Tag: Happiness

A FUN GAME TO PLAY WITH FRIENDS

It is hump day! The middle of the week. We are quickly approaching the weekend. We are beginning to be excited for the weekend and any plans we may have, even if they are just relaxing and not working. I am currently on vacation and have lots to enjoy. Here is fun game you can play with family and friends. The winner will really benefit, but even those who don’t ‘come out on top’ will still win! The prize? Not some plastic participation trophy or ribbon, but a greater sense of joy and inner peace.

The game is simply this, find as many things you can be truly grateful for and why. The why is important because it makes things compelling. To appreciate the sunshine (which I do more than most of you can imagine) is one thing. To realize you are appreciating it because it gives you a feeling of being alive or reminds you of being on vacation in the tropics is an entirely different animal. Pick a group of friends and family and see who can find the most things to be grateful for. Most of us live in such an abundance of riches, it is almost a disgrace what we take for granted. There is a big push to wash your hands often these days. Can you imagine how difficult that would be without clean running water? Water than can be set to a desired temperature and is pretty much available everywhere we are? The ability to wash our entire bodies anytime we desire in that same water? We have personal space where we can adjust the temperature to our liking, take our time and be clean and healthy? So many things in those two statements alone. Write down as many as you can think of and compare with those you are playing the game with. At the end of it, everyone will realize, and hopefully feel, how truly rich we all are and how much we have to be grateful for.

Looking around your life for what you have to be grateful for can be a magical transformation. This may sound like a bunch of hype, but trust me it is not. No, wait. Do not trust me! Try it for yourself. This is what caused me to realize how powerful this was. I wrote down what I was grateful for in my life for 30 days. I did it to prove it didn’t affect much. 20 years later I am writing my third book in the field of self-improvement. This fun game stands the power to transform your life. Even the fact you have the ability to read this information is truly something amazing! I would love to hear your results of playing this game.

THE PARTY BEGINS!!

You may have noticed that last Friday’s blog post seemed to lack a little something…like being there. I apologize for that, but Thursday started our state fair here in Wisconsin. I have been attending this festival ever since I was born in 1975. Around 1996, I made a decision that was rather unique to me back then. If I really enjoyed every time I went to the State Fair, why not go as often as I could. In this case, that would be 11 days as that is how long our state fair lasts. Beginning that year I have done just that very thing. The Wisconsin State Fair became my annual vacation. I take those days off from my day job and make every effort to have other obligations either rescheduled or taken care of.

I have received my fair share of flack for this decision over the years. People ask me such questions as how do I not get bored going every day, how do I manage to afford it and certainly questions about the health aspects of such an adventure. These are all valid concerns and here are some quick answers. Doing something you love rarely tends to become boring. Doing it 11 days straight, for almost 20 years can bring that into possibility. For me, this has never been a problem. As a personal characteristic, I cannot remember the last time I was bored. It is a fact that if I had 3 lifetimes I could not do all that I wanted to do. Involving different people in my life makes each experience new and different. Margie likes to see bands and shop. My mother, she likes the baby animals and doing the garden and art walks. Everyone loves to explore new and exciting foods. Trying them makes each yea, and sometimes day, different and exciting. I learned I can apply this to anything I enjoy in my life. Going for coffee with my mom is one experience. Doing the very same thing with my friend Nick is something different entirely.

My love and I at the fair

Another question was how do I afford going to the fair every year? Several ways. They all involve planning ahead of time. In about April, they begin to sell tickets at a discounted price. This saves me $5 a day. They also have coupon books available. I purchased one for $4 and if I use the ones I plan to, that will save me a total of $70 on food, drink and items throughout the 11 days. It is also using my time there to discover where and what presents the best deals. Nachos may be a dollar cheaper at one stand, but you may get twice as much at another. I turn it into a fun game. Thinking of the different foods and drink and where is the best place to go.

