Tag: inspiration

YOU MIGHT BE ASKING THE WRONG QUESTION

This is a very difficult post to write, but one that I feel is so important. The reason that it is difficult to write, is that I want to make sure it comes out correctly. It is also difficult to explain in the small space of a blog, but I will do my best. The reason it is important is because it is a condition that almost everyone finds themselves in, myself included. It is one of the issues that I am asked about most. The answer is not easy and is seldom well received. What is the question? How can I get rid of the pain and sadness inside of my heart? This could stem from many things. It could be the loss of a job you really loved. It could be a heartbreaking separation. Most often, the pain comes from the loss of a loved one.

I think all of us reading this blog have experienced the loss of someone, if not more, that we really care about. You understand that initially the pain will be great. Depending on the individual, we have some arbitrary expectation as to when that grief may start to diminish or fade away all together. When we find ourselves breaking down in tears, months or years later we just can’t understand. How can we just make this pain go away? To me, that is asking the wrong question.

Trying to eliminate the heartache we feel with the loss of a love one, or whatever issue may be causing it, is like trying to change the current of the river because it is not going the direction we want. Often, the more we find ourselves fighting against our pain, the stronger it seems to get. What we should be asking is how to use our pain. One of the best ways it to understand the empathy and credibility that gives us when helping others going through the same situation. We can understand what they are feeling. We will have a far better idea what they need in their moment of grief.

Another thing that many of us fail to consider is that pain can come from some of the greatest blessings. If we feel a great deal of hurt from the passing of a loved one, for example, than there must have been a great deal of love felt before that. When we consider how many people have a true lack of love in their lives, than how blessed are we who, although it may be lost, have felt such deep love. There is the cliche “Better to lost in love than to have never loved at all.” Attributed to one of my favorite authors, Alfred Lord Tennyson I might add.

Lastly, is the gift we can get from the pain. Lost a great relationship from a mistake you made? Maybe love faded away? You are certain not to make the same mistake in the future and do your best to keep the flames of desire alive and burning bright. When we lose someone close to us, often the pain is mixed with regret. We wish we would have told them how we really feel, or went on a trip with them one more time. Feeling this pain can be the best motivation to love those we still have in our lives that much more. To make sure we never miss a chance to tell someone how much we care. We will spend the time to take that trip with them, or maybe just sit and listen. Knowing the pain and regret that comes with losing someone, we do our best to give the best of ourselves to those we are still blessed enough to have with us.

Does any of this make the pain go away? Not at all. Understanding the purpose in pain, and using it to serve us and others can make it a little more bearable. Next time you think about that failed relationship, learn how to do better and use the pain to motivate you to work on yourself. When tears fill both your eyes and heart thinking of the person you loved so much that has left your life, call or message a friend and send them as much love and encouragement as you can. This has helped me deal with pain in my life. I hope it will help you too.

PARTY WITH THE DEAD! 💀

Today is one of the days that the Day of the Dead or Dia de los Muertos is celebrated. Personally, I think it is a fabulous holiday. On this day, or actually several days usually, people celebrate the lives of loved ones who have passed on. There are so many ways these are celebrated and it would really benefit you to talk to our friend Mr. Google and do a little research.

Many people who do not celebrate this day have a hard time understanding what there is to celebrate. Let us take a look. When you think about the miracle it takes for you to be reading this blog right now, you will realize how much you have to celebrate. If you read to the end, I am going to throw another interesting thought for you to ponder. First, think about the odds of the exact DNA that is you being here. Not to be too graphic, but there is roughly 300 million sperm released at the time of conception. If you take in all of the other factors that need to happen for you to be born, the odds increase from 1/300 million, to 1/400 trillion. That is more than ten times the national debt of the United States! The odds of winning the lottery are 1/292.2 million. You have already won the greatest lottery of all!

You might be wondering what you being a walking miracle of a lottery winner has to do with celebrating your loved ones that have passed on. Good question. Think of what many of them went through. Some went to war. Some struggled with poverty. Some battled addiction. If we go back even further, some have had to survive slavery or abuse. Some had to move to an entirely different country! Many times with little or no resources. How many modern folks would be prepared to do that? Some even had their country taken away. Through it all they persevered. It is due to their resiliency that we are able to be here sharing this moment together. Your ancestors and mine. We owe them all a great debt. Even those so long ago that we never met them. Often, the further back you go, the more challenging the life was.

