This post is coming out on a Sunday. By this evening many of us will begin to stress about things that really do not matter. It would serve us well to take a hard look at the list above and realize that life is a lot better than we realize. Most of us have most, if not all, of the things on that list. They may seem trivial, or be taken for granted, but imagine doing without them. Each one is a huge blessing.
In a time when the world is facing war and genocide, many would give anything to have this complete list. Most of what we stress about is really not that pressing. Money can be made and lost. Jobs can come and go. The things that really matter are important to recognize and be grateful for. Do this and your week will be off to a wonderful start.
Last post, we looked at how environment and ritual can give us a grateful life. We can use those two tools to transform any area of our life we want to focus on. This will be expanded on when my fourth book comes out this fall. So you do not have to wait until then to start creating the life of your dreams, we are going to look at using these two tools on the most important area of our life, ourrelationships.
If you think about it, the quality of our life is the quality of our relationships. If you have all the wealth and fame in the world but no romantic partner or friends to share it with, your life is going to suck. If you are suffering in poverty and insecurity and you have no partner or friends to help you through, your life will really resemble a flaming dumpster.
Enough of the negativity. Let’s look at what having amazing relationships can do for us. Have you ever received some great news and had to wait to share it with someone special? It feels like you could explode! Why? It is not like the situation will change when you share the news. How about watching sports? Does it feel any different to be sitting at home alone watching the game versus seeing it livewith a friend and thousands of other screaming fans? Why is that? Because as human beings, we are wired for connection.
Connection not only amplifies our joy, it halves our sorrow. Have you ever had a tough day at work (silly question) and came home to the embrace of a loved one? How about a stressful family situation and then went out for fun with some friends? Suddenly, the stress is a little less. This is not only good for us physically but will help us address the situation better.
How can we use environment and ritual to improve our relationships? How about scheduling a regular coffee date with that special friend? Maybe cooking a special meal for the one you love? Another great ritual could be sending out a greeting card once a month. Just a card reminding people how amazing they are and how much they mean to you. Do this once a week, and in a year, you will have improved 52 relationships! (Side note our address here at secret2anamazinglife is P.O. Box 333 Oak Creek WI 53154 USA) Not into the whole greeting card thing? Try sending a well-crafted email or post on someone’s social media page.
Environment can be used much the same way. In my first two books, I advocate using a ‘Happy Playlist’ of songs to lift your spirit. You can use the same method to put together a playlist that reminds you of a special friend or the one you love. Can you imagine how you would greet your partner if you listened to a playlist of songs that reminded you of them the whole way home? How about displaying little things that remind you of all the amazing people in your life? Maybe things they gave you, or just something that reminds you of them. Every time you see that object, that special person in your life comes to mind. Every time they come to mind, your appreciation for them grows.
These are only some ways that you can use environment and ritual to create the relationships of your dreams. How would you use the two tools of self-improvement to positively impact your relationships? Share your ideas in the comments below.
If you did not read the last post, let me fill you in on what we are discussing. Margie surprised me with tickets to a Michael Franti concert. He is one of our favorite singers that we discovered together. It was in a city that was a little over an hour away, but she made it happen. If you are a fan of this blog and the motivational and inspirational material we discuss, I highly suggest you check out Michael Franti’s music.
We left shortly after I had gotten off of work and Margie had finished the cake she was creating that day. After the drive, we parked and wondered to a park nearby the concert area. Michael was taking time to hang out with fans. Sitting in the grass, playing his guitar and just enjoying a chance to meet people that would be going to the concert later. Not many musicians make such an effort to connect to the fans. He was also kind enough to take a picture with Margie and me, which you can see below. This was just the first of many good things that was conveyed during this experience.
