Today is one of my last days of vacation. I’m looking to get the maximum amount of feeling good out of the time I have left. I’m going to use these for brain chemicals, and the behaviors that go with them, to accomplish that.
Looking at this list, I would love to know what your favorite is.
Today is one of my favorite days of the year. It is the opening day of the Wisconsin State Fair. I have loved state fair ever since I was young. In fact, I have gone every year since I was born in 1975. In 1996, as I was making my way through the self-improvement journey I was and am still on, I decided to make a change in my life. I recall standing in the center of fair park, in an are they smartly call ‘central park’, and watching the people go by. It was then a thought occurred to me. “If I am so happy every time I come here, why don’t I come here more often?” That was 1996, and I have been to every day of the Wisconsin State Fair since.
The idea behind this was simple. If I have a lot of fun on one day, wouldn’t I have 11 times that much if I went every day? So far it has proved to be so. Attending with different people, doing different things keeps it fresh and exciting. You learn where all the deals are so that you do not spend so much. Not to mention, the memories you create last a lifetime. I am sure there will be more memories created this year that will be talked about years later. Above was a fun picture that I took with my lovely Margie. Last year, my mother and I relaxed with an iced coffee listening to a band playing tropical music.
Some of the best things are events we did not even know about. Here is my mother and I celebrating the 75th birthday of Smokey Bear, who tragically may not be there this year. Still, like the tropical band, fun foods and drinks and places we have never seen, every year there is some fun surprise waiting for us. This makes the excitement leading up to the Wisconsin State Fair even more exciting. Who knows who we will run into and what we will do? Even we do not!
Whatever it is in your life, find something you love and go all out with it! People often ask me how long I will continue to go to the fair every day. Until it ceases to be fun I suppose. Until then, I am going to cherish every ounce of fun that I can out of the experience. I suggest you do the same. Find something you can look forward to every year. Maybe a fishing trip with the guys, or a shopping trip with the girls. Then again, maybe a fishing trip with the girls or a shopping trip with the guys. Whatever works! Grab some friends or a loved one and start making plans!
We discussed a few posts ago how chasing happiness is a fool’s errand. The comparison was of chasing a butterfly. It will only fly away. If you create an environment where a butterfly would like to be you will attract one to you. Same with happiness. It isn’t about finding it somewhere outside of you. It is not in the new car, the new house or even the new relationship. How many people do we hear of who have all of these and are still not happy. Instead of chasing these things, we would be better off creating and cultivating an environment where happiness flourishes.
How do we create our own ‘happiness garden’ to stick with the metaphor? Above are 5 great ideas to start with. Freeing our hearts of hatred we are holding on to certainly helps. It is impossible to feel both hatred and happiness at the same time. Not to mention, hatred is extremely bad for our health. The same can be said for worry. There was a study showing that 98% of everything we worry about is beyond our control or completely unnecessary. Why not spend that moment focused on gratitude? Live simply is another great way to create happiness. The less we require to be happy, the more likely we are to be so. A pretty simple equation. Give more. Giving really can be a secret to happiness. Giving not only brightens the day of the person you are giving to, but yours as well. That is a win/win situation. Those kinds of situations certainly create happiness. Expecting less, much like living simply, increases our chances of being happy.
Stop chasing happiness and focus on creating an environment where happiness flourishes. Try these 5 items to start. If you have any other suggestions, please share them in the comments below. Any ‘gardening tips’ for happiness will be appreciated by all.
The secret to happiness? That is a bold statement. Especially considering that happiness is different for everyone. Yet, there is a universal way to bring happiness into your life no matter who you are, or what makes you happy. Even better than that, the more you do this, the more happiness it will bring in your life! Is it swimming with pigs in the ocean like in the picture above? I recently did that on my trip to the Bahamas. It was fun, but not necessarily everyone’s secret to happiness. It is a clue as to what that secret is though.
I mentioned that I swam with pigs in the Bahamas. It happened on a trip that I took my beautiful lady on for her birthday. She had mentioned really wanting to go there, and I wanted to make her dream come true. She also thought swimming with the pigs sounded fun, so I had to find a way to add that as well. As you can see in her amazing smile, she was very happy. That, my friends, is the secret to happiness. Taking your lady on a trip to swim with the pigs in the Bahamas? Not exactly, but yes.
