Tag: Gratitude

PERSPECTIVE

In former posts I have talked about the importance of the way we look at situations. As I have also stated living an amazing life is a lifelong journey and not a goal to be reached. We all have much to learn. I would like to offer an example from my own life. Recently I had been discussing issues that were quite meaningful between another person and myself. It left me feeling rather connected to this person and quite special. Well a few days later this person had told me they had presented those very details we were discussing specifically when I was not there. Suddenly I felt hurt, like maybe the issues were not as much of a connection as I had thought. Have you ever noticed when your feel hurt your mind just seems to take over and make all sorts of connections that may or may not even make sense? Well that is what happened here. I began to wonder if perhaps the connection I thought had developed with this person may not have been as close as I had hoped. Perhaps there was no real connection at all. Even typing that makes it sound crazy. Knowing what I know of this person and the things we have shared in the past this thought should not have even entered my mind. A good fact to note here is when rational thought and emotion run into each other it is like a semi running into a sports car, emotion will always win. I had decided that this person did this so it meant that. Why would I do that? They are always several reasons. Past experiences when others have done the same and I ended up hurt? Misjudging what I know of this person? Living in reaction instead of action? So what to do when you find yourself in this situation. Well nine times out of ten if you are waiting to ask this question until you are in that situation you are probably to late. Again this site is about being proactive. So what actions can we begin to take today to help us should such a situation come up in our future? Here is the bad news, because we all are unique individuals with unique rules and experiences somebody in your future will hurt or disappoint you. Not even because they are trying to, but because they look at life different from you do. So knowing that how can we minimize the chances of being stuck in a train of thought like I was yesterday? Begin to develop a positive perspective. When something happens that you feel another person has let you down try to come up with as many positive explanations as you can. It may be hard at first, especially if you have been hurt in the past. When you ask why this person did this answers may begin to fill your head like “because they’re a jerk” “because they don’t care” pull the brake. Begin by trying to get at least one positive option. Maybe they simply did not understand what their actions would have meant to you? Maybe some even occurred in their life that caused them to have to make a change without being able to tell you. Maybe their actions mean something entirely different to them? Keep practice doing this. Why? I will give you two great reasons. One, you will feel hurt a lot less or at less not feel hurt as often. Two, you will find a lot less conflict with those you really care about. Let’s face it the more you care about someone the more they can make you feel amazing, but the more they can hurt you.

So how did my situation end up? Luckily this person has an amazing grasp on personal relations and a large dose of patience with me. They could tell that I was feeling upset and asked what they may have done. After some expert cajoling I explained that the ideas they expressed I felt were special between us and I was a bit(which at this point was an understatement)hurt that they chose to present them when I wasn’t even around. To my surprised they agreed that indeed they felt they were as special, if not more, than I did. They also went on to explain the reason they chose to express them for the first time when I wasn’t around was because they wanted to be able to do so flawlessly by the time we were together. So initially I just felt like a total jerk for even being upset. Still being one for learning from my mistakes I tried to see what I could selvage out of this experience. Here is what I learned. I have a lot to learn. One I learned I have one amazing person in my life who really does care more than I realized. I also learned that I still let my past affect me and the relationships I have in the present. Which is not only terribly unfair to that person, but also to yourself. I also learned I could probably learn to express how things make me feel in the future. Most importantly I learned that I really need to work on developing a more positive perspective on people and why they do the things they do. So I will be following the very steps I gave you earlier. As well as being grateful for the amazing people I have in my life. Tomorrow we will look at how we can productively expressing what we like and how to actually make people want to do those very things.

GIVE IT UP!!

Why on earth in a blog about living a more rewarding life and persevering would you find a title like this? Yesterday we discussed Fat Tuesday and self-indulgence. Today we are going to look at Ash Wednesday. This is a Christian holiday that represents the start of lent. A period of fasting leading up to Easter. Whether or not you are Christian stay with me here. In a nutshell Ash Wednesday people give up something as a sign of sacrifice for their beliefs. Whether your beliefs are Christian, Buddhist, Muslim or you just believe in trying to create a better you and a better world, we can all be a part of this holiday. Now I have heard a large range of things people give up for lent. Sugary foods, coffee, alcohol, or even just the traditional meat on Fridays. I suggest we can take this a step further. Let us find something that pushes us to improve not just sacrifice. Try giving up listening to that negative voice in the back of your head. Give up junk food? How about giving up bad eating and try to take better care of the bodies we have been blessed with. How about trying to stay away from gossip? Try giving up saying anything negative about anyone including yourself? Traditionally lent last 40 days. Scientists say it takes anywhere from 21-30 days to create a new habit. So you will be well on your way even if you mess up once or twice. Perhaps we could spend today thinking of what we could ‘give up’ from our lives that would end up serving us and making our world a little better in the process. Whatever idea you come up with I suggest writing it down and taping it to your computer screen at work or your bathroom mirror. Somewhere you will receive a subtle reminder of what you are giving up from your life. If you mess up, just dust yourself off and get back on track. Then we can all celebrate together on Easter whether we are Christian or not. We will all have improved and rid our lives of something we are better off without.

WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE?

So what is the meaning of life? Today we are going to investigate and answer that very question. You mean you will not have to climb to the top of some very tall mountain and ask a very old man with a long beard? No actually all you have to do is log on, click on this blog and read the writings of a man who feels old and only has a goatee. OK, I don’t know many of you. Some of you I only know fairly well. Even the ones I know very well how can I begin to tell you the meaning of your life? How if we have never met can I begin to tell you what the purpose of you being here is? Well let me begin by paraphrasing another man with a great name, Neal Donald Walsh, even though he may have his spelling all wrong I believe his thinking is all right. He said in the famous movie The Secret and again I’m doing this from my memory which can be suspect at times. He said there is no blackboard in the sky where God writes “Your purpose in life is ____” A lot of us would like to believe we are all preordained with some divine purpose and as soon as it is revealed our life will be easy and our path will be laid out before us. Sad thing is some people spend their entire lives looking for this writing in the sky. I’m here to tell you something very important – your mission in life is what you choose to make it – True you may have some divine inspiration along the way. We are all given some talents with which to work and things we excel at. We are all driven by different motivations. Martin Luther King jr. was angered by the injustice he saw to a point he decided his life mission was to strive for equality. Mother Theresa was saddened by all the people she saw who needed help that were being left behind so she dedicated her life to helping the poor and forgotten. Musicians see how their music can touch people so they try to spread that feeling to as many people as possible. I was disgusted by how much negativity is in the world so I decided to make my life’s mission to bring more positivity to the world. I am still trying to work out what Paris Hilton’s mission is, perhaps she is still searching. The point here is that your mission, your meaning of life is whatever you decide it is. What are you passionate about? If you noticed in the examples above the passion does not necessarily have to be a positive one to make for a great life mission. So if you find yourself feeling lost, wondering why you are here. My suggestion? Decide why you are here. Spend the weekend examining things you have a great deal of feeling for. Then decide what life means to you. Who knows your life’s mission may change several times in your life as you learn and grow. The main thing here is to understand you are the one who decides what life means to you. So ask yourself this weekend “what is the meaning of life” you can even try climbing the highest hill you can find to think about it. If you grow a beard while thinking you may have spent too much time on the question.

GIVE THE PERFECT GIFT

I originally started this site because I wanted to create more joy in my own life, and wanted to share the tips I discovered in my journey with anyone else who may be on the same path. One of the greatest gifts this website has given back to me is the continuing discovery of new and exciting ways to improve the quality of my life. I am constantly looking to strengthen anything I think needs work on me. Luckily I have no shortage of flaws to work on. We all do. They may all be different, but they are all a blessing in disguise. Challenges and imperfections give us a chance to learn and to grow. Plus, the pressure on somebody who is perfect would be more than I could bear. One of the interesting things about me is that on occasion I stress over gift giving. I always want to give the perfect gift. Of course I would recommend my book  A Happy Life for Busy People which captures the very best of this blog. That may be just a shameless self-promotion. Actually my wonderful friend Cheryl gave me the best gift idea ever. If somebody asked you what gift you would want if you could have anything, what would it be? Chances are the answers here will be varied. Diamonds? A new sports car? A promotion at your job? Roses from an admirer? Why do we want any of these things? Diamonds could make us feel extremely valuable. A new sports car? Well that could certainly makes us feel powerful or really cool. Promotion at work could give us a sense of importance. Roses from an admirer would most certainly make us feel loved. I know what you are thinking, “Neil these are not one gift, they are many gifts. On top of that, all of these gifts are different” Very true indeed. What if I were to tell you there was a gift that could make you feel all of these things? It would make you feel more valued than a diamond, more cool than a sports car, more important than a promotion and more loved than several dozen roses! Would you not want to go out and buy that gift for the most important person on your gift giving list? Would you not want to give this gift for the most important of all occasions? Well I have good news and bad news for you. First the bad news, you cannot buy this gift. It is not available for any dollar amount and cannot be created by anyone other than you. No, in fact this gifts only price is a few moments of your time, some honest reflection and a pen and paper. That is the good news, this powerful priceless gift is available to anyone! Ok, so you have read this far and stuck with me, what is this gift already? Well, here it is. An honest and heartfelt letter of appreciation and gratitude. You may be tempted to dismiss this as trivial…don’t! Think of how you would feel receiving a letter from someone in your life not only expressing their appreciation for you, but going in-depth as to why they appreciate you and all the things you have done for them. How easy to you think it would be to write and give one of those letters to someone? Here is a little secret for all of my shy friends. The letter still works (although not nearly as well) even if you do not give it to them. Sitting down and writing out all the ways you appreciate someone and all they have done for you will change the way you view and thus treat that person. I also imagine that the energy will be picked up in some subtle way by that person. Of course the feelings would be far more intense and have a far greater effect if they could actually read the letter. Give it a try. Write one, maybe even hang on to it a while. Just see how life changes. Maybe shoot for writing one a week. Pick a different person each week. Tomorrow we will discuss another once a week action you can employ that will have a great effect on your life this coming year…