The show had Stephen Marley, son of the late Bob Marley, as the opening act. Most of you know that I am a HUGE Bob Marley fan. Not only do I enjoy his music, but more importantly, the message that both he and the music convey. His son had that same great message as well as the same infectious spirit. Promoting a feeling of love and unity, he had the crowd singing along with his songs, as well as his fathers. This was impressive to me because his father passed away 43 years ago. This was longer than many of the concert goers had been living. Yet, they all sang along word for word. Proof that people gravitate towards messages of love and that our legacy can live on long after we do.
When Michael Franti was due to start, the show opened with a brief film recalling his challenging childhood and path to self-acceptance. Even better, the film wrapped up reminding us that not only are we 99% the same, but that the 1% difference we do have is something to be celebrated, and not something to divide us. This message was relayed many times during the show. It was best described by a personal example he gave. I think it rings true for many of us. See if you can relate.
He relayed that there are days he becomes so wrapped up in technology and social media that he ends up feeling drained. What he reads has him feeling as though the world is divided and full of hate. When he goes out and spends time with people, such as he did in the park before the show, he realizes there are plenty examples of people standing up for and loving each other. As he so wonderfully quipped, “We need less scroll and more soul.”
There were many lessons I walked away from after this show. Not only a feeling of a large group of people dedicated to love and acceptance of one another, but so much more. It was great to see someone who values those that support him in his creativity and allow him to tour the world. It is great to see a celebrity display both humility and well as gratitude. Not to mention the positive messages conveyed in both his music as well as that of Stephen Marley. Proof you can be both inspired and entertained at the same time.
Here is a picture of my lovely Margie and me from this past Thursday. She took me on a special date to a concert about an hour and a half away. It was a gentleman we both discovered and began listening to together. More on the concert next post. This post I would like to talk about the date itself and how much it meant and what it can teach us about relationships. It is my sincere wish that you not only enjoy this cute romantic tale, but use it to add a spark to your own relationship.
What makes our story so exciting is the fact that Margie and I are one of, if not the, busiest couples. I work 53 hours a week at my day job, write a blog a day for the last 700+ days, working on book four as well. Margie is a fabulous and talented cake designer who has more work than she has time for. She is also the cutest cake designer, but I might be a little biased on that point. Add to this we also DJ together on Sunday night and all too often, we barely have time for us. This makes the fact that she planned a fun evening of a concert, dinner and love that much more valuable.
In doing this date, there were several things that made it so heartwarming to me. First, was the fact she learned about it, knew I would enjoy the show and took action to get the tickets. Second, that she took time out of her crazy cake making schedule to go with me there. Lastly, that it was someone we had discovered together. Yes, the concert was amazing. Again, there will be a whole post about that tomorrow. What really made this special was all the fun things that went into creating this great memory.
When you are looking to create a special memory for you and someone else, you do not need to spend a great deal of money. What makes moments special is both the thought that goes into it, as well as the connection that is forms between the two of you. You could go to a really fancy dinner, but it would be more meaningful to go back to the place you went on your first date. On the way there listening to the song you first danced to. Maybe even wear the same fragrance you did on your first date. It is these seemingly little things that really are not so little. I know that I will be loving my lady for all she did on this date over and over again for a very long time. When I reflect on it in the future, I may not remember all the songs that were played, but I will remember all the love I experienced with her.
My lovely lady is planning a date to take me on. I have not a clue as to what it might be. As you are reading this, it will have already occurred and I am sure I will be inspired to write some wonderful thing about it. Here is what the date has already inspired – the importance of being a good listener. The quote from Mr. Hemingway above gives us a clue as to how to become a great listener. Being present is such an important aspect of listening. Do not busy yourself formulating a reply while the person is still conveying what they have to say. Not only is this very poor manners, you will miss a good deal of valuable information.
My lady and I have a saying we use. Listen to learn and understand and not to reply. In doing so, we not only help solve conflicts better, we learn how to bring each other a greater amount of joy. If you remain present and listen to learn, you will discover things about your partner that you would never learn if you didn’t People will convey what they like and dislike. They will tell you things that make their hearts happy and things that make their heart break. You will be able to buy gifts you are sure your partner will love.
