Who among us does not have a to-do list? There are things like taking out the garbage, doing the dishes and laundry. In all the craziness, how many of us add ourself on the list of things to take care of. This made sound cliche, but if you do not take care of yourself you will not be able to take care of anything else.
Think of when you have a schedule full of events. Kids soccer practice, dinner with friends getting an oil change or whatever it is you have planned. Suddenly, you get the flu. All your plans come to a crashing halt. You would think the one common denominator in all of our to-do activities (you) would be something we would put at the top of the list. Most of us, however, keep self-care as an item we will do if we have ‘extra time’. How many of us have any of that?
Today, make sure you take care of yourself so you can take care of everything you need.
We always like to post encouragement on Wednesday. We are going to ask two questions of ourselves today. Feel free to share your answers in the comments below if you would like to add to the encouragement.
The first question is who are you proud of today? Is there someone you feel good above and beyond? Someone who makes your life better by what they do? Let them know and spread a little cheer.
The second question is often more difficult. Why are you proud of yourself? What amazing things have you done? How do you make the world a better place?
How many of us see obstacles in our life and right away have the urge to fight them? If there is a chance to adapt and work around them it would save us a great deal of energy that could be spent focused on success. What a waste of time and energy it is to argue. Even if you manage to ‘win’ the argument, chances are you will have ‘lost’ the relationship. If the person agrees to go along with your ideas, it is never with an excited passion. It is better to state the solution you are aiming towards, and try to come up with a joint solution.
Next time you encounter resistance while working towards a goal, remember to stay focused on the solution and not the problem. Go around the rocks if you can.
In some of the most divisive areas of life, this is the rule of law. Think politics, religion and social norms. More focus needs to be put on the nine. That is the solution. In math it is to see that there are multiple solutions to the same problem. In life, our beliefs can cloud us from understanding that other courses of actions have their merit as well.
Take the current political landscape. No matter what side you fall on, there is a rather “Us against them” mentality. Even if the goals are the same, which they often are, there is still extreme resistance to any opinion other than the one we hold. There are no solution oriented discussions. Think public safety. Everyone would like the world to be a safer place. Instead of focusing on solutions, they just spend energy and effort arguing that their method is not only the best, but the only way in which to accomplish this. By making the other side look like a villain, it prevents any merging of ideas, which could offer the best solution.
Religion is another area in which it is ‘my way or the highway’. Considering most of the faiths preach love, compassion and acceptance, it always seems ironic that most are filled with judgement, anger and exclusion. Faith is supposed to be our rock in difficult times, our way to inner peace and our guide in how to treat each other. Let us focus on that instead of the differences in how we go about that. We can all pray, if we do it differently who cares? We all preach love, let us all demonstrate it as well.
These are but two examples in a world full of possible situations. Think of the math equation that started this post next time you are ready to judge someone else. Just because they are different than you does not mean they are incorrect.
Oh, another good one! When you look at things from a different angle, it can often help you to better understand the absurdity of some of the actions we take, or things we believe. When we are young, we always want to do what the ‘cool’ kids are doing. Sadly, depending on who we think is cool, this can end up with us eating tide pods. What is even more sad, is that some of us never outgrow this desire. We want to do what the ‘cool’ adults are doing. We could be involved with doing something that brings us a great deal of joy until some ‘less informed’ individual comes along and tells us how foolish it is. Suddenly we feel the urge to give up what brought us joy or at the very least, we can feel foolish for allowing it us to bring us joy. Either way is has stolen some of the happiness we had formerly experienced.
This brings two points to mind for me. First, there is a special spot in hell for people that make fun of someone who is doing, wearing or engaged in something that makes them happy. If it is not harming anyone else, what business is it of yours? The second point is that we give far too much importance to other people’s opinion. We touched on this last post. Comparison really is the thief of joy. You would not let someone come in and redecorate your house, why let them do the same for your life? Even if someone comes into Margie and my home and tells us they don’t care for our picture of Marilyn Monroe or Nat King Cole, my first thought is “I don’t really care.” Not to be rude, but it is our house and it makes us happy.
One of the ways in which I experience this the most is in an aspect of my relationship with Margie. When we feel an overwhelming love or appreciation for each other, we may post something on social media. There are people who are offended by this. They say things such as “You two make us sick.” or “We already know you love each other.” Again, first thought in my mind is…well…I can’t say my first thought, but it isn’t a worry about offending these people with the love I express for the amazing woman in my life. Here is the ironic part. We have witnessed these same people post negative things about their partner, or when they do find that special love, post the same things they were so bothered by that we posted.
