This weekend, my beautiful lady threw me a birthday party for my 50th birthday. There were plenty of people, lots of great food and sadly a thunderstorm as well. Here is the crazy thing. Everyone was having such a great time the only picture I got was with my friend Jenny as seen above.
It was oddly refreshing that everyone was focused not only on staying dry, but on enjoying the moment. I was so grateful for all of the wonderful memories that were created. It is a day that I will keep in my heart as long as I live. I can’t wait to see what my 100th birthday party will be like. It is my sincere wish all the people who were at this one will be there too.
The amount of gratitude I feel for everyone who braved the storm to show me they care means more than I can convey. The conversations and connections are the greatest gifts! It is my sincere wish you are all so blessed as I was this weekend!
Special thanks to my beautiful lady and her daughter for making it all happen and giving me a day I’ll never forget!
By now everyone should know that I am a big fan of Mr. Rogers. This quote is a great example why. If you were to stop and think about it, the quality of our life is the quality of our relationships. Think of how much your life is turned upside down when there is a level of discord with someone you care about. On the opposite side, when your relationships are going strong, life is all but unstoppable. Think of when you first fall in love. Nothing seems to bother you or is able to bring you down. There is more on how to maintain that feeling in my upcoming book.
This post is about the blessing that Margie and I have about discovering and maintaining some amazing relationships. This post is actually about one of those relationships in particular. During our time as DJs, we meet a wide array of people. Being the setting that takes place in, most of those relationships do not go much beyond that interaction. Lately, there are, as we are fortunate to have, relationships that blossom into more. People that life puts in your path at the right time and for the right reasons. This is about two of those people – Tanya and Montell.
My only recollection of the first time they came to one of our shows was Margie asking them, “Can we keep you?” Not only are they both very talented singers, but we could just tell they were amazing people as well. Little did we know how right you are. Let us start with Tanya, as it is always gentlemanly to let the lady go first. Tanya has a voice that just won’t quit. It is powerful but full of soul and emotion. Everyone gets excited when she walks in because they know that they are in for a great performance. Being a phenomenal singer is one thing, but in my estimation, that is not the best thing about Tanya.
They were kind enough to invite us over to their house to celebrate Labor Day with them last year. Tanya was the perfect hostess. Their family and friends they had over were all so kind and welcoming. One of the things that we enjoy most about Tanya is the way she can share a story. She uses the perfect blend of honesty and emotion. Her sense of humor and laughter is contagious. In a world where people can show you the side of themselves they think you want to see, Tanya is brave enough to show you her true self. That is so refreshing. She also encourages everyone around her. With her talent it could be tempting to look down on those who may struggle to carry a tune in a bucket. Not Tanya. She encourages them, sings with them and makes them feel welcome, like they belong.
Reading the words above, you might find yourself saying, “That Tanya sure sounds like an amazing woman.” You would be right. It might even be intimidating to be with such an amazing lady, if you were not equally as amazing. That leads us to Tanya’s husband, and I am honored to say our friend, Montell. Let us begin by discussing his ability in the vocal arena. Montell can sing just about any genre. Not only can he do it, but he does it extremely well. More than just vocals, he gets everyone involved. If you are not having a good time while he is singing, he will encourage you until you do. Trust me when I tell you with his enthusiasm and energy, it is very difficult to not be in an amazing mood. Much like his wife, people get excited when they see Montell walk in because they know he is going to lift their spirits.
If I had to pick one word to describe Montell, it would be generous. For simple starters, every time I see this young man, he offers me a beer. We happen to drink the same beer. The fact that he remembered that and brings me over one is very kind indeed. That is not the sole reason that I choose that word for this gentleman. I mentioned earlier how they were kind enough to invite Margie and I over. His generosity with sharing his talent when it comes to preparing amazing food still has my mouth watering when I think of it. On the microphone and in the kitchen are not the only two places this man is both talented and generous. Montell is also one of the kindest and most compassionate men that I have met in a very long time. You can see the care he exhibits toward everyone he meets. What’s more, is that when you talk to Montell you can just tell you are really being heard. In a world where everyone is trying to be heard, having someone who can truly listen is a gift beyond words. He is a kind soul, an example of what a good man should be. It would be a crime not to mention he is one of the most fashionable gents I know as well!
