Tag: growth

I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW…

Recently, while writing these posts, I noticed that this site had passed a total of 3000 posts. This is post number 3009. That means, if you were to read a post a day, you would have over 8 years worth of reading. The funny thing about this was this milestone was reached while we were busy celebrating a month of gratitude posts. We were so busy creating content that will help us all live an amazing life that we did not even notice we had reached 3000 posts. This brought up a point that I think would be good to revisit.

In our own life we often take time to criticize others. The people who you do not hear doing this are those who are working hard to make the most of their life. Why? Time spent saying something judgmental or critical about someone else is time that could, and should, be used to better your own life. Next time you are tempted to be critical, ask yourself a few very important questions. Is what I am about to say beneficial to me in any way? Would the time I am about use making this statement be better served working on improving my own life? Is my own life perfect? The answers to these questions should be pretty obvious for most of us.

If you want an amazing life, your focus should be solely on your own life. What can you do to become the best version of yourself? Here is a fact that may seem sobering, but can also be liberating. You will never be the best version of yourself. The more we learn and experience in life, the more that we can grow and develop. In the world of self-improvement there is not a finish line. That means there is opportunity to improve every day. When we spend time being critical of others and the life they are living, we are moving further away from becoming the best version of ourselves. We are sacrificing improving our own life to put another life down. It makes no sense and in counter-productive to becoming the best version of ourselves.

THANKFUL FOR CHANGE

There are so many of us that have a negative view of change. “Why can’t the world just stay the same?” they ask. They wish they could go back to a less chaotic time. They look at the past through a sort of rose-colored glasses. Remembering when they could leave their doors unlocked and not worry. Remembering when kids played outside and talked to each other instead of just staring into their phones. They see criminals and social decline everywhere. Being the age I am, I have seen the transition from one of these to the other. I grew up in an era before cell phones and the internet. I would not change that for anything, but it does give me a unique perspective. Change, although it can be scary, it not only constant, it is necessary.

Do you know what else I remember as a child? More graffiti in public restrooms. Less ability to communicate with people halfway across the room. Memories not being captured because someone forgot the camera or they could not see if the picture turned out until the film was developed. I also remember things like cancer and aids being a death sentence. Advances in medicine and technology have saved, or prolonged, many lives that would have been cut short.

Even in more personal examples, change helps us grow and evolve. In my own life I have seen my share of jobs lost, people pass away and health challenges. At the time, I thought “I wish things would not change.” Every time there is a part of me that grows and evolves to rise up and meet that change. Something that would not happen if the change had not occurred.

I understand that change can be scary. It is not always bad, and most often helps our growth more than comfort. Can you think of a change that may have seemed scary or bad at first that you would not undo? One that helped you grow into the person you are today? Change is something that we can…well…change our view of with the addition of gratitude. If you spend a week recording a change a day that you are grateful for, you will realize that if life stayed the same it would not only get boring rather quickly, but ultimately we would not grow or evolve.

WHY YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE

This is one of these messages that can be tough to read and even tougher to experience. Comfort can be a great thing and is the goal of many people. As wonderful as comfort is, it can prevent us from growth and many experiences that will bless our lives and give us the power to help others. Maybe it is the job or relationship that you stay in despite knowing that it is not for you. It isn’t bad, but it is not helping you grow. Your job may be draining your soul, but it is paying your bills. Sometimes the universe knows that you could make a far bigger impact if only you trusted yourself to move on from what is not serving you.

I cannot count the times that this has been true in my own life. Far too often growth only happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing. Growth and increase are often uncomfortable. When we leave certain elements of our past behind to become a better version of ourselves it can be scary, and yes painful. Do you know what is even more painful? Coming to the end of our lives and being filled with the regret of all the growth and change we could have experienced and helped others do the same. We failed to take the actions needed because we would have rather remained comfortable.

I experienced this many times. Starting this blog in 2012. It was uncomfortable to admit how much I did not know about creating on online presence. The following year I became and author by publishing my first book, A Happy Life for Busy People. Writing books can always be a scary and uncomfortable experience. Starting a YouTube channel, a podcast and many of the other things I have done in my life were created by a feeling of being uncomfortable with how my life was. The initial feeling of discomfort was not fun, but it was necessary to facilitate the change needed to improve my life and bring the next iteration of who I was to become.

