It is Saturday so we will not take up too much of your weekend. I thought the above photo would make for an interesting challenge this weekend. If someone makes you happy, make them happier. What a great idea! Not only does it keep our focus on all the wonderful people in our life, but gets our creative juices flowing in a positive manner. How many people waste energy on getting even with someone who has done them wrong? Not only does this reduce you to below the unfortunate soul that did you wrong, but it does absolutely nothing to improve your own life. Every minute you waste on revenge is 60 seconds you could have spent on success.
Two examples from my own life are my mother and my Margie. My mother and I enjoy sharing things such as different coffee we have tried as well as coupons we get that the other may use. We also enjoy taking one another out for coffee and a good conversation. Margie does things to make me happy without her even knowing it. To this end, I am constantly working to find ways in which I can make her happy. This is one of the keys to our relationship being successful. We are always working to make the other happy. Not to mention, when your significant other is happy, the household is happy and thus, you are happy.
The conclusion of all this is that the more people you make happy in your life, the more happiness there will be. That is happiness for them, and happiness for you. Spending that 60 seconds on increasing the happiness in someone’s life, and therefore the world, serves us all. This weekend, if someone makes you happy, think of how you could return the favor. It doesn’t have to stop when Monday rolls around. This would be a fun and beneficial action to add to your lifestyle. Before you know it, your life will be filled with a lot more happy people. The best part? You will be one of them!
One of the greatest issues in today’s world is that people really do not love their lives. According to research by Forbes magazine, 87% of us are going to jobs that we really do not enjoy. Spending 40 hours a week, plus commute, on doing something that drains your soul can certainly take some of your joy of living away. What about the times you are not working? They are usually filled with the stress of life and family responsibilities. Try to squeeze in some sleep and time is used up.
What this leads to for many of us is a “wake up, pay bills and die” kind of existence. My fourth book addresses this in great detail, but we are going to take a look at one of the most powerful tools that exists to go from surviving to thriving. That tool? It is gratitude. You probably have heard quite a bit about gratitude and how important it is for living a quality life. The reason you have heard so much about it, is because it works. I am sure most of us know this intellectually, but how many of us have a gratitude practice of any kind? If we stop and ask anyone if they are grateful for things in their life, they usually respond with a resounding yes. Still, most of us go through life focused on what has to be fixed, or what is wrong with our lives.
Gratitude can change every aspect of our life when we take time to not only focus on it, but stay in that state for at least a few minutes each day. My favorite times to do this is either first thing in the morning or right before bed. Here is why. First thing in the morning we set the tone for our day. Why not make it one of appreciation and gratitude? It sure beats leaving the house in a depressed or angry state. It will put us in a far better state to face the challenges ahead. Practicing gratitude right before bed gives us a sense of inner peace and allows our rest to be restorative. It will allow us to see that although the day may not have gone exactly how we wanted it to, there are still many reasons to be grateful.
Whether you choose to practice gratitude first thing in the morning, or last thing at night, make sure you spend at least a few minutes every day doing so. You could even do so on your lunch! That way you get a midday refresh. The reasons for doing so are many (increased immune function, reduced stress,etc.) The main reason is that is helps us fall in love with our life again. We have a little spring in our step. Want to make this even more powerful? Try expressing gratitude at least once a day. You will not only make someone else’s day better, but you will give your own heart an extra dose of joy. I would love to hear of any gratitude practices you use.
You hear a lot about seeing red flags in people these days. You hear about it on dating sites, on social media, and even in books and YouTube videos about relationships. It is good to have a list of signs that someone, be they friend or intimate partner, is not right for you. Being able to identify and set boundaries early on will certainly make life easier. Knowing when a person’s values do not match yours is crucial for long-term success in any relationship.
As I often do, this made me ask the question, “What about the positive side of this?” This was a little awkward as I asked this when I was sitting alone at a coffee shop, but I digress. Equally as important to knowing what you don’t want in a relationship, is focusing on what you do want. It may actually be more important as it has been shown we tend to attract to our lives that which we focus on. If you are constantly saying, “I am sick of meeting people who don’t have their life together.” That is what you will tend to see.
Instead, let us focus on what we are looking for. What are some of your green flags? Mine are people who are driven to improve their lives. I enjoy people I can discuss both new-age and self-improvement concepts with. Maybe someone with an appreciation for the tropics. People who have a general positive outlook on life tend to get a green flag from me. Anyone who has a grateful heart is a green flag in my book.
This is not to say that if someone doesn’t seem to match what you consider a green flag that you automatically discount them. We need friends that offer us a little contrast. Rather, it is to train our focus to notice those who share some of the character traits we find enjoyable. If we come up with a list of things that we consider green flags, it should also bring up a feeling of gratitude for those already in our lives that posses these traits.
Come of with some ‘green flags’ of your own. I have told you a few of mine. What are some of yours? There really is no right or wrong answer to this question. We all enjoy and value different things in people and in life. Knowing what we do want can help us notice when we see that in others.
