Tag: joy

UNSUSPECTED CAUSE OF APATHY

My next book will address how to get out of the ‘wake up, pay bills, repeat, die’ cycle. How to get the passion back in your life. As such, I have been speaking to others a great deal on this very subject. Many different opinions as to the cause and the solution of this ailment have been put forth by people of all different cultures, creeds and races. The ironic part about all of this is that many of their answers share a common thread.

Why do we seemingly fall out of love with life? Why do we lose the zest and passion as we get older? More importantly, why do some seem to find it again while others never do? What can we do to get that excited to be alive feeling back into our own life? Asking many people this very question, the main point that came to light is that we do not spend much time pondering it. We often busy ourselves in routines that leave little or no time for contemplation or self-actualization. When was the last time you pondered this question yourself? When have you spent more than a few seconds wondering where all the joy and excitement in your life has disappeared to? What little spare time we have we seem to fill watching meaningless 60 second clips online.

The answer to this dilemma is a little counterintuitive. It can be found in the pictures above. Can you guess what it is? That answer goes by many names. Some call it comfort. Some call it security. It is sticking with the known routine instead of the fear of what could happen from pursuing a life that would be more fulfilling. How many people stay in relationships that are toxic just because they are afraid to be alone? How many people tolerate jobs they hate because they bring a steady paycheck? The answer is far too many. We trade the passion and excitement for perceived comfort and security. I say perceived because life, never mind jobs and relationships, are never a sure thing. Just because a company has been around forever does not mean it will be here tomorrow. In my lifetime, I have seen entire industries that have been here for decades or longer disappear seemingly overnight. I heard the actor Jim Carrey tell a story about his father deciding being an accountant was a safer bet than trying to be a comedian. Then he was fired from his accounting job. I am going to guess that job did not fulfill him either.

I am not advocating giving your boss the one finger salute and walking out the door because they do not give you a 6-month vacation twice a year. What I am telling you is that trading what sets your soul on fire for a preconceived notion of security amounts to spiritual suicide. If that spark in your heart seems faded or gone all together, the time to act is now! What do I mean by act? There are several actions you could take. Start a side hustle that feeds your soul. It could be creating content, bird watching or taking photos. Speaking of taking things, you need to take some risks as well. Nothing that will put you or those you love in danger, but try the things you are afraid of. They might not succeed at first, but you may very well discover the joy you have been missing.

Another thing you can do to recapture your zest for life is to do something that sucks. Again, it may sound counterintuitive but it breeds appreciation for the daily comforts you have taken for granted. There are things we avoid that could improve our lives because they are uncomfortable to do. Perhaps we are putting off writing that book that is inside of us because we just do not have the time. Make no mistake, you have the time. When you are in the middle of doing something that feeds your soul, even if it includes some discomfort, you find the time, the energy and the motivation.  

Pushing through discomfort can actually become addicting. Not the act of going through the discomfort itself, but the pride you feel at the end of it. That is the tricky part. We avoid discomfort, but by doing so we also avoid the variety and excitement it brings. The sense of adventure. The pride we feel at the end. The quote above has been attributed to many people and is very true. “Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.” We want the accomplishments and the feelings that go with them, but we are afraid to give up the comfort we currently have to get them. Instead, we settle for some sort of purgatory where we have a false feeling of security, but we are not truly happy. That is why often those who lose their jobs, relationships or other important things in life and are forced to start over often wind up being happier than they were before. They are forced to deal with that discomfort and have the freedom to pursue what speaks to their soul.

Are you a slave to the comfort in your life? What would happen if the perceived security you thought you had crumbled? What have you been sacrificing in your life for comfort? Is there something in your life that must die for you to get to your heaven? Is that thing the comfort and security you are clinging too? Try stepping outside your comfort zone and see what happens.

PASS IT ALONG

Here is a simple greeting. Can you imagine how you would feel if someone said this to you? I say we try spreading this, and other positive greetings, as much as we can and in a many places as we can! Feel free to steal this picture and place it on all of your social media accounts! That way everyone will get a little positivity while scrolling.

