Tag: Love

WHY WE ARE ALL TIRED 

This quote comes to us courtesy of the movie “The Green Mile”. In todays world of extreme politics and social conflict there has been a fair share of ugliness. On social media everyday we see conflicting opinions which are healthy when presented in a healthy way. We also see our share of name calling, and sarcastic portrayals of those who have a different opinion than that of the person doing the posting.

Let us take a step back and look at what this accomplishes. Some may say it causes the person posting to be a little happier and that may be true, only temporarily. You see in order to post something like that the person has to focus on this conflict and the low opinion they have of that group. How “Stupid” there are or how “Hateful, Racist or evil” they are. Try saying these words out loud three times, “Stupid, hate, racist and evil”. If you are unable to try even saying them to yourself. Do it now, I’ll wait….Ok, how does that make you feel physically? Did you notice an effect? Even focusing on things we strongly dislike and thinking about them make us feel sick. It can even make us feel helpless. Plus, remember what we said about the RAS and how the brain seems to begin to notice more of what we focus on?

So should we ignore all the injustice we see? Absolutely not! What we should focus on is solutions we can think of. Perhaps find examples of people or situations that are the opposite of those that upset us. We will still be victim to reading how wrong we are for feeling what we feel, but understand as much as we may disagree with someone they have a right to feel as they do too. Again going back to the golden rule, we no more want to hear that we have no right to feel as we do or are stupid, evil or any other negative term for doing so than anyone else does. Not to mention by attacking others we only add to the feeling and atmosphere of hate and conflict.

Here is what I suggest. Does racism bother you? Then promote everyone getting along. Does war leave you feeling sad? Then promote peace. Poverty leave you feeling sick and helpless? Promote an atmosphere of giving and everyone having enough. It was this very thinking that caused me to embark on the life path I am on now. It was my disgust at the vast amount of negativity in the world that had me determined to begin to promote positivity and to provide tools to help others do the same.

So next time you catch yourself saying “Did you see what that person/politician/company did?” ask yourself, “What am I doing?”. Sure maybe we cannot make as big of a difference as the president of the United States, or Walmart, but all of us doing little acts of kindness and love can counterbalance those doing that which we disagree with.

I invite you all to share groups that do good or even your own ideas to promote love instead of bashing hate. Let us all work to be a little less ugly to each other and make the world a little more beautiful.

NOT WHAT I THOUGHT

This picture shows that I now have 1000 likes on my blog. That alone is a thought that is very humbling. 1000 people all like the same thing and it happens to be the content that I put out on this very blog you are reading. This is the subject I fully intended to write about this fine day. As happens often with writers and inspiration, something went left when I thought it would go right.

What am I talking about? A new fun and exciting thing we can all try together that will not only put a smile on our faces and hearts but make our life far more amazing. Are you in? This simple exercise requires three things. 1. a pen 2. a small journal or notebook. 3. a fairly good sense of introspection and observation. That’s it. No complicated tools, no degree from a famous university, no occult secret and no magic formula.

Ok, so what on earth is this activity. Here is the story of how this post came to be and this idea came to me. For the last two or three days I have not been feeling well. Some sort of stomach flu or something. Spent most of that time laying in bed. My car issues are on the way to a wonderful conclusion and things around the house have been crazy. What I really needed was some relaxing quality time with my lady. So we decided to go to the mall today for lunch and she was going to shop while I wrote. She is actually there now so I better make this short so I can pick her up.

We decided to check out a new brew pub that just opened up there. We were greeted friendly and could feel a very positive vibe right off the bat. We saw a few friends while we were there and I exchanged information with a gentleman also on the path to self-enlightenment. It was a marvelous experience. Not to mention after lots of stress physically and emotionally both my lady and I were smiling and actually had some time together. As I left to write this, the sun was shining and it was not to insanely cold, which for Wisconsin this time of year is a win. I began to just think of all of these things and then it hit me. A great idea! A fun idea! A life transforming idea!

Enough with the story behind the idea, here is the idea. I was going to write about 1000 different people all liking my blog and how that felt like such an honor. These people come from over 70 different countries, across all social, religious and political fields. Then the idea came to me. I bet this one person (that would be me, which at the time I guess I was referring to in the third person) likes 1000 different things. I started noticing the afore mentioned things I was enjoying. The sunshine, the nice people I met, the amazing time with my lady. Guess what? I had me feeling as if I were floating instead of walking. I thought “wouldn’t it be great to feel like this more often?”. Then, as I am want to do I followed that with the thought “How can I?”. The solution my friends is simple, fun and I am going to share it now.