In a world of quick gratification, this quote should really hit home for a lot of us! We associate pleasure to so many things, that we fail to realize how much we have become a slave to these pleasures. How many of us have seen a couple out for dinner and spend the entire meal staring at their phones, barely interacting with each other? When we cease to be able to enjoy things in moderation, we become a slave to them. Yes, pizza, I am looking at you. When we ‘have to have’ the latest gizmo or gadget, we are giving our money, our attention and most importantly, our energy to them. There is nothing wrong with obtaining nice things. When that becomes a problem, is when getting those things is our main goal in life.
This is so true in life. One of the reasons that I have such an amazing relationship with the lady in my life, is the experiences we buy or pay attention to. It is not the big things, although those are amazing. It is the simple things. The pleasure I seek, is her smile. What I choose to pay attention to is the little things she does that melt my heart everyday. By investing in these pleasures, it creates at atmosphere of love and appreciation for each other. Just the other day, she even had a little sign on the door when I came home from a hard day at work. It cost her nothing but a few minutes of her time. The return on that investment? Every time I see, or even think about that sign, I love her even more.
Think of the pleasures in your life. Are you really buying them, or have you become a slave to them? One of the greatest ways to prevent this from happening is to remain present. That way you can not only get pleasure from each moment in life, but you will be aware enough to realize the pleasures that have taken over your life.
I have always liked this quote by Ben Franklin. Yes, we are on an informal basis like that. Actually, Ol’ Ben was quite a party animal, but that is a post for a different day. What does he mean about Dying at twenty and not being buried until we are seventy five? Does that mean they leave us out long past our shelf life? No. What it means is that we stop living a life of purpose and passion and settle into a life of mediocrity. It is the “Wake up, pay bills and die.” mentality.
My fourth book will deal with this in depth. Until that wonderful piece of literature is published, let us have a brief discussion on the subject. Does life feel like a chore to you? Are you busy just trying to survive, or are you focused on thriving? Whether you are 18 or 80, the time is now to focus on living. Ask yourself, how many times a day does your soul feel on fire with the passion of life? Many people think this is an unrealistic goal. That, in itself, tells you how far removed from truly living they are.
It may be quite a high standard to walk around in a state of bliss, although there are those who manage. Your life should, and quite frankly must, contain moments of this. If not, you are not really living. As someone who works 45 hours a week at his day job, writes a daily blog, is working on his fourth book, hosts a podcast and is a DJ on Sunday, I can understand that quite often responsibilities can take up quite a bit of our lives. Sneaking in reasons to be full of passion is what makes life feel alive.
I recommend creating as many of these moments as you can. One of the best ways to do so is to be fully present. In a world where more of us stare at our phone than out in the world, this alone could make a huge difference. Spending some time in nature revives the soul in many ways as well. Having a purpose bigger than a paycheck is not only a good idea, it is vital to creating a rewarding and fulfilling life. Let us start living more, and let us start doing so today.
In a world where everyone seems to be chasing something, why not put our focus on these two priceless items? Waking up and thinking about the potential in each day will have us feeling far more optimistic. All our dreams may not come true that day, but then again, they might? Something even better that we haven’t thought of may occur. We might face a tough day, but discover an unexpected blessing in the middle of it!
How about as we fall asleep at night? Doing so with peace in our hearts is a gift that cannot be overstated. It is, more often that not, our own thoughts that torment us. Knowing, even if we made mistakes, that we are working to do the best we can and will continue to do so, should give us peace. Filling our hearts with gratitude for both the day, and for all the good yet to come, can allow is to get the rest we need. If something is vexing us, journaling about it or getting it out in another fashion, until our mind is able to be still.
Forget all of the material objects often chased by the ignorant. It is the two ‘P’s that matter. That is potential and peace. These are far more valuable than anything you can purchase in a store. A soul excited about potential and a heart filled with peace are more precious than anything we can work for. Invest in these two items and everything in your life will fall into place.
One of our greatest powers as human beings is the power to connect with others. There are so many people that come to mind when I say this. My friend Nick and I could talk, with interest, for hours. My friend Curtis, whom I miss since he moved away, always gave me great ideas. Of course my beautiful lady, Margie, fills me with joy as we connect on so many different levels. Each one of these people, along with so many others I could name, bring something unique and special into my life.
If you think about the people you connect with in your life, I am sure each one of them brings something unique and special. Some people spark ideas. Some of them offer encouragement. There are people that challenge you and hold you accountable to your standards. There are those wonderful souls that just fill your heart with joy by being in their presence. Every soul that we interact with is a gift. Even those who may be an arduous task to connect with, give our character strength. They may also help us practice patience and restraint.
Today, let us take a moment to think of all the ways connections benefit us and give thanks for all of the wonderful people that share life with us. In my upcoming fourth book, I have received feedback from many of the friends that I value and look forward to sharing that with you. The connection they share with me has only made my life better. They say when two people connect, a third is born. Meaning a connection, ideas and actions that neither person would come up with on their own. Connections bless our world more than we know. That us take a moment to be grateful for them today.