So I say celebrate your ancestors today! Raise a glass, light a candle or do whatever else you think is appropriate. Their lives allow us to be here today. Without them, and the decisions they made whether good or bad, allow us to be the exact people we are today. As I have often mentioned in this blog, many of my ancestors are still teaching me to this day. I recall advice they gave me when I was young that I can only now fully understand. I recall examples they had set that I did not even realize I was watching.

I promised you if you stayed until the end that I would give you a thought to take with you and ponder. On a day where we celebrate all that those who have gone before us have done, it might be wise to spend a moment thinking what you will want people to celebrate about you. Are you living the life that people will celebrate after you are gone? If not, when would now be a good time to start? It is never too late to live a life worth living. One of my favorite saying states that the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, the second best time is today.

MIRROR OR A CELL PHONE 📴

As a speaker, one of the things I enjoy doing is watching other speakers. I can see how they use their body language, how they use their words to get their point across and a million other things. Even things I do not like about their delivery can help me improve my own. To this point, I found myself watching a live seminar by one of my favorite speakers. During his performance, I witnessed something I have never seen at a motivational seminar – a heckler. Why on earth would you go somewhere to be motivated only to heckle the speaker, I have no idea.

This gentleman is a rather passionate and aggressive speaker. If you had your heart set on derailing a motivational seminar, his would not be my first choice. He is also a very smart and quick-witted gentleman. After the heckler had called him a “fake” and said all of his stuff “doesn’t work”, the man calmly asked the man one simple question. “What kind of phone do you have sir?” The man quickly pulled out the latest iPhone. When asked how much it cost the young man, he sheepishly replied his parents had purchased it for him. Passing on the opportunity to address this, the speaker simply asked how much the phone had cost his parents. “About $1000 dollars I guess.” was the young mans reply. Without changing his tone, the speaker asked the young man one final question, “You spend $1000 every year to update your phone. When was the last time you spent $1000 to upgrade yourself?”

I was obviously cheering for my fellow speaker until I realized something. He could have been talking to me. How long had it been since I invested in myself. Sure, I have bought new shoes because I thought they would help me workout better. If I bought a new cellphone I might be able to upgrade my YouTube videos, but that is not investing in myself. That is buying myself new things. What if I invested that money in courses or books to gain more knowledge? That would upgrade my videos in a much better way. I realized it had been quite some time since I had invested in myself.

We often view investing in ourselves as something indulgent or selfish. That is foolish thinking. Look around at the people closest to you in your life. Do you think they would benefit with an improved version of yourself? How about your career? Do you think improving yourself could lead to some advancement or additional compensation? I think we can agree that the answers to all of those questions would be ‘yes’. We are actually improving the lives of those we care about, and the world at large, by improving ourselves and striving to be the best version of ourselves. It is actually a very selfless thing to do.

As the new year approaches, let us all work a little bit harder to balance investing in material things, with investing in ourselves. That investment does not always have to be financial. Committing an hour three days a week to working out is an investment in ourselves. Investing time to read or meal prep is also investing in ourselves. Learning is an investment in ourselves. Therapy or meditation is an investment in ourselves. Saying ‘no’ when our spirit is drained is investing in ourselves. How do you plan on investing in yourself in the new year?

A EASY, NEW PATH TO GRATITUDE 🙏

Last post we discussed the single best self-improvement activity you can do. If you haven’t read that post, I recommend giving it a look. In my own life, gratitude has been one of, if not the, most powerful tools to help me live an amazing life. If you spend any time at all in the self-improvement arena, you have no doubt heard a lot about gratitude. It had a prominent role in the movie The Secret. For good reason. Gratitude can bring you peace. It can take you from feeling like you are constantly chasing the next thing, to feeling abundant and happy. That is without any change in outside circumstances. After developing an attitude of gratitude, even if things do go south, you will be able to weather them a lot better.