Speaking of food, another concern, often voiced by my doctor, is the health aspects of spending 11 days eating fair food. I’ll be the first to agree this is not the healthiest 11 days I spend in a year, but there are several factors to consider here as well. The first being that this is an exception and not the rule. As Margie, Amanda, my mother and myself were sampling several of the new foods for a review on Chow Down in Milwaukee (which I will link at the end of this post) We all discussed how we do not normally consume fried food (Like the fried fish fry above, which was rather delicious) Another tip is while finding the best value at the state fair, I also look for several healthier options. There is a gluten-free stand for those that need those foods. There is a stand that serves grilled chicken over a bed of rice. Snacks such as dried tart cherries and cranberries can be found among all of the chocolate and fudge. Same holds true with beverages. You can always find soda, beer and cocktails. You can however find water, juice and even a stand for a business named Urbal Tea that serves…you guessed it, herbal tea. Not only healthier option, but refreshing one as well. Couple these tricks with the incredible amount of walking I do and a trip to the Wisconsin State Fair is not as unhealthy as it could be.

When you find something that does not harm you or others that you enjoy in life, I recommend incorporating it as much as you can. There are ways to make it exciting, economical and healthy. Try doing it with different people and notice how that can expand your enjoyment. You may notice things that escaped your attention. Find ways in which it can be planned and maybe done more economically. This could involve purchasing tickets ahead of time like I do, or joining and organization, going in with others or a host of other ideas. Find ways to make it healthier too. Is there a particular run/walk you do every year? Maybe get a group of friends to start training with you. Whatever it is you enjoy in life, think of ways in which you cannot only do it more, but do it better. I would love to hear what activities you enjoy doing every year.

CLICK HERE TO READ OUR REVIEW OF THIS YEAR’S FAIR FOOD ON CHOW DOWN IN MILWAUKEE

WATCH WHAT YOU EAT!

First post of the new month! Last full month of summer. We want to finish this month on a really healthy diet. Don’t worry, if you have been working on that summer body since you were 12, we are talking about an information diet. This is so important, because like our regular diet, sometimes we consume information without being conscious to the fact that we are doing it. Sometimes it just becomes the norm and we do not realize that we should be a little more selective on what we feed our minds.

One of the issues that arises is that we are so often surrounded by things that are toxic to our mental well-being that we are unaware they are affecting us. It is like the analogy of the frog in the pot of boiling water. If you turn the temperature up quickly the frog will jump out. If you turn it up slowly and gradually, the frog will boil to death. Not a really cheery analogy, but it works for our point here. If you were to through a person into a group of gossiping back biters, chances are they would say “Get me out of here!” If, however, it happens to be the same talk around the water cooler, it can slowly become the normal. We must stand guard at the gate of our minds as Jim Rohn used to say. Quite often, this negative influence will come from friends, family and even coworkers we don’t mind sharing time with. They may be well-meaning, but it will affect us just the same.

What can you do in these situations? You can’t just tell a person to “Shut up!” Well, I suppose you could, but I can safely tell you that will not lead to quality friendships, which in turn will not lead to an amazing life. We can do some other fine things. We can do our best to remove ourselves from that situation. Excuse ourselves to go to the restroom, for a walk around the block, check the food in the kitchen or the goldfish in the living room. What happens when someone is in the restroom, it is raining outside, the food is gone and the goldfish has a babysitter? One, your luck wouldn’t be too good that day, but there are other options. You can try injecting a positive comment in the mix. Do your best to turn this into a game. I have found this makes it easier. When the gossip train makes a stop at your friend Phil’s station, try thinking about the best thing you can think of about Phil. Throw it out there and see what happens. I can tell you 2 things I know for sure. You will immediately make everyone else a little uncomfortable. That’s ok. If they are gossiping, they should be uncomfortable. The other thing is that you will quickly become known as the person who says nice things about people…behind their backs. That’s a good reputation to have. People trust people like that.

There are times when to paraphrase a popular cliché, ‘drama happens’. You do your best to avoid it, but it sits next to you at work, on the bus or even at home. You throw a life preserver of compliments into this ocean of negativity, but the waves keep coming. Repeated exposure to situations like this can leave you feeling worn out at best, dejected and hopeless at its worst. That is why we need to prepare! I stress having as many positive influences in your life as possible. Inspirational calendars ( I have a day by day one) Something inspiring as the screensaver on your phone. (mine is the cutest picture of the woman I love) You can even subscribe to an inspiring magazine. (I have a local one that only includes positive news) I also recommend having a list at the ready of things that give you a dose of positivity. Is there certain places you like to go? The zoo? A certain park with a great view? How about people that put you in a good mood? Write their names, phone numbers, emails or whatever contact information you have down. How about foods that make you smile? Songs? Movies? I say write these all down now. Eventually, there will be a time you need a negativity detox. It also serves as a good preventative. When someone asks me “What can I do to fight off all the drama and negativity I am exposed to?” It can be as simple as “Read three pages of something inspirational and call me in the morning.”

