Tag: empathy

FRIENDS FROM ACROSS THE POND

On our most recent trip to Jamaica, the best souvenir that Margie and I brought home was the new connections and friendships that we returned home with. It is one of these I wanted to discuss with you today.

While lounging at the swim-up bar, we overheard a conversation between a lively British couple. The young lady, Bronte, was discussing some heroic acts that her husband Tom had engaged in to allow her to stay sober on an excursion they had embarked on. It ended being a comical affair that involved a shower and a towel as a pillow.

As we engaged in conversation with this wonderful couple, we discovered they were enjoying their honeymoon. In the course of routine conversation we learned enlightening things I would like to share with you.

Bronte informed us she used to be a nurse with a lot of experience in end-of-life care. Inquiring why she no longer was, she shared a story that was both sad and enlightening. Bronte explained that she was an empathetic person and really enjoyed connecting with her patients. Even though she knew their time was short, she wanted them to know someone cared. This made the passing of these people rather hard on her. She told us Tom would routinely pick her up and find her in tears. An example of how important it is to have a supportive spouse.

Despite the difficulties of this, she wanted to stay and bring compassion to her patients even if it cost her some emotional distress. What pushed her over the edge was the medical establishment’s solution. She was routinely told to distance herself from the patients and treat them more as cases and less like people. She watched as others did just that and it broke her heart. Ultimately, she had to make the decision to step away from that profession.

I really thought Bronte would enjoy my third book which chronicles my journey through open-heart surgery and my brief flirtation with death. Sadly, in many ways, I found medical care similar on this side of the pond. There was amazing people I interacted with from nurses to dietitians. They were the exception instead of the rule. After hearing Bronte’s story, I can better understand why.

What this story reminded me of, was Oprah Winfrey. When she began covering news stories she often became emotional hearing of loss and family tragedy. The media solution was the same as the one given to our friend Bronte. That was to view the people as a story and not fellow human beings.

Not only is the lack of empathy in both our medical and media worlds disheartening, but there is something worse. Both of these women were made to feel their empathy and compassion were a character flaw. Something they should work to get rid of. It is fortunate for the world the world that both of these ladies were brave enough not to let that happen.

We know the greatness that Oprah accomplished by not only accepting her empathy, but showcasing it in a way that serves others. I have no doubt that Bronte will reach greatness by sticking to her values and not allowing the world to make her cold. It is my hope that we will change to understand what a gift people who bring compassion and care for others are. If you find one in your life, make sure to thank them for being brave enough to care for others.

30 DAYS OF GRATITUDE DAY 13 – ABILITY!

This is a great time to stop and be grateful for our abilities. Many are quick to lament the ability they wish they had but do not. How many stop to be grateful for the ones they do have? Sometimes we can just assume everyone can do what we do. When we take the time to be grateful for the gifts and abilities we have, I think we are more inclined to share them in such a way it benefits all concerned. Let me share what comes to mind for me.

The ability I am most grateful for would have to be my ability to communicate. It not only allows me to write on this site and publish 3 books, but it is even more important in my personal life. When I was a bartender, one of the reasons I was so in demand was my ability to communicate with a wide cross section of people. The greatest benefit to communicating is in my personal relationships. Being able to convey what I am thinking or feeling in the right way really helps my relationships grow. I am also comfortable speaking in front of a crowd. It took me a while to understand how rare this is. The ability to be empathetic goes hand in hand with the ability to communicate. My friend Kurt writes a lot about empathy in his daily thoughts online. The ability to put yourself ‘in someone else’s shoes’ is such a gift. As the world becomes more divided, it is also a valuable skill as well.

This only scratches the surface. The ability to read, which is something many of us take for granted. That ability alone will allow us to learn any other skill we would like to. How about the ability to truly listen? That is a rare gift these days as well. The ability to develop personal rapport in an online world? That can get you very far. If you have that one, you certainly have a gift to be grateful for. Which one of your abilities are you most grateful for? Let us know in the comments!