Tag: Meaning of life

WHILE IT IS IN YOUR POWER.

I cannot convey this point enough. Many of you who follow this blog, or know me in person realize this. In 2022 my life changed forever. I had open-heart surgery, died briefly and was brought back. That whole experience blessed me and taught me more than I ever thought it would. It not only changed my perspective of life, it changed my life’s mission as well. Let us quickly touch on all of these points and how my death can save your life.

From the time I was told I needed surgery until the surgery was scheduled was 2 months. This was done to make the most of the insurance company. A sad but necessary way of doing business. To say that a lot happened in those 2 months would be one of the greatest understatements. First, during a superhero film my beautiful Margie and I were attending I had a great epiphany in the men’s room. This could be the very last movie I had the chance to see with her. Death was a real possibility. It could be the last Thanksgiving, her birthday and Christmas we spent together. It could be the last time we ring in a new year together.

Shockingly, these realizations did not cause a feeling of fear. Instead, what I felt was a great sense of urgency. It felt like while I was there taking care of business in the gents, some divine power flipped over an hour glass and said “You have 2 months and….go!” It brought into focus what was really important in a hurry. How can I help the most people realize all they have to be grateful for in their lives on Thanksgiving. It is, after all, my favorite holiday. Even this blog was started on thanksgiving. How could I make Margie’s next birthday the best one she has ever had? Speaking of Margie, how can I convey my love for her in the way that she can understand and feel it the deepest? How could I do that with everyone in my life?

It was a moment of forced self-reflection. It did not involve trying to get material things or travel to specific places. No, what was really important was creating memories with those I cared about and making sure they knew how much I cared. Then, there were the thoughts about my life and the legacy I would leave behind. Did I do enough? What could I leave behind in the next 2 months? Could I write another book? Should I spend that time writing blogs or making YouTube videos? What should I say that will have the greatest, and longest lasting impact? All good questions.

When the surgery happened, it was the second wave of Covid, and I could have no visitors. Therefore that trip to the hospital could have been the last time I saw, and hugged my mother and Margie. The feeling I had watching the elevator doors close behind them as they left is too painful to describe. Then there was the strange feeling of realizing I had died and been brought back. I had more time.

Here is one of the most impactful things I had learned. We went to get lunch at a Panera after I was released from the hospital. I was warned that my emotions could be more intense after the surgery. This was also an understatement. As we entered the restaurant, a realization hit me. All of these people would die. It could be tomorrow, next week or years from now. We never know. So many of us never ask the tough questions the specter of death brings to light. Being faced with death is the one thing that has given me the most life.

Imagine what your life would be like if you were given a few months (or less) to live? Really imagine. Who would you want to spend time with? What would you want to do? What would be important to do? Once you have that answer, do that now! As Marcus Aurelius said, “Death hangs over you.” It hangs over us all. We never have as much time as we wish. We often do not have as much time as we think.

A DIFFICULT DECISION, AN EASY LIST

Here is a simple strategy I highly suggest all of us should do. It takes one of the more difficult decisions we have to make and turns it into a fun activity. What is this decision? Better yet, what is this activity? Let us take a look.

Have you ever felt stuck at your job? Have you ever found yourself asking, “Isn’t there something better for me?” Maybe you are one of the lucky people who really enjoy your job. Still, you feel there is something that could be more fulfilling? Something that is more in line with your life’s purpose. What then?

I often find myself sitting in my car outside of work asking these very questions. That actually is a picture of me sitting in my car. Here is what I suggest we do. Take a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle so you create two columns. On the top of one, write “things I really enjoy” or something like that. On top the other write “things that suck my soul” or something like that.

Now simply list everything that you do that really brings a smile to your face and heart. In my case, drinking coffee, listening to classic jazz, taking to people about themselves and encouraging them. List as many as you can think of. They don’t have to make sense to anyone but you.