Margie and I are so blessed to know this loving and fabulous couple. They are great singers and performers, that is true. What is more important to us is they are also great parents to their children, great lovers to each other, great friends to all they meet, but most importantly, they are great people that the world needs more of. Today also is Montell’s birthday so Margie and I would like to send a special message of good wishes and good health on his special day. I share this story with you to both show you there still are amazing people in the world and to remind you to count your blessings of true friends. It is a gift not everyone experiences. Margie and I certainly count ourselves blessed that we know Tanya and Montell.
One of our greatest powers as human beings is the power to connect with others. There are so many people that come to mind when I say this. My friend Nick and I could talk, with interest, for hours. My friend Curtis, whom I miss since he moved away, always gave me great ideas. Of course my beautiful lady, Margie, fills me with joy as we connect on so many different levels. Each one of these people, along with so many others I could name, bring something unique and special into my life.
If you think about the people you connect with in your life, I am sure each one of them brings something unique and special. Some people spark ideas. Some of them offer encouragement. There are people that challenge you and hold you accountable to your standards. There are those wonderful souls that just fill your heart with joy by being in their presence. Every soul that we interact with is a gift. Even those who may be an arduous task to connect with, give our character strength. They may also help us practice patience and restraint.
Today, let us take a moment to think of all the ways connections benefit us and give thanks for all of the wonderful people that share life with us. In my upcoming fourth book, I have received feedback from many of the friends that I value and look forward to sharing that with you. The connection they share with me has only made my life better. They say when two people connect, a third is born. Meaning a connection, ideas and actions that neither person would come up with on their own. Connections bless our world more than we know. That us take a moment to be grateful for them today.
Although rather morbid sounding, this statement rings true. Compliments are difficult to both give and receive for many adults. We have 6 people to carry us physically in death, why can’t we have 6 people to carry us emotionally and spiritually in life? Can you imagine what that might be like? 6 people checking in on you, 6 people to encourage you on a daily basis.
Maybe this wouldn’t happen from every person on every day. How different would your life be if one of these 6 people popped in to encourage or check on you? If you have 6 of them, that would be roughly one a day. We will give them Sundays off. How much more valued would you feel? Would you have more confidence and a feeling of support when trying new things? What other benefits could this add?
The million dollar question would then be, “Neil, how do I find these 6 people?” Surely you could go up and ask people, “Hey do you want to call and check on or encourage me once a week?”At the risk of sounding a little desperate, it may also leave you wondering how genuine the compliments and concern may be.
So, if you can’t just ask them, what the heck do you do? I have two solutions. The first should be obvious. As the cliche goes, if you can’t find a good friend, be one. By picking a few friends and just checking in on them once a week, eventually chances are they will return the favor. Noticing how good it felt to them, they will want to do the same for someone else.
Secondly, you can get a group of trusted friends together and explain this idea to them. If everyone sends an encouraging word, or makes it a point to check in on each other, the whole group will benefit extraordinarily.
To be honest, in this world of a million ways to communicate, I am rather surprised this is not a thing. We can slip an encouraging word in an email. We can check in with someone on Facebook messenger. We can even send an encouraging or silly picture to a friend via text. Gather your posse and make it a point to carry each other through life emotionally and spiritually before we have to carry each other in death physically.
Growing up, many of us did things we thought were silly just to fit in. We wanted to be part of that certain peer group. Looking back some of these things may seem kind of foolish. One thing that we may have done as well is hide aspects of ourselves we thought people might not like. Perhaps we worried about not seeming ‘cool’ enough. We liked a movie we thought everyone might make fun of us for. Maybe there were even certain friends we didn’t speak to because they didn’t fit that cool group we were looking to be a part of.