If gratitude is so powerful (it is) then why are we not all using it? If gratitude can transform our lives in so many positive ways (it can) how come everyone is not engaged in a ritual that will bring more gratitude into their lives. One of the reasons is the methods that have been suggested. They can seem labor intensive. Really, for the return they offer it is well worth it. Let us consider doing a gratitude journal. It is probably the most suggested activity. I even wrote a section about it in my second book, Living the Dream. You basically write 3 to 5 things you are grateful for every day and why you are grateful for them. This not only gives you the initial hit of dopamine, the feel good chemical in the brain, but rewires your brain. Knowing that you will be sitting down to write this list has your mind subconsciously on the lookout for things that you are grateful for to write down. This is a very good thing.

The problem with this method is that in a world where everyone is super busy and wants everything yesterday, taking 5 minutes to write in a journal or a notebook can seem impossible. This can seem like too much work even for people who spend hours scrolling through their phone. That brings very little, if any, positive things into their lives. This, however, is the secret to our new method. Sense we seem addicted to scrolling mindlessly, let us use it to our advantage! All you will need for this activity is a cell phone and an urge to feel more grateful.

Here is the secret method. In your gallery of pictures, create a separate album of pictures of things you are grateful for. This could be your spouse, your family, your dog, your car, a beautiful sunset or anything else that you are grateful for. Had a great vacation? Throw a picture of that in there. Love a particular restaurant? How about a picture of you there? Someone who just makes you smile by the thought of them? Maybe a picture of them or even both of you together? You could even have pictures of quotes that remind you to be grateful. The possibilities are endless. Then, in one of your scrolling sessions, open the album and look at the pictures. Much like the journal, done long enough it should train your brain to think of and look for things to be grateful for to add to this album. Even if you like other forms of gratitude, this would be a great one to add. I know I am going to start an album as soon as I finish writing this post. My first picture will be of Margie and I in Jamaica for the first time. I was able to make one of her dreams come true and I am grateful for that. Not to mention, I am grateful for her and the love we share.

I encourage you to create a grateful picture album on your phone today. The coffee shop I am writing this in is about to close which will force me to stop writing, go home and get some things done and start working on my gratitude album! What will be some of the pictures in your album? What are you grateful for? Please share your answers in the comments below.

THE SINGLE BEST SELF-IMPROVEMENT ACTIVITY 😁

Over 2 decades in the self-improvement field. Over 2 decades as a self-improvement author. Over 2 decades writing this blog. Over a decade with my YouTube channel. These facts not only make me feel a little old, but show me I have been doing this a very long time. I have given seminars in some of the strangest places. There have been countless books read, seminars attended, podcasts listened to, and conversations had. There continues to be as learning should be a life-long endeavor.

The most popular question I get whether at a book signing, a seminar or even an impromptu conversation in a men’s room is, “What is the best thing I can do to improve my life.” In my second book, Living the Dream, I devote a whole section to what I personally feel is the best activity you can do to change your life. In my many years of experience and in my own life it was what has worked the best. That is developing an attitude of gratitude. What way is the best to do that? Is it a gratitude journal? Is it gratitude affirmations? Is gratitude really better than goal setting or visualization? The answer is the same activity you would use if you were looking to get in shape, lose some weight, improve your relationship or just about anything else in life.

Regardless of the area of your life you wish to improve, the activity you should use is the same. Are you on the edge of your seat? Wondering what this activity is? Personal trainers, life coaches and others will back me up on this. The activity you should use to improve your life is the one you enjoy the most. Take fitness for an example. Squats are one of the best exercises for improving your body. If you committed to doing squats, but did not like them, how long would you stick with it? A month? A week? Maybe only until the soreness kicks in. Taking a walk with your spouse after dinner is not as impactful as a few sets of squats a day. If you enjoy doing that and stick with it for a year, it will have a far greater impact than doing a week of squats and then quitting.