Keep a journal of what makes you happy. That’s it? Yes, that is it. Whatever it may be. Sunshine, balloons, penguins, the way the person you love smiles at you. Write them down in a special journal. Do it whenever the mood strikes you. Just keep the journal handy. Why write them down? It makes it more visceral. Not to mention when you open to write the next time you will be greeted by the last things that make you happy.

What can you do with this information? Lots of things. You can use it when you are feeling down for things to try to turn things around. When loved ones ask you what you might enjoy doing or what gift you may enjoy ideas are there. Looking for things to put in a gratitude journal? How about things that make you happy. Not to mention something else happens that makes life more of an enjoyable adventure rather than a arduous task. You become more aware of the things that make you happy when they occur.

I am blessed to have a lady in my life that has a very unique skill. When I am down and suddenly listing things that all suck in my life (Yes even self-improvement authors have these moments) she is quick to point out things that are going right, or could go right. This can seem slightly annoying when I just feel like complaining, but let me tell you it is an amazing blessing, because it gets me out of that state. I can only imagine doing this fun activity will only make her job easier. Another bonus I just thought of, if she reads my happy journal she will know lots of things that make her man happy.

So please will you try this activity with me? Share this with all of your friends. Let us all be happier in 2017!

WHAT IS VALUABLE?

This story was inspired with a conversation I had this Saturday night. We will begin with an odd question. Which of these is most valuable? A rock given to you from a child, a bag of spicy pork rinds or a reassuring compliment? Depending on your love of either geology or fried parts of a pig your answer may very. So what does this have to do with living an amazing life? Let us find out.

Before we craft our answer to the first question, let me throw a second question at you. Which of these two items are more valuable, a diamond or some water? As happens quite often, you may be tempted to question my sanity. It is the diamond right? Not so fast. Sure in our day to day lives if given the choice we would take the diamond. After all how many fancy bottles of water could you buy with that diamond? Well what if you happened to be stranded in the desert? Or what if that water was given to you by someone who was stranded in the desert with no water? You see, value not only depends on meaning but on situation as well.

Back to our original question. After DJing a busy show on a Saturday evening my lady and I had a chance to share a quick conversation with our friend Nicole. She told us of a recent story where her son had given her a rock and told her “I want you to have this”. (It should be noted this generous young man gave me a drawing he created for my last birthday) The reason she shared this with me is that is reminded her of a section from my book A Happy Life for Busy People titled ‘Gratitude in your pocket’. Which basically instructs one to carry a special talisman in their pocket to remind them of things they have to be grateful for. If you would like more info search the blog post of the same title or purchase a copy of my book. What she said next is what really got me thinking. “That was all he had” You see that child could not give her a new car, a diamond or anything else he did not possess, but he gave the one thing he had which was the rock. She saw the value in that and now uses it to remind her of what she has to be grateful for.

Ok, spicy pork rinds? How valuable are they? $2.99 a bag? Not in this case. During this same conversation Nicole was telling us how proud she was of the growth she saw in her husband. She mentioned how he knew to take her on their first date to all the places she liked. Then she added “The other day he bought me a bag of spicy pork rinds”. To some if their significant others bought them something like that they may just say a simple ‘thank you’ or even ask “Is that all you brought me?”. Nicole chose a more intelligent way of receiving this gift. She told us “This means he listened to me about what I like and went out and got it”. How valuable is it to you to know someone cares enough to listen to what makes you happy and then go out and take action on it? Certainly more than $2.99 a bag. Admittedly this is a lesson I did not always appreciate, but through the love of my young lady I am now relishing in it.

Speaking of my young lady, that brings us to the last item, a reassuring compliment. I mentioned it was a very busy night that night. My baby being the caring and wonderful DJ and person she is was extremely focused on making sure everyone had their song in and nothing went wrong technically. (sometimes I even wonder what I am there for). A few hours into the evening she stopped and looked right at me and kissed me. What she said next melted my heart. She said “I’m sorry I know I working so hard right now and not really talking to you I just wanted to let you know I appreciate you and love you”. Wow. That meant more to me than if she would have bought me another drink, or even gave me a diamond. Sounds crazy but true. To know that she thought enough to realize that although she was busy making sure everyone of our amazing friends was well taken care of, she knew her man would appreciate knowing he was too.