My point in all of this is that you should do what fills you with joy. Do what makes you happy. If someone expresses a negative thought about it or you, examine it for any validity. If there is none, let it go and go back to enjoying life to the fullest like you have. Life deserves to have the most joy it can and you deserve to have the greatest amount of happiness you can.
Many people find themselves in a state of unhappiness. There is a way to turn that around. That is to begin to work on becoming the best version of yourself. It begins with an honest evaluation of where you are now. This can be a bit deflating, but in order to know where you want to go, it is necessary to know where you are. Think of looking at a map. If you were to look at your destination, but have no idea where you are, how would you know in which direction you should go. It is the same with the journey of your life.
I once heard Tony Robbins say, “Progress equals happiness.” Earl Nightingale’s definition of success is, “A progressive realization of a worthy ideal.” Both of these bring up a good point. It is not the accomplishment of goals, or reaching a certain point that brings us the greatest deal of happiness. Although those certainly should be celebrated. If you notice in both quotes, the word ‘progress’ is featured. Think of trying to get in shape. It certainly is a great feeling to look in the mirror and find yourself at the level of fitness you desire. Do you know what is an even more exciting feeling? When you realize you have to by a size smaller in clothing because the size you have been wearing for the last couple of years is now too large. You know you are on your way!
One of the greatest thieves of joy is comparison. It can even upend progress. Have you ever had this experience? You are feeling good about the progress you have made towards some goal. Smile on your face, joy in your heart. Then you run into a friend who has made greater progress towards the same goal, maybe even in a shorter amount of time. Suddenly, your happiness is crushed. You go from feeling like a conqueror to a failure. It is worse if you are just about to start your journey of self-improvement. You pop on social media and see pictures of people who you went to school with that have not only already accomplished the goals you are striving for, but have surpassed them.
The phrase that comes to mind in all of these examples is “Who cares!” That is them. We never know anyone’s complete story. Maybe they post pictures of their career success but fail to mention the happy home life it cost them. Maybe they appear to be madly in love, but are fighting addiction. Another important point is that each journey is unique to the individual. I am more impressed with someone who has managed to reach a state of inner peace after fighting the demons of depression than someone who has reached inner peace after inheriting a fortune from their family. That is why it is so important to be focused on improving ourselves and the challenges we have overcome.
Here is a bonus way of making this more fun and enjoyable. Look for the small accomplishments of your friends, family and even your coworkers. Celebrate them as if they were your own. You never know what it took for them to overcome that. The more you help others celebrate their wins, the more joy and peace will come to your heart. Not to mention, the more likely they are to celebrate your wins as well. Remember, there is enough room for all of us to win!
Who does not like to receive gifts? I know I do. Just the other day, Margie got me this amazing book. It made me quite happy. Even thinking of it as I write this has put a smile on my face. Not everyone is lucky enough to have an amazing lady in their life like I have. You cannot always depend on people giving you gifts every day. That is unless they are the Amazon driver.
There are two amazing gifts that you can give to yourself daily that will not only make you happy, but unlike Amazon, they will actually add to your life! We are going to tackle these gifts one at a time. A little word of caution. Do not underestimate the power of these gifts. You may look at them and think, “Oh that’s cute.” Perhaps you might even think they sound a little cliche. I can promise you that if you make giving yourself these two gifts a habit, you will add so much peace and joy to your life it will seem like magic. As an added bonus, you will also reduce many of the negative stressors in your life as well. Like…well…stress. You will worry less. You will experience less anger. Are you ready to go shopping? I have great news! You do not have to go to a store. You do not have to go to a website. You do not even have to spend any money for these gifts. Perhaps that is why so many fail to see their value. You will be one of the few that do!
I can see some of you rolling your eyes at this one. “Another post about gratitude?” Yep! More than anything else in my life, gratitude has been so transformative. If you make it a focus and daily practice, the power it has to positively impact your life can seem like magic. Let us throw a little science in the mix. You think, on average, 60,000 thoughts a day. Some a little more. Some, it would appear, a lot less. 80% of those thoughts are negative. 90% are the same thoughts you had the day before. It is crazy how the human brain works. Here is how to change all of that. Begin by thinking with purpose and thinking with gratitude. I threw a lot of numbers at you but here is the important one. You can only think 1 thought at a time. Therefore, when you are thinking about what you are grateful for, you cannot be thinking about what you are worried about. When you are grateful, you cannot be angry at that very second. You can see where this is going. Less anger, less worry and more gratitude. Just think how that may affect your life.
