This holiday season, the best gift you can give is to be the best gift! As we talked about last post, by expressing gratitude and genuine appreciation? Who would not want to hear why people think they are an awesome part of their life? The true gifts of the holiday are the times we share and the people we spend them with. Another great idea is to share happy memories you have while you are creating new ones. Maybe start a new enjoyable holiday tradition that will bring joy to all of those attending?
These are ways in which we can bring amazing gifts while being the best gift at the party. Make this holiday the best by giving others inner joy to carry with them not only during the holiday season, but all year long! This is what holidays should be all about. If you have any suggestions for adding joy and happiness to our holiday season, or fun holiday traditions you celebrate, please share them with us in the comments. In this way, you will be adding joy to those who read this blog in over 200 countries, celebrating a wide array of holidays. Here at secret2anamazinglife, we wish you and yours a safe, healthy and happy holiday season.
Tomorrow, a good portion of the earth’s population, as well as a good number of our readers, will be celebrating Christmas. Many will do it for religious reasons. Some, for more secular reasons. For many the holidays can be a difficult time and celebrating is the last thing they want to do. Much like anything in life, there are so many variables that it no one person feels the same about the holiday season. Today, we are going to look at a few tips that can make your holiday a lot more enjoyable. This holds true no matter what holiday you celebrate, or how and why you do so. Let us jump right in!
Just like the 14 different holidays that are celebrated this time of year, there are so many ways to celebrate them. Are you celebrating at home with your immediate family? Perhaps you are traveling to gather with a larger selection of family. Maybe you are having family travel to you. Perhaps you are college student celebrating with friends. Maybe you find yourself celebrating alone this year? Whatever the situation might be, and even if it is a different holiday you are celebrating, these tips will help you enjoy it more!
First tip, holiday stress – don’t do it. Easier said than done right? Trust me, my beautiful lady gets anxious if the toilet paper doesn’t match the napkins, or something like that. Sure, do what you can to make your guest have an enjoyable time, or to be an enjoyable guest, but don’t stress about it. What happens if the power goes out and you are unable to cook dinner? You light some candles, order a pizza and have a great funny story for the future. Just adapt and overcome. Nothing is as serious as we often view it. There was one holiday where one of my relatives walked right through someone’s screen door. They were horrified and thought they ruined the whole night. Now? We laugh about it and use it as an ice-breaker. Remember the point is to have fun, not to be perfect.
Gifts, another great source of stress. Have you ever found yourself in this situation? You don’t know what to get someone and decide on the Winnie-the-Pooh coffee mug. They didn’t know what to get you either and they decided on an engraved diamond necklace. Now you feel like a cheapskate and might have been better off buying nothing. How about the other way around? You spend the time, money and mental effort picking out the perfect gift. What do you receive from them? A stuffed poop emoji that squeaks. You are left wondering why you stressed at all and how that money could have went in your Fiji vacation fund. This is not at all what holidays should be like. It really is the thought that counts. I am guessing at some point, during some holiday, you will find yourself in one of the above situations. It happens. Shrug it off and move on. Do not stress. If someone judges you based on your gift, that is on them, not you.
Lastly, something that can both reduce stress and be the perfect gift! Maybe we should’ve started with this one? The perfect gift and something that can bring joy and reduce stress at the same time…gratitude! Expressing genuine gratitude to those around you and telling everyone what you appreciate about them can lighten the mood of any party. How great would you holiday be if several people come up and genuinely tell you why you, in their eyes, are totally awesome? Let us all give each other the gift of gratitude and encouragement this year. Follow these 3 tips and your holiday celebration will be a lot more enjoyable! If you have any holiday tips, feel free to share them in the comments below!
This post is a little deep for a Saturday. We will do our best to keep it brief as well. In so much as we can. This occurred to me as I was on my way to the gym today. I was listening to a motivational video to pump me up a little, as this was following a 9 hour work day. In the video the speaker advocated recalling the worst emotional pain you have ever felt. In my life, there have been many, so I decided to pick a recent one. This is where it gets interesting.
The moment I was reflecting on this time was a twofold situation I found myself in almost 2 years ago. It was the day of my open-heart surgery. This happened to be taking place during the second wave of the Covid scare. I was to have no visitors while I was in the hospital. This was only explained to me the day before surgery. When I relayed this information to both my mother who was to drive me that day, as well as my lovely lady, Margie, it did not go over as well as I am sure the hospital had hoped. They immediately launched into a plan to sneak into the hospital with me. Although I advised against this course of action, they were not to be dissuaded.