WE INTERRUPT THIS BLOG FOR A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE…

In place of the usually bits of wisdom and inspiration we have a special announcement. Today marks the one year anniversary of the very first post on this blog. Today I am feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude to quite a few people. Ironically the first post I ever created was entitled ‘gratitude’ If you haven’t read it before I encourage you to scroll back and check it out. Several reasons this is good. One, is to see how much better this blog has gotten. Two, to see how full circle we have come and three because out of all the traits you can develop to turn your life around gratitude would probably be the biggest. it is impossible to feel fearful while feeling grateful. It is impossible to feel sad while feeling completely grateful. I just want to take a second and throw a few names out there that make this all possible. I want to thank Aileen who in her own unique way helped me discover my true purpose in life and get this thing all turned around. I wish to thank Kristina who not only continues to encourage me, but gave me great information and motivation to do both this blog and my upcoming book. Never would I thought we would have become such good friends, but I am glad we did. Alysa and Carmen, I know I have mentioned you a million times, but truly you have no idea how much your words that one fateful evening pushed me forward. To Kim who daily gives me so much feedback and insight which helps make everything I do that much better. you are amazing and honestly I’m not sure I would’ve kept this up without you. Kierston, thank you for reminding me of what is possible when we follow our dreams! Margie, thank you for being a recent blessing to my life. Your creative influence will only continue to be a greater blessing. Janell, thank you for all the well wishes. May your journey find it’s joy. Michelle, my amazing sister, not only do you give me great constructive criticism, but you are a better promoter than I will ever be. Love you to pieces. To my publisher Brooke, you must have the patient of a saint. I thank you for all your understanding! All the people who read this blog, take time to comment or share this site, or now our Facebook page with those you love and care about or just people you know are looking to improve your life, I thank you for coming with me on this amazing journey! I promise tomorrow we will return to the inspiration. As we look forward to all that we are going to become and accomplish let us have a moment to pause and be grateful for all we have learned and become wiser, healthier and more enlightened this past year!

A WHOLE MONTH OF IT!

We find ourselves in the month of November. Here is the USA we celebrate the holiday of Thanksgiving. Although I am no fan of cold weather I am a big fan of a holiday dedicated to reflecting on all we have to be grateful for. I have seen something happening on facebook that I would love to encourage all of us to do. A few of my friends have decided to post one thing a day that they are grateful for. If you have followed this blog for any length of time you know I am a big fan of creating lists. Lists of things that make us happy, lists of our favorite people, or a list of things to be grateful for. The problem with lists if twofold. First, it seems like a project to some people. Sitting down and having to come up with ten or twenty things can seem so daunting that many just skip it all together. Second, once the list is complete the process is over. Unless you look at the list every day it may escape your thoughts all together. By just picking one thing a day for a month not only is it not so overwhelming, but daily you are focused on maintaining an attitude of gratitude. Now I realize we are already at the fourth of the month, but that should not matter. We can go for 26 days or until the fourth of December. Just try this simple thing for 30 days. Whether you share it on Facebook, or simply write it down in a notebook be sure to follow your thought with a concrete action. Maybe a special section in your journal. After 30 days it will be exciting to notice the change in your life. Not only that, but you will now have created that list of thirty things you have to be grateful for. Gratitude is a powerful emotion. It displaces fear. You cannot be fearful while you are feeling grateful. It replaces sadness. You cannot feel sad while you are feeling grateful. So keep your list handy for a day when the blues come a calling. Second you will find yourself searching your life for things to be grateful for that you can pick as your daily item. By doing this you will have trained your brain to develop a grateful attitude. So why not try it. It takes all of 60 seconds a day of thinking and writing and can change your life for the better. How much easier and more powerful can we make it?