I did a lot of stupid things while I was growing up. I think we could all claim that statement to some degree. One thing I was proud of is that I never let anyone decide who I should speak to or be friends with. Even at an early age I realized that all of us have value in different ways. To my everlasting joy this has brought more to my life to most anything else I can think of. The gift of relationships I had formed back then and since have brought me countless blessings.
One thing I did do, and continued to do through adulthood is keep some of who I am to myself. We may worry that revealing too much will leave us vulnerable and open to criticism. It is something I suppose we begin in our teens and carry with through adulthood. We don’t want those at the office thinking we are some kind of weirdo. As we grow older it seems more difficult to make new and deep friendships. I am not 100% certain as to why that might be, I suppose there are several reasons that factor in. So we hide little bits of ourselves in hopes we may not offend too many. We also do want the added drama that comes with showing our true nature. There are times when this is prudent. If you know someone has passionate and opposing views on politics or religion for example, it may be wise to avoid broaching those subjects.
If, however, we really want to develop deep and lasting friendships we should be our complete and full versions of ourselves. As long as we are not hurting others, we should let our light shine as bright as it can. This does two very important things. First, it lets people know who you really are. You may find people who share the same interests that you have you may have considered weird. Like to go ghost hunting? Do you enjoy visiting classic diners? Perhaps you have an interest in bird watching? (these are all true of me btw) The more you put this information out there, the more people will know and you will find yourself crossing paths with those who have similar interests. Even friends who might not share your exact interests, may have a different friend who does and introduce you. Attending events that center around these interests can introduce you to a whole new group of friends. This is something that seems to be difficult as we grow older. Will there be a few who still may give you a hard time or even belittle you for your interests? I am not going to lie, the answer is ‘yes’. There are simply those who haven’t grown up yet. It could be that they are doing so because they are afraid of revealing who they truly are. It could also be that they are just jerks when it comes to that. Which is information that is good to know as well.
The second, and perhaps more powerful thing that being your authentic self does is provide freedom. It can give those around you the freedom and courage to be their authentic self. Margie does this for me to this day. I can still be slightly guarded, and with her free spirit and silly humor can give me the courage to open up a little more.
What I think living life as the truest version of yourself does the best is give you personal freedom. It allows you to live life with a passion and inner joy that those who hide who they are will never fully experience. It also helps you grow and blossom to become even more of what you were born to be. If there is one thing this world needs it is people living the life they love.
In a personal example, I used to keep my self-improvement studies and interests to myself. I figured “who would be interested in this anyway?” I thought it may be to ‘new age’ for some people. I was right, but to a much smaller degree than I anticipated. This is true for almost any interest. What was interesting was that I began to include a circle of new and wonderful people from around the world who share this passion. I have been able to offer them some insight and they have done the same for me! The more of myself I let show, the more free I feel and the deeper the sense of inner peace I experience.
It takes bravery and courage to show the world who you are. The payoff is a group of friends that you can truly connect with and who when they like you, will be liking the complete and true version of who you are. It also helps you bring the most to the world in the time you are here. What is the most beautiful thing is that is provides a sense of inner peace and freedom knowing you can be loved for who you truly are. Be yourself my friends! There is no greater gift you could give yourself or the world.
Wealth can be defined many ways. One that I really think matters is relationships. Let us face it, if you have all of the money and possessions in the world but nobody to enjoy them with you are about as broke as they come. I have been wanting to write about my outstanding wealth of great relationships in my life for a while and thought that now would be as good of time as any. I wanted to do so in some sort of orderly fashion. I knew there was no way I would be able to include everyone. If you are not mentioned in today’s post please do not take it as a slight in any way. There are so many great friends I am blessed to have it would take a whole post just listing their names.