They thought they were being as crafty as two spies, it probably resembled 2 comedy actresses. To their credit, we all made to the operating floor. I recall a long line of plastic chairs we all sat it. If memory serves, they were orange. At that moment, I knew we were to be discovered any second and they would be escorted out. There was so much I wanted to say to both of them before what was a possibly life or death surgery. Instead, we all sat in silence. Before long a nurse informed them they had to go. I watched the elevator doors close, knowing It would be more than a week before I would see either one of them again.
Surprising enough, although sad, it was not this moment that was the worse. I took my seat back on the orange plastic waiting chairs. Soon enough they called me back to a preparatory room. I was instructed to strip down and wash myself with some adult-sized baby wipes. Not my finest moment. As I finished and dressed myself in the fashionable hospital gown, I knew surgery would be quick in coming. I picked up my phone and snapped a selfie of the charming author so dapperly attired. I sent it to the love of my life. Just then a thought crossed my mind. “Could this be the last message I ever sent her?” As I placed the phone in the bag with the rest of my belongings, I felt a pang of loneliness that was stronger than any I can remember. I knew when I woke up after surgery, that is if I woke up, there would be nobody there. I knew I would not see the faces of those I loved for many days. It was as if I had been transported to a different world without the chance to say goodbye. Soon, there would be humiliating moments such as two twenty-something young ladies shaving my body from head to toe. The whole story can be found in my book, The Beat Goes On. I will leave a link at the end of this post if you care to purchase that, or any of my other books.
Left once again in a world devoid of contact with anyone I loved, I was just left to wait for them to open my chest and slice and dice the organ that gives us life. Now without my phone which presumably would be taken to my recovery room for after the surgery. The loneliness returned with a vengeance. This remained up until the sedatives kicked in for the surgery. Even after being brought back to life after a brief flirtation with death (Again, complete story in the book) the feelings remained.
Although this memory was painful to relive, I had questions. Why was that one of the worst feelings of my life? Was I afraid of dying? Not at all, actually. Death is a lot harder for those left behind than for the one doing the dying. Leading up to the surgery, as I was in what they delicately referred to as “The holding pen”, I had been focusing on all that I had to be grateful for. I specifically recall thinking of all the silly faces my lady makes in the pictures she sends me. I was filled with appreciation for the amazing life I had lived up to that point. Death, although a possibility, was not a fear. What was it then?
The answer hit me! It was loss of connection. Could that be the case? I began to ponder some of my best moments in life. I recall the book signing I held at a local, now defunct, brewery. So many people attended and I was able to greet and speak with them. I had a large dose of connection. I thought of some of the best moments that I have had with my mother, my lovely lady and others in my life. The best moments were when I felt the greatest connection! Up until this very thought, I never realized how important connection is to me. With this knowledge, I can certainly set my life up to have a lot more feelings of joy and a lot less stress!
Here is the other cool thing that came out of this inner conversation I had with the soon-to-be best-selling author – I had gained a new lesson from reliving an old experience. Proof that we can learn so much by looking at our past with a fresh perspective. It is no secret that we learn more, a lot more, during challenging times that we do during times of celebration. It may be tempting to avoid reliving those times where we hurt the greatest, but then we will be leaving gold in that mine. My surgery was just shy of 2 years ago. I learned that lesson a little over 4 hours ago. How about you? Are there moments in your past you can go back and look at with a fresh perspective? Maybe there is more gold for you to dig out of that mine. How many mines do you have?
Well, isn’t this a confusing title? I should certainly say so. Let us start with how you are, indeed, your past.Any of us who study the Law of Attraction know that a certain energy will attract to itself. This is one reason that it seems the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, as the saying goes. If you have only been exposed to poverty growing up, that is all you know. Your thoughts and actions leading up to this point have you in a state of poverty. Same holds true if you grew up rich. That is what you know. You take actions that will allow you and your money to remain lifelong friends. If you wake up and find that putting on that pair of jeans you bought last year seems like a bit more of a struggle, it is not because of the one doughnut you had for breakfast. No, it is years of eating poorly. You are, in fact, the result of the decisions you have made up to that point. In this way, you are your past. There is good news to be had, however.