Let us remember as we are working on our nutritional diet, that we should work on our emotional and spiritual diet as well. Feed your body something good for sure, but do not forget to nourish your mind and soul as well. You never know when you might find yourself in an environment that would leave you starving.

IT ALL STARTED TODAY

Today is my birthday. I was born on this day a mere 46 years ago. I didn’t have a picture from that day as I was a little to young to hold the camera. You can, however, see the evolution of me in the photos above. It also happens to be national lasagna day, national chicken wing day, national lipstick day and international tiger day. This year national chili dog day and national intern day also fall on this day. Much to celebrate and much to eat. I took off of work today and my guess is that my lovely Margie and I will be doing something fun to amuse ourselves.

I tend to use and enjoy birthdays as a time to reflect. Think of how far I have come and how much I have grown. Not only in height and waistline, but as an emotional and spiritual individual as well. This past year had many ups and downs. We certainly all have our tales of what 2020 brought to us. This past year has seen me on the news several times for having Covid and once for my books as well. I have been on a few podcasts, one television show on NBC as well as a few limited public appearances. I also had the great chance to speak with some school children on the subject of writing via zoom. That was a very cool experience. I lost a few friends but certainly gained many more. My second book, Living the Dream, finally hit Amazon and store shelves. That was an accomplishment that took 8 years. All things considered, it was a very good chapter in this 45 chaptered life.

These ‘then and now’ pictures are getting to be a little bit hilarious. Birthdays to me are also a chance to reflect on where I would like to go from here. Having published 2 books and closing in on 1500 blog posts, I asked myself, “What’s next?” I have decided that in some form or another, the next evolution for this gentleman is hosting a talk show. In the past I have hosted 2 different radio shows with my friends Jason and Guy. (tragically, Guy is one of the people I lost in the last year) I have also hosted a television show and directed and produced 2 others. This conclusion came to me after contemplating both what my favorite job I have ever had was. (that would be the radio show) I also asked myself, “What do you really enjoy doing in life?” I got that from George Burns who said that is the secret of life. Bob Hope also referred to it. Both of those guys lived to be 100, so I thought it to be some fairly sound advice. I decided that two of my favorite things to do in life are drink coffee and talk to people. Not many career options there. I also enjoy hearing people tell their story and helping them to feel good about themselves and help others. Therefore, when we meet here a year from now it is my goal to have either a new radio show, podcast or some other medium that will allow me to share with all of you wonderful stories and life lessons.

Whenever your birthday may be, perhaps use it as a moment of reflection. Feel free to use my birthday for this purpose. Think of all that you have made it through and ponder where you want to go from here. You might even ask yourself what it is that you are really passionate about in life and let that be your guiding force.

As a parting note, some people ask what I would like for my birthday. I am truly content in the physical sense, although a paid trip to Fiji or Bali would be nice, but I do have one gift that I would be honored if you all did for me. I would love for you to help me spread this blog to as many people as possible. Share it on your social media, tell your friends and their friends too. Share it with your dog, cat and goldfish. It would be my honor to share Secret2anamazinglife.com with as many wonderful souls as possible. Thank you all so much in advance.

WHAT IS YOUR ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION?

Who is this charming fellow you may be asking yourself. Although you may easily confuse this as a picture of me when I wake up for work at 4:30 every weekday morning, the black and white nature should tell you that is not so. This fellow is Arthur Schopenhauer. He was a German philosopher in the early 1800’s. In my research and study of self-improvement, I come across many of these fellows. Notice the happy grin on his face? Most western philosophers share his gloomy demeanor. In fact, on doing research on the western philosophy thoughts into happiness, I discovered much of this gloominess also creeped into their thoughts and outlooks on the subject.