First, I wanted to talk about some of the people I have known the longest. These people have been in my life so long it has me wondering if I am that good of a friend or if I just happen to befriend patient and forgiving people. In reflection I would say it is a little bit of both. My friend Matt, or ‘Big Sexy’ as those close to him know him, has been in my life since the age of 7. Matt is not only a fun and entertaining person you would love to have at any party, but one of the most caring and honest people I know. Whenever I am asked to describe him, my answer is always the same. “Matt is one of those people you would give the keys to your house, go on vacation and not worry a second.” My friends Amy and Jon I have known since kindergarten. Both of them have went on to raise amazing families and are a great example of what a parent should be. I am lucky to still have both of them in my life. My friend Jeremy I have known the longest. I believe we met when I was 4. His mom and mine were close friends. Although I don’t have the pleasure of talking to him that much these days, I can admire his passion for his beliefs and for the arts.
The next group of people I have known quite some time as well, but I am only now able to appreciate how wonderful they are. My Friend Kelly and I went to high school together and interacted a little. Later, I discovered her wonderful ability to cut hair and she began to be the one to cut my hair every time I needed a haircut. It was Kelly that I went to when I decided to go from decades of long hair to a mohawk. I can still remember the combination of shock and excitement when I told her that is what I was looking for. My friend Jodi and I also had went to the same high school. We really didn’t talk much then, but reintroduced through a mutual friend Russ (more on him later) we reconnected and she has been so sweet to both myself and my lovely Margie (more on her later as well) My friend Angie has been in my life for a long time as well. We still run into each other at local functions. It has been a true blessing to see what a great mother and example for her children she has become. My friends Jennifer and Scott are both amazing people. I had the pleasure of knowing both of them for years. Scott I have always admired for his integrity. He has always been a man of great character. Jennifer and I started out on the wrong foot to say the least. When we met we were told the other was the cause of a host of different situations that was not true. Fortunately for me, I met Jennifer again through her father Dale, who was one of the nicest men I have ever met. We were able to discuss the misinformation we both received and have become fast friends. I admire the work she does with foster animals. Another great things about Jennifer and Scott is they got married and are raising a wonderful family. Great when 2 wonderful friends come together.
Next are people I have met through my career in writing. It is my passion and meeting these people have certainly impacted my life for the better. My Aussie friend Kaylene and I initially met discussing music we both enjoyed. We became good friends and remain so to this day. We have exchanged gifts with each other and I really look forward to visiting her some day. She is doing an amazing job raising her two boys. Andrada is a friend of mine in Romania. She is also an author and a host of an amazing podcast. She is a great example of how to put all of your skills to use. Aura is my Romanian friend who lives in the United States. She is the publisher of See Beyond magazine. I will be forever grateful to Aura for allowing me the opportunity to share my talents with her audience. Carole is another amazing and driven woman I have had the pleasure of getting to know. Carole is an accomplished journalist and now hosts a show called Positively Milwaukee. The show highlights positive things in our community. She put together an amazing piece on me and my writing. I was so grateful for all of her hard work.
Then there are the people I have met in my bartending/DJ career. My friend Bret is truly one in a million. Confident to be himself, but always caring about others. He has a great talent singing and performing as well as an amazing brother in Bart and sister in Alisa, both who also belong on this list. My friends Kelly and Steve not only look good together but are both amazing people. Steve has offered Margie and I some very helpful advice when it comes to our shows. Kelly is amazing behind the bar as we DJ, and does so much to help so many others. My friend Kelly (blushes) always has a smile for those who need it. She has a caring heart that can be seen in her work with the victims of child abuse and their families. Finally, my friend Travis. I met him when we both were in a club I was working at. Immediately we clicked and discovered my much our values aligned. Working together we not only helped a lot of people, we started a movement.