One of the most impactful things you can do is share positive vibes with everyone you come in contact with. Be that person today! Share a smile and genuine well-wishes! Be the kind of person people look forward to seeing. The more of us that do this, the brighter the world will become!

DO NOT DIE BEFORE YOU ARE BURIED.

I love quotes from Mr. Franklin. Seems old Ben had a lot going on upstairs. This one is no exception. Last post we discussed how important it is to live like it is the fourth quarter, because one day it will be. It might be today and we do not even know it. This quote kind of goes off of that thought. That is to not stop living. Life can be busy, life can be crazy. What we must remember is to never stop living it.

Living life is a lot more than just getting out of bed to take nourishment and use the rest room. It is also a lot more than going to work, paying bills and dying. Life is about love, appreciation and gratitude Those are the things that give life its flavor. It is so important to take time to do things that feed our soul as well as our wallet. We must make our joy a priority. This can seem impossible. Trust me, I know. I work a full-time day job, DJ on the weekends, write a daily blog and am working on my fourth book. There is also keeping the beautiful lady in my life happy. These are responsibilities, but also opportunities to find joy. That is our first place to look.

Can we find joy in that which we do daily? Sure, writing a blog at Starbucks is not as fulfilling as doing so on a beach in Jamaica, but there are things in which joy can be found. Every time someone in a new country joins our community that gives me a little bit of joy in my heart. Greenland I am still waiting. When I have written something that I feel will be exceptionally helpful, that is exciting. Feedback is my favorite. Reading comments and people’s thoughts and opinions. Even my day job, which many would question how you can find joy at the United States Postal Service, but you can if you are looking for it. Every project I complete, or coworker I bring a smile to is a moment to celebrate. How about what you do daily? Is there opportunities for joy you are missing?

The second way to feed our soul in the midst of our daily life is to use what Tony Robbins refers to as “N.E.T. time” that stands for “No extra time.” How can you use no extra time? It is sneaking in things that bring us joy into obligations we fulfill. Take your daily commute. How much better would it be if you did it cranking up your ‘happy playlist’ of songs that bring you joy? More on that can be found in my book, Living the Dream. How about popping in some headphones as you clean the house? You could listen to a motivational podcast or video? Looking for things that make you smile on your drive to the grocery store? Listing things you have to be grateful for while you wait in line at that same store?

Listen, these things might sound silly on the surface, but let me tell you that incorporating moments of joy and feeding our soul is what makes life worth living. The more we do so, the more flavor our life will have. It keeps the soul alive and makes life worth living. I can think of no more important thing than that. Do not die at twenty five only to be buried at seventy five.

MAKE EVERY MOMENT WORTHWHILE

As I recently turned 50, life can be filled with lots of reflection. This is true no matter what your age, but as the years tick by, we are more likely to reflect on “The good old days.” The crazy part is that we seldom realized they were going to be the ‘good old days’ when we were experiencing them. In that very statement is another secret to an amazing life. While it does us no harm to reflect on good moments we have had, let us realize we are still having good moments now. It is up to us to be present enough to approach them with appreciation and love.

Allow me to share a personal example of this with you. As I write this, I am sitting in a coffee shop. This particular location used to be about a half a mile down the road. It was right next to a hamburger place where you could bring your food and custard over to enjoy with your coffee. It was bigger and had more places to sit. When I reflect upon many of the memories I have had there, including writing a good portion of a few of my books, it makes me long for the ‘good old days’. What seems to fade from memory is many of the troubles of the ‘good old days’. Due to the hamburger place, parking spots were not always available. In the winter, snow took up many of the parking spots as well.

In addition to forgetting things that might not have been that good about the good old days, we should appreciate the things that are good about the present good old days. The staff at this new location are friendly and fabulous for the most part. The new location is close to a different restaurant and also a grocery store and several other shopping locations. This is handy if your fiancée may want to shop as you work on a daily motivational blog…hypothetically. Yes, it is smaller but I guess that makes is a little cozier. Not sure how the snow removal and parking will be this winter, but it could be better.