This tip works not just for romantic relationships, but any interaction between two parties. Listening to understand will allow you to proceed with more information and do so in a more intelligent manner. This can be a difference in saving a friendship, working relationship, or romantic relationship. When it comes to the relationship itself, the right kind of listening can be a matter of life or death…of the relationship that is.
I know many well-meaning people with lofty goals. One of the most popular is that people want to change the world. This sounds like such a complicated and far-reaching goal. It is, but at the same time, it really isn’t. You do not have to end world hunger or cure a major disease to change the world. Being a great parent and raising children that are kind and respectful changes the world. Trying to uplift the spirits of those around you will change the world. These actions may seem trivial, but when you think of the outcomes long-term, and what the outcome would be if you took the opposite action, you realize how powerful they are.
My life’s mission is to leave the world a better place than I found it. This is not exactly a measurable goal. It is also one that never ends. The more actions I take to do so, the more likely it will be to come true. One think I have learned is the quote above. “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” You may think a compliment to a stranger wouldn’t make much of a difference, but you never know what that stranger is going through or what it means to them. I used the example of picking up one piece of trash. Does not seem like that would make much of a difference, but if every person in the world did that it would mean 8 billion pieces of trash were picked up! Even if 1 out of every 8 people did it, that would still mean 1 billion pieces of trash picked up. Again, if we consider the opposite action we can see the difference even more. Imagine if every person dropped one piece of trash on the ground. 8 billion pieces of trash littering our parks and sidewalks! Imagine the difference that makes.
Doing one small act of kindness a day may not seem like it would make a difference, but that adds up to 365 acts of kindness a year. None of those are wasted. It may not resonate with the person you do it for, but it could be seen by someone who then goes on to act kind towards someone else. Thus, creating a ripple effect. Maybe nobody sees your act of kindness. Maybe you pick up a piece of trash in the woods. It makes a difference to nature and increases the frequency of your vibration. In other words, helps you feel good. What small act of kindness could you do today? Remember, no act of kindness is ever wasted!
One of the questions I am often asked is, “How can I stay motivated?” This is the wrong question to ask. You will never be motivated 100% of the time. Motivation comes and goes. I can surround myself with workout quotes, pictures of the body I would like to have and upbeat music, but if it is below freezing outside, I am not going to want to go to the gym. The better question to ask is “How can I stay committed and disciplined?” There are many ways to do this. One of them is considering the consequences of not being disciplined. If I stay in bed all day the boss will not be happy and I may end up without a job. Another way is to focus on what you will gain by remaining committed. If I keep going to the gym, eventually I will fit into that new bathing suit.
If we are honest, some days none of this works. We do not care if the boss is mad or if we get fired. Hey, if I don’t have a job I could sleep in every day! We don’t consider the fact it might be in a cardboard box if we can’t pay our bills. What about fitting into that new swimsuit? Well, we don’t have to go to the beach. Plus, these doughnuts look and taste really good. I have had those moments. Have you? What then? How do we maintain our discipline when our motivation to do so has left us long ago? Example.
I am so grateful to have an amazing women that has me wanting to be the best I can be for her. She is so beautiful and loving that I often question what I did to deserve her. Still, after working all day without sleeping, I can lack the motivation it requires to be a great life partner. What then? I think of the example I am setting. For her children who may be watching. For other men who want to know how to properly treat their lady. To women looking for an example that men do value their lady. Maybe someone caught in an abusive relationship who needs an example of a healthy one to realize that theirs must change.
The same holds true for everything I do in my life. You never know who is watching. Our lives are either warnings or examples. In the age where you can be filmed and go viral for just about anything, wouldn’t you rather it was something good? I know I would. People will rarely listen to what you say if your actions do not support it. If you truly want to inspire others, focus less on what you say and more on what you do. I am going to leave you with one of my favorite quotes that highlights the importance of actions over words.