Even the Post Office, as dark and dreary as it can be, has offered some unique friendships for me. My friends John, Tom and Don all have been great to have in my life. From exploring culinary offerings to pondering the cinema, they have always brought a great deal into my world. My friends Jim and Tony are both great people. Tony and I have discussed music and Jim and I have went on road trips to experience great music. We even appear in a music video together. My friend Laura adds much needed comic relief to a serious atmosphere. Her wit and humor make the day more enjoyable. My friend Chris and I always have a lot to discuss. Whether that be just finding the humor in our work day or discussing some Native topic, it is always a better day when Chris is at work.
Then there are the people I really have close and lengthy conversations with. You have heard me mention my friend Nick before. We meet for coffee, although not nearly enough. We never know what the subject will be, but the conversation is always deep and thought-provoking. My friend Shannon has been in my life for a rather long time. We share many amazing deep conversations. We have many of the same literary tastes, love nature and both have a fondness for sunsets. We actually refer to each other as soul-friends, because ‘friend’ seems like to shallow of a term. My wonderful sister Michelle. Although we found each other late in life, we have made up for lost time. We have shared many great adventures and always have each others back. My ‘brother from another mother’ Russ is one person I really treasure. Friends since I was 13, we have been in bands together, we have been in trouble with the law together. We have seen each other through heartache and loss. We do our best to talk every week. When we do, something great always comes out of it. Although he was smart enough to move away to a warmer climate we still travel to meet each other.
Then there is my mother. She may never forgive me for putting her picture in here, but I couldn’t leave her out. We have developed a tradition of taking walks and exploring nature together. What amazing adventures we have had including getting stuck in the rain several times at my favorite state park. Speaking of which, every year we attend the state fair together. We have so much fun it would be hard to explain. Whether it is a fun dinner out or in, or even a game night, I am always thankful and grateful for times with my mom.
Last and certainly not least, is my best friend, my beautiful lady, my Margie. My great treasure. Together we have faced some of the hardest situations life can throw at a couple. We have overcome or are overcoming all of them with love. She is always there acting silly and making me laugh. She has brought into my life her fun-loving aunt and uncle, her wonderful children and grand children as well as many friends. Through her I have found a whole new way to love foods I didn’t even think I liked, new ways to enjoy the holidays, and ways to relax and be yourself. Most of all, Margie has shown me how to be a better man and a better person. It is because of her love that I am always looking to push myself to improve. She is always making me proud with her artist creations, the way she cares for friends and how much she loves family.
As you can see, when it comes to amazing people my life is truly abundant. I have been blessed greatly and I can imagine you are too. I invite you to share some of the amazing people you are grateful for in the comments below. Remember, if you have someone to share with in your life, you too have an amazing treasure.
One of my favorite Mark Twain quotes. I encourage you to be very strict as to who you let in your inner circle. Keeping those close who may put you down constantly can kill your spirit.
Also, think of what kind of person you are. Do you encourage others or are you constantly gossiping and putting them down? Encourage others to chase their dreams. We never know what we and others can accomplish.
In my book A Happy Life for Busy People, I advocate creating a ‘happy playlist’ for when life throws you a challenge. This also works well when your inspiration seems to be lacking. When Margie and I are about to DJ a show and I am just not feeling it I usually make some of the first few songs we play ones that get me fired up so I can do a good job for the people that are there for the show. Sometimes you just need a little injection of inspiration, and often times music is a quick and easy fix.
There is another element that I rely on to give me an extra boost of inspiration and that is people. Before we all bust out into a rendition of Use Somebody by Kings of Leon, let me explain what I am saying. After a tough day at my job in the US Post Office, or even after a long seminar or book signing I cannot wait to get back to the loving arms of my beautiful Margie. She can be so good at providing a sense of peace and repose. She also can provide love, encouragement and humor. I am grateful for her each and every day.
