The title of this post may sound counter intuitive to most, but that is precisely why it is so important. Doing nothing is often frowned upon. This is especially true in this material driven world we live in. We are made to believe if we are not working away on some chosen project, we are somehow guilty of a modern world sin. This could be housework, physical fitness, grocery shopping or pretty much any goal-driven activity. Even worse, we were told for a while that we should be a great multi tasker. Further research shows this is not only bad for productivity, but can lead to burnout. That is a subject for another post.
Even relaxing has us searching for distraction. We have our Ipods, books,tablets or phones. It feels we have to be doing something even when we are doing nothing. We can’t even relax completely. It is in this world of never ending motion that we find ourselves in a constant state of physical and mental stress burnout. This leads to a loss of productivity. It also suppresses our immune system. This, of course,leads to illness.
What can we get from doing nothing? How on earth can it be productive? So glad you asked. Doing nothing gives our brains a chance to cleanse themselves. It gives our bodies, and our minds, a chance to decompress. This allows us to return to our busy bee life with more energy, and more importantly, more resilience. It gives our immune system a chance to repair and re-energize. This keeps us healthy. It can refresh our spirit. In addition to reducing the likelihood of burnout, it also helps reduce the risk of depression and overwhelming.
As amazing as all of those benefits are, to me, they are not the best thing one can get from doing nothing. My favorite benefit is the creation of great thoughts and ideas. When I wrote my first book, A Happy Life for Busy People, I had plenty of time to think. It took me roughly a year. After which, I started writing for several magazines, a food review site, and my blog. All this while working full time at the post office and working as a DJ. Factor in a relationship with the world’s most beautiful woman and my dance card was full.
With six jobs and a great relationship, my second book, Living the Dream, took 5 years to write. The funny thing was that was not due so much to lack of time writing, but lack of time just being. When we are alone with our thoughts, that is when they seem to appear. You can’t call someone if the line is always busy. If it is busy long enough, you stop calling all together.
Leading up to my heart surgery, I wrote like a man possessed. I wanted to get out as much content as possible in case I found myself on the other side of the great divide. I feel the quality suffered. Without time to sit and think, my brain could not come up with any new brilliant ideas. If it did, I was too busy to hear them.
After my surgery, I was forced to take 3 months to do nothing. I couldn’t work. I couldn’t go to the gym. I was instructed to just relax. Guess what happened? Ideas started to come to me all day long. Perhaps they had always been there, but now I was free enough to notice them. My third book was written in 6 short months. (It should be available late July/early August) I also started to think of new ways to improve my life…in all areas.
My favorite thought happened when I began to write. Often, when I sit down at a coffee shop to write, my mind is filled with thoughts that have nothing to do with writing. Most often, those thoughts are of my beautiful Margie. Either I am missing her because we have not seen hardly enough of each other, or I am missing her because I just had some amazing moments with her. Before my surgery, I would try to focus and ‘persevere’. After my surgery, I thought to myself, I’m going to enjoy these thoughts.
What happened next was a miracle. My love for my beautiful woman began to increase exponentially! Just when I thought I could not love her more, a new reason, memory or idea how would pop in my head. I began to think of new ways in which I could both make her happy and improve our relationship. The best part was,once my heart was full of love, the writing just flowed.
I went home to my little miracle more in love and excited to share my life with her than when I had left. All of this was made possible because I took the time to do nothing. Can you imagine the positive impact that had on our relationship? Think of the impact it could have on yours, or any area of your life you stop and think about. Do nothing for a little while today. It might be the most productive thing you do.
Last post we talked about the importance of planting seeds. Not actual plant seeds, but one of inspiration, motivation and love. What happens when we plant a seed; water and take care of it? It blossoms and bears fruit!
What seeds do you plant in life? Are you going through life planting seeds of love and respect for your fellow humans? If you do, those seeds will grow and blossom. The fruit they bear will be deeper relationships, respect, and love and happiness in return.
The seeds will often grow even if you plant them and walk away. Just like in plants, the seeds will grow quicker and stronger if they are watered and nurtured. Same holds true for your seeds of joy and love. The more seeds you plant, the bigger your garden will be, and the more fruit it will bear. Plant seeds of joy and love wherever you go!
