passion in life, you are wasting your time. That is a pretty bold statement so let me offer you some reasons I am so passionate about it. What is your reason you wake up in the morning? Before you start saying things like “I have to go to work” or “I have to take care of the kids.”. Let me explain  I did not ask what your obligations were, I asked what your reason was. 85% of people are going to jobs daily that do not give them a sense of fulfillment. So if your reason to get up in the morning is to go to work so you can pay the bills you are wasting your life.

So what am I suggesting you do? Quit your job and move to the islands to live a life of leisure? Not exactly, but then again I am not telling you to not do that either. I have been tempted to do such a thing myself on occasion. Here is what I AM telling you to do, live your dream. What do I mean by that? Find what drives you and pursue that. It doesn’t even mean quitting your job, or even changing your job. Start it as a hobby. Do it part time on the side. Whatever you do, live your dream. My dream is to be a best-selling author and motivational speaker changing people’s lives and making the world a better place for everyone. I do this all between working for the post office, bartending and being a DJ. Is your passion trains? Start a train newsletter on the side. Perhaps you could take yearly trips to different train museums. Maybe you could research and write a book about trains. You could build and display model trains. There are a million different ways to live whatever you are passionate for.

Now here is where the magic comes in and life changes its meaning. Did you know in the industrialized world statistically you are more likely to suffer a heart attack between 8-9am on Monday morning than any other time? It’s true. We go back to the fact that 85% of people are going to jobs they do not like. So if quitting your job and moving along is not the answer what is? Here is the magic, I share this with people at my seminars. The very best way to reduce the effect of stress and negativity in your life is by increasing the positivity. That sounds good on paper, but what does it actually mean? Think of how you are right before you are about to go on vacation. Something bad happens and you think, “that’s ok, I am almost on vacation”. Perhaps you are someone who works outside and you wake up to a cold and raining day. If you know in a few days you will be on a tropical beach and it will be 80 degrees it is a lot easier to make it through that day.

Still that only works the one or two times you are taking vacation. How can capture that feeling daily? Let us take the idea of a train newsletter. Say you are a postal worker whose passion  is trains. You wake up to head to deliver mail, it is cold and raining and you know it will be a long day. Still you also know when you get home you can work on your train newsletter. As you drive to work through the rain and deliver mail as the water leaks through your weatherproof uniform you are thinking of what information you are going to share in your newsletter when you get home. Before you know it you are finishing delivering your mail route and it is almost time to go home. On the drive home as you listen to the same five songs on the radio you perfect how you are going to tell the world about the newest trains and how great they are. Normally coming home tired and wet you would just want a hot shower and to collapse, but today that shower will only provide more time to think about that article for your newsletter.

Does having a passion in life really work this way? I can tell you yes it most certainly does. So why doesn’t everybody pursue their passions at least part time. Here is the funny thing, when you choose to start chasing and more to the point, living your dream there are a million people telling you no. When I began to tell my customers that I was going to write a book and become an author I had no shortage of well-meaning people telling me things like “Do you realize how few authors succeed?” or one I will never forget “My cousin wrote a book, but only sold a couple of copies so don’t get your hopes up”. A lot of these people were just trying to protect me from hurt feelings or ‘wasting my time’. What they didn’t realize, and what you may not realize yet is that doing anything you are passionate about is never a waste of time. Even if you do not succeed at first, you will learn and be able to do it better the next time. If you are truly passionate nothing will keep you from your goal. Not to mention a very important thing, it will be fun. Life will regain that childhood wonder we seem to have sucked out of us. So decide on what you are passionate about and how you can incorporate that into your life. Even this doesn’t have to be perfect. You may very well start by writing a train newsletter and it turns into a book. Perhaps it turns into a newsletter about the train loving community. The important part is to get started. If you recall the statistics we cited earlier, 85% of people going to jobs they don’t like and being most likely to have a heart attack between 8 and 9am on Monday morning due to stress. Having something you are passionate about may just save your life.

Feel free to share this with anyone and everyone. A world full of people living their dreams would be an amazing world. Also feel free to share how you live your passion if you are doing so in the comments below. You just might inspire our other readers. Thank you.