In your own life do not fear discomfort. Embrace it for the change it may be bringing you. Ask yourself if that discomfort may be pushing you to experience a season of growth and increase that comfort may be preventing you from taking the actions to achieve.

SOMETIMES THE BEST GIFT AND RESOLUTION IS SIMPLY MORE!

I cannot assume you had the chance to read my post on the one Christmas gift I wanted, so allow me to explain the title of this post. No, it is not a recommendation to be extremely materialistic. During Christmas, people asked me what I would like for a gift. Living in a state of gratitude as much as possible, I could not think of anything that would make my life more incredible. I have a gorgeous woman who loves me (see photo above), amazing friends that add greatly to my life, and experiences that bless me in ways I cannot often imagine. Walks in nature and coffee with my mother and friend Nick, fun and laughter with friends, and of course all of the amazing loving moments with my lady.

When thinking about all of the blessings I have, the only thing I could think that I would want, was more of the same. When pondering resolutions for the new year, the same thought came into mind. That thought was simply more. I enjoy making my lady feel special and loved, because she is both. In the coming year I will do that more. My passion is helping people see the greatness inside them and the world around them. This year I am going to work on doing that more. Sharing special moments of love and laughter with family and friends will be done more often.

How can I manage to do more of all these things? It will definitely take more energy. It will take more knowledge as well. How can I gain more energy and more knowledge? By working on becoming a better version of myself. Eating better, working out more consistently and listening and learning more. There is so much material at our fingertips, we can often overlook some of the easiest ways to improve. Eduardo, one of our self-improvement family from Italy recommended a great book on how to improve communication in a relationship. Not only were there great tools and strategies in this book, but it reminded me that there is always so much to learn. Pick any subject and spend an afternoon on Google and YouTube exploring that topic. You will be amazed at what you will learn. Do that for a week and you will walk away an entirely different person.

It is exciting that you can Google, “How can I be a better author?” for example. There will be many ideas for you to explore. Type the same question into YouTube and there will be videos addressing the same subject. Think of the possibilities! You can do this with how to be a better husband/wife, how to be more romantic, how to be a better listener, how to be a better friend and a million other questions. For once, we could use technology in a constructive manner to serve us instead of the other way around. Some of the information we will discover may not be a fit for us, but if you were to spend an hour, five days a week invested in learning on these or any other subject, think of how much further along you would be! That would be over 6 working weeks of time spent on self-improvement! You would only need to do it an hour a day and you could even take weekends off! Do you see how easy it could be to get ahead?

The best way to add ‘more’ to every area of your life and to make each area better is to work on the common denominator in all of those situations. That common denominator is YOU! By becoming the best version of yourself, you positively affect every area of your life. It is as easy as consuming content that is already out there. It does not cost you anything but a small fraction of your time. This should excite all of us in the year to come! I look forward to bringing you more, and better, content in the year to come as I work on improving myself. What areas of your life are you looking forward to learning more about?

WHY “YOU’VE CHANGED” CAN BE A GREAT THING TO HEAR

Has anyone ever told you, “You have changed.” Usually, it is not a good thing. They are attempting to bring to our attention that a behavior or attitude that we used to have is changed. That makes most people uncomfortable. This holds true if our new behavior or mindset is contrary to the one they knew us to have. Perhaps you used to be the life of the party. You could drink a few beers, slam a few shots and would just take the next day off of work. Now, you drink water, are focused on your fitness and show up to work on time. If the person hung around with you before, it might make them uncomfortable to deal with the change. This is even more true if they have stayed the same.

Many people fear being left behind by friends who evolve. In some cases this fear is legitimate. If you are looking to change a behavior, it is quite helpful to no longer associate with individuals who engage in that behavior you are looking to leave behind. If you were formally close to that individual, it can be a little painful for that to happen. If you are the person worrying about being left behind, it can not only be painful, but scary as well. That is why they will tell you that you have changed with an attitude of making you feel as though you are not being authentic to yourself. Part of this is them transferring their fear and disappointment in their own progress on you.