We began this conversation talking about self-improvement. The same holds true here too. Maybe you do not like keeping a gratitude journal. If you do it for a week and quit you are not likely to see a great impact. Maybe saying what you are grateful for out loud is better for you? If you do that for a month you are far likely to see an impact. Next post we will look at an additional way to develop an attitude of gratitude. What if gratitude just isn’t your thing? What if you would rather create a vison board? Maybe you like meditation? Then do those things. If there is something you enjoy, you are more likely to stick with it. The longer you do, the greater impact it will have in your life.

There you have it. The best self-improvement tool is the one you like the most and are most likely to stick with. Whatever that may be. Again, personally I think gratitude is super powerful, but I would rather see you engaged in an activity that works for you. If you are interested in developing an greater sense of gratitude in your life but you haven’t found something that really works for you, come back next post where we look at a way that makes gratitude almost automatic! Feel free to share what is the self-improvement activity you enjoy the most in the comments below!

IF YOU WIN THIS RACE, YOU STILL LOSE 😢

I heard Myles Munroe say something the other day that really resonated with me. “Even if you win the rat race, you are still a rat.” How many of us spend our lives pushing for more? The ironic thing is that we are pushing for more of the wrong things. Are we looking for more time with those we love? No. Are we pushing for more health and vitality? Usually not. In modern society it is all about who has the most and who looks the best. Can you imagine what would happen if you had both of these? Really imagine it for a second. You are the wealthiest and best looking person on the planet. Now what?

You could buy a nice house and car. You could vacation and live wherever you like. Everything would be perfect right? Not so much. You would constantly be wondering if people really cared for you or was it just for you looks and money. You would doubt everyone’s love for you. In some cases, this would be a legitimate concern. You may fear losing your wealth and looks. “Is my hair thinning?” “Does the scale really say I gained that much weight?” “My investments lost how much?” You may even be concerned that someone may have become wealthier or better looking than you. Sounds shallow, but if that is your goal, it may also be your concern.

The secret to winning the rat race is to get out of it. I am not advocating quitting your job and wandering around aimlessly. Instead, focus on purpose and power in your life. When I talk about power, I do not mean in the corporate or material sense. Power over yourself. Power as in being a positive influence for good in the world. Create that kind of power. Speaking of good in the world, altruism is a great way to overcome the rat race. The helping of others can give us the purpose that can set us free.

There are two more things that can help you leave the rat race behind. We speak about them here ad nauseam, but that is because they are so powerful. The first one you probably guessed is gratitude. Instead of striving to obtain all of the things you do not have, try feeling thankful for all you do have. This simple shift will have a host of benefits. It will have you feeling abundance instead of lack. It will slow life down and bring you a great deal of joy. It will also lead you to a greater deal of inner peace. Which leads us to our next point. If you still feel the need to work towards something, make that something peace. Find what gives you inner peace and not what satisfies a desire.

In our point about winning the rat race, you can see it is really no win at all. It will leave you with a life of stress, doubt and chaos. This is not to say that you should not try to improve your life or your standing. Absolutely do that. Just do not do it at the detriment of what is truly important. You should enjoy your journey and it should not be a race. In the race to an amazing life, let us all cheer for each other to win. Let us all work together to help everyone find gratitude and inner peace.

HIDDEN MEDICINE 💊

Last post we talked about what to do when you lose faith in humanity. Sadly, this can happen all to easy. In this country there is an election right around the corner and both major political parties are doing their best to convince us how terrible the other person is and how terrible the country and the world would be if the opposition wins. It wouldn’t be so bad if you could avoid these ads, but they are literally everywhere! On television, online, in your mail box, text, calling, radio, in your mailbox. I swear they would put it on toilet paper if they could. Come to think of it, that is probably where most of it belongs.

The point of all this is that there is a lot of negativity about in the world. Even doing our best to avoid it, we still can become overwhelmed at times. Then what? Last post we looked at some great solutions and I invite you to read them. One important thing we could all use is our space. What I mean is a place that you can escape to that brings you a great deal of inner peace. Above is a picture I took on the way to mine. Nature can bring so much peace and makes a great escape. It can be any place that is special to you. It can be a church, a coffee shop, a park or anything at all. Visit it as often as you need. I had been neglecting that, but went to my spot today. I just sat among the trees and birds and listened to the wind. In no time I felt more at peace than I had in a long time.