Art here did have a depressing but somewhat interesting take on what to do when pursuing happiness in life. His answer, in short, was this – don’t. Not too surprising considering his cheerful disposition. He did, however, have some advice that at first blush seems a little on the negative side but may help us find a new way to look at life and to increase the joy in our lives. His advice can be wrapped up in the following statement. “Don’t seek out happiness, but instead seek to diminish your misery.” Way to go Art! Focus on being ‘less miserable’ than ‘more happy’. I think if you go through life with your most inspiring thought being “How can I make life suck less?” you will end up with a life that leaves you looking like our good friend Arthur here. Not really that good of a look, if you were to ask me.

So I sat down to think about this idea a little more. That is actually me. You can see it is a little less scowl and a little more pensive than our German friend above. Wouldn’t making your life less miserable make it happier? I think it is much like a budget. If you wish to have more money in your life you can approach it in two entirely different ways. You can either focus on saving money and cutting expenses (like focus on reducing your misery) This is a very important aspect and will end up with you having more money in your pocket. If all you do is focus on where can we cut costs, you are not only limiting yourself, but you are also focusing on sacrifice and lack. Just like focusing on making life less miserable. It may be worth noting that when facing trouble, businesses tend to focus mainly on cutting costs and that seldom works long term.

If you want more money in your pocket, there is another thing you can do and that is focus on ways of increasing your income. In terms of happiness, this would be looking for ways to add more joy to your life. When you are looking to increase your income there are two options. You can earn more for what you already do, or you can find additional streams of income. Same with your ‘Happiness Budget’. Just made up that term by the way, kind of like it. You can look to find more joy in what you already do in life and you can also look for additional sources of joy. If you enjoy going for a walk in nature, would listening to some meditative music be helpful? Maybe trying to spot as many animals as you can? Maybe just focus on the sites, sounds and smells more? If you don’t get to walk in nature as much as you like, maybe you could try adding that to your life.

If the budget analogy doesn’t quite work for you, think of a garden. Stress, challenges and things that generally make you unhappy are like weeds in a garden. No matter how great of a gardener you are, there will always be some weeds. If you spend every minute in the garden of life pulling weeds (that is getting life to be less miserable) and not focused on helping your plants grow (like growing your happiness) your garden would be mediocre at best. That is like focusing on reducing misery and leaving the growth of happiness to chance. Sure, life may throw a few things your way every once in a while but your life, much like your garden, will be mediocre.

When it comes to a strategy for happiness I am going to say that the cheery Mr. Schopenhauer’s thoughts are not without merit, but merely one side of the coin. I think we should both look to reduce our misery in life while looking to grow our happiness. Just as in our income example, if we want more money in our pockets we should both look to cut expenses as well as increase our income. While tending your garden of life, certainly address picking the weeds, but also make sure to water your plants. Doing so will allow you the greatest harvest. The same can be said about removing the misery as well as growing the happiness, it will give you the greatest harvest.

ARE YOU AN EGG OR A POTATO?

Life is tough my friends. This week we are going to look at a couple of strategies that may help us to deal with all of the tough times we are facing. There is still a pandemic, there are chaotic situations in many workplaces and a million other daily stresses we face. Even if it appears someone is ‘doing better’ than we are, chances are they just have different life challenges, or are better at hiding what they are going through.

I like to think of this quote when I am facing a challenge. Will I let this control me, or will I control it? You might think “How can I control losing my job?” or for that matter any of the other challenges we face? In my latest book, Living the Dream, I talk about asking yourself the question “How can I use this?” You could also think of this quote, or maybe even have a copy printed out to look at. There are 2 ways that I make use of this quote in stressful times and I would like to quickly share them with you. Feel free to share anything you have come to mind. I am always interested in new perspective.

The first thing that came to mind was that the egg was made stronger by the boiling water and the potato was made weaker. Stress can be like an emotional workout strengthening our resolve and resiliency. It can, however, break us down and leave us drained. Much like if we workout too hard. When stress comes I ask myself that question recommended in the book – “How can I use this?” I know that it can prepare me for a similar experience in the future. I give myself a little pep talk. “I’m not going to let this stress get the best of me. I am going to use it to make me a more bad ass motivator.” Not always those words, but something like that.