A few posts ago we looked at a quote from Albert Einstein. It highlighted the choice between living life as though nothing was a miracle, or living life as though everything was a miracle. Can you really live life as though everything was a miracle? You can and it can be easier than you think!
I believe there are two keys to living your life as though everything was a miracle. The first is to begin to look for them. There are two examples in the pictures above. The first is how the scoop came out of my protein powder. I was on the way to the gym and not really feeling my workout and there appears a smiley face on my scoop from my protein powder! The second was a majestic sunrise on my way to work. Seldom am I feeling it on the way to work. Seeing this wonderful example of natures beauty does give a lift to the spirit!
The second key to living life as though everything was a miracle is to ask yourself “what is the miracle in this?” Again, we get an example of some majestic natural beauty. That would be the love of my life, Margie. When I think of our love and ask myself, “What is the miracle in our love?” There are many answers to choose from. It is a miracle that we found each other. It is a miracle that we made it through many difficult challenges early on before our love even had a chance to grow. It seems like a miracle how we find new ways to make our love grow. Imagine how your view of your relationship might change if you asked yourself, “What is the miracle in my relationship?”
Try doing those two things this month. Look for the Miracles around you. Then pick situations and ask yourself “What is the miracle in this?” You will be surprised how that will change your view of your relationship, your job, and even your time in line at the grocery store. Walking through the park, I saw the miracle of life with this baby duck and its mother. You can live life as though everything was a miracle by doing these two things. Soon you will discover that, indeed, everything is a miracle.
If you have followed me for any length of time, you know I am a fan of many different authors and speakers. Today’s post is courtesy of one such individual, David Goggins. David is a raw and real speaker that may be offensive in his language to some. He does, however, have a wealth of knowledge and great information. One of my favorite subjects he speaks on is the mindset of greatness. His best comparison is that of a job interview. When we are first interviewing for a job, what do we do days, weeks or even longer before? We make sure our clothes are ready, have our coffee cup out, a breakfast ready to be made. In short, we are preparing to make it as easy as possible to bring our best self to the interview. It usually works, and we get the job. What happens several months to a year down the line? We no longer put our clothes out the night before. Maybe our breakfast isn’t ready. Perhaps we are a few minutes late because we had to wait for the coffee to brew. We become comfortable. We have the job and so why spend the time doing all of the extras?
This can happen even sooner for some of us. It is a natural sort of progression. Should the company face the prospect of having to downsize, or we hear a rumor that we might lose our job, then we amp up our efforts once again. Of course, once that threat lessens or goes away entirely, we are back to going through the motions of going to work and coming home. Les Brown, another favorite speaker, once said we do enough at a job not to get fired, and they pay us just enough not to quit. That may very well be true. Another fact is that if you are looking to be promoted or to get a raise, all you need to do is to do more work than is required for you. Companies will not want to lose an employee with that mindset. They will do everything they can to hang on to someone who is willing to ‘go the extra mile’.
Our job is not the only place this thinking shows up. One of the places were we tend to do this the most is in our intimate relationships. When we are trying to win someone’s affection, or shortly after we do so, we act a certain way. We send flowers for no reason. We are more likely to do things for that person without complaint. Fast forward being together for years and what happens? We, almost subconsciously, take the relationship, if not the person, for granted. We think to ourselves that area of our life is ‘handled’ and we can place our energy elsewhere. We start to compliment them less. Maybe we show less affection. When they ask us to do something, it feels more like a chore.
Much like our job, if a challenge arises, so do our efforts. If the person we are with suddenly has an attractive new coworker, or maybe they do something that indicates they might be thinking of moving on, then we begin to put more effort into our relationship with them. Maybe we come home with some flowers. We might take time out of our work day to send them a loving text or perhaps a quick call. Once we become comfortable again, our efforts may start to dwindle. If you want a more amazing and deeper relationship, the steps are the same as getting a promotion or raise at work. All we have to do to take our relationships to the next level is go the extra mile. In short, do all of the amazing things we did when we were trying to win them and we will only serve to strengthen and deepen the relationship we have.
