Tag: divorce

ARE YOU PSYCHIC ?

This post has very little to do with the answer to that question . Still let us take a look at the question. Do you even believe in psychic ability? If so, how much do you think you have? How much do you think others have? How developed is it? You have to admit, if you are one of the people who do believe, the amount of people who have developed psychic power is far and few between.

So what does all of this have to do with living and amazing life? Plenty. It is one of the basic fundamentals I teach people in dealing with others. See if this sounds familiar to you. Have you ever heard someone complaining about their friend/coworker/spouse not knowing what they want? My first question to these people who are complaining is “Did you tell them?”. They often respond with a blank stare followed shortly by such phrases as “Well they should know” or “any idiot would know”. A lot of people assume because of their actions people should know. Maybe they have even told this person in the past. Still I remind them that most people do not have the time or energy to walk around pondering what people are ‘trying to tell them’.

How many disagreements or hurt feelings in your own life have arisen out of the fact that the two parties involved just were not clear on what the other wanted? I know in my own life I am victim of this more often then I would like to admit. I assume people know more about my desires than they do. If someone hurts you or offends you in some way because they were ignorant as to your feelings on the matter that is on you. That might sound a little harsh, but remember they cannot read our minds.

Let’s look at situations where you have told someone in the past about a situation that hurt you. In this situation we are looking at two possible scenarios. One, the person knew this would bother you and took the opportunity to do so. If that is so, perhaps we need to rethink their position in our life. The far more likely scenario is they forgot. It slipped their mind. This can only add to the frustration especially