Life is a lot like this coffee shop. We can focus on what we miss about the past, or we can appreciate and love what we have in the present. Understand that the present will be the ‘good old days’ of the future. What will we reflect on tomorrow that is great today? It is up to us to discover and focus on that today.

CAN YOU FIND IT?

Here is a 30-day secret to an amazing life – find the beauty in everything. Some things this is easy to do. It could help you to start with those. Find the beauty in a sunrise or sunset. One of my favorites is finding beauty in different tropical  locations. The first week of this challenge, just do that. Find as many beautiful things in your life as you can.

The next week, try the people in your life. Just notice all of the beautiful people in your life. Remember that beauty is not always just skin deep. Some people have beautiful eyes, some people have beautiful souls. Bodies can be beautiful, but so is kindness. Notice how the people in your life are beautiful.

The third and fourth weeks are very similar. On the third week, ask yourself as often as you can, “What is beautiful about this situation?” As mentioned earlier, this should be easier for a sunrise than a root canal. If we look hard enough, we can find beauty in it all. If you can’t at the moment, just relax and let it go. You can even reassure yourself, “Although I cannot find the beauty in this situation at the moment, I’m sure it will occur to me at a later time.” Going to the dentist is not always a beautiful situation, but how much better it allows you to feel is.

Lastly, do the same with people. Ask yourself, “What is beautiful about this person?” When I do this with the woman  I love, it could take all day. In that case, ask yourself what you are finding beautiful about that person at the moment. This is easy when you are around people you care about, unless you are in the middle of a disagreement. In which case, it can be even more powerful to ask yourself what you find beautiful about them.

Again, this is far easier to do for some people than others. If there is a customer tearing into you for no good reason, it can be hard to find the beauty in that. Maybe it is just that they are helping you strengthen your patience or resilience? Often the beauty in things can only be seen in hindsight. Just like with situations, if you can’t find the beauty in a person, let it go and remind yourself it may occur to you later.

What is the purpose of all of this? The more we look for beauty, the more likely we are to find it. There is so much beauty in our lives that we miss much of it. Changing our focus to find it will make our lives more beautiful.

CHOOSE THE SMALL MOMENTS

One secret to an amazing life is to find joy in the small moments. I’ve learned in life, or at the end of your life, they are truly the big moments. Yes, a vacation in the tropics is awesome, but do you know how wonderful sharing a peaceful coffee on the porch with the person you love can be?

The more small moments we can find joy in, the more joyful our life will be. That will make our life more joyful all together. What it will also do, is add joy to those big moments such as that tropical vacation. What are some of your favorite small moments to find joy in?

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

We talk a lot on this site about working hard and putting in the effort. Making sure that we keep our goal clearly in mind and always in front of us. That really is part of the secret to an amazing life. I say ‘part’ because achieving goals and improving ourself is merely one side of the coin.

If we accomplished all we set out to do and reached the end of our life drained, lonely and unhappy we could not consider that a successful life. In order to be truly successful, we must also be fulfilled. We must balance enjoying life with conquering life. Find ways to enjoy the process as well as taking clearly defined breaks from the process.

In addition to all of the effort we put forth make sure we practice self-care and be present for all of the special moments we share with those we love.

IT IS LATER THAN YOU THINK 🤔

This post comes out on a Monday. Back at work for most of us. We are busy working to keep the lights on and the bills paid. Before we know it, the week is over and we are exhausted. Socrates, and by the way of this post myself, are here to tell you not to forget the things that truly matter. I cannot convey my dismay at how many of us spend our lives majoring in minor things. I am not judging. I am guilty of this far too often myself.

This life we are given is a great gift. If we are not enjoying it, we are wasting it. You might be saying, “Neil, you do not know my situation. I cannot enjoy life right now.” You are right. I do not know your situation. There is one thing that I am sure of when if comes to your life, even if we have never met. That is that your life, and the lives of those you share it with are growing shorter by second. Each and every one of us will leave this beautiful planet and we have no idea when. It seems as we get older, or maybe face a serious medical condition, our urgency to live a life that matters increases. That is why you see so many people contemplating their own lives at a funeral of a loved one. It serves as a reminder that life is shorter than we think.