Did you notice something about what Nicole and I did? We took gifts that on a material level may not seem like much and appreciated the thought, effort and feeling behind them. When you do that not only do the ones giving the gifts feel appreciated, but you realize something even more important. You can be, in fact you are, rich right now. You give yourself the gift of feeling loved and abundant. So when someone gives you a gift, make sure you see the true value in it.

HOW TO TURN AN ENEMY INTO A FRIEND

This comes from the religious text of Islam. Without being Muslim myself, I have personally used this great secret often. Read the quote again. It shares with us the plan for turning enemies into friends. It also tells us what to do when we are faced with a negative, or evil situation. What is that? Repel it with what is better? Someone treats you harshly, treat them with love. Someone continually expresses views contrary to the ones you express? Treat their opinions with respect and consideration. Is this easy? Not at all.

Then why should we do it? Why, as the Quran urges us here, should we take the high road? If you look at the beginning of the quote is reminds us that good and evil deeds are not equal. Meaning that in the long run, doing good will be more powerful than doing bad. Thus, the quote instructs us to repel evil with what is better, not just what is opposite. I am a firm believer that good will always triumph over evil. Hitler, Stalin and lots of other famous evil doers had the final years of their lives filled with paranoia and suffering, even though at periods of time it seemed they may never be toppled.

Another reason why we should always counter evil with good, negative with positive is stated in the final line of this quote. The one who was once your enemy has become your dearest friend. Enemies are a lot of stress. When we know there is someone who is against us we must always be on guard for deception and wrong-doing. This drains us of a lot of energy and physical well-being. So how do we turn enemies into friends? We cannot do so by force, or by proving our points or our person as superior to their own. The French revolution should be evidence of this. No, the only way we can turn the hearts of our enemies is through Love and compassion. The two most powerful tools against hate and evil.

Tomorrow we tie everything we have learned this week with one amazing example. I look forward to sharing that with all of you.

YOU WANT ME TO WHAT?

Here is something that can greatly improve your relationship. It’s a singles ad. Before you assume i have completely lost my mind (a fact that remains questioned by many) please allow me to explain.

 A lady approached me earlier this week and began to regale me with all the issues she was having with her husband. She went on to list a host of things the gentleman happened to be doing wrong in her eyes. After several minutes of this not so glowing review of her gentleman suitor she asked me a very direct question “what do you think I should do?”. I was tempted to ask her if there were any transgressions she left out. Perhaps he had colored outside the lines when he was young? It had me realizing how easy it is to stack things. 

What is stacking things? When we get emotional we tend to limit our focus. When someone hurts us, especially someone close to us we tend to recall other hurtful things they may have done and begin to stack them on to of one another, which only proves to increase our discontent. 

So i told this lady a simple answer, “write a singles ad”. She informed me although she was upset with him she didn’t want to cheat it leave him. What i told her next really confused her and may do the same for you, but stay with me and I believe you will see the value in this.  

I told her not to write the ad for herself, but for him. “I don’t want him to cheat either!”. She made very clear. Aside from the fact that her assertion of him early left room for doubt, i assured her that was not what this was about. “Humor me” i urged her. “What would an ad for your husband read? What qualities make him an excellent catch?”. She went on to say he was compassionate, funny had a great smile. After about 2 minutes she began to get tears in eyes. She began to realize the man she had spent time berating might be one amazing catch. 

So that is what I’m urging all of us to do. Write a singles ad for your significant other. I wouldn’t suggest waiting for a disagreement, do it while the fabulous things they do are fresh in your mind. Taking time to write all of this down will serve to remind us what a great person we have chosen. You might want to keep it around in case there are moments that cause us to forget. 

What if you don’t have that special person? Write an ad for the exact person you would like to meet.  It will then help you get clear on what you are looking for and help engage your subconscious mind to assist you. 

Feel free to share some of the things in your ad in the comments below. 

A NEW YOU!

This time of year there is always a lot of talk about changing who we are for the better. About how we can improve on this and do better on that. Here is a better idea – try loving yourself more-.

