Tag: grateful

LIFE IS GOOD WHEN YOU ONLY WANT THIS FOR CHRISTMAS ðŸŽ„

Here is hoping your Holiday season is coming along quite well. One question that is always difficult for me to answer is, “What would you like for Christmas?” The same is true for my birthday and any other celebration. I may have finally come up with the perfect gift. Looking at my life, I certainly have enough ‘stuff’. Probably more stuff than I need. My relationship is amazing and with the most beautiful lady. Time spent with family and friends are always so rewarding. My job pays me fairly well. What possibly could be something I am missing?

The gift I am speaking of is continuation. How many people ask for that under the tree? When you have a life like mine, there is so much to be grateful for, why would you need anything on top of that? All I would like is more of the same. Waking up next to the woman I love. Having a job to go to. Being able to work out and continue my journey to good physical fitness. Coming home to that same beautiful and wonderful woman. Going for walks and out to coffee with my mom. Trips to the zoo and museum on occasion. Great conversations with friends. Having the privilege of sharing my thoughts and the tools and strategies with wonderful souls around the country and around the world! These are all gifts I would just like to continue in the coming year.

Are there challenges in my life? Sure. My job is not the most inspiring and does not make the best use of my talents. The weather where I live is far too cold for my liking. There are miscommunications with those we care about. There are many different challenges. Do I wish for those to continue? Yes, actually I do. It is those that allow us to grow and become better versions of ourselves. They are not always fun, but sometimes there are necessary. They also test our commitment and resolve towards becoming that best version of ourselves. Are you living a life that if it were to continue as it is that you would be grateful? If not, what is standing in the way of that and how can you change it? This holiday season, let us collect our blessings and gratitude and understand they are the greatest gifts of all.

THINK ABOUT THIS MONDAY MORNING

Here we are at Monday again! Seems like there is 52 of them a year. So many of us dread Monday. It can be understandable. Back to work, away from the family. You can’t sleep in and spend the day drinking coffee and relaxing with those you love. Unless, of course that is your job. In which case, please let me know where they are hiring. On Monday we have obligations to meet. This time of year we might have some weather to contend with. There are far more challenges than on the weekend.

This quote from the Dalai Lama reminds us that despite our challenges, or often including them, the gift is to be alive. We need to change a little mindset on a Monday. Instead of asking ourselves how we can make it through, I feel we should ask ourselves how we can make sure not to waste it. If we adopt the saying from the Dalai Lama above, we will begin each day with both gratitude for the gift of being alive and an intention to make something out of that gift of life we have been given. This may not always lead to a successful day full of joy and dancing unicorns and rainbows, but the chances sure will improve with intent.

This may seem a bit over-the-top for some of you. It really shouldn’t be. Our lives can be one phone call, one diagnosis away from being flipped upside down. I do not think any of us could argue that. There are people in the hospital wishing and praying for the life we know have. There are people who would have gave anything to make it as long as we have. Their life may have been tragically cut short. Yes, we all have challenges and things we need to overcome. That is part of life and what helps us grow and discover new and wonderful things about ourselves and the world around us.

As for the intent portion of the equation, how much better would our day go if we looked in the mirror and declared that we were going to have a wonderful day no matter what the world threw at us? It is admitting that things may not go according to plan, but we still can maintain control over our emotions. I recall reading Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. In that book he describes his experiences at a Nazi concentration camp and how he managed to maintain control over his emotions. Dare I say, we will not face something so grave, but we will still face our share of challenges. It may seem like wearing rose colored glasses when we claim we can maintain our inner peace and joy despite outside circumstances, but that is not so. We can still admit we would desire things were different than they were, but that there are still many reasons to be grateful the way things are. Even if, as the quote above says, it is the gift of being alive.

THE MAGIC THANKSGIVING FORMULA

These three words, in this order, have become almost cliche. We see them just about everywhere. On signs, dish towels, t-shirts and numerous other locations. What we may fail to realize, is these three words, so often in front of us, are actually a formula for an amazing life. They are steps listing how to live a life of inner peace, abundance and joy. In only three words, we can learn a great way to live! Let us take a little deeper dive.

Today in the United States, we celebrate Thanksgiving. A holiday in which we are supposed to focus on all we have to be thankful for. Sadly, it seems to get lost with all of the excitement of Halloween and Christmas. In this humble holiday is the secret to an amazing life. The word ‘thankful’ is most often associated with feeling and showing appreciation for what is wonderful in our lives. That is the first step in positively transforming our lives. Change your focus from what you lack in your life to everything you have. This simple change will reduce your stress, increase your joy and help you realize how wonderful and abundant you have it. What better day to start than on a holiday that is all about being thankful?