 

WHERE YOUR ENERGY GOES

image

I heard a saying the other day,  “energy flows where focus goes”. This is so true. What we focus on will be what we see. Try this if you don’t believe me. Wherever you are right now try to find everything that is colored red, count how many things you find. Now close your eyes and take a deep breath. Let it out, and relax. Now think of how many things in the room that were brown. If you are like most of us this will be very tricky. Why? You just spent all of your energy and focus on finding things that were the color of red. Same thing goes with finding either the good and the bad in life.

Now by focusing on the good we are not denying that there is things in life that are not so good, no more than focusing on the red things we were not saying the brown didn’t exist. What did happen in the color example is it was hard to recall and focus on the brown things. They became less a part of our life as we were busy focusing on the red items. The big difference here is whether we focus on the good or the bad has a great deal to do with how we feel and what state we find ourselves in. What difference does that make? When you are feeling good about life and yourself you are more willing to try new things, you are less stressed, you treat others better, In other words, it makes a big difference.

So do yourself a favor and begin to focus on the good things in your life. As I tell people in my seminars, one of the best ways to reduce the negative in our lives is to increase the positive. If a certain problem is really bothering you, do your best to think of something that is either going quite well or that you can be thankful for. Try to notice all of the good things going on around you, even if they don’t directly affect you. Just like in our color example the not so good things will begin to fade.

TAKE IT WITH YOU

image

This is my coffee mug this morning, and my hand holding said mug. Notice the fun state fair logo? When I took this picture it was early in the morning, about 37 degrees, snowing and I was on my way to work. Most importantly, I was happy. Why, when I am not a fan of winter, or snow was I so sunny on the inside? There are several reasons, the people I surround myself with, my belief system which has taken years to come to fruition and little reminders and symbols I bring with me. I am a huge fan of the state fair here in Wisconsin. It is during the warm summer months, there is generally no snow in August here. For some reasons I also enjoy balloons. They tend to make me happy. This coffee mug has the state fair logo, a balloon and even a pig, which although this one looks slightly guilty of something, they are an animal I enjoy seeing at the state fair.

So what difference does this coffee mug make in the overall course of my day? It does two things, it holds my coffee, which is a very important job and it also serves as a small reminder of all these little things that make me smile. Why is that so important? If you are going to have a travel mug full of coffee to take with you anyway, why not have one that makes you smile? There are plenty of little things we come across throughout our day that can challenge our inner sunshine, so fill your day with as many symbols and reminders of joy as you can. You can put a smiley face on your dashboard, or picture of your loved one in your visor. Little flower on your desk at work? Whatever symbols mean joy and happiness to you. So take them with you. Leave them all over. Remind yourself of everything that makes you happy and everything you have to be grateful for in as many ways as you can.

Feel free to share this blog post with others and please feel free to share your symbols of happiness with us in the comments below.

TAKE THE LESSON

image

Often in times we can feel defeated. This is a natural and not to thrilling part of life. There will always be pain. Pretty inspirational so far huh? This blog, and my work is not about denying reality, but rather learning to thrive in any circumstances. So what do you do when pain strikes? Sometimes a moment to yourself of quiet reflection is needed, as long as it does not turn into hiding from the world for days on end living in the pain. Sometimes it shows us that we may need to distance or eliminate certain people in our lives, but we must be careful not to start losing our faith and trust in everyone. Sometimes pain will have us evaluate situations we are in and determine if they are still in our best interests such as relationships, jobs and friendships. We must just guard against becoming bitter and resentful towards the world. In all of these we must remember to take the lesson. If it is a person causing us pain, we must decide if it is worth keeping them in our lives. If not, and we still do we will still have the pain. If it is a job that does not fulfill us we are quite literally committing spiritual suicide. If we go to the opposite side of the spectrum and decide because one relationship left us hurt that all relationships are hurtful we will be denying ourselves the love we deserve.

This reminds me a lot of working out. When you first start working out, or any new physical exercise the following day can leave you feeling like you played a game of chicken with a semi…and lost. If you stay too long in trying to wait until you feel back to normal to try again you will just get pain and have to start the cycle all over. That being said, if you just decide “this hurts and working out is painful and bad” you will never get healthy and shape the body you want. We must grow from the pain and not let it destroy us.

Please share this post with everyone you might know suffering from pain. thank you for helping me help others.

