Tag: Grief Loss and Bereavement

TAKE THEM WITH YOU

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This is my current work situation. I find myself at one of my favorite coffee shops ready to share with all of you tips that I have learned to make life a more fun, passionate and successful adventure. If you were to be watching me while waiting in line I would appear to be a man typing on his computer by himself. This, in some versions of reality, is exactly what happens. If you were to crawl inside my head, which I warn you is a scary place to be, you would see the situation much different.

Ok, look at the picture above. You see the card sitting on my computer? It is from my lovely lady. When I write outside of the house I miss her and her adorable face quite a bit. This card she gave me was for one of the sweetest reasons too. So, every time I open my computer to write, there she is. Reminding me I have a sweet loving woman to come home to and that I am working for.

What does all this have to do with your life? How can this help us enjoy life more? Well in a multitude of ways. Whenever we do anything in life we are really never alone. At the supermarket trying to figure out the best price? Thank your math teachers and parents who taught you the skills to do so. As I am writing this blog post I am reminded of many people who gave me the language skills and ability to relate to people. My grandfather was a big influence in my life and I learned a great deal from him as well. In fact, lots of things he tried telling me are only now making sense. He continues to teach me long after he passed away.

He is the idea behind this. Think of people in your life and what they bring to the table. Is there a certain person that cheers you up? If they can’t be with you when you are down or facing a sad day take a picture of them with you. Someone who inspired you to always to your best? Take them with you when you are facing a challenge. I have a friend I saw at a charity run a few years back who had his high school gym shirt on. I asked him why he was wearing it and he told me because it reminded him of when he was young and fit. I had to remind him it still fit so he had to be doing pretty good.

These all may sound crazy to you, but symbols really activate emotion and feeling on a level many things can’t. Weather it is having the help of another who can not be physically present or carrying on the memory of a loved one, symbols can be a great link for us. So next time you see me writing away seemingly by myself know there are really a whole group of people sitting with me. That being said, you can still borrow a chair if you need one.

If this post hit home for you please feel free to share it with others so they may be equally inspired.

A FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTION…

This is by far the question I am asked the most often in regards to both this blog and my upcoming book. “How can I remain happy when my loved one passed away/I was diagnosed with a serious illness/I was just fired” you name it. In fact, the day after I started this blog a woman who had all of those and them some asked me that very question. Now, at the time I was a bit overwhelmed by the screaming in her tone to answer. Even though her delivery was debatable, her question is a very valid one. Judging by how many times I am asked that question in one form or another first let me assure you that you are not alone. Everyone in life faces struggles. When it comes to death of a loved one, or serious and terminal illness, often a very serious struggle. So what them Mr. Smiley? What do we do then? In short – you cry. What kind of advice is that coming from a blog like this? An honest one. Let me start by again stating the goal of this blog, and of life in general is not to be happy one hundred percent of the time. Not only is this unrealistic, it also sets us up for feelings of failure. The idea behind self improvements is to make the good parts of life more intense and frequent and the trying times less frequent and less intense.

Look sometimes life gives us a little more than we can handle. Whether it be at work when you feel so overwhelmed being unemployed and homeless seems like a less stressful plan, or something more serious happens to bring us down, you have a right to feel sad. Pain is one of the most powerful tools of change and growth IF it is looked at in just such a light. A perfect example of this was given to me by a friend I know from the bar I work at, Tina. Recently she had a family member pass away. this is never an enjoyable experience for anyone. Listening to Tina’s story about the event I was struck by just what an empowered and inspirational view this woman took. Yes, she cried. When we lose someone we care about it is expected we should feel sad. Yet, she remarked how amazing it was to learn not only about the woman who has passed on, but about the rest of her family as well. She heard exciting stories from the past and learned things about her family she had not known. She told me there was as much celebration of life, if not more, than morning of loss. It gave her pride in not only the way she dealt with her grief, but the way her family did as well. I really got the feeling listening to her that is drew her family closer as well. it also inspired her to take a long hard look at her own spiritual beliefs. Again, sometimes pain is the best catalyst to growth. If given the choice I am sure Tina would have chosen not to go through that event. She understood all to well the realities of life. Sadness and grief should be given their respect and time. They can cause us to look inside, to grow and to reflect. If you have taken the steps to add joy to your life, when darkness does come, you will be better prepared to focus on and find the light at the end.