A greater reason for people using the phrase, “You’ve changed.” is our inability to communicate our feelings. There really should be a class taught to us when we are young on how to properly say the often difficult things that we feel. Just yesterday I heard it said that “They tell you that you have changed because they do not know how to say you have grown.” That is something we must understand, growth takes change. If we stay the same we can stay stagnate. The picture above captures it beautifully. To become a butterfly, we cannot remain a caterpillar. Growth can be painful and many may accuse us of changing who we are, but just remember that is because they do not know how to tell us that we have grown.

THE PAIN CAN BE A BLESSING

The last couple of posts we have been discussing being the light in the darkness and appreciating the present with love and gratitude. One of the challenges of this is when we are focused on our own self-improvement, it can come with a lot of growing pains. What we must do is realize that these growing pains are a blessing. Remember we cannot have growing pains without…well…growth!

Think of when you are working your hardest to overcome a negative habit. It can be so deflating at times. You promise yourself, and maybe even those closest to you, that you are going to the gym regularly. Before you know it, a week has passed and you find yourself “too busy” to focus on your health. Maybe it is your diet that you are working on fixing. As you are enjoying your second free doughnut in the breakroom, you are so upset with yourself. You could even mutter, “It is no use. I will never be able to beat these cravings.”

What many of us fail to realize is that these moments of disappointment in ourselves are signs that we are getting better. The fact that our perceived ‘failures’ are making us doubt ourselves, are signs that our goal has become more important to us. Celebrate the fact that you are feeling more pain at straying from your goal. Then, go on to use that disappointment in yourself as fuel to better your life. Next time you say no to the doughnuts in the breakroom, or go to the gym when you say you are going to, celebrate yourself. acknowledge that you have taken a step towards becoming a better you. Next time you drop the ball and disappoint yourself, remember the fact that you are experiencing growing pains is a blessing. You are growing and it is not always easy, but you are taking a step in the right direction.

KEEP WATERING YOURSELF 💧

How many of these amazing things do you make it a point to put into your life? The more of them we add, it is like watering a plant. The more we are likely to grow! In each of these items, there are also many options. Take ‘kind words’ for example. You could write affirmations for yourself. You could listen to an encouraging meditation or you could read secret2anamazinglife.com!

Out of these ways to water yourself, which is your favorite? Use as many as you can. The more you use, the more you will grow. You deserve it and you are worth it!

PLANTED 🥦 OR BURIED ⚰️?

Here are some acorns. These things are everywhere right now. My mom and I went for a 3 mile hike the other day and almost the whole trail was covered in them. They are fun and add a little extra natural beauty, but you can easily twist an ankle if you are not careful stepping on one. A thought occurred to me as we were walking along the trail. The little acorns we were stepping on, came from the mighty oak trees that we were walking under. Inside everyone one of these little acorns, was a large oak tree that could grow to drop hundreds of more acorns of its own.

I thought about the fact that each one of those acorns could grow into a tree, and there were thousands on the ground. I began to think of what has to occur to turn the acorn into the oak. What came to me was far more than a nature lesson, so please stick with me. In order for the acorn to sprout, or for any seed to do so, it has to be buried in the ground. It must be covered with dirt and water, often for months. If that acorn is never buried, it will never grow into the oak.

This reminded me so much of us as people. Inside every one of us is something waiting to sprout and grow. It may not be as big of a transformation as the acorn to the oak. Then again, it may be even bigger. When life throws a little dirt on us, we have to make a decision. Are we being buried or are we being planted? What is the difference? When you are planted, you are using that dirt as fertilizer. You are stealing the nutrients to help you grow and develop. When you are buried, you are just laying there decaying. Becoming part of the soil, if you want to stick with this analogy. What makes the difference? Our decision. Which one we will decide it will be.

The same holds true with us. When life throws a little dirt on us, we lose a job or a relationship. Maybe the loan we were counting on getting doesn’t come through. Whatever the challenge is, life is throwing a little dirt on us. We could lay there and stay buried, or we could use that dirt. Maybe develop our skills so we can get a better job, or one in our chosen field. We can work on improving our relationship skills so that we will be a better spouse. Perhaps we will be more selective and find someone better aligned with our values? When life throws some dirt on us, we should ask ourselves, am I going to be buried or am I going to be planted?

