FAULT IS NOT RESPONSIBILITY

Here is an uncomfortable truth – what is wrong with you might not be your fault, but fixing it definitely is your responsibility. This may not seem to be fair, and I suppose it really isn’t, but that does not make it any less true.

You may have had a rough and troubled childhood. That was not your fault. It may have made it hard for you to trust other people, not entirely your fault either. Fixing that, however, is your responsibility. The people who made your childhood, and perhaps your adulthood to this point, a living hell are not going to come back, apologize and help you work through issues you developed because of them.

If there is some tragic event that you believe is holding you back in your life, it is actually you who are holding you back. You may be tempted to shout, “That’s not fair! It was them who did this to me!” Like we mentioned earlier, you could be right and I am sure you can make a very good case, but you would affectively be arguing for your limitations at this point.

The takeaway here is that fault and responsibility do not go hand in hand. Yes, it sucks. Yes, it is not fair. If we want our lives to move forward we must claim the responsibility to fix the issues that others were at fault for putting in our lives. You could refuse that responsibility because it was not your fault, and you would be right, but the only person to suffer would be you.

MEA CULPA

The phrase above translates to “my fault”. Last post we mentioned how even the most ‘enlightened’ or ‘self-evolved’ of us can trip up and do things we know we shouldn’t do. When this happens, when you don’t live up to your own standards it can be one of the worst feelings. Not only have you often hurt or let someone else down, but you have done so by doing something that is out of character. As a fabulous bonus, you can also come across as looking like someone who says one thing and does another. In short, a hypocrite.

So this has all been very inspiring hasn’t it? So you have done great on your goal for so long. You have not smoked, you have controlled your anger, you have been more positive, whatever your goal is. Then you slip up. You have a cigarette on a stressful day,or you blow up when someone seems to push just the right buttons. Maybe you find yourself in a very negative and depressed state? In the past because I worked so hard on being the best I can be, and trying to set a good example for others i would beat myself up for days when i let myself down. Being an author and motivational speaker it is also bad for business. Do you know what is worse, however? Not moving on. If you wish to continue to work on your goal of bring a non smoker,or whatever it might be, you do not want to begin again with a feeling a failure.

So what do you do? Take a step back, catch your breath and confidently say “I screwed up”. Trust me it is quite liberating. If you spend all of your time trying to come up with reasons or justification for your actions you can quite often look like someone who can’t admit they’re wrong at best, or drive yourself insane at the worst. Just own your temporary moment of insanity and strengthen your resolve to do better. Find a better way to deal with stress than lighting up. Try to be more compassionate when someone pushes your buttons. Saying “it’s my fault” not only frees you from spending wasted time trying to excuse your bad behaviour, but also shows you have the character to admit your wrong. Now just focus on making things right!