This thought of ever approaching, and uncertain, death is not to scare you. Quite the contrary. It is to motivate you. Life is meant to be lived to the fullest. Even situations that are not ideal. Your job may not be the one of your dreams. Personally, I am still waiting to host a talk show. Even in that job you can practice gratitude and find the joy. It can be your coworkers. It can be the interactions you have with the public or the opportunity to make their day a little brighter.

We pass by so much beauty and so many miracles on a daily basis it is beyond comprehension. Take walking by a beautiful tree. Have you ever stopped to think about how many years it took that tree to get to the stage it is now? What did it all need and have to go through? How many storms did it weather? Years of growth, fighting wind, rain and perhaps scorching sun. Still, here you are able to stand in its shade. Too obscure of a reference for you? Let us look at another one.

Working with the public is a challenge. I have done it my whole life. When you come to a coffee shop and the lady behind the counter greets you with a smile, do you know how hard that might be? Any smile we are given, whether by stranger or friend, is a tremendous gift! Think of what a smile means. Despite the challenges that person is facing, and we all are facing some challenge, they wanted to share a gesture of joy and acceptance with us. They could have thought of the crazy state of the world and scowled. They could have been overcome with grief and looked at us with tears in their eyes. Which are both gifts as well. Someone being brave enough to share their inner-most thoughts and emotions. Are you beginning to see how we are missing so much in life?

Aside from stopping and staring pensively at a tree, which might not be a bad idea, how can we begin to appreciate all of these miracles and beauty we are missing? There is a clue in the question. Appreciation. When we stop to be grateful for things, it not only adds joy to our lives, it helps us be a more appreciative and loving person. Who wouldn’t want to be around someone like that? Think of the plants in the islands in the middle of the street. Most of us pay them little, if any, attention as we drive by. While it is smart to keep your eyes on the road, a glance in their direction would serve us well. Can you imagine how dull and lifeless the street would look without them? This is just one example.

Another suggestion is to try and be present as much as you can. In the middle of a walk, stop and take a deep breath and soak up the moment. Who you are with. What is around you. You can combine this with finding something to be grateful for. I was behind a lady at the supermarket who was obviously in a hurry and was not keen to wait in the line we were in. That is understandable. How lucky were we that we were both able to afford groceries and that there were some there to purchase? In many places of the world this is not the case. We did not have to hunt or farm. We were not living in an impoverished country. Yes, long lines at the grocery store are not fun. Do you know what is worse? Wasting time being upset about being there. I am getting ahead of myself. We will talk more about that tomorrow.

A GOOD MOOD CAN BE TOUGH

In today’s world, staying in a good mood can be a struggle. On top of all of our daily stress, we have plenty of sources in media, and social media, bringing us the world’s stress. Just keeping our head above water can be a challenge.

Fortunately for us, there are a few steps listed above that can help us reduce our stress and increase our joy. If you need more, check out my first book, A Happy Life for Busy People. Available on Amazon.

5 simple steps. Sunlight, exercise, good food, gratitude and sleep. If you can develop habits to work these 5 items into your life, your stress will reduce and life will be so much more enjoyable.

A PARTY 50 YEARS IN THE MAKING!

This weekend, my beautiful lady threw me a birthday party for my 50th birthday. There were plenty of people, lots of great food and sadly a thunderstorm as well. Here is the crazy thing. Everyone was having such a great time the only picture I got was with my friend Jenny as seen above.

It was oddly refreshing that everyone was focused not only on staying dry, but on enjoying the moment. I was so grateful for all of the wonderful memories that were created. It is a day that I will keep in my heart as long as I live. I can’t wait to see what my 100th birthday party will be like. It is my sincere wish all the people who were at this one will be there too.

The amount of gratitude I feel for everyone who braved the storm to show me they care means more than I can convey. The conversations and connections are the greatest gifts! It is my sincere wish you are all so blessed as I was this weekend!

Special thanks to my beautiful lady and her daughter for making it all happen and giving me a day I’ll never forget!