A good bonus of this thinking is that there should be more ideas the longer you are together. In the years Margie and I have been together, I have learned many new things that make her happy and feel loved. In some cases, I have been there when she discovered them for herself. I was able to do so by active listening. This means every day I am consciously on the lookout for those things that bring joy to the heart and a smile to the face of the woman I love. This took some effort and reminding myself in the beginning, but now it is second nature to me. The rewards of this have been worth their weight in gold. At any time I have a growing list of things I can do, say or make happen that will not only make her happier, but strengthen and deepen her love for me. I confess, I should probably be doing this more often, but as our love continues to grow so does the opportunities to make it grow.
Don’t worry if you have been guilty of falling into these ruts. We all do so to some degree. The secret is being able to recognize that and to pull ourselves out of them. Another way to look at this – the longer you have been in this rut and the deeper you are, the greater the opportunity for improvement! When you begin to look for and do the little extras, your life, your job and your relationships, both intimate and others, will transform before your eyes! I would love to hear what other areas of your life you feel this could come in handy.
I ended last week with a post about the local coffee shop and how they helped my spirit through these challenging times. I would be remiss if I did not mention my personal angel, my own little miracle, my beautiful Margie. There have been so many little things she has done throughout my healing journey I am forever grateful for. It actually started even before my surgery when she gifted me a journal and helped me on my journey to create a book about this entire journey. It will be out by July I promise you. This will not only be a benefit to you, the reader, but it helped me capture my emotions and to deal with them in a far healthier way that had I not been writing. She also gave me a shirt that said, “Never thought I would be this good looking after open heart surgery, but here I am killing it”. That is my baby, always making me smile.
She also had some very unenviable tasks. Can you imagine what it is like to live with someone who is used to working at an active job and going to the gym 5 days a week and now has to just relax for 3 months? Can you imagine how much that person may try to sneak and do things that they probably should not? How about how much you would have to cheer this person up when they feel like their healing is not moving along fast enough for their impatient liking. Having to watch the person recovering go through many different episodes of pain and telling them to go back to the hospital when the pain became too much? Especially when you consider that was the last place they wanted to go back to?
During my surgery, I was wrapped up in how scary it was to be in that situation and not be able to have any visitors. It could not have been any easier to know the person you love is going through it and not being able to visit them. Margie handled it all with grace like only she can do. When I returned she made sure I had food to feed my stomach, and provided me love to feed my soul. When we both got the coronavirus shortly after I came home from the hospital, she managed to continue this amazing streak of behavior despite coughing and not feeling well herself.
Even today, four months after the surgery, she continues doing things that really help. She has started exploring healthier ways to cook so we can make sure my heart does last as long as it can. She has been working on rearranging the house to make it more relaxing and pleasing for both of us. She continues to make me laugh and show me affection. She has been doing all of this while she goes to school two days and week and spends a good deal of time on the other days creating unbelievable cake creations.
You may not believe a person like this really exists. What would you call someone who can pull all of this off? I call her many things. I call her Margie (Margaret when she lets me get away with it), my love, my little miracle. The greatest thing and the thing I am most grateful to call her is – mine. I am so thankful that I have a woman like this to share my life with.
Here are some facts according to Pew research. The percentage of adults who report that they go online “almost constantly” was 21% in 2015. How about today? That amount has risen to 31%. Not to mention that is only the ones who realize and report that. Overall, adults who report they go online at least on a daily basis? That is 85%. For someone who runs a website that provides individuals tools and strategies to improve their lives, this is a good thing. Unfortunately, not all of those 85% are not spending their time online exploring ways in which they can expand their knowledge and improve themselves.
Even more depressing is the lack of compassion and human courtesy that proliferates in the online world. It would often appear that people are willing to say hurtful things to others behind a keyboard that they would never say face to face. This is just a fact of the world as it exists presently. It is my firm belief the best way to counter that is to supply inspiring and motivating material to people whenever and wherever you can. Recently, I saw a person posting that they finally got the job they had been trying to get for a long time. My first reaction was to feel happy for this person. When I looked in the comments, I saw people saying things like “Nobody cares” and “You couldn’t get anything better?” I was baffled. Why would someone even spend time to post things like this? Somebody did care. I believe not only the person who posted it, but their family and friends were probably very happy for them. They should have been. Why couldn’t get something better? Maybe they were starting out on the ground floor. Maybe they were just looking for something to support their family? Gratefully, there were many positive and uplifting comments as well. What do you think would stick in the mind of this young man? What do you think the people posting those negative comments online got for their actions?