Here is a subject that we have talked about before on this site, but I was reminded that many of us still have not got the message. There are so many of us that are lack the bravery to share their true self with the world because they base their value on the opinions of others. That is why I liked the quote above so much. If we think of ourselves as that flower, how sad would it be if we could only bloom if someone else watered us? Many are still like this. That is why we need to both encourage ourselves, as well as be aware of all the good we bring to the world. You are a rockstar no matter how large the audience is or is not.
The only thing that saddens me more is someone who lets others determine their worth. If you asked someone directly, “Would you let anyone tell you how much you are worth?” Most of us would answer a resounding “No!” Yet, this happens all too often. Recently, I heard of a woman who even said she felt like ending her life because a man she was recently dating was mad at her. You may be thinking what some dramatic teenager has to do with your life. Here is a surprise, that woman was in her 70s. She had not learned to value herself enough that the opinions of others do not define her.
This is not to say you should not care how you effect others. If what you do hurts someone, you should recognize that and work on becoming a better version of yourself. We should be on a journey of becoming the best version of ourselves. When we are, if others do not value us, we know that our life still has value. I am here to tell you that every life has value. We can all make a difference and all have our own unique gifts to bring to the world. Do not let anyone convince you of anything less.
This quote is new to me, but the idea is not. When I am having a hard time staying committed to the actions that will improve my life, such as going to the gym on a cold raining morning, I think of those who believe in me. There are days that I do not feel I have the energy to write these blogs, but I think of all the encouraging comments I have received from all around the globe. These wonderful friends believe in me, I do not want to let them down. It can be hard to believe in ourselves. It can often be easier to think of those who do believe in us and let their belief carry us through until we can develop belief of our own.
One of the greatest motivations is pride. When you look in the mirror, do you like the person looking back at you? Sure, they might not be perfect, but if they are working their butt off to improve, you have to be proud. Sometimes, that feeling of pride isn’t enough. Then what? I will tell you what works for me. It might work for you. I think of all the important people in my life. When I do not want to work out, I think about giving Margie a man she can be proud of. Not only one that is in shape, but one that is disciplined to stick to his commitments, even when the motivation to do so has long since departed. When I do not feel like working on my blogs or books, I think of being the kind of son that will make my mother proud.
When we cease to make life all about ourselves, and stop and consider the people who love and believe in us, we can have all the motivation we need to tackle any challenge. Next time you are facing an obstacle, whether it is wanning motivation or something more concrete, think of who you would be letting down if you quit. To me, it is what keeps me going long after doing it for myself would have quit.
Recently, I came across a story about the Mona Lisa, the famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci. A copy of the famous painting, made by one of da Vinci’s students, was discovered. It not only was better preserved, it revealed many of the details that had been lost in the original. If I gave you the option to own either one of these paintings, which one would you choose? The original, done by old Leo himself, or the copy done by his student? If you know anything about art, or the value of art, I am sure you will choose the original. Why? The copy is better preserved. It has more detail. Why is the original more valuable? Simple, it is an original.
You, my friends, are not much different than that famous painting. Sure, you might not be a 16th century woman, but you are far more valuable as an original. Keep this in mind as you make your way through a world bent on telling you who you should be. The only thing we should be working on becoming is the best version of ourselves.
This does not mean we ignore constructive criticism, or keep an open mind in regards to our character. What I mean is not to change yourself to conform to someone else’s definition of you. I remember hearing that Oprah was told she was far too empathetic to be in journalism. She cried whenever she reported on a fire because a family had lost their home. Had she listened and hardened her heart, she may have been able to become an anchor woman on the news. Instead, she leaned into who she was and became one of the most successful women in history. The world is filled with countless stories like this.
As we make our way through the week, and through life in general, let us be confident in who we are and work to be the best version of that. In doing so, you help give others permission to do the same. Never hide the gift of who you are from the world. It will help you attract the life and people that should be in your story.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 