A QUICK REMINDER

image

Let us take a quick break from the ‘P’ words today to touch on a subject that has been showing up a lot in messages and a comments on here and my Facebook and YouTube channel. The subject is this, what do you do when you are pushing to just get by, or maybe even doing something truly great and wonderful for society and the bottom falls out? You are on the edge of success and then you fall back to rock bottom.

This feeling sucks. There is no other way to put it. So what can we take away from this situation? Remember two very important things. One, you are further along than you were yesterday. Oh sure the outside evidence may seem contrary. You may have less money, be further away from your goal, your relationships may seem more distant. The truth is you now have gained experience. You now have went through the failure. That gives you new information and motivation you did not have before. Even if it is only how bad it feels and how much you want to get out of it.

The second thing to remember is sometimes we cannot get out of our own way so someone must push us. What do I mean by this? We may be trying really hard to succeed at what we are currently working at, but there are bigger plans for us. Let me give you two examples from famous authors and speakers I admire. Les Brown, who has inspired millions with his words was once a radio DJ. Imagine if he would have just focused on succeeding there? Eric Thomas who reaches millions on YouTube channel and through his books and CDs was once a bus boy at Olive Garden.

The point is this. When you’re at the bottom remember the only way from there is up. You might just being pushed in a new direction. Feel free to share this message with those who are struggling.

THE POWERFUL P WORD

image

What if you could do something to guarantee you would not fail? How much would that be worth to you? Knowing going into any project or setting any goal that you would succeed. How good would that feel? How would it change your attitude when you start out? Well there is such a power. It is the power of persistence. It was Babe Ruth who said “It is hard to beat the man who never gives up”. He went on to set the record for home runs. There were days that he struck out, days he couldn’t seem to get a hit, but he just kept swinging.

So if this power is a guarantee why doesn’t everybody achieve all of their goals? The reason is this, although persistence is a sure fire way to succeed it is not easy. After all who wants to keep going after they “fail” at something. Who wants to get up and try again? Still, Edison did it 10,000 times while trying to perfect the light bulb. Who would keep asking after you hear “No” again and again? Still, Walt Disney did it after being told “no” by over 300 bankers when trying to money for Disneyland. Can you imagine life without those two things?

I am not Walt Disney or Edison you say. Obviously that is true as they have both passed away and you, my dear friend are alive and reading this. So how can we develop determination and persistence like those two? This is how, by using the P words we have learned so far. Discover your purpose. Then, list what you will lose by not achieving it and gain by doing so. In other words, give your self a dose of both pain and pleasure. Then increase your knowledge and why in the subject to fire up your passion. Then rest assured in the knowledge that if you persist you will not, in fact you cannot fail.

In case you are still having your doubts on your own abilities to do so, here are two more real life examples. The first is a question I will ask you. How long would you give a baby to learn to walk? One day? One week? One month? How long did it take you? Did your parents tell you “Sit down and stop trying to walk, you are just getting in the way and are going to hurt yourself”? Of course not. So how did you learn to walk? You learned to walk but trying, failing and trying again. How long did it take you? That answer differs for each one of us. We rarely apply this thinking as adults. If we try and fail we become discouraged. We look around and compare ourselves to others. “Well they made a fortune by the time they were 30, I must be behind” or “they have found true love and I never will”. What if a baby looked at another baby and said, “Well they learned to walk in 2 days I guess I will crawl the rest of my life”? I dare say the majority of us would not be on two feet. So you have already proven to yourself you can persist.

Here is one more example courtesy of the salesman. Have you ever had a salesman knock on your door when you were home? You ignore him but he keeps knocking. You look over at your spouse and say “can you believe this fool? He is still there?” More time goes by and more knocking. Finally you give in and yell “What do you want?!” A lot of us give up after one or two knocks. We here opportunity inside watching TV but we say to ourselves “Oh well opportunity must have slipped out the back door, I’ll just go home”. I am telling you, just keep knocking! Eventually life will give in and simply ask “What do you want?!” Remember the words of the Bronx Bomber, “It is hard to beat the man who won’t give up”. It is not only hard, it is impossible. You may fail several times, but you are only a failure if you give up.

Please share this post and give faith and hope to those who may be tempted to give up. Feel free to leave your favorite example of persistence in the comments below.