When I mention the gift of forgiveness, people stop and say, “I thought you said this was about giving yourself gifts? Forgiveness is something you give to others?” This may seem so on the surface, but it really is the gift you give yourself. Forgiveness does mend relationships and that certainly helps. Before we get to far ahead of ourselves let us clear one thing up right away. Some people may think forgiveness is excusing the words or actions of another. It is not. What it is doing is preventing those very words and actions from hurting you over and over again. That is what happens when you keep hurt and anger inside yourself. Have you ever watched someone tell you a story about something they will not forgive? They often get upset just telling you about. Their blood pressure rises, their cortisol and adrenaline spike. Meanwhile, the person who did this to them is enjoying a latte and reading a book down the street without a care in the world.
There is a million reasons why people do hurtful and mean things. We can’t pretend to know everyone’s story. Truth is, it really doesn’t matter. Look at the quote from Buddha. We are only hurting ourselves. This is even trickier when the person that we are so upset with and cannot forgive looks back at us in the mirror. We hurt someone and never got the chance to apologize. We did something foolish. We self-sabotage. There are a million crazy reasons we get upset with ourselves. What do emotions like regret and guilt do? They can quite literally drive us to an early grave. It certainly does not change the past. It only steals joy from the present. That does not to much to help the future either. Just like when we are upset with someone else, hanging on to that pain only serves to hurt us over and over again. Do yourself a favor and let it go. Not for them. For your peace.
Can you see how focusing on these two gifts can radically transform your life? Imagine taking just a few moments of your day to pause in reflection on gratitude and forgiveness. How would that improve your life? I would love to hear your answers.
How many of these amazing things do you make it a point to put into your life? The more of them we add, it is like watering a plant. The more we are likely to grow! In each of these items, there are also many options. Take ‘kind words’ for example. You could write affirmations for yourself. You could listen to an encouraging meditation or you could read secret2anamazinglife.com!
Out of these ways to water yourself, which is your favorite? Use as many as you can. The more you use, the more you will grow. You deserve it and you are worth it!
Think of what it takes for a plant to grow. To be honest, I am not 100% sure on this one as plants struggle to grow in my company. What is true is that they need to be watered. Without watering a plant, it will no longer continue to grow. Then again, if you water it too much, it will also not grow. People are much the same way. It is often ironic how so many things in nature are alike.
What does watering yourself look like? That can take many forms. One of the ways is to make sure you get what you need to grow. The first thought to jump to mind is things like enough rest, proper nutrition and exercise. That is one part of watering yourself. That would be proper self-care. Much like how different plants needs different amounts of water, different people need different kinds and amounts of self-care to grow. What is certain is that we all need some.
Another type of ‘watering’ that we need is the two ‘i’s. That is information and inspiration. They will help both our mind and our spirit to grow. If you are not watering your mind and spirit, you may think you are just staying the same. Imagine what would happen to a healthy plant if you did not water it. It would slowly wilt and die. The same is true of our spirit and mind. We need to learn, we need to be inspired. This could be watching a video on YouTube. It could be listening to a podcast. (Feel free to checkout both my YouTube channel and podcast) When it comes to watering your spirit, that is important too. This could be attending services of your faith, or reading something inspirational. It could be as simple as a conversation with an inspiring friend or a walk in nature. Much like our minds, if your spirit is not watered, it slowly wilts and dies.
We all know what being uninspired and not growing feels like. Nothing seems to move the needle of excitement. Fatigue is our constant companion. The world seems dull and lifeless. That does not mean our life sucks, it just means we need to be watered. Much like a plant that is starting to wilt, when watered, can perk right up again. What we need is a does of watering for our minds and spirits.
Spend a few moments today thinking of ways in which you can water both your mind and spirit. How to help yourself grow. This could be learning about something that interests us. It could be going for that walk in nature. If we are feeling overwhelmed, we could be overwatering ourselves! That might mean focusing a little more on self-care. Spend a little more time in meditation or quiet reflection. Make sure to write down ways in which you can water yourself. When you need it most, it can be impossible to think of.
Many people shy away from the world of ‘self-improvement’ because it sounds like something is wrong with them. Let us not get started on the term ‘self-help’. That sounds like you are in a bad way and needing some help. The truth is far subtler. We could always improve ourselves, and thus, our lot in life. We all could use a little help. This is true when we are striving to learn something new, or unlearn something we have been doing for years. Both ‘improvement’ and ‘help’ are not a sign of weakness. They are signs you are seeking to become a better version of yourself.
Do not let the terms trip you up. Even if you love your vehicle, wouldn’t it be great to get better gas mileage? There is nothing wrong with you; improve anyway. This would be a great mantra to have in your head. If you are always working to be your best and do your best that is great. As we go through life, we learn and experience more. That means our best is a moving target. As we improve, so does the best of what we can be. That means there is never a finish line. That should not make you feel defeated, but excited. There are always opportunities to be healthier, happier and more loving. Keep striving to improve yourself. By doing so you will continue to improve your life.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 