GRATITUDE IN YOUR WALLET

Every so often an idea comes across me that has me super excited.  This happens to be one of those ideas.  A friend of mine who follows this blog shared with me a trick he uses to bring about feelings of gratitude for his financial situation.  He also gave me permission to share it here with you and in my upcoming book.  Money, let’s face it that has to be one of the most stressful issues for a lot of us.  Especially if you end up with too much month at the end of the money as I so often do.  This young man was in the same kind of situation and it got so bad every time he went into his wallet to pay for something he got a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.  He didn’t even feel like eating.  Which, he noted helped him spend a little less, but not the way he really wanted to.  He decided he had enough of feeling that way and developed a process that I felt was ingenious and can’t wait to try.  On a business size card of paper he wrote the word ‘GRATITUDE’ in very colorful letters. He had it laminated at a local office supply store.  Then he placed it in his wallet.  Simple enough right?  Well every time he opened his wallet now he saw the gratitude card which he had placed up front.  He then paused, and felt grateful he was able to make the purchase.  “It was hard at first” he told me. Even though he tried to be grateful for the moments purchase his mind kept reminding him of all the other purchases he needed to make that he couldn’t.  This happens because our brains have operated in the same manner for years.  After a while, this man was able to focus on only the present situation and his ability to be thankful for what he was paying for.  With a little tweaking I believe I have come up with a way to take this young man’s amazing idea and make it quicker, easier and more powerful.  In addition to the word gratitude on the card I suggest adding a special thought/prayer/mantra that evokes feelings of gratitude for you.  It could be a bible verse about being thankful, a quote from a famous person or just some words you have come up with on your own.  An example would be “I am so grateful for the abundance flowing through me now that allows me to make this purchase as well as the abundance flowing to me in the future so I can make more purchases”

This helps in two ways. One, it takes the thinking out of the process so you do not have to worry about coming up with just the right words and can just focus on being grateful.  Two, the words already assist you in feeling grateful and can help eliminate the struggles our friend had early on.  If you noticed I also added a line about being grateful for future abundance.  This helps by focusing your subconscious mind on opportunities for future abundance that it knows must come. In the worst case this idea will leave you with a better feeling about your financial situation.  In the case of our friend he now has a better control over his financial situation and even has started a savings account, which yes, he also feels grateful when he deposits into it.  So who knows, it may even help you turn your financial situation around.  Either way, I am printing out my card today!

A SIMPLE THANK YOU…

In my quest to find amazing inspiring books to read I came across a real gem in the bargain section of the local book store just the other day.  “A Simple Act of Gratitude” by John Kralik.  This book is the story of a lawyer who finds himself in the worst stages of his life.  Facing huge debt, a divorce and actually in the beginning of the book being lost.  While searching for his way home from the trails of the Hollywood hills he is inspired to write a thank you note.  Not to anyone specific, but he decides to write one thank you note a day for an entire year.  Without ruining the book for you, he doesn’t quite make it, but what he learns about himself and others is truly amazing.  Not to mention the effect is has on his life.  Ask yourself, when was the last time you sent a thank you card?  Even just a little note to show appreciation to someone who might have made your day?  It may seem awkward at first, but trust me when I tell you it becomes rather fun once you get started.  Just like the compliment post from a few days back, soon you will just find yourself in the habit of looking for something to be grateful for and someone to thank.  When you are focused on being grateful for all you have it only brings more great things to you.  Still not sold on the idea? I encourage you to take a look at this book.  It may not only change your mind, but change your life.

GRATITUDE

Gratitude, a simple word, yet few of us realize how powerful it can be. It should be fairly obvious that expressing gratitude t0 others can certainly make them feel appreciated. What many of us may not think of is what having a grateful state of mind can do for ourselves. Someone once said it is impossible to be fearful and be grateful at the same time. I would like to add ‘upset’, ‘angry’, ‘depressed’ and a host of other undesirable emotions to that list. I encourage you to challenge that theory. Compose a list of things you are truly grateful for. Make this a list of heartfelt items. Keep this list with you in a pocket or a purse for about a week. Read it upon waking, right before retiring and one other time during the day. As you read your list do your best to feel the gratitude as well as read the list. All three times should take around 5 minutes of your day. Try this for one week and let me know the positive changes you notice. Today is thanksgiving, a good day to start compiling your list. After a week you may wish to make every day thanksgiving. Live with Love my friends!