You are also not your past. What? Let me explain. I hear a lot of people refer to themselves as something. It can be something positive, or something negative. “I am a procrastinator.” they say. “I am not a morning person.” is another great example. “No, that is what you have been.” What you are today can change in an instant. You can begin working towards creating a new you. Just as we discussed above how your present self is the result of the decisions you have made in the past, your future self will be the result of the decisions you make going forward.
Many people also choose to let past trauma define who they are. “I am a child of alcoholic parents.” or “I was in an abusive relationship.” Look, things may knock you down in life. Scratch that. Things will knock you down in life. That is not and will not be your fault. If, however, we come back years later and you are still on the ground, that is your fault. That is not to say that these things are not painful and do not leave emotional scars. They do and many of them may take years to recover from. We do not have to let them define us. It may take therapy. It will take confronting these issues and the fears and trauma they have created inside of us, but we do not have to be our past.
The same is true of others. In the past, people may have done us wrong. They may have not been people we would have liked to associate with. If that is not who they are today, and we are judging them, then we are convicting an innocent person. That is not to say you should be gullible and believe someone has changed just because they told you. We should not hold them prisoner for their past actions. Just as we can change, so can others. If you knew me a long time ago, you may think, “This guy is not someone I would want to be around.” You would have been right. Now, I can’t count how many people compliment the way I treat Margie. Many ask me to talk to their man and try to show them how to talk and act.
This change all came from the fact that I chose to no longer be my past. It didn’t hurt that I meant a lovely and spirited woman who held me accountable for my behavior. You can do the same. You are the result of the decisions and actions you have made up to this point. So, you are your past. You are not a prisoner of that past, however. Starting the very second you finish reading this blog, you can choose to no longer let your past define you. Changes occur in an instant. Commitment and follow through is what changes identity going forward.
In my second book, Living the Dream, there are several stories of people who prove that you do not have to be defined by your past. There is a woman who was abused as a child. She is now part of a group that helps abused children. There is a man who saw his family get killed. He moved to a different country and started a family. A gentleman who grew up in rural West Virginia, uneducated and with little prospects. He went on to become an accomplished musician and live the life of his dreams. Do they still have parts of their past that haunt them? I am sure they do. We all do. What is true about all of them is they did not let those circumstances define them. Their future was not dictated by their past.
I like this question because it really makes us think. Are you confusing the two? Ok, that is a lot of questions. Let us take them one at a time. When we fail it is a verb. It is something we are doing. Therefore, we can continue to do it, or we can change. It is like when you hear people say, “I always am late.” or “I always start things and never finish them.” No, you always have been late. You have started things and not finished them. If you are not dead yet, and sense you are reading this I am going to assume you are not, then you have a chance to change. Let us not confuse an action with an identity. An action is something we do (verb) an identity is something we are (noun)
Many of us think of ourselves as failures because we have failed at certain things. This only becomes true if we have thrown in the towel on life and on chasing our dreams. Maybe you have even been a failure at something up to this point. I used to be a failure at being a good man. Relationships were not always my strong point. Now, I teach others on how to be an amazing friend and lover. How? I grew tired of the frustration of failing and realized it could drive me but it did not have to define me. I faced what I was failing at, and made it a point to turn it around. This didn’t happen overnight and it sure as hell was not a linear process. In fact, it is a lifetime journey of learning and practicing. Sometimes I still “fail” at being a good friend and lover, but I am no longer a “failure” in these aspects.
Let us take a look at the most storied example of this. Thomas Edison. Depending on what numbers you get, he either failed 1000 to 10,000 times to invent the light bulb before he got it right. How many times have you tried something more than 10 times before you gave up? I know that number is not too many for yours truly. He didn’t. He kept failing, but he never saw himself as a failure. At one point even telling a reporter, “I have not failed 10,000 times. I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways it will not work.” This represents the importance of our perception. Inky Johnson, one of my favorite speakers, has a quote that states, “Perception will always drive performance.” If Edison had perceived himself as a failure, do you think he would have continued to try? Of course we know the answer to that question would be ‘no’. How about you? Do you recognize that fail means “First attempt in learning?”
Remember to see failing as a verb in your life. It is actions, ones you can change. You are not a failure unless you decide to be. You can fail 1000 times such as Edison did and still come out victorious. It happened with the light bulb, why can’t it happen in your life? The antidote to failure is perseverance. I put that last line in italics because I wanted you to get it. As long as you are still working, you are not a failure. As long as you are willing to keep working until it works, you are not a failure. It may take encouragement. It may take inspiration. Do whatever it takes to keep fail as a verb and not a noun in your life.