Now, on the other side, list all of the things that seem to drain the very life from your soul. For me, it is being around drunk people, negativity, and being outside in the cold. Again, they don’t have to relate to each other. Just any thing that you really don’t enjoy.

Take a look at your list. The agragete of which should hint as to what kind of occupation may serve you well. Even if you want to keep the job you have now, it may give you an idea of a hobby or side hustle that could give you more emotional fulfillment. In my case, drinking coffee while talking to, and encouraging, others has me thinking talk show host would be the perfect job. Sadly, I can’t walk into a major network and get my own talk show. What I could do, is start my own podcast! I created the Living The Dream with Neil Panosian podcast. I highly recommend checking it out wherever you stream content.

The second list will give you an idea of what to minimize in your daily experience. Reducing these can increase your feelings of vitality and life satisfaction. Writing it down is the key. If we try bouncing this around in our noggin, we will just end up creating more stress for ourselves.

I’ll be interested in hearing what some of the things on your lists are, and what career, side hustle or hobby you come up with. Please feel free to share yours in the comments!

DON’T LOOK FOR IT, CREATE IT!😃

So many books, movies and philosophies are concerned with the meaning of life. I guess it is good to ponder the direction one’s life is going. Do you know what is infinitely better? Creating it!

This weekend, if you haven’t already, take some time to get clear as to what the meaning of your life is going to be. This doesn’t matter if you are 18 or 80. As the saying goes, “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is today. ”

Getting clear, for the first time perhaps, as to what the purpose of your life is, will have amazing benefits! Stress will be reduced. Energy will be increased. Indecision will be a thing of the past. You will have a definite idea of what is right and wrong for your life. Most importantly, you will be able to decipher if you are going in the right direction or not. If not, you will be able to take corrective actions.

With all of these benefits, and more, isn’t spending some time deciding what the purpose of your life worth it? In fact, it is worth its weight in gold!

THE MEANING OF YOUR LIFE🤔

“Life has no meaning, life is an opportunity to create a meaning.” That is powerful stuff. Have you ever asked yourself, “What is it all for?” I am sure at some point in our lives, we have all asked that question. The ironic part is most of the time we ask it of others. Whether that be directly, as in asking a person what the meaning of life is, or searching for meaning in books, seminars and even blog posts and YouTube videos. The truth is the meaning of life is whatever we decide to make it.

That may seem a little scary to some of us. You mean there is no right answer written down somewhere? No book that will provide us the answers? No. What the meaning of our life is depends on what we decide we want it to be. Once we make that decision, there is a wealth of information to assist us in our endeavors. The secret is to not only decide on an empowering meaning for our life, but one that we are committed to emotionally.

In my own life, I decided the meaning of my life was to help others live a more positive and rewarding life using the tools and strategies I learned and have continued to learn. I do that by not only posting this blogs, but with my books, my YouTube videos and my Living the Dream with Neil Panosian podcast. The meaning of your life may be to bring joy and comfort to people through the creation of a special cake. It may be to pass along the healing power of creating art. It could be to be a good example to your children. It could be to correct social injustice. None of these are more noble than any other. In order to live a great life, you do not have to do great things, you just have to do everything with a great love.

IT IS ALL IN HOW YOU LOOK AT IT

This was actually on the end of the string of a tea bag I was enjoying before writing this. It made me stop and think. Life really is 10% what happens to us and 90% what we do with it. This includes what meaning we assign events in our life. We lost our job. Does that mean we are a failure like our parents told us we would be because we didn’t go to college? Does it mean that the universe is pushing us in a different direction where we can better serve others and in turn be more fulfilled ourselves? The answer to both is the same – yes and no.