Many people think that ‘thankful’ and ‘grateful’ are the same. They do differ in a very important way. It is this step that will put us on the path to living an amazing life. While ‘thankful’ is feeling appreciation for all the good we have in our life, ‘grateful’ is extending our appreciation for everything and everyone in our life. Even those who at first glance may not seem to be something good. When you are grateful, you appreciate both the valleys as well as the peaks of life. You understand that challenges often provide us just as much, if not more, to appreciate than the easy times. We grow more with challenges. Think of lifting weights. If you only lift easy weights, you will not get any stronger. It is in the heavy, or challenging weights, that we grow our muscles and become stronger. The same is true of our character, our inner peace and every aspect of our life. The challenges offer us a place to grow and strengthen our life. The easy and successful times allow us to celebrate, the challenges to grow. When we learn this, being grateful becomes a way of life. Either we win or we learn.

The last step in our equation is ‘blessed’. This is what happens when we learn to be both ‘thankful’ and ‘grateful’. We begin to notice how everything in life happens for us and not to us. When you learn to put both the accomplishments and challenges of life to work for you, than life is a never-ending fountain of blessings. Yes, even those moments that tear our hearts apart can end up being a blessing. It can teach us more in the pain than we could ever learn any other way. It can often teach us quicker than we care to learn. It can also provide us a credibility and ability to teach others going through similar struggles. We can use our pain and struggle to bless others. That, in itself, is a blessing.

Do you see how a simple formula can provide a dramatic shift in mindset. That, in turn, can give us a monumental shift in the trajectory of our life. It can alleviate a great deal of stress and provide us with a great deal more of hope and joy. Think of this formula as you go about your life. Not just today, but every day. Start by being thankful for all the good you have in your life. Really focus on that. Next, contemplate how you could be grateful for everything in your life. See the benefits even the pain and challenges give you. Before long you will walk around feeling blessed!

THE GIFT YOU MUST GIVE THIS HOLIDAY SEASON

Everyone is concerned about giving gifts others will enjoy. Some even done themselves crazy until they find what they think is the perfect gift. I can be a little guilty of that myself. In my book, Living the Dream, I reveal a secret of how to get inside information to discover that gift.

Today we will look at one gift that is universally appreciated. It does not cost a lot but is also rare and priceless. How can that be? Let us take a look.

The gift we are talking about is gratitude. Not just a simple thank you. Although that can go a long way during the busy holiday season when everyone is stressed. We are talking about genuine, heartfelt gratitude. Taking time to not only voice, but show what you appreciate about someone. That can be in a Christmas card, in person over Thanksgiving dinner or over coffee.

Gratitude is also a gift we should remember to give ourselves this holiday season. Be grateful for all of the people you have the opportunity to brighten their holidays. Feel genuine gratitude for not only the blessings you have, but the troubles you do not. We often spend our time doing the reverse.

Gratitude is the best give we can give this holiday season. It will warm hearts and bring smiles. It will help reduce stress and increase joy. What are you thankful for?

TAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS FROM ORDINARY TO EXTRAORDINARY

Last post we discussed how a mere 6 inches can make a huge difference in the world. If you haven’t had a chance to read it, you might wish to take a peak. The more I thought about it, the more that holds true in relationships as well. I almost titled this post “6 inches makes the difference in relationships” but that certainly could be misinterpreted. Do you best to get that thought out of your mind and let us move on.

Having a successful relationship is not as difficult, or as complicated as many would have you believe. Setting up some great communication and respect is all it really takes. You can have an ordinary successful relationship. My guess is that if you are reading this that would not be enough for you. Someone reading a site called “Secret2anamazinglife” would most likely want an amazing relationship. This is also not as complicated or difficult as you may think. There are a few basic mindset changes to make. By making these mindset changes, you will automatically take actions that will lead to relationships that are deeper, healthier and more productive for both parties.

How do you take your relationships from ordinary to extraordinary? The answer is in the words themselves. How to you change the word ‘ordinary’ to ‘extraordinary’? You simply add a little extra to it. This is exactly how it works in relationships. Perhaps your spouse asks you to stop at the store to pick up an item for them. Why not pick up a little surprise? Do not know what they would like? There is a good place to start, by listening. When they ask you to help them with something, try doing it with a smile and doing a little bit extra.

These may seem like obvious actions to take, but there are more subtle ones as well. As we briefly touched on above, why not practice listening more. This is not listening to respond, but to understand. Listen to learn. Our partners, or any relationship for that matter, will tell us what they like and dislike and what makes them happy and unhappy if only we would listen. Think of all the ability you would have to improve your relationships if you knew the other party’s likes and dislikes? Their favorite movies, books, places to eat, things to do for fun and anything else they would share. This will also make gift giving a lot less stressful for you as well.