If that sounds a bit silly or a little too ‘new age-ish” for you stop and think about what we tell ourselves. Last post we talked about what we can do when we make a mistake and how beating ourselves up doesn’t not serve us or anyone else around us. We don’t really seem to talk to ourselves much unless it is criticism. 

Let’s be honest, if you are reading a blog like this chances are on a daily basis you do more right than you do wrong. On some days maybe this isn’t true, but as a person you do the best you can to do what is right. If it doesn’t feel like that sometimes it might be because we don’t congratulate ourselves as much as we admonish ourselves. 

This weekend try doing two things for yourself. First, try to notice and congratulate yourself when you do something nice. You held the door for someone, you threw your trash away instead of leaving it for someone else to do. Maybe it is that you went to work even though it was cold and you didn’t want to. Take a moment and say to yourself, or out loud if you’re that confident, “hey me (i recommend using your name it’s ok to refer to yourself in the third person just this once) i did a good job right here”. 

Second, when you do make a mistake find a good. Yes, i did slip up and have a cigarette, but i haven’t had one for 7 days before that and next time I’ll go even longer!

Try this for a few days and you will notice you feel better over all and you won’t get so down when you make a mistake. After all, you’re amazing just the way you are!

BE THE CHANGE

Who doesn’t want to change the world? Who wouldn’t want the world to be a better place for everyone? Tall order right? How can we convince political rivals not to resort to bloodshed to solve their differences? How can we convince those whose hearts are filled with hate to replace it with love? In short, we can’t.

Not very inspiring I know. It is the truth. We cannot change the minds and hearts of others. That is up to them. This blog is focused on things we CAN do though. So what can we do? How do we reach those souls who need it most? How can we change the world? It is actually easier than you think. The only way we can truly touch and reach each other is through love and compassion. The woman who is credited with the quote above, Mother Teresa, changed the world on a grand scale using both love and compassion.

The good news is you do not have to surrender your life and help those people in a third world country like she did. All we have to do is show love to those around us. This is not always easy, but it will pay rewards far beyond what we can imagine. Being a shining example of love and compassion to our family will provide them with a framework to do the same. My good friend Bart recently had his first child. Both he and his wife and very caring and compassionate people who genuinely care about the world around them. It does my soul good to know such parents are raising a member of the future generation who will bring the same to the world.

So what about those who do not have the luxury of having such parents? That is why it is important to be the best example we can for everyone we encounter. Let us do our best to remember in the coming year that a lot of people do not have the benefit of a loving and compassionate example to draw from. Perhaps they have not learned how to deal with anger, or how to understand those who are different from them. They might have even been raised and taught to be full of hate and judgment. In the face of such people we need to serve them and the world around us by being that example. That is not an easy task, especially when that anger or judgment is directed at us. By fighting our temptation to reflect the same emotions back, and by ‘killing’ their judgment and anger with our love, compassion and understanding we are indeed changing the world.

BE THE TEMPTATION 

Many of the questions I encounter in my work have to do with relationships and the stress that goes with them. Add to the fact that in addition to being a self-improvement author and motivational speaker I also have a very public and loving relationship people are inclined to ask me advice.

The picture above is obviously geared toward men, but would work the same way for either gender. Most of us focus on finding the right person. In reality if we are focusing on others we run the danger of losing ourselves. When you are becoming the best person you can be, the right person will naturally be attracted to you. If you are a person who enjoys reading or who would even like to, you may find your perfect match if you spend quality time in a bookstore or library. Wanting to get fit? Your soul mate may not be at an all you can eat buffet.

Here is another aspect of working on yourself. A quote I love and do my best to live by is one from the author and speaker Eric Thomas “You must be ready for the opportunity of a lifetime in the lifetime of the opportunity”. That opportunity may be the person of your dreams. If you are still dealing with your own issues, that person may not find it desirable to be with you. How many times have we found ourselves saying “I wish I would have not done/said that”. I think all of us, myself included have uttered that phrase a million times. If we are dealing with anger management problems, or emotional baggage from a past relationship it can make it very difficult, if not impossible to enter into a new, healthy relationship. I can safely say the success of my current relationship has as much to do with both parties working on bettering themselves as it does both parties working on the relationship.

Take being a better listener, problem solver, communicator or any other relationship skill. If you learn how to do these effectively your relationship whether the one you are currently in, or the one you will enter into in the future, stands a far more likely chance of being loving and successful. Even if only one partner has skills in any of these, it is easier to demonstrate them to the other. Both Margie and I have shared things with each other that we have learned trying to better ourselves. Those very things have went on to better the other as well as the relationship.