Are you confused so far? The reason why it can mean two entirely different things is because things mean what we decide they mean. This is why the old adage Never make a permanent decision based on a temporary emotion is so important. What we decide things mean can be swayed a great deal by the emotional state we are in. Another reason that maintaining a sunny disposition can serve us in many more ways than just feeling good. Let us use the popular situation of having a disagreement with our spouse. Perhaps it is a big one. It may seem at the time that this person has entirely different values than we do. It may seem like they do not care or respect our values. Going on that assumption, it would seem a rather pointless endeavor to pursue this relationship further. After we give our chance to cool off and engage in some calm communication, we are likely to discover this is not the case at all. Maybe our partner misunderstood what the situation meant to us. Maybe they do have a value that appears to be in conflict with ours in this situation. Instead of saying it is hopeless, ask yourself how both of your values could be honored.

One of my favorite quotes right here. “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” I think Mr. Shakespeare was on to something here. Trust me when I tell you that I thought this statement was filled with more fertilizer that a farmer’s field in spring. “Easy for you to say Billy! I just lost my job and my family is depending on me. You have been dead for hundreds of years!” I figured once you have passed on you no longer have to worry about gainful employment or, more to the point, of losing said employment. While this may be true, I’ll have to get back to you on that from the great beyond, it doesn’t change the truth of the quote. In the job loss example from above there are two ways of viewing what happened and they are pretty close to the opposite. Either one could also be right.

If this is true, and unless someone can convince me differently, it most certainly is. What is the point of doing our best to view things in a positive light? Why be one of those people. You know the ones. Everything seems to be going from bad to worse for them and they act as if they are about to open their birthday presents. What do we say about those people? They have their heads in the clouds? They are wearing rose-colored glasses? It is not that they are denying that there are possibilities that things could be bad, because they can. They are focused on the fact that things could have happened for a good reason. Is that possibly true? Could it be possible that the reason we stepped in little gift our neighbor’s dog left us on the sidewalk could have been for a good reason? What if it ruined our favorite dress shoes? The ones we just bought…for a whole lot of money? How on earth could all of this be a good thing? Let me ask you this question. Is it possible, not 100% certain just possible, that the time we spent changing our pair of shoes and cursing at the neighbor’s dog despite the fact he does not speak a human language, saved us from something worse? Could it be possible that time put us a bit behind which caused us to miss the driver who went through a red light 2 miles down the road where we would have been? Is this possible? Of course it is. There are a million other reasons why it could have happened. Some good, some bad.

We are again faced with the question, “Why choose to focus on the positive reasons for a negative situation?” For one, it really pisses off our negative friends, which is always kind of fun. More importantly, it helps us maintain a healthy emotional state. Why does that matter? In our first example of a job loss, the positive explanation was the universe was pushing us to do something that would be more personally fulfilling and serve the greater good. If we were to believe this what actions would we take? We would begin to think what we are passionate about. We would consider how we could pursue that interest that may benefit us from an economic position. We could look for ways to use our passion to solve a problem or serve others, which would lead to an economic opportunity. Even if we needed to take some other employment while we thought about these things, we still would have a driven and optimistic attitude. This could help us weather continued challenges.

What if we believed that we have just grown to become the failure we were told we were going to be? What actions would be take then? We may take whatever job is first offered to us. We would not do so while looking for better opportunities such as the first example. No, we may think that is what we deserve for being a failure. We may think thoughts such as, “Why even bother looking for a job I would love? I will just fail at that too.” or “Nobody will hire a failure like me so why should I even bother applying?” If we feel that this happened for a negative reason such as the world is a cruel place, we have bad luck or some other less than inspiring thought, how motivated would we be to take action? Not very. After all, if the world is a cruel place and we always have bad luck why bother trying. Guess what happens if we take that road? If we stop taking action towards improving our situation, it is 100% certain that our situation will not improve. Then, at least we can feel that we were right about that. In fact, as long as we feel that way about our situation, we will act that way. If we continue to act that way, our situation will be that way. It is some sort of suck-filled, self-fulfilling prophecy.