Sometimes the extra can be time. Spending that little extra time thinking about the other person. What makes them happy? What can you do to make them happy or to take away some of their stress? One of my favorite things to do is to spend that little extra time thinking about everything you have to be grateful for in regards to this person. Then, you can think about how you would like to express this gratitude. Let me assure you that expressing genuine gratitude for someone and everything they bring to your life is some of the best ‘extra’ you can do. Do not take my word for it. Try it yourself!

Go the little bit extra. Whether that is a little extra silly or creating memories that even get you on the news, put a little extra effort in. That extra will take you from ordinary to extraordinary! On the top of your list should be thinking of what you have to be grateful for and how to express it!

WHAT WRITING AT STARBUCKS TAUGHT ME TODAY

The good-looking and charming gent above is me, while writing these blogs at my favorite Starbucks. While working here I tend to block out what is happening around me. This annoys Margie, but comes in handy when trying to complete a blog or book. The banter of the staff, the sometimes loud music and conversation of other patrons can be hard to block out for some. That is what Margie informed me of as she worked on her school work. For me, I get lost in the writing and look up to find an entirely different staff and group of people sitting around me. This happens more often than I care to admit.

Today was a little different. As I was writing my blogs I was casually observing the conversations being had around me. The staff here does an excellent job of greeting everyone who comes in. Quite often that greeting is followed by an inquiry as to the state of the individual. That could be a simple, “How are you today?” to something a little more in depth. It is nice to see that much engagement. Here is the crazy thing, most of the responses were negative. By most, I mean all of the ones that I heard. If you are keeping score at home, after being greeted by several employees and then asked how their day was going, most of the people had something negative to say. One man complained it was too sunny for him, only to follow up with the line, “At least it isn’t cloudy like it has been.” I thought to myself, “Wait, you are mad that it is sunny, but were not happy it was cloudy?” Between you and me, I do not think that leaves many other options.

In addition to these back and fourth quick engagements, I also caught pieces of conversations between several parties sitting down having coffee together. There were some discussing their disappointment the the state of government affairs. Another involved complaints about how their children were handling their lives. I understand wanting to vent to a friend. It is good for our mental health. Do you know what else is good for our mental health? Some positivity!

While discussing this with my friend Jason, he made what I think was a great analogy. When are we more likely to leave a review, after good service or bad? Here is the crazy thing, how do we feel after writing such a review? Sure, we may feel vindicated in the moment. We also usually relive the moment in our mind as we are typing. This often has us upset all over again. Now ask yourself, how do you feel after relaying good news to a friend? How do you feel after hearing their good news?

To recap, we feel worse when discussing something negative and happy when discussing something positive. In reflection, how much of our conversation falls into either category? I am just as guilty and find this a great opportunity to improve this aspect of my life. Here is my idea and I would love to hear yours. From now on when someone inquires as to my well-being, I am going to do my best to answer with something I am grateful for. This will accomplish two things at once. One, it will reduce my default negative response and two, it will also increase my overall feeling of gratitude.

I am inviting you to do two different things with me. Next time you are out in public, casually observe the tone of the conversations. If you work with the public, notice most people’s response to the question of how are they. Second, think of your own conversations and greetings. Do they involve “Finally being out of work.” or is it “Happy to be above ground!” Will you join me in answering the question, “How are you?” with something you are grateful for? I would love to know what you think about this and how you feel it will affect your life.

HOW TO MULTIPLY RICHES IN YOUR LIFE.

Many of you know how important being grateful is to an amazing life. We will skip the new-age metaphysical aspects of this, although they are important, and stick with practical reasons this is so. When you focus on what you have to be grateful for, you are on the lookout for just that, things to be grateful for. It stands to reason that if you are looking for them, you are more likely to find them. What would happen if you started seeing more things to be grateful for? Your life would feel more amazing. That makes sense, does it not?

Another thing to consider is when you express those feelings of gratitude. When you let the person helping you at the coffee shop know that they are appreciated. How do you think your service will be next time? When you come in they will think to themselves, “There is the person who said they appreciated me.” If you know you are appreciated, how will that make you act? You will probably want to do more for someone who appreciates you than someone who does not. Imagine how this could work with your friends, or even more so with your romantic partner? The more you appreciate them, which will make them feel good, the more they will feel like doing things to be appreciated. This exchange will then give you more to appreciate.

I am hoping you can see how gratitude really can give you more to be grateful for. It is not some strange esoteric principle, but really a matter of exchange that benefits all parties. Considering this, why would you not want to be more grateful and do so more often?

MAKE EVERY MOMENT WORTHWHILE

As I recently turned 50, life can be filled with lots of reflection. This is true no matter what your age, but as the years tick by, we are more likely to reflect on “The good old days.” The crazy part is that we seldom realized they were going to be the ‘good old days’ when we were experiencing them. In that very statement is another secret to an amazing life. While it does us no harm to reflect on good moments we have had, let us realize we are still having good moments now. It is up to us to be present enough to approach them with appreciation and love.