My suggestion to all of us, is to dedicate a period of time to look for ways and opportunities to inspire and uplift people online. Look for places to leave positivity. Is there a place to cheer someone up? To congratulate them on a job well done? You could even just post a few inspiring pictures or quotes to bring joy to anyone who may come across them. It will not only make you feel good, but will go a long way into making the online world a better place.
Now back to some of the things we mentioned earlier. While 85% of people spend some of their lives online, and are so affected by it. They are still living most of their lives, we hope, in the real world. Even the 31% of folks who say they go online constantly should at least spend a portion of their time IRL (which is social media for ‘in real life’) Here is something I want to stress to all of you. It is even more important to be a decent person in the real world. Not even just decent, but kind, compassionate and inspiring. There are several reasons why we should do this. May favorite is simple and comes from the ‘Dean of personal development’ himself, Earl Nightingale. Earl said we should treat everyone we come in contact with as if they were the most important person on earth because that is how humans should treat each other. I can’t argue with the man. He also points out that to that person, they are the most important person in their life. This can be said for all of us.
I have another reason to consider. If more and more of us are spending a good portion of our lives online, we can run the risk of encountering those who are less than inspiring, to put it eloquently. If you haven’t run across a person like this online yet, rest assured you will. Some of them may even have you questioning your faith in humanity. That is why it is so important for us to be good stewards of humanity both online, and more importantly in the real world. This cannot be stressed enough. We never know what the person next to us may be going through. Starting today, I implore all of you to look for ways to inspire and uplift as many people as you can both online and, of course, in the real world. I would love to hear any ideas you may have for ways in which we can do this.
Here in the northern hemisphere spring has arrived and summer is well on its way. If you are anything like myself you have noticed that you have a way to go until you have a body you are happy to show off in the warm rays of the summer sun. In today’s society it can seem like second nature to put ourselves down when it comes to our personal appearance. With everyone sharing their absolute best pictures on social median and celebrities going as far as photoshopping and air-brushing their pictures, it can be easy to feel inadequate. What, if anything does that get us?
Let me ask you this question, who would you do more for, someone you love or someone you hate? The answer here is an obvious one. You would do far more for someone you love. The same can be said for yourself. Last year, I had made a habit of going to the gym or some type of fitness 5 days a week. I was starting to get excited about my progress. January brought open heart surgery and required rest and time away from the gym. It has been almost 3 months since I was going 5 days a week. It is amazing how quickly your body can go downhill and how long it can take to get back to where you were. This cannot only be frustrating, it can be downright depressing. This can cause us to lash out in anger and frustration. Oddly enough, the recipient of this harsh talk and criticism is the person in the mirror. You are about to get in the shower and you glass in the mirror and hate what you see. You are not alone and this happens to far more of us than you can imagine.
You might not even be aware of the negative self-talk you engage in. That is the first step. Notice what you are saying to that image in the mirror. Is it along the lines of “Wow I have a big belly” “I look fat.” or even the less harsh sounding “I sure used to look better.” With statements like that, people end up viewing their body as an enemy. Something that is working against them. Maybe even someone who played a cruel trick on them. Instead, try focusing on something you like about yourself. Do you have a beautiful smile? Do you love your voice? Are your calves sexy? Then, simply say to yourself, or out loud if you are feeling brave, “I love my body. I will do better.”
This may sound like a lie and be hard to believe at first, but keep it up. When we are not healthy, it can be easy to focus on what our bodies are not capable of. We do no run as fast as we would like. We can’t lift as much as we wish we could. To, of course, we can’t fit into those jeans from 3 years ago. What we forget is all of the wonderful things our body does to for us. It gets us from point A to point B. Sure, it might not be as quick or as graceful as we would like, but it does the job. We can pick up things we drop. We can hug ones we love. Our body does a million different things we can be grateful for, if only we choose to be. Imagine if we started that? I say next time you catch yourself looking in the mirror, find at least one thing you love about yourself and your body or at the very least one thing that it allows you to do that you are grateful for. Say that to yourself or out loud and then follow it with telling your body that you love it.