Here is a picture from inside my little spot. It helps to be able to meditate in your own way. The benefits of meditation are too many to list here. It does help reduce stress and help you feel grounded. Two very important things when you are feeling overwhelmed. This doesn’t have to be anything complex. Just being fully present and away from distractions will do. You can listen to nature like I did. You can pray. You can pay attention to your breathing. Whatever works for you.

If you do not have a place already, pick one out today. Try a few out. You can never have too many. The best time to find one is before you need it. Then, when the world knocks you over, you can retreat and heal your spirit. It is not only helpful, it is vital.

YOU DIDN’T KNOW 🤔

This continues the theme we were discussing yesterday. You should never be too hard on yourself if you are working to get better. This is easier said than done. Who doesn’t have those moments in their life that upon reflection fill them with feelings of guilt and regret over the way they acted or the choices they made? We all do. I certainly know I do. Those feelings serve a purpose. When you feel that pain, it makes you never want to act that way, treat people that way or whatever else it may be. That is not necessarily a bad thing. We can put that to use for us.

When it becomes detrimental is when that paralyzes us from taking action in the present. You must forgive yourself for past mistakes. Yes, it may have been hurtful. Yes, it could have hurt someone’s feelings. You definitely would take it back if you could. You can’t. You have learned. You have made many positive choices and decisions since then. You have learned. If you are punishing the present you for the actions of the past you, then you are convicting an innocent person.

As the year draws to a close, let us all work on being a little kinder to both each other and to ourselves. Creating and maintaining a positive self image will go a long way to helping us treat others with more kindness and compassion.

DO NOT WAIT TO BE PROUD 👏

It is almost the end of the year. Upon reflection, no doubt many of us are feeling a twinge of disappointment for resolutions we set at the beginning of the year that we failed to reach. You wanted to eat healthier but you are reading this blog while having a bowl of ice cream…after a large pizza. It is easy to do. Life can get pretty crazy over a 365 day span. Giving ourselves that little dose of pain and disappointment can be a healthy thing. It can spur us to action, even if that action comes at a significantly later time than we intended it to.

That brings us to today’s point. You can start a new beginning at any time. Not only can you, but you should be proud when you do. If you ate like complete garbage for the first 10 months of the year, give yourself a little feeling of guilt and disappointment. That is ok. It will help motivate you not to do so any longer. Following 10 months of supporting local fast food chains, if you have a healthy week of eating, give yourself some love for that. A week of healthy eating is still something to be proud of. It doesn’t matter if it comes in January or November. The more positive associations you attach to a healthy behavior, the more likely you are to maintain it.

You may not have accomplished the goal of being in better shape by the end of the year. You can still be proud of not having any soda this week. Perhaps you haven’t stuck to your gym 3 days a week plan. You can still be proud for taking walks after dinner. Build on the momentum. Your goal will get closer each and every day.

CLEAN YOUR FILTERS! 🧼

This may be hard to believe, but that is an actual picture of the cabin air filter that came out of my car. No wonder my allergies acted up whenever I turned the heat on. When it comes to my car, I am really good with upkeep, but this is a part that I never thought of. Thankfully, now I am breathing free and clean. It started me thinking, as so many things do, of the things we discuss on this site. This filter was supposed to keep out things that would be harmful. Instead, by not inspecting my filter, my car was being filled with all kinds of unhealthy things. It was literally causing me to be sick.

You might be able to guess where I am going with this. In our life we have many filters. One of mine is that I do my best to limit the influence of negative people and situations. Why surround myself with things that will lower my energy if I have a choice. I also try to limit my exposure to unhealthy diet options. Both of these filters need constant inspection. There could be some negative people who have positioned themselves in my life. This is often a ‘friend of a friend’. There are the unhealthy snacks bought as gifts from well-intentioned friends. If I do not examine my filters often these can slip through.

These negative influences can sneak through and end up making big impacts if we are not careful. Check your filters. Make sure there is nothing getting through in your life that may have a negative impact. While you are at it, you might want to check the cabin air filter on your car as well. Take my word for it.