Allow me to share a personal example of this with you. As I write this, I am sitting in a coffee shop. This particular location used to be about a half a mile down the road. It was right next to a hamburger place where you could bring your food and custard over to enjoy with your coffee. It was bigger and had more places to sit. When I reflect upon many of the memories I have had there, including writing a good portion of a few of my books, it makes me long for the ‘good old days’. What seems to fade from memory is many of the troubles of the ‘good old days’. Due to the hamburger place, parking spots were not always available. In the winter, snow took up many of the parking spots as well.

In addition to forgetting things that might not have been that good about the good old days, we should appreciate the things that are good about the present good old days. The staff at this new location are friendly and fabulous for the most part. The new location is close to a different restaurant and also a grocery store and several other shopping locations. This is handy if your fiancée may want to shop as you work on a daily motivational blog…hypothetically. Yes, it is smaller but I guess that makes is a little cozier. Not sure how the snow removal and parking will be this winter, but it could be better.

Life is a lot like this coffee shop. We can focus on what we miss about the past, or we can appreciate and love what we have in the present. Understand that the present will be the ‘good old days’ of the future. What will we reflect on tomorrow that is great today? It is up to us to discover and focus on that today.

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT?

This great stoic quote speaks to a power many of us leave to chance. When was the last time you paid attention to your thoughts? Many people feel their thoughts are something that are thrust upon them. That they come out of nowhere.

Let us take it a step further. When was the last time you decided what you were going to think about? Yes, you really can do this. It can be very beneficial to set aside at the very least, 5 to 10 minutes a day to do some focused thinking. It can be thinking about what you are grateful for. This could change your life faster than you can imagine. It could be thinking about how it will feel when a goal is reached or accomplished.

We think an average of 60,000 thoughts a day. According to research 80% of that is negative. Further research indicates that 95% of our thoughts are repetitive! Think about that. We are thinking 95% of the same things, 80% of which are negative, and wondering why our life is not improving or changing.

By not utilizing focused thinking, I feel we are missing a great opportunity. Setting aside 5 minutes a day, which is less than .5% of your day, can make a huge difference. What if you used those minutes as a chance to practice some positive self-talk? How about picking someone we love and spending 5 minutes thinking about how we can improve our relationship with them? The difference could be life-changing!

Let me know what you will spend your 5 minutes thinking about.

THE SECRET TO BEING HAPPY  ðŸ˜Š

We often make happiness some complex realm that takes years to get to. It is even a multi-billion dollar business. These three simple rules can supply you with more happiness than you can imagine. Can doing three things really bring you happiness? Let us look at them one at a time to find out how we can.

The first one is having zero expectations of others. This can be so helpful in any relationship from business to intimate. Expecting people to have the same standards and beliefs we have is not only foolish and unrealistic, it will lead to conflict and disappointment on our behalf. Everyone has experienced life differently. They have their own unique way of looking at the world. The best we can do is to kindly explain ours, and do the best to understand theirs. When we feel people have let us down, it would serve us a lot more to try to understand why verses condemn them. Communication and conveying standards is essential, but so is compassion and understanding.

The next is taking 100% responsibility for our own lives. Let me tell you how freeing this is. The more we place the blame for our circumstances in life on other people or things, the more we relinquish control of our life to those very people or things. If it is your boss’s fault you are having a bad day, than it is your boss who would have to change that. If the person in the blue car who drove across 2 lanes of traffic to turn in front of you (actually happened to me on the way to write this) made you mad, than they have the power to control your emotions. The more responsible for your life and your emotions you are, the more control of them you have. Would you not want control of your own life? If you need help on this, I would recommend the book, Extreme Ownership, by Jocko Willink.

The last is being grateful. If you have read anything that I have wrote, you know that I cannot encourage people to be grateful enough. Gratitude really does change your life faster than anything else I know. Look at the picture above and the multitude of things in life we have to be grateful for. The list is really never ending. Even when life seems negative, gratitude is the other side of coin. Take the worst situation in life – losing someone you love. When we are sad thinking about the loss, we can help ease our pain a little by feeling grateful for the opportunity to know and love them. Will it erase the pain entirely? Of course not, nothing will. What it will do is give us another perspective. You would not miss someone so much if you did not love them a great deal. Loving someone and being able to share a portion of life with them, no matter how great or small, is something to be grateful for.

Here is a secret. The more you occupy your mind and heart with gratitude, the less you leave room for negative emotions. If you are keeping score at home, that means more positive emotions and less negative emotions. That is a win/win situation and one that will lead to a happier life.

As you can see, happiness really can be had by utilizing these three methods. It will take some time and practice, but it can be done. The more you work on making these three things a part of your life, the more happy it will become.