I hope you can see the power in how we chose to perceive the world and our place in it. It should be apparent why deciding to focus on the positive possibilities is far more helpful at resolving a negative situation than focusing on the negative possibilities. Life is hard enough, do not work against yourself. By choosing to focus on positive possibilities, we see everything as a gift. That kind of mindset will have you feeling as if every day is a chance to open birthday presents. Oh, and if somebody accuses you of having your head in the clouds? Just tell them they should really join you because the air is so much better up there. If they say you are wearing rose-colored glasses? Ask if they want to try them on. Tell them how much better the world looks through them.

I AM THAT

Sometimes finding simple definitions of who you are can really help. I rather fit into that statement above. By knowing who we are we can find other like-minded souls to complete our tribe. Also a sense of identity will help us steer our own internal moral compass. Think of how you feel when you act out of character? Maybe you do something unkind and think to yourself, “Man that is really not who I am.” We have all done it. Unfortunately, I do it to this day. That is why developing a good definition of the kind of person we would like to be is so important.

Think of how easy it would be to turn away from temptation if you had a definition of who you are. Would it be easier to walk away from those doughnuts in the breakroom if you consider yourself a healthy and conscious eater? Would it be a little more difficult to ignore a friends troubles if you wanted to be considered someone who cares deeply for those around them? Sit down by yourself and think about who you really want to be. Then create a short, concise statement encompassing what you have come up with. Carry it with you and let it guide your daily speech (especially to yourself) your actions and your thoughts. Before long you will have become the living embodiment of what you have on that piece of paper.

HOW DO YOU SEE YOUR LIFE?


How do you see life? This is a question that came up in a book I reading. I am forever telling people how powerful the words they choose are. Sometimes How you say something is just as important as what you are saying. A quick example, “This job is killing me!” verses “This job sure is a challenge.” Say them both out loud now. Do they conjure up different feelings? I think you could even answer that without reading them. Now imagine multiplying this example thousands of times over the course of a day. Can you see how many times you affect your mood?

Back to our original question – How do you see life? This overall theme can also determine a great deal when it comes to your life. Some people say life is a battle. They will be on guard to defend themselves. Every challenge may seem like a battle to them. When they wake up in the morning it may very well feel as if they are going to war with the world. They may seldom get to appreciate all of the good times because they will be using that time to prepare for the next foe or situation that may attack.

Some of us say life is a circus. We will tend to notice the absurd and perhaps view life as something we are watching. This does have it’s perks. When something happens in your life that you can hardly believe, it is like a crazy act at a circus. You will notice ring leaders, lion tamers and certainly a fair share of clowns. You might miss out on chances for serious growth and contribution. You may not realize that you are also part of the circus and playing your own role in someone else’s circus.

Some of us view life as a party. One can understand how this may be beneficial. You will be forever on the lookout for something to celebrate. This is one of the three questions I recommend everyone ask themselves when they wake up in the morning, “What can I celebrate today?” Sometimes the answer is just that you woke up. Sometimes, like in my case, you are celebrating waking up next to the woman of your dreams. The fact that you are employed, even if it may not be your dream job, can be worth celebrating. What could be bad with this outlook on life? If life is a party, often we can be lax on our responsibilities. Maybe we go out with friends before realizing that we needed that money for our heating bills? We could not spend the amount of time on introspection that would benefit us.

As you can see each way of looking at life can have pros and cons. I am not here to tell you which one is better or worse. That will depend greatly on you and what you wish to feel and accomplish in your life. What is important is to ask yourself, “How do I see life?” If you are not living an amazing life, perhaps your definition of life in general has a great deal to do with that. I would LOVE to hear how you define life.

YOU ARE NOT CELEBRATING ENOUGH

It is amazing where inspiration can come from. In the course of my 20+ years in the field of self-improvement, I have filmed at least 3 YouTube videos at cemeteries, wrote about eulogies countless times and funerals just as many. Perhaps that is because at no time is the value of life more apparent then at the moment of death. When we witness the loss of someone else’s life, it really causes us to reflect on our own. It is my sincere goal that through these posts as well as my other mediums, you may not wait until that moment to look inward.