Bringing joy to the lives of others, especially those you really care about, is the secret to happiness. I am going to tell you why. From a scientific standpoint, studies show doing kind things for others activates the reward centers in our brain. Doing this takes our mind off of our own worries. Knowing that you brought joy to another can, and should, give you a feeling of accomplishment. That is a goal worth aspiring to and accomplishing. In today’s world, being a giver of joy is priceless. Others value someone who can give them a feeling of positivity.
You can certainly walk around doing random act of kindness and that will add joy. Do you want to do this more effectively and see quicker and more intense results? Then you need one additional skill – active listening. To listen actively means that you listen for a purpose. Like to find what would bring the biggest smile to someone’s face. In the case of my lovely Margie, that was hearing her express her desire to go to the Bahamas, and to swim with pigs. It doesn’t have to be something so grand. In fact, it doesn’t even have to be something they enjoy. This works really well if you have someone who complains a good deal. Let me explain.
When you are actively listening to discover what you can do to bring joy to someone’s life, there are two things to pay attention to. First, is rather obvious. Look for what they say they want/like. This could be wanting to try a certain restaurant or what flowers are their favorite. On the flip side, you can also listen for what they don’t like. When you hear these things, you can work on finding ways to help eliminate them. If you combine them, you have two powerful ways to bring joy to anyone. As a bonus, they will not only feel joy from the activity, but feel significant and valued because you listened to what was important to them.
I told you in the beginning of this post that the more you do this, the more happiness will fill your life. Here is why. Think what will happen the more you bring joy to someone’s life. How do you think they will view and treat you? When they see you, they will automatically feel joy just from your presence. They will want to return the favor as well. Nobody wants to feel like a taker. They will want to return that feeling of joy you give them. The more you do this for each other, the more it happens in return. Now imagine if you did this with as many people in your life as you could. This could include coworkers, retail people you encounter, store clerks, family, friends and even complete strangers. Not only will you be so busy trying to discover joy that you will have less time to focus on your worries, but you will have countless people focused on bringing you joy as well. Can you see how this could grow? The more we put out, the more we will get in return. It is like planting seeds of joy in others, allows us to harvest the joy in our own lives as well. Start planting as many seeds as you can, in as many gardens as you can, today!
It is the weekend, should we still be keeping self-improvement in mind? Fair question. Let me ask you this, which areas of your life would you like to improve? A lot of people view self-improvement as ‘fixing what is wrong with you’. That could not be further from the truth! It is, as the term states, improving yourself. Every area of our lives can always be improved. In my life I try to remain both happy and unsatisfied. I suggest you take that philosophy as well.
Take for example my relationship with this beautiful lady. Am I happy with it? For sure! Just the other morning she even had a cup of coffee waiting for me when I woke up! If that isn’t love, I do not know what is. Am I satisfied with it? Not in the slightest! There are so many ways in which we can improve our relationship. Our love, as fabulous as it is, can always be deeper and further reaching. Finding new ways to love the person you are with is the key to keeping a relationship fresh and loving. Our communication is the key to success, as it is in any relationship. The better that gets, the better the relationship will become.
There are 2 steps to taking your life to the next level. The first, as our first photo shows, is to wake up with a goal. If you do not know the purpose for getting out of bed, you likely will not achieve it. If your purpose is to work, pay bills and die, you will not live a very inspired life. Maybe you start the day with no purpose and just let the day ‘happen to you’. This is even worse! You will not live a very inspired or fulfilling life. You must have a purpose bigger than yourself. That goal can be ‘discovering more ways to add joy to your life and that of others’. It can be ‘finding new ways to love and show love in your relationships’, as we discussed above. Goals do not have to be about fixing something. They can be about taking something that is already great and taking it to the next level!
The second is to wake up with positive energy. Before you think this is impossible, let me assure you it is not. I get up at 4am Monday through Saturday. I also DJ until 1am on Sunday which makes a very short sleep opportunity. If there is anyone who might find waking up with joy a challenge it is the fellow writing this post. The key is setting up and taking control of your life. This means, having positive influences ready before you make it out the door. The outside world has plenty of interactions that are beyond our control, and many of them may not be that pleasant. That is why we must determine our day and not leave it up to chance. There are so many ways this can be accomplished. I will share a few of mine, and would love it if you would share any you have. The more we all have, the more likely our day is to be positive. I have a motivational day by day calendar. Each day it has a saying that will start your day with a positive thought. I have an app on my phone that sends motivational quotes. Each day I get a message that is motivational. How awesome is that? In addition, I fill my social media feed with as many positive sources as I can. These are just a few of the things you can do.