One of the great side effects of this is how you start treating your body. You may pause when you are tempted to fill it up with garbage. Calories that add weight, but lacking the nutrition to supply the system with what it needs. Even if you do, you may find it easier to take a walk after dinner. It might even make you a little sore depending on your fitness level. Deep down you know it is for the best. That is called “Tough Love”. You owe yourself a little of this as well. I can understand how easy it is to get frustrated when the results do not come as quickly as you would like. Ask yourself this question when you feel like quitting, “Would you give up on someone you love?” Of course you wouldn’t. Don’t give up on yourself either. You got this and we are here to support you.
I saw this sign posted online the other day and it made me chuckle. Raise your hand if you have difficulty finding love for a certain group of your fellow humans. This could be a political group, a religious group, a group that listens to music you can’t stand, maybe a group that has vices you find totally unacceptable. Perhaps you only have a hard time loving people who have lied to you or people who have done you wrong? If so raise your hand for that too. If you do not have your hand raised at this point, do you lie about other stuff too? Point is, all of us have a hard time showing love to someone. I know I do. Mr. Rogers was about the closest human I can think of who loved everyone he met.
Why is it that we have a hard time loving certain people? It is simple. It is a judgment. We view them as ‘wrong’. Here is something to think about, no matter how good of a person we strive to be, in someone else’s mind we are hard to love as well. What is the solution? It is on the sign pictured above. Many of us have heard the quote “Kill them all, let God sort them out.” (which originated from a representative of Pope Innocent III in 1209. A lot of irony there) I say we follow a different creed, “Love them all, let God sort them out.” I, personally, would rather be guilty of loving someone who didn’t deserve it than withholding love from someone who needs it.
This coming week, I challenge you show and send love to everyone you meet. This can be done out loud, or if you feel uncomfortable, do it in your head. Pause for a second and send that person some words and feelings of love. Then, I want you to notice two things. First, what type of people was this most difficult for you to do? Why do you think that is? What could you do to develop more compassion and love for that group of people? Then, at the end of the week, I want you to notice how your life is different. Not only how you are feeling, but how others respond to you. It is my opinion, you will feel motivated to do it more often.
I love this sign! It goes a great way to show how people respond kindly to you when you treat them positively. This is reflective in my own life. I can recall quite a few times when the fine folks working at the coffee shops have told me things like “This one is on us today” or thrown in a few little extra items for me. I attribute this, not only to their kindness and generosity, but to the fact that I always treat them with kindness and respect. Still, there is a small change I would make to this sign. I would have it read as follows:
“Small coffee!” = a small coffee
“Small coffee, please” = a medium coffee
“Hello, one small coffee please” = a large coffee
I would word it this way because I believe that the kinder you are, the more life returns to you. Let me be perfectly clear, paying less or getting more should not be your main motive for being kind and respectful to others. You should do that because, as Earl Nightingale used to say, that is how we ought to treat each other. If all the self-serving folks did decide to be kind because they thought there was more in it for them, I guess that wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. For the rest of us, it is worth noting that life will return what we give out. It may not be from exactly who we give it to, or in the exact same fashion, but it will be returned to us.
Our life tends to be more positive and rewarding when that is how we are to the world. This is not terribly mind-boggling. If you are a fun smiling sort, people look forward to your presence and thus, treat you with more kindness and respect. Do this wherever you go and soon you will find kind people wherever you end up. “What about those people who are not kind to me even though I am kind to them?” I can hear some of you asking. First of all, those are the people who need it the most. They me broken in ways that we cannot perceive. Maybe they just lost someone they love, had a break up, told there job will be outsourced or simply were not raised with manners. Not only is it essential we lead by example, but the next time around they may remember the kindness we showed them and return the favor. Maybe they will simply treat the next person in line with a little more gentleness and thus we have still done our part to make the world a better place.
In life we are here to serve one another. One of the easiest, yet most important ways to do this is through treating each other with kindness and respect. It will not only improve and add joy to our life, but to the world at large. It doesn’t cost us a single dime, but the returns can be worth their weight in gold.