You hear a lot of people discussing their triggers these days. Things that can set them down the spiraling path of sadness, depression or anger. Maybe it is something that reminds them of a past trauma they still have not healed from. Perhaps it is just an issue they are emotionally attached to? Usually, it is something that may seem innocent or harmless enough to the rest of us. I think Tony Robbins described it best. If someone would walk by and brush your arm, you may find them a bit overly friendly, but beyond that not much harm done. Now, if you had a open wound on that arm, and someone even lightly touched it, you would jump to the ceiling. Triggers are like emotional wounds. Until they heal, they are very sensitive. Unlike physical ones, they cannot be seen. It is important to understand what yours might be for two very important reasons. First, to avoid, as much as possible, putting yourself in situations that might contain a trigger. Second, when you know what your trigger is, you can begin to address and heal from it. Although that can be emotionally tough, it can limit the amount of anguish you will have to go through in the future.
Most people seem to have vast knowledge of things that trigger them or bring them down. Again, probably good, as you want to avoid those if you can. Equally, if not more important, is knowing what makes you happy and feel that inner joy. Here is why this is more important. When you are avoiding what makes you upset, you are not necessarily doing something that makes you happy. However, when you are doing something that makes you happy, you are certainly not doing something that makes you sad.
This also makes use of a principle that I refer to often. It is far easier, from a psychological standpoint, to add something to your life than to remove or sacrifice something. That is why people have such a hard time with diets. They feel like they are depriving themselves of what they want. Do you know what would happen if they just focused on adding healthy food to their diet? They would have less room to eat the junk food. By adding something positive, they would, by default, be limiting the negative. This works for many things in life. Want to see less negative things on social media? Start interacting with more positive things. You feed will be filled up with things that inspire and motivate you. Therefore, there will be less room for all the doom and gloom.
That is why I like the idea of ‘glimmers’ so much. I suggest making a list of what you consider a glimmer. In fact, it would be best to do this with a friend, family member or coworker. Someone you see on a regular basis. Tell them about what you learned about glimmers today. When you experience one while you are around them, say “That is a glimmer!” Share with each other what are glimmers to each of you. Get in the habit of discussing and talking about glimmers. We know what we give our energy to, tends to expand in our life. Why not give our energy to things that bring us joy instead of fearing or avoiding things that might bring us emotional pain?
Start noticing ‘Glimmers’ today. They will add joy to your life and fill your spirit. Find yourself a ‘Glimmer buddy’ to share what lifts you up and makes you feel safe, warm and content. Let us take the focus off of what we fear and put it on what helps us gain hope.
It is the holiday season. “The most wonderful time of the year” as the song says. To many, it is one of the most difficult times of the year. It could be due to the pain they are feeling because they lost a loved one. It could be feeling inadequate because they are unable to afford gifts for everyone they wish to buy for. Maybe it is the stress of planning, attending and getting to all of the social obligations that come with this time of year. Whatever the stress is, there are not many of us who make it through an entire holiday season without some.
That is why I am sharing these 10 tips for reducing stress during the holiday season. Everyone should be able to enjoy that love and peace that comes with celebrating with family and friends. The important things are gratitude for what we do have. One of those is the last tip – the ability to help others. Making the holidays brighter for someone who is also having a hard time is not only the right thing to do, it makes you a superhero in my mind. It will also help reduce any feelings of sadness and depression you may be feeling.
Remember to treat everyone with a little extra kindness this holiday season. There are so many who are fighting inner battles that we know nothing about. If you have any tips that we can use to help us deal with the holiday stress and blues we might be feeling, please list them in the comments below. We can never have too many.
Currently, I am working on my fourth book. It will discuss the tools and strategies that I used to go from a life of surviving, to one of thriving. Many of us, for a wide variety of reasons, are just focusing on living paycheck to paycheck. We show up at a job that does not feed our soul, and often not even our wallet. So sad is this, that the highlight of many people’s day is to go to the bathroom, sit down and look at their phones. This is not how our lives are supposed to be!
What can we do? We have to work to pay the bills. In my next book we will look at several methods to change our perspective, our emotions, and in doing so, our life. Today, I am going to give you a very basic and powerful tool to start with as you wait for your favorite author to complete his next book. Using this one tool can change mornings from something you dread, to something you can’t wait for. If this sounds a little crazy, trust me when I tell you I can understand that. I wake up for work at 4am Monday – Saturday.
