Tag: identity

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

It seems like only yesterday that I was posting about my goal of 1000 days in a row of content. My beautiful lady even threw me a surprise party for the event. It was attended by dear friends and had me feeling so sky high. Can you believe that was 100 days ago? Just like that, we are at 1100 days in a row of content. In some ways this has become easier. Posting insightful content has went from becoming something I do into more of something I am.

Like many things in life, this change has unlocked a secret to an amazing life. That is when your actions become your identity, life becomes less stressful. We can apply this to any area of life. Trying to get in the habit of going to the gym? Start referring to yourself as ‘a gym person’. This works by activating both inner and outer reinforcements. On the outer side of things, the people you inform, “I have decided to become a gym person.” or however you wish to word it, will be more than happy to remind you that gym people go to the gym. On the inner side of things, it starts to work on your subconscious mind. That is what drives 95% of our behavior. Repetition of a statement, as well as attaching it to our identity, will make doing the actions that much easier.

Think of how this works. If you start taking the actions and thinking the thoughts of the person you wish to be, before long, you will be that person. Take our fitness example. If you start declaring you are a fitness person, even if currently that means ‘fitting this doughnut in my mouth’, you will start thinking and talking like a fitness person. When your subconscious hears you say “I have decided to become a fit person.” Then you find yourself making the most of an all-you-can-eat taco bar, it feels wrong. Your mind begins to tell you “This does not align with our identity.” Soon you will find yourself adjusting your actions to fit your new identity.

It has worked for me and my writing. It will work for you and whatever goal you are aspiring to. Decide who you wish to become and then become that person. Declare it and your mind and body will follow.

STOP NEGOTIATING ✋️

So many times I will here people who are trying to change make deals with themselves. “I’ll start tomorrow.” or “I will give myself a break on the weekend.” While I am all for doing whatever will help you achieve your goal, this type of thinking leaves us with a little problem. Believe it or not, it reinforces the identity that we are not what we are striving to become. You are actually tripping yourself up by doing this.

There are 2 reasons that jump into my mind. First, it makes the thing you are trying to get away from a ‘reward’. If I eat good during the week, I can then tackle the all-you-can-eat pizza buffet every weekend. That creates the feeling of only being able to be yourself on the weekend. Thus, reinforcing the identity of someone who does not eat well. By looking forward to filling your face, and your stomach, with high calorie sauce pie, you create more a feeling of dread for the week of healthy eating. When you dread something are you more or less likely to do it?

Many of you may counter that ‘looking forward to something’ will allow you to make it through the week of good eating. This may work in the short term. How do you think your brain will react to having a hit of dopamine every weekend as you swallow many pieces of cake. It will begin to subconsciously tell your mind, “This feels good. Eating healthy feels bad.” This will only make it more difficult to identify yourself as someone who is now a healthy eater. Instead, you will be a bad eater struggling to eat healthy. It may sound like splitting hairs, but there is a big difference. Especially if you want the change to last long term.

Think of how your actions shape your identity. Not only to others who are watching you, who will reinforce that identity, but most importantly to yourself.

CAN YOU GET RID OF THIS?🤔

I’m one of those people that have way too many old clothes in their closet. Shirts from runs I did in the past. Shirts from places I’ve vacationed. They all seem to have memories attached to them. Maybe I’m just too sentimental? Regardless, we all have something difficult to part with

As the quote above says, one of the most difficult is an old version of ourselves. That is why moving on from an old relationship can be so hard. It is also why overcoming an addiction can be almost impossible. Tony Robbins has said one of the most powerful things to a person is their sense of identity.

This is why how we view things can be so vital to our success. If we say, “I am a procrastinator.” That is our identity. If, on the other hand, we say, “I’m a person who used to procrastinate, but now I’m ready to change!” That does not tie our actions to our identity. Just because you have always done this or that, does not mean you are doomed to repeat that action for eternity.

What old versions of you are you ready to let go of? Better yet, what new versions of who you are, will you be willing to give birth to?

TIME TO LET GO AND REDEFINE 🫡

One of the most powerful forces in life is our identity. Whatever we think we are, we will not do anything to go against it. Even if we think that it will make our lives better. That is just how this crazy thing called a human works. If we tell everyone that we are a procrastinator, no matter how hard we try, we will always wait until the last minute to finish a project. If we say that we are an out of shape person, no diet or exercise program will work. There are very few things that we were born into that we cannot change. What keeps us stuck is the belief that our actions define who we are. What they really say is who we were.

To overcome this limiting pattern, all we have to do is change a few words. The language we use with others, and to a greater degree with ourselves, has a huge impact. Instead of saying that we are a procrastinator or out of shape, say we used to procrastinate or used to be unhealthy. This is a big difference. Our behaviors are not who we are, but what we do. We are not procrastination, we do procrastination. This may not seem to be a big deal on the surface, but to our subconscious mind, which runs about 90% of the show, it is a huge deal. If it feels we are doing anything against our identity, it will fight us tooth and nail. Better to change a few words and make that positive transition easier on ourselves.