The second way I view this quote is that the egg becomes harder. Stress and challenges make some people hard and uncaring. It is really a manifestation of fear. You are afraid to get hurt again, so you become less emotionally available. Much like our egg in the boiling water, you become hard. On the other hand, the potato becomes softer in the boiling water. Usually, it is not a compliment to be called soft. In this case, I think the word soft could be replaced by the word compassion. When you go through a stressful situation, you immediately become more compassionate to those going through something similar. In this case, being soft could be a good thing.

When it comes to stress, which can often feel like you are being put into boiling water, are you an egg or potato? I guess depending on how you view this statement, you could be both. Let challenges be an emotional workout for you making you stronger and better equipped to face things in the future. Be careful, however, not to let it make you emotionally hard and lose your sense of compassion and ability to relate to others.

ONE WORD THAT CAN CHANGE YOUR WORLD

What is the one word that would change our world? It is the kind word that Mr. Rogers mentions in the quote above. Would it be fair to say that our ‘neighborhoods’ in which we spend our time make up our world? We have our ‘work neighborhood’ made up of our coworkers, bosses, customers, clients and whoever else we come in contact with. These folks make up our neighborhood 40 hours or more of our week. We also have what some would consider our ‘actual neighborhood’ be that our block, our city or however we choose to define it. We even have our ‘family neighborhood’ that consists of the people we share our household with.

Imagine to what degree we could increase the quality of these neighborhoods not just for ourselves, but for those we share them with? A simple kind word could change a cold, uninviting neighborhood to one filled with love and acceptance. Do you think that would make a difference? Do you think it would change how productive that neighborhood would be? How about how supportive and encouraging? Do you think people would act different when they feel more loved and accepted? I believe they would. I also believe we have a moral obligation to offer words of kindness in all of our neighborhoods and to make them the best they can be.

Do your part today. Take Mr. Rogers challenge and offer a word of kindness in your neighborhood. Do it in all of your neighborhoods! Offer one kind word a week and you can positively affect your neighborhood a little. Offer one kind word a day and you can have an even greater effect. Offer words of kindness to everyone you meet and you can be a catalyst for change in any neighborhood you find yourself in. I would love to hear how you positively affect your neighborhood.

HOW TO BECOME WEALTHY

I’ve always been a fan of Bob Marley. Well, at least since my friend Kevin introduced me to him many years ago. Although we may differ in our recreational habits, I admire a great deal of his philosophy. Like the quote above. There is one caveat I would add to Mr. Marley’s quote. integrity and positive influence, you couldn’t buy it for all the money in the world. If you do not believe me, try walking into Walmart and asking what aisle integrity is in. I would love to see the look on the face of the employee trying to help you with that one. No, I believe these things are true wealth.

As this week draws to a close, try shifting some of your time spent focused on material gain to increasing your integrity. Not only with others but with yourself. Think of the standards you have. Do you always live up to them? I would say it is difficult to do all of the time and that there is always room for improvement. That is one of the great things about being a human being, there is always room for improvement. Do you always keep your word with others? What else could be included in your definition of integrity?

How about your ability to affect those around you positively? How much do you work on that? Do you just do so in the moment or do you spend some time thinking of it? Do you try to incorporate being a positive influence in every area of your life? That is something I can honestly say I am proud of is that I work very hard to be a positive influence on all of those I come in contact with. Whether that is at the Post Office during my day job, as a writer here on this website or in my books, or even when I am simply ordering a pizza. As mentioned above, there is always room for improvement. I keep trying to find new and better ways to bring joy and positivity to others. Perhaps that is why I order so much pizza, but I digress.

I can honestly say that when I feel I am being my authentic self or a affecting those around me positively, that is when I feel the wealthiest. The better I find myself in these two categories, the wealthier I feel. How do you measure wealth? How do you feel your bank account would add up by Bob Marley’s definition? I would love to hear your answers.

HOW WE SHOULD LIVE AND WORK

When asked how he continued to work well into his 90s, this quote was the answer that George Burns gave. “Fall in love with what you do for a living. I don’t care what it is. It works.” I came across this quote as I was at work, ironically. I began to think how the vast majority of us, 87% according to surveys, dislike what they do for a living. Several years ago I took this test that was supposed to reveal what it is you should do for a living. There were around 300 questions or so that were to reveal the inner you. Results showed that I was supposed to be a woman of the religious order. I double checked and ‘male’ was checked in the gender box. I do not think it is likely I would succeed as a nun. I wondered how the people I work with not only felt about the job they were doing, but what they would do if given the chance. I decided to ask several of my coworkers that very question, “If money were not a factor and you could do any job you wanted, what would it be?” Their answers not only surprised me, they taught me a very important lesson.