What is this one activity? Finding a project that feeds your passion and makes your soul start on fire. The thought of adding one more thing to your already busy plate may seem like the last thing you would want to do, but it will actually give you energy and not drain it from you. This could be taking up a sport like bike riding or pickle ball, which seems to be all the rage at the moment. It could be planting a garden. Maybe working on that book you always wanted to write?
Having something to look forward to doing, either before or after work, will give you reason to make it through the day. It can also serve as a great mental escape when you find yourself at a job that is slowly draining your soul. You know that your passion project will help fill it back up again. It is vital that we have something to give us that inner peace and joy that allows us to make it through all that life has to throw at us. I would love to hear what passion projects you work on to feed your soul in the comments below.
This weekend sure was a busy one! Friday was my lady’s birthday. After work, I plannned on taking her out to dinner. I also had to get the gifts that I got her together. Then, I worked Saturday morning. After which, I was going to go to the gym. That evening, I planned on taking my lovely lady out for a second, more romantic dinner. Sunday, the gym again, plus we DJ at night. That is a lot of activity. It also involves a lot of driving.
It started with climbing into my car to go to work at 4:30am on Friday morning. What happened next, has probably happened to a lot of you. My ‘check engine’ light came on. It wasn’t even five o’clock in the morning and already I was facing a significant challenge. I had a lot of driving to do and my car was telling me that it was not feeling the best. Was it something serious? Was my gas cap just loose? Would it die on my 35 minute commute for work? Would I have to cancel the amazing dates I planned? A million questions swirled in my head as I pulled out of the driveway. The light wasn’t flashing, so I figured it was worth a shot of making it to work.
To counteract the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, I decided to focus on what I was grateful for as I drove along. I was grateful my car was still running. I was grateful I was going to work to earn money that could be used to fix whatever problem this happened to be. I was grateful to have such a beautiful ladyto be celebrating, even if I couldn’t take her for dinner. It was painfully clear that nothing could be done until I was able to take my car to my mechanic. I was grateful to have one that I had an established relationship with.
Turns out that this was a fuel pressure sensor. This is nothing that will destroy my engine if I kept driving it. It was also a reasonable fix that I will be able to do tomorrow. All of this was more to be grateful for. Discovering this issue before my car refused to start or before I was stranded in the middle of nowhere was certainly something to be grateful for. I also would be able to do all of the things that I had planned that weekend. Once I get it fixed, I was told I might even notice a slightly better fuel performance. Another thing to be grateful for.
Like many things in life, having your ‘check engine’ light come on is seldom considered a blessing. Really, having such a warning can ultimately save us money, inconvenience and help us be safe.It allowed me to shift my focus on what I had to be grateful for and to practice some of the very things I teach. That opportunity could not have been had without the challenge. How many opportunities are made available in your life through struggle? Are you able to see them that way?
For my younger readers, this here is Robert Plant. He sang for a rock band you may have heard of – Led Zeppelin. I am not sure if he really said the quote above or not. It doesn’t really matter. It is great advice we should put into action this weekend. Monday through Friday we are so inundated with news of the world. This can come from coworkers, family, friends and is even sent directly to our phones. There is war between Russia and the Ukraine. There is one now in the middle east. There are politicians fighting to outdo each other in looking asinine. It is never quite clear who is winning. I suppose it changes depending on the day. Do you know what being up to date on all of this information gets us? Not much. We can carry on a conversation in the office. It also seems to foster a feeling of hopelessness for the human race and a feeling of disgrace for humanity. Sounds fun, right? Not hardly.
This weekend, turn off the news and turn up the music. Do you know what you will lose by not being up to date on the world’s conflicts and the fools often put in charge of them? You will lose stress and a disturbance to your inner peace. Instead, do what Bob Marley advocates, and let the music take the pain away. In my first two books, A Happy Life for Busy People and Living the Dream, I advocate creating a ‘happy playlist’. Songs that lift your spirit and fill you with good vibes. It is my firm belief we should expose ourselves to positive influences at least 51% of the time. Far more than that if you would like an amazing life. Since you are reading a website titled “Secret2anamazinglife” I would surmise this to be the case.
The more we balance out the negative influences we are exposed to with positive ones of our choosing, the more inner peace we will experience. In today’s crazy world, being able to exist in peace is nothing short of a super power. Turn off the news and put on some Led Zeppelin, Bob Marley or music of your choosing. Let the music carry you away to somewhere happy. I know I will be as I celebrate my lovely lady’s birthday. How about you?
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 