This weekend, set your days up to be successful! Find that purpose, or reason to get out of bed. Surround yourself with positive influences to affect your energy before the world has a chance to affect it. Do these simple 2 steps and your life will reach new levels! Don’t forget to share what you do to positively influence your energy every day.
It is Monday! Depending on what time of day you are reading this, you may be dreading going to to work to start a long week away from the family, or coming back in exhausted after the first day back over the weekend. This can have you asking if this is all there is to life. Certainly, life has to be more than just waking up, paying bills and feeling tired! You are right. That is why we all need a new job. Don’t worry, you do not have to quit the job you have. That’s right, it is another job. Before you stop reading because you think I have completely lost my mind, let me explain. I think you might be up for this one.
I believe it was Les Brown who said “At a job they pay you just enough that you won’t quit and you work just enough that they will not fire you.” This seems to be true for a lot of people. Life can feel like a job. What is the most popular abbreviation for those 3 letters? Most of us have heard a J.O.B. referred to as “Just Over Broke.” In many cases, this is sad but true. In your life, we are going to change that.
Starting today, J.O.B. will mean something entirely different and it is your ‘job’ to make it a reality. That is ‘joy of being’. If we can work half as much at finding joy in our lives as we do to pay the bills, we will become richer than we have ever been! After all, the reason we go to work is to pay for things to bring us joy. Even things as simple as keeping the lights on and a roof over our heads. We should work at keeping the joy in our hearts as well.
This week, spend some time working to explore things that bring joy to your being. What really makes your heart soar and puts a smile on your face? Spend some time not only discovering that, but engaging in it as well. We all could stand to have that J.O.B.
Sometimes we over complicate life. When it comes to finding more joy and less stress, it can often be as simple as prioritizing the things that bring us joy. I wouldn’t even worry so much about reducing the things that bring us stress. If we just focus as much of our energy as we can to finding and doing things that bring us joy, the stressful stuff will naturally begin to fall away.
How about you? What brings you joy? What makes your heart soar?
You hear a lot of people discussing their triggers these days. Things that can set them down the spiraling path of sadness, depression or anger. Maybe it is something that reminds them of a past trauma they still have not healed from. Perhaps it is just an issue they are emotionally attached to? Usually, it is something that may seem innocent or harmless enough to the rest of us. I think Tony Robbins described it best. If someone would walk by and brush your arm, you may find them a bit overly friendly, but beyond that not much harm done. Now, if you had a open wound on that arm, and someone even lightly touched it, you would jump to the ceiling. Triggers are like emotional wounds. Until they heal, they are very sensitive. Unlike physical ones, they cannot be seen. It is important to understand what yours might be for two very important reasons. First, to avoid, as much as possible, putting yourself in situations that might contain a trigger. Second, when you know what your trigger is, you can begin to address and heal from it. Although that can be emotionally tough, it can limit the amount of anguish you will have to go through in the future.
Most people seem to have vast knowledge of things that trigger them or bring them down. Again, probably good, as you want to avoid those if you can. Equally, if not more important, is knowing what makes you happy and feel that inner joy. Here is why this is more important. When you are avoiding what makes you upset, you are not necessarily doing something that makes you happy. However, when you are doing something that makes you happy, you are certainly not doing something that makes you sad.
This also makes use of a principle that I refer to often. It is far easier, from a psychological standpoint, to add something to your life than to remove or sacrifice something. That is why people have such a hard time with diets. They feel like they are depriving themselves of what they want. Do you know what would happen if they just focused on adding healthy food to their diet? They would have less room to eat the junk food. By adding something positive, they would, by default, be limiting the negative. This works for many things in life. Want to see less negative things on social media? Start interacting with more positive things. You feed will be filled up with things that inspire and motivate you. Therefore, there will be less room for all the doom and gloom.
That is why I like the idea of ‘glimmers’ so much. I suggest making a list of what you consider a glimmer. In fact, it would be best to do this with a friend, family member or coworker. Someone you see on a regular basis. Tell them about what you learned about glimmers today. When you experience one while you are around them, say “That is a glimmer!” Share with each other what are glimmers to each of you. Get in the habit of discussing and talking about glimmers. We know what we give our energy to, tends to expand in our life. Why not give our energy to things that bring us joy instead of fearing or avoiding things that might bring us emotional pain?