The good and the bad news? The bad news is working on ourselves is a never ending project. There will always be areas in which we can improve. The good news about that is it means our relationships, as well as our life will continue to get better as we continue to better ourselves. So if you want a better relationship, or a better life. The answer lies as close as the bathroom mirror. Ask yourself the empowering question “How can I become more?”

THE GREATEST GIFT 

It has been a year already. It has been a year since I was able to celebrate the birth of this wonderful lady. The woman in the photograph is my lovely lady Margie. As you are reading this we are enjoying ourselves in Las Vegas. It was a trip I planned for sometime. Every year I do my best gift ever. This year I finally have it all figured out!

So a trip to Las Vegas is the best gift ever? In short, no, but then again…yes. Please let me explain. This is something I would like to share with all of you gentleman out there. The best gifts you can give to the lady in your life are not the most expensive, the most elaborate or the most material. So why a trip to Vegas and what is the greatest gift ever? A trip to Vegas is because with the exception of when she was a toddler my lady has only been to the states surrounding the one we live in. She has not been on a plane since she was one. Why is this the greatest gift?

Here is what is important. As a gentleman I realize the greatest gift I can give the lady in my life (this applies for friends and family too) is the gift of the experience. The greatest gift you can give is one of respect, time, attention and love. So this was not just a trip to a city that sparkles like my lady, but a chance to give her experiences she has not had. A chance to expand her world. An opportunity to bring something new into her life. The greatest souvenir we will both take home from this trip? It is the greatest gift. The gift of loving memories.

Happy birthday baby. That is the gift I wish to give to you today. The gift of my time, my attention, my respect and my love. I would wrap up all the memories we are going to create on this trip if I could, but since I can’t I will just wrap you in my arms and tell you I Love you.

ARE YOU PSYCHIC ?

This post has very little to do with the answer to that question . Still let us take a look at the question. Do you even believe in psychic ability? If so, how much do you think you have? How much do you think others have? How developed is it? You have to admit, if you are one of the people who do believe, the amount of people who have developed psychic power is far and few between.

So what does all of this have to do with living and amazing life? Plenty. It is one of the basic fundamentals I teach people in dealing with others. See if this sounds familiar to you. Have you ever heard someone complaining about their friend/coworker/spouse not knowing what they want? My first question to these people who are complaining is “Did you tell them?”. They often respond with a blank stare followed shortly by such phrases as “Well they should know” or “any idiot would know”. A lot of people assume because of their actions people should know. Maybe they have even told this person in the past. Still I remind them that most people do not have the time or energy to walk around pondering what people are ‘trying to tell them’.

How many disagreements or hurt feelings in your own life have arisen out of the fact that the two parties involved just were not clear on what the other wanted? I know in my own life I am victim of this more often then I would like to admit. I assume people know more about my desires than they do. If someone hurts you or offends you in some way because they were ignorant as to your feelings on the matter that is on you. That might sound a little harsh, but remember they cannot read our minds.

Let’s look at situations where you have told someone in the past about a situation that hurt you. In this situation we are looking at two possible scenarios. One, the person knew this would bother you and took the opportunity to do so. If that is so, perhaps we need to rethink their position in our life. The far more likely scenario is they forgot. It slipped their mind. This can only add to the frustration especially if it is something you are passionate about. It is not easy, especially in the moment, but we must remember people have a lot going on in their heads far more than just what upsets us. Again, personally I confess this is something I am still really working on.

Here is the takeaway. If there is something that is bothering you, or even something that would make you extremely happy that someone can do. Tell them. Once you share with them “This is what I like, this is what I don’t like” then the responsibility is on them. When and if they forget that or fail to do what you desire do your best not to get upset. Instead remind them that you told them and ask if there is a better way to communicate your desires or if there is anything you can do to help them remember for next time. Trust me the response you will get is far better than just getting upset.

Also remember to look at the other side of things. How fair do you think it is that people expect you to know everything that makes them happy or upset? Make being around you easy and enjoyable. Be upfront with what you do and do not enjoy. Chances are your relationships will improve and all parties will be happier.

Feel free to share your communication secrets below as well as sharing this post. Most importantly remember to share your feelings with the parties that can do something about them.