THE MOST EXCITING P WORD!

image

What do you think of when you see the word passion? Is it time with the one you love? That certainly is one kind of passion, but not the one we are discussing here today. We are going to talk about the passion that drives you. The one you get out of bed for. The one that keeps you going when things get tough. You do have something like that in your life, right? Don’t worry if you had to answer no to that last question we are going to discuss how to fill your life with passion.

First let us ask ourselves the very important question “What is passion?”. Simply stated passion is your why behind what you do. Think of a subject that generally excites you. Now try to list why it excites you. What is so important to you about that subject. Same for goals you are trying to accomplish. Why are you trying to accomplish them? What makes it so important? You should be doing this with every goal you set. Creating passion gives us fuel and drive to stay focused and track. This holds true not only for our goals, but for our life as well. Begin to think of things you are passionate about and how you can include a few in your life at regular intervals. This gives you something to be excited about and something to look forward to.

So how does one develop passion? The first we touched on already, discover the why. You say you would like to be rich, but why? “So I wouldn’t have to work anymore” only drives us so far. Now, things like having the freedom to spend my time doing whatever I want, whenever I want to, or being able to support causes that are important to me and make the world a better place. Those create more passion. Another little known way to increase passion is to increase knowledge about anything. The more you know the easier it is to be excited about things. So spend some time learning about the things you are passionate about or about your goals and watch your passion soar.

Please feel free to share this post and let us create a world of people full of passion. Also feel free to share what you are passionate about below in the comments

THIS COULD BE THE MOST IMPORTANT P WORD OF ALL TIME

image

Today’s ‘P’ word may not be that easy to guess by the picture. It may, however, be the most important word in your life. As I sit here typing in the local coffee shop I am debating how to fit all of the information about this word in a short blog. Know what you read here will be expanded upon in my upcoming book Living the Dream. Still this word will change your life. It will act as an internal compass giving your life direction. It will automatically give you a sense of what is right and wrong for you to do. It will even help you decide what is worth spending your time and energy on.

In my own life let me share with you what this word has done for me. It has eliminated the small stresses in life that used to bother me. It has given me an excitement for life that I didn’t have before. It has allowed me to feel like I am being a use to the world and to my fellow man. The negativity that surrounds my day job at the post office seem to become comical. Most importantly though for me is every day I wake up I have a drive and a direction to go in. It gives me a reason to get out of bed, and for those of you who know me that can be a challenge. We won’t even mention what I am like before my first cup of coffee.

Ok, what one word could possibly do all of this and how can you get in on it? Here is the good news, this word comes to you free and clear. The only requirement is a little bit of soul searching which ends up being pretty fun anyway. This word that can do all of that and more is PURPOSE. How can purpose do all that? Let me try to explain in brief. Here is my life purpose. To help others see the beauty in themselves and the world around them, including the people they share it with. Finding your sense of purpose can tell you if you are doing things that are a waste of your time and energy or not. Does it bring you closer to your purpose or not? For me if what I am doing does not help others see the beauty in themselves and the world around them than I am not using my time and energy correctly. It also helps me with my morals. If I were to do something that would go against people seeing the beauty in themselves or the world around them that would be defined as a sin in my world.

Here is a few things about purpose. You do not have to change jobs to live your passion, although you may find yourself heading down that path after a while. For example, my job at the post office puts me in touch with a lot of people and I do my best to make their days brighter and let them know good things about themselves. I also purchased a motivational calendar for the break room to help set a better mood. Still I find myself devoting a greater amount of time and energy to this blog, my next book and seminars. Which is how I found myself part of the Wisconsin author festival pictured above. Another thing about purpose is that it should be something bigger than yourself. It may very well include yourself as in the example above, but not exclusively.

So how does one go about discovering their passion? There are  many sites and books devoted to the topic and I would recommend exploring the ones that speak to you. Also creating a simple life mission statement like the one I had for my life earlier in this post goes a long way. There is a free tool to help you do so on http://www.nightingale.com Also think of things that interested you as a child. This can also leave clues as to what may be your life’s purpose. Hobbies are another great source that one can explore their purpose as well. Again this is just the tip of the iceberg when discussing this subject.

Please feel free to share your life’s purpose in the comments below as well as how knowing it has improved your life. PLEASE share this post anyway you can. If more people in this world find their life’s purpose the world will be a better place for all of us.