Another source of inspiration was delivered to me the other day at my day job. While working industriously near the radio at the Post Office, a commercial came on for a funeral service. It discussed the unique service they had put together for a lady who was into riding her motorcycle. It was a touching story and a good use of marketing dollars. It ended by promising they can work with whatever your ‘celebration of life’ may be.

A few hours later as I continued my work a thought of that phrase celebration of life. I have always preferred that over the word funeral or memorial service. This may be just a personal preference, but I feel it puts the focus on where it should be, on the person’s life and not on their passing. To me this tends to make it just a little bit easier on everyone affected by their loss. Yes, you are still going to mourn, as you should, but there are more reflections on joyous memories and fun times spent with that person. During the eulogy there is one, if not many, people who stand up to share what they loved about the person and what great things sharing life with them brought. That is how you celebrate!

That made me wonder, why do we save such celebrating for a person’s farewell? Certainly, it would be nice to have such events happen while we are here to hear them and enjoy them? Who wouldn’t want people to stand up and tell everyone the joy your life has brought them at…a birthday or family reunion. There are many times when people gather together to celebrate all kinds of things. I feel it would bring a lot more to the celebration if we spend a little more thought, effort and diligence on what we are celebrating.

I am actually going to take this one step further. I am going to advocate not waiting for a special event to do this. First, because if you invite people to your birthday party and call it a ‘celebration of life’ there may be some rather alarming confusion. Most importantly, however, because this is a habit we should all develop. Every morning we wake up and put our feet on the floor we should be celebrating life. After all, we are alive. We have many opportunities to bring and receive joy and love.

How do we begin to make celebration of life a part of our lives on a regular basis? I have two ideas, but I would love to hear yours as well. My first idea is to take some time each day to celebrate life. It can be as little as 15 minutes to as long as you desire. Personally, I think first thing in the morning would be the best time to do this. It would put you in a great mood to start the day! If everyday seems too unrealistic for you, why not picking one day a week to celebrate life? During the given time you have selected, either once a day or once a week, focus on things such as what makes you happy and what you have to be grateful for. Celebrate them. Feel grateful, feel happy and celebrate. There are no rules as to how you celebrate life, just do so consciously. Pretty soon it will become a part of your life.

DO NOT BE A DEAD FISH IN 2019

I like this quote only dead fish go with the flow. If you think about it, that is so true. If you were a fish and could swim anywhere you please, you would…um…swim anywhere you please. While that doesn’t sound terribly profound, it really is. Think of things a fish would want. They would want food and swim towards that. They would not want to be near a predator and would swim away from that. They, depending on species, would prefer oxygen-rich water and would certainly swim around looking for that. Unless you are planning on being a fish (or a whale) in your next life this may not seem like useful information, but it is.
This works the same for humans as it does for fish. It has been said 95% of us do not even know why we get up and go into work in the morning. We can give answers such as, “Well everybody goes to work.” or the ever popular, “To pay the bills.” If that is solely what your life consists of you will have a ‘wake up, pay bills and die’ kind of existence. Since you are reading a website called Secret2anamazinglife.com, I would venture a guess that is not what you wish for yourself. What do we need to do so we can live a life that does not resemble a dead fish flowing downstream? Incidentally, if you picture that and are honest with yourself, isn’t that what life can feel like sometimes?
What we need to do is take control of our lives. How do you do that when you have a boss that tells you when to come to work and when to go home? You have a spouse and kids who rely on you and family members that may need you. First things first, know the difference between things you can and things you can’t change. Yes, your boss does set your work time, for the most part. You can apply for a different job that suits your needs better or even start your own business, but those have pros and cons as well. To avoid being a dead fish in 2019, there are two steps you must commit to.
First, create a life mission statement. I go into more detail on this subject in my upcoming book Living the Dream. To cover it in the simplest terms, you will never get where you are going if you do not know where the hell that is. When you decide on a purpose and a mission for your life you know if every action is in line with that mission or not. Back to our fish analogy, this lets you know which way you should swim. Even if you get off track, being able to see and determine that gives you a feeling of control over your life. You may have to turn around and go back the way you came, but at least you are the one determining that.
The second thing you must do to avoid being a dead fish in 2019 is to set, and eventually raise your standards. This might not sound exciting or life changing, but it really is. The only reason we get more than what life chooses to hand to us is because we demand it. I am not speaking of demanding things from others. No, for true control of your life, you need to change the demands you put on life and on yourself. If your goal, like so many of us, is to get in shape in the new year, you need to make going to the gym 3,4 or 5 days a week your standard. I would advise when starting out, set all of your standards to a minimum, but stick to them. When you get used to holding yourself to a standard, then you can raise them. That is when life really gets exciting.
One of the hardest standards I have had for my life is making sure I have time for myself. Whether that is time to read, meditate or just walk in the park, in the past I have not done a very good job and making sure I had that. There are work obligations, social obligations, a third book to write and of course the most beautiful woman in the world at home to spend time with. Still, I know that if I do not have enough time for myself I cannot be the best person in all of those other situations. Therefore, I am going to make taking time for myself at least twice a week my standard.
Set your purpose, and your standards today. By the end of 2019 we will all be healthy fish swimming in a pond of our choosing full of food and free of sharks. I welcome and encourage you to share your life mission statements, and your standards you are going to work on with us in the comments below.