The answers were not at all what I expected. Some people stared at me blankly. Others replied with the standard “I don’t know” Those who took the time to really contemplate the question came up with answers I didn’t expect. You might think everyone wanted to be a famous actor or rock star. In this age of celebrity, you might even think people just wanted to be famous. Not the case at all. Some of the answers I heard were chef, sculptor, and even meteorologist. Personally, my dream job would be a talk show host. Two of my favorite things are drinking coffee and talking to people. As you can see not only were the answers varied, but they also were jobs that others might not find enjoyable.

Here is the conclusion that these answers gave me. People really just want to be happy. It isn’t about the fame or fortune for most of us. We all have different reasons, but we all just want to do something that makes us happy. What I thought was really interesting is that everyone wanted to do something different. If we did all do what it is we loved, we would live in a world that was a much better place. Going to work every day doing something you loved would put you in a great emotional place. As these answers showed me, jobs would be filled, just by people who really had a passion for them. I would encourage each of these people to begin to look at how they may be able to do a version of what they like on the side at the very least. Sculpt something at home, read books and study weather or, in my case, I am going to look at starting a podcast, which is kind of the modern version of a talk show. I would love to hear your answer to this question – If money were not a concern and you could do any job you wanted, what would it be?

IT’S SUCH A GOOD FEELING

Recently, I held my book release party for my second book, Living the Dream. It was, by all measures a great success. Not only did I get to share my books with many new readers, but many wonderful friends returned to check out my newest literary offering. Having this happen made me realize several things. It also gave me several great feelings. Thus, I stole the title of this blog from a song in the popular Mr. Rogers children’s television show. I would like to share them with you in this blog here today. You will also have a chance to see many pictures of this fun event.

The first feeling was that of excitement. It may have felt like nervous quite a bit, but I was truly excited to bring this latest book to the world. It was 5 years of writing along with an additional 3 years to get it to market. After waiting a total of 8 years to share all you have learned with the world can feel like an explosion when it finally happens! It is my wish to put this book in the hands, and more to the point, in front of the eyes of everyone who could gain something from reading it. I was excited to see what everyone thought of the contents and excited to hear how it helped them. The initial response was that everyone loved the foreword written by my lovely Margie. As I write this blog the next day, I am still filled with anticipation and excitement to hear what everyone thought of the event and more importantly, what everyone thinks of the book!

Great and supportive friends!

Another great feeling I had was that of friendship. Wait, is friendship a feeling? I say it is. Seeing all of these great people I treasure so dearly show up to support me was overwhelming. I wish I had the time to sit down and thank each and every one of them. Later, as things slowed down, I did have the chance to walk around and thank a great deal of people. I was so grateful for all of the new friends, friends I have not seen in a long while, soul friends, coworkers, and my best friend and love of my life. I enjoyed taking pictures with several people and being able to discuss my first book with them, if they had indeed purchased one.

Most powerful feeling of the night? Grateful! There was so much to be grateful for this evening. Watching some people enjoy a beverage and others dive right into the book. The weather called for severe thunderstorms, it didn’t even rain. I was grateful to have a wonderful venue like Westallion Brewery to hold this event. Not only were people able to purchase one of my books, they were able to enjoy a wonderful beer and each other’s company after. An unexpected surprise was the adorable plant in a smiley face mug given to me by my great friend Shannon. I was grateful for the amazing balloon sculpture created by our friend Bella. So thankful that everyone seemed to have a good time and shared that feeling with each other. Margie gave me a lot to be grateful for as well. She made some delicious cupcakes that had smiles on everyone’s face. She helped me set everything up and take everything down. Not to mention she gave me a great big hug when it was all over. To have all of these wonderful people in my life is a gift that could not be bought for all of the money in the world. That, my friends, makes me a very rich man!

Enjoying such a great evening next to the lady I love, surrounded by great friends was truly Living the Dream. I could not have hoped for a better result. It is my sincerest desire that those who have this book will use it to help turn the lives they have into lives they love even more. I know that I am living the dream and I hope you are too!