The end of the weekend is fast approaching. Too fast for many of us. Before we pick out a black mourning outfit to wear to work on Monday, let us remember that although we have left our 48 hours of freedom behind, we are starting something new. No, I am not talking about 120 hours in which we are in work mode. Although looking at the numbers, I do feel it should be a little more balanced. What it could be is the beginning of the most wonderful week of our lives. We never know what might await us in the coming days.
As you can see in the photo above, I recently returned from vacation with this beautiful lady. As the days get further away from being in the sunny Bahamas, I have 2 choices. I could lament the fact that it has been even longer since I have been laying on a beach after a breakfast buffet, or I can think that it is the beginning (and one week closer) to planning the next escape with my lovely lady. You may think this is splitting hairs, so to speak, and you may be right. Here is another truth – although both facts may be true, looking at them in different ways will give you entirely different feelings. Why not pick the one that makes you feel good?
Take the words of wisdom from the great Mr. Rogers. Every end is also a new beginning. We should work on fostering feelings of excitement for what is next in our lives. It will have us viewing life as we should, as one big adventure.
The secret to happiness? That is a bold statement. Especially considering that happiness is different for everyone. Yet, there is a universal way to bring happiness into your life no matter who you are, or what makes you happy. Even better than that, the more you do this, the more happiness it will bring in your life! Is it swimming with pigs in the ocean like in the picture above? I recently did that on my trip to the Bahamas. It was fun, but not necessarily everyone’s secret to happiness. It is a clue as to what that secret is though.
I mentioned that I swam with pigs in the Bahamas. It happened on a trip that I took my beautiful lady on for her birthday. She had mentioned really wanting to go there, and I wanted to make her dream come true. She also thought swimming with the pigs sounded fun, so I had to find a way to add that as well. As you can see in her amazing smile, she was very happy. That, my friends, is the secret to happiness. Taking your lady on a trip to swim with the pigs in the Bahamas? Not exactly, but yes.
Bringing joy to the lives of others, especially those you really care about, is the secret to happiness. I am going to tell you why. From a scientific standpoint, studies show doing kind things for others activates the reward centers in our brain. Doing this takes our mind off of our own worries. Knowing that you brought joy to another can, and should, give you a feeling of accomplishment. That is a goal worth aspiring to and accomplishing. In today’s world, being a giver of joy is priceless. Others value someone who can give them a feeling of positivity.
You can certainly walk around doing random act of kindness and that will add joy. Do you want to do this more effectively and see quicker and more intense results? Then you need one additional skill – active listening. To listen actively means that you listen for a purpose. Like to find what would bring the biggest smile to someone’s face. In the case of my lovely Margie, that was hearing her express her desire to go to the Bahamas, and to swim with pigs. It doesn’t have to be something so grand. In fact, it doesn’t even have to be something they enjoy. This works really well if you have someone who complains a good deal. Let me explain.
When you are actively listening to discover what you can do to bring joy to someone’s life, there are two things to pay attention to. First, is rather obvious. Look for what they say they want/like. This could be wanting to try a certain restaurant or what flowers are their favorite. On the flip side, you can also listen for what they don’t like. When you hear these things, you can work on finding ways to help eliminate them. If you combine them, you have two powerful ways to bring joy to anyone. As a bonus, they will not only feel joy from the activity, but feel significant and valued because you listened to what was important to them.
I told you in the beginning of this post that the more you do this, the more happiness will fill your life. Here is why. Think what will happen the more you bring joy to someone’s life. How do you think they will view and treat you? When they see you, they will automatically feel joy just from your presence. They will want to return the favor as well. Nobody wants to feel like a taker. They will want to return that feeling of joy you give them. The more you do this for each other, the more it happens in return. Now imagine if you did this with as many people in your life as you could. This could include coworkers, retail people you encounter, store clerks, family, friends and even complete strangers. Not only will you be so busy trying to discover joy that you will have less time to focus on your worries, but you will have countless people focused on bringing you joy as well. Can you see how this could grow? The more we put out, the more we will get in return. It is like planting seeds of joy in others, allows us to harvest the joy in our own lives as well. Start planting as many seeds as you can, in as many gardens as you can, today!
Everyone would love a bonus day in their lives, wouldn’t they? How many times do you look around at everything you have to do in life and wish you just had a few more hours in they day? For most of us, that is daily. Here is a trick question. If you did have a bonus day, what would you spend it focused on? Would it be accomplishing more? Would it be resting more? Would it be focused on just doing nothing? How about focusing on joy? On bliss?
Today is leap year. It has many of us thinking of a bonus day. That is not exactly how it is, but you get the idea. Here is a fact that we often overlook. Every day is a bonus day. There are so many things that could go sideways in life and in the world that every day we enjoy with those we love is a bonus day. This may sound metaphorical, but it is not. Who is to say who will be here tomorrow and who will not. Today we are, let us make the most of it. This will mean different things to different people. Maybe completing that household chore you have been working on forever will give you joy? Then, put some time in. Maybe you need to slow down and just enjoy a little time for yourself. Don’t feel guilty, just do that.
Let leap year serve as a reminder to us that every day is a bonus day. We are not promised tomorrow, but we have been given today. Let us make the most of this beautiful bonus day!
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 