What if it seems that life has been throwing dirt on us for years and we are not growing one bit? What if we have spent years toiling away, seemingly underground, for little or no result? For that, I will leave you with this little info about the growth cycle of bamboo. Just something to ponder. Don’t give up. Never give up!

EVOLVE ANYWAY 🧬

This is a big one! There are countless people who stifle themselves because of the opinions and actions of others. I have seen and heard it many times. I am sure you have too. “I would write this book, but my husband told me it is a waste of time.” Between being a bartender and a DJ, I have seen many people decide to quit drinking and going to bars because it does not serve them, or their live in a positive way. When others see this, they see things such as, “They are not fun anymore.” or “Remember when you used to hang out?” Plus, my favorite, “How come you do not have fun anymore?” This somehow translates drinking alcohol and being in a tavern as the only source of fun.

Whenever you are trying to make a positive change in your life, you will make some people uncomfortable. This could be for a variety of reasons. Two of the most prevalent are as follows. First, they often feel bad about their own condition. In our case of the person who leaves alcohol behind, their friends may, consciously or subconsciously, realize that they too would be better off with less imbibing. They realize their friend is making a decision that will improve not only their health, but their life as well. This may make them feel bad about the life decisions they are making. Instead of doing something to better themselves, they take the easier bath of lashing out and putting down their friend.

The second reason, which is even more common, is that people fear being left behind. Our example about the wife wanting to write a book and the husband not supporting her is such an example. Obviously, the husband should love and support his wife in something that she is really passionate about. In this case, he may fear that if his wife becomes a best-selling author, she will leave him behind. These sorts of reactions have more to do with the self-confidence of the other party than with your evolving. People fear if that are unable to evolve to the level their partner, spouse or friend does that they will be left behind. This should be source of motivation to better themselves or at least to share these feelings with the other party.

In your life, do not allow others to make you feel uncomfortable for wanting to evolve and better yourself. Go forth with the knowledge that by doing so you will make others uncomfortable. Do it anyway. If you notice this happening, you may want to reassure them, or invite them to evolve with you, but whatever you do, please do not let it stop your growth.

ARE YOU SORRY, OR ARE YOU SORRY YOU GOT CAUGHT?

Here is a situation that many of us find ourselves in. Someone does wrong by us. They then say they are sorry. Whether that was saying something hurtful, not fulfilling a promise to us that they had or a host of other things. We have also been the one apologizing. Here is a good question to ask, “Are you sorry, or are you sorry you got caught?” What do I mean be this? Let us take a look.

Apologizing is a necessary and important first step. It is not an entire step. Let us take a really simple analogy. If I were to kick you in the shin because I am mad at you, that would be a very bad thing. I apologize, as I should. Does your leg feel any better at this point? Probably not. If I were truly sorry for your actions, I would want to do something to help. Maybe I would get you some ice to put on your leg, or some pain pills? I could help you lay down and put your leg up to rest. I would also have to develop a plan as to what to do in the future with my anger, so we do not find ourselves in the same situation. This is good conflict resolution. Apologize for the wrong. Take what immediate action you can to help repair and correct the wrong. Finally, develop a plan so that in the future you will not have the same situation come up.

We all know some people who seem to be forever apologizing. What is worse, they seem to be doing so for the same reasons. If you apologize for something, and then continue to do that very thing, are you really sorry? You might be, just not for why you think you are. You are not sorry for the thing you did, you are sorry you got caught. If you were truly sorry for your actions, you would do your best to correct them and improve them. That is not to say you would not make another mistake, just not the same mistake. Growing and evolving includes making new mistakes. We are human after all. If, however, you are continuing to make the same mistakes, you are not growing and evolving.

Pay attention not only to the people in your life, but to yourself as well. Are you following the formula for conflict resolution, or are you just saying you are sorry and hoping that fixes everything? A good rule to follow is to not just say you are sorry, but to show that you are sorry. We do so but taking actions to correct the wrong we have done and to put in place plans that will stop us from doing that same wrong in the future. That is how we grow and evolve.