THE MAN (OR WOMAN) IN THE MIRROR

This week is all about areas that affect our lives in a major way. Today we are going to talk about the person looking back at us in the mirror. It is time to give them a fresh look. When you see yourself in the mirror, what do you see? More importantly, how did you come to that opinion? If you were asked to describe yourself, what would you say? What if you could change that description? Even change parts of you that you may think could never be changed?

It is amazing when I hear people tell me “I am a procrastinator.” or “I am just not a happy person.” My first question is “Really? When did you decide that?” They will either give me one of those looks people give you when you ask thought provoking questions they do not expect, or I receive answers that include the following, “I didn’t decide, that is just who I am.” “I don’t know I have always been that way.” Sometimes an especially introspective individual will share with me some event from their childhood, or maybe their last relationship that prompted this belief. I listen carefully and calmly tell them, “Actually you did choose to be that way and you did so this morning.” Again, more crazy looks.

Here is the uncomfortable truth a lot of us do not like to consider. We choose daily who we are. If you are a person who is always running late, when could you decide to change that? If you are a person who was hurt by an uncaring person in your last relationship, when can you begin to deal with and heal from those experiences? The answer is right now. Let me assure you, I am not trying to make light of anything you have been through. I know a lot of you have been through very painful experiences. Allowing them to continue to hurt you, or to force you to live your life stunted, not experiencing the fullness of joy and love that is available to you is a choice we must make, consciously or unconsciously, every morning when we wake up. It may take seeking professional help or just reaching a point where you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, but you are the one who must choose who looks back at you in the morning.

Some of us have even allowed others to tell us who we are. Les Brown, one of my favorite authors and motivational speakers was told throughout his childhood he was educable mental retarded. It took an embarrassing moment of having to tell the teacher he was too ‘dumb’ to solve a problem on the chalkboard to change his life. What the teacher told him not only changed his life, but can change ours as well. The teacher walked around the desk, looked right into his eyes and said, “Never let someone else’s opinion of you become your reality.” Read that statement a few times. You may even want to print it out and hang it somewhere.

A lot of us were told by well-meaning (or not so well-meaning) teachers, parents and others growing up that we were not so good at this, or never will amount to that. I personally recall my senior year in high school my English teacher telling me, “I hope to God you never have a career in writing.” I have a website with about 800 posts and am about to publish my second book. More importantly, I have touched the lives of countless of people and will reach even more in the future. What if I listened to that teacher, and several classmates I might add, what would have happened? I never would have attempted to set up a website. I never would have believed I could write a book let alone more than one. All the lives I have helped? I never would have been able to reach them. Just thinking of that gives me a sadness in my heart.

Here is what I suggest. Take some quality time by yourself and think about who you would wish to be. Write down the ideas you come up with. It is vital you do NOT consider your current situation when coming up with this list. If I had done so back in my senior year, becoming a best-selling author and speaker would have never made the list. When you come up with your list take a good hard look at it. Then, take a look at that person in the mirror. Read this list to yourself every morning when you wake up and every evening before you go to bed.

Next time you reach for that twinkie, think of your list. If ‘I am a healthy vibrant individual’ is on there, you might want to give that a second thought. If you choose to eat that twinkie, remember you have made that decision. If you need help, seek help. Remember you and only you should define the kind of person you wish to be. It is time to take control of the person we see in the mirror. Tomorrow we look at another way in which we can gain leverage on ourselves and help move us in the direction we are wishing to go.

WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!

image

Who the hell are you? Chances are you had to stop a second and think of the answer to that. What did you come up with? Was your identity attached to your occupation? Was it defined by your family life? Perhaps you chose your faith to define who you are. It is amazing how little focus we spend on who we are. Even less on who we desire to become. Here is a great secret, you have power over that. What do I mean by this? Let me share with you a simple exercise I learned that can help us become the type of person we desire to be. First ask yourself who you wish to be. Keep it simple. One word answers. Come up with three. Once you get started it can be easy to keep going, but pick the 3 most powerful ones for you. By most powerful I mean the ones you really wish to be defined by. Perhaps you wish to be a driven person, but all you seem to drive is other people crazy. write it down. Maybe you want to be energetic, but the only energy you use is the batteries in the remote? write it down. Maybe you would just like to be a happy joyous person, but life always seems to knock you down. write it down.

So now you have a list. In our example it would be driven, energetic and happy Here is all you do, much like the questions from yesterdays post, in fact you can have them on the same sheet of paper, read these three words three times a day. upon waking, before retiring and at least once a day. In addition, read them whenever you seem to be off track. Feeling to lazy to change a channel and find yourself feeling like spending the day on the sofa? Read your list. The boss have you so mad you are seeing red? read the list. It is like reminding yourself of who you are. Not who you want to be, but who you are. It may seem like you are lying to yourself, but deciding who you want to be is a new practice for most of us and our brain may need a gentle reminder.

Again I encourage you to try this for 30 days. If you pair it with the questions from yesterdays post your life is on the fast track to positive change. In a month you will not even recognize the person staring back at you in the mirror! Please stop back and share your results