Start noticing ‘Glimmers’ today. They will add joy to your life and fill your spirit. Find yourself a ‘Glimmer buddy’ to share what lifts you up and makes you feel safe, warm and content. Let us take the focus off of what we fear and put it on what helps us gain hope.
As our calendars flip over to November, let us take advantage of the first two letters of the month. What do we need to say “No” to more in our lives? What do we do that steals our joy and robs us of living an amazing life? Is it getting stressed on our morning commute? Say “No!” to that. How? Maybe by bringing an audio book, or our happy playlist along while we drive. If you are not sure what that is, feel free to check out either of my first two books for a better explanation. Is it going to a job that steals our soul? Say “No!” to that. How? Either by finally leaving that job to find something more aligned with your purpose, or maybe finding things to be grateful for at work to focus on.
This month, ask yourself, “What should I being saying “No” to more in my life?” Once you figure out what that is, you can begin to think of ways in which you can do so. Make it fun. Make it a game. Enjoy the process and know for sure that you will enjoy the results!
One of the saddest things that seems to happen as we age is that we lose an appreciation for the magic and beauty of life. It is no surprise. When we are young, most of the things we are exposed to offer an encouraging motif. Think of children’s programing. Most of it is a blend of encouragement of teaching and encouraging. I recall shows like Sesame Street and Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood when I was young. I learned a lot, but there were also positive messages about myself, others and the world around me.
What happens as we get older? What we are exposed to takes a decidedly negative shift. News, crime shows, content on the internet and even that sent to our phones. Is the answer to stop using technology? Limiting our use of it may help somewhat, but that will not save us from interacting with other people. What are these other people exposed to? That’s right. The same negative influences we just mentioned. If you even attempt to be a light in this dark world, you will often be looked at as strange, weird or delusional. People will tell you things such as “You are looking at the world through rose-colored glasses.” or my favorite, “You just have your head in the sand. Can’t you see how bad the world is?”
What can we do to remedy this malady? Start doing something we may have stopped doing in childhood. That is looking for the beauty and magic that is all around us! It may not get the press and attention, but it is there. On social media, try subscribing to positive news stories and motivational pages. On your cell phone, download apps that send you motivational quotes everyday. These things really do exist! As for the sunshine-challenged people we share the planet with? Know most of them have just lost their ability to see the magic all around them. When they give you a crazy look or attack you, pity them. There life is one stuck in the darkness. In addition, add people who have the opposite mindset. Spend as much time around them as possible!
When you are looking to improve your life, it is always easer to add the positive than to eliminate the negative. You might want to read that line again. If you are trying to eat healthier, it would be easier to add a healthy meal than to starve yourself of meals that are not so healthy. The more you fill up on healthy food, the less room you will have for junk food. The same is true with everything in life. The more time you spend reading or listening to something inspiring is that much less time you could find yourself exposed to negativity. Adding smiles? Less time frowning. One minute of laughter? 60 seconds less of anger!
In regards to today’s post, spend more time actively looking for beautiful things in life. The more time you spend doing so, the less time you will spend noticing and dwelling on the negative. That doesn’t mean you are ‘burying your head in the sand’ and pretending they don’t exist. No, you are simply choosing not to dwell on them. As an example, above is my coffee as it was served to me at the pick up window at Starbucks. Not sure which employee took the time to do this, but it added a little brightness to my day. As I was in that sunny mood, I noticed the dandelion growing through a crack in the pavement right next to a dumpster. Proof that there is always a little light in the darkness. When we are children, we don’t have to look for the magic. It seems to show up at every turn. As adults, we need to train ourselves to get back to that. This may mean a little concentrated effort searching for the beauty in life. Done enough, it will start to show up in your life everywhere.
Another great idea is to keep images around you that remind you of the beauty you have and are currently experiencing in your own life. Above is a sample of mine. Great times with the beautiful love of my life, Margie. My mom celebrating Octoberfest. There is fun times watching a pig race at the Wisconsin State Fair and a very beautiful and loving sentiment that Margie wrote in the sand while we were enjoying time away in Jamaica. This not only reminds me of the beauty and magic in my life, it adds what could be the most powerful thing to create an amazing life. That one thing is gratitude. How could I not be grateful for all of these things? Being grateful and looking for all the beauty that is around us will positively transform our lives. Next post we will learn how to take all of this information and not only help others transform their lives, but create an almost automatic way to fill our lives with these things! Please come back tomorrow to learn all of that!
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 