Just the other evening I had the pleasure of getting together for coffee with my good friend Nick. Both of us share with each other our thoughts on spirituality, motivation and all things metaphysical. When I leave the company of my good friend I not only am fired up to share some of the great conclusions we discussed, but also have learned a great deal by sharing a hot cup of coffee and a great conversation with my friend. I am also very grateful for Nick and the conversations we share.
Think about your life, do you have certain people who bring out the best in you? Maybe you have others that inspire you to be your best? It might serve you well to make a list of those people and what joy they bring into your life. Then, make a conscious effort to spend more time around them. Your life will automatically become one filled with passion and inspiration.
The above picture was taken at the christmas party for the neighborhood association I belong to (East Allis Neighborhood Association) One of the goals of this neighborhood association is to encourage engagement with the community.
Not only have a felt a bond with the people in the picture above, who are in the association, but they routinely have social nights where they meet at local establishments to talk, socialize and get to know each other and the people there. Margie and I made new friends at the last social at GM’s dog house.
This particular event was held at another place called ‘Jonny Hammers’. The owner, Jon, is on the board of directors for the association and was happy to host the event. Jodi, Dave, Judy, Marie, Criag, Robin and other members were also there.
We were looking forward to meeting all of them but were surprised by meeting some other friends as well. Our friend Lisa was having a jewelry party there. In attendance that day was Lisa’s friend, Brandy. To this point, she had been a great online friend. We discussed how great it is to have those last week. That being said, it was great to meet this young lady in person. She was friendly and effusive in her praise for my lady’s beauty and the love we share. (This is always a great way to become fast friends with Margie)
We also were blown away by the courteous and thoughtful service of the bartender Jasmin. Our other friend Lisa was there to greet us as well.
Margie and I left feeling loved and like we had made some new friends. The point is this, if you wish to make new friends, improve your community and have a good time you have to get out there. Do not spend all your time online. Read your daily inspiration from secret2anamazinglife.com and get outside! I reccomend joining a neighborhood group such as the association I mentioned. If that’s not your thing, at least get out and enjoy your neighborhood and more to the point, your neighbors!
Last week we looked at different places that serve as great locations to meet new friends. That was scheduled to be a one week theme, but due to all of the wonderful feedback and suggestions I received we are going to highlight a few more this week as well. I am grateful for each of you who shared with me your favorite places to meet new friends. Keep them coming for the benefit of all our readers.
Today’s post is about houses of worship. As I write this, Hanukkah is beginning. When I shared this idea with people around me, they seemed to fall on two extreme sides of the equation. Some would say that is the only place to meet true genuine friends. Others would say the place is full of people who are judgmental and condescending to different beliefs. I believe the truth is somewhere in the middle. I think houses of worship are a great place to meet friends. Why? What about the two extreme arguments? Let us take a look at each one.
First, the fact that houses of worship are the only place to meet true friends. I find this argument to be ridiculous for several reasons. Even in the same faith there are many different houses of worship and you can run into fellow believers at many different locations. Personally, I have met some of the most spiritual people in some of the most unique places. Whether they were there to enlighten others or just enjoying their lives, it was only after getting to know them that I learned their spirituality. Great people of faith can be found anywhere.
How about the cynics view that everyone there is judgmental and condescending? Sadly, this is where a few bad apples tend to spoil the whole bunch. I find there are people like that in every faith and in every house of worship. In fact, there are people like that almost everywhere. Yet, houses of worship are a great place to meet people devoted to not only their faith, but their love for their fellow humans. Just like anywhere else, it is a matter of finding those that walk the walk and not just talk the talk.
Houses of worship can be a great place to find those who share the same values as we do and care about others. Whether your faith is Christianity, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, Buddhist, or any other religion, you can find caring devoted people who love and accept others, even if their faith is different. If you can’t find such a person, be one and make as many friends as you can to be a shinning example.
I highly suggest using your place of worship as a place to make new friends. Attend a social function outside of the regular service. Volunteer for projects that not only promote your faith but help the community. You will not only make great friends within your faith, but within your community.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 