REMEMBER WE ARE ALL IN THE PROCESS

It is no secret to anyone who follows this website and my work in general that I have spent over 20 years in the field of self-improvement. One thing that I must remind myself of every so often is the fact that not everyone else has. This may sound silly and an obvious point, but it can be a fact that gets away from me.

When I hear someone constantly complaining about how unfair life is or how terrible their life is, I am tempted to remind them how they do a great deal to create their own reality. We all have challenges great and small. That is part of life. It is really how we respond to life’s challenges that does a great deal to determine how life treats us. There are a lot of people who are ignorant to even that basic equation. I was fortunate enough to be raised in an environment where reading and thinking where encouraged. In the course of reading hundreds of books, listening to just as many CDs and videos as well as attending seminars and listening to as many people as I can I have learned a great deal.

One of the greatest challenges to me is having the patience and understanding to realize although most people have the opportunity to do the same, many have not. When I speak to people about ways they can reduce stress, increase joy and become the best version of themselves, I am often met with resistance and sarcasm. On a rare occasion even violent resistance. It would be easy to come off as condescending, but it serves as a great reminder of many things for me. First off, I am so grateful for all I have been given and all I have learned. My life is far from perfect, but I am constantly discovering new ways to reduce stress and have more happiness in my life. I am also grateful that I do have the life I do. I have friends who love me, a beautiful and loving lady, and supporters from over 100 countries who read what I write.

The second thing I am reminded of is everyone is working towards becoming the best version of themselves. If you don’t believe me, just walk into a gym shortly after the first of the year. Not everyone has the tools to successfully accomplish all they desire. That would be evident by visiting that same gym 30 days after the first of the year and noticing how many less people are there. Still, everyone is giving it their best shot. There are very few people I know who are not interested in improving their lives. Some do not understand the only way to do that is by improving themselves. That is the main focus of my second book.

Some really wish to improve themselves and their lot in life, but lack the necessary tools. Some do not even know where to look for those tools. That is why I am always happy to share what I learn and am still learning. There are those as mentioned earlier who even when given the tools will refuse to believe them. This could be because they have been raised in a negative environment or are so cynical that they are getting in their own way. Those are people I still try to help. Whether that is leaving a card for them when they are ready, or being an example of what it looks like to live life using the tools I put forth.

Let us all do our best to understand everyone is working towards a better life. Even those seemingly following the wrong path may just be misdirected or lacking hope and direction. When we understand that we are all doing the best we can it is far easier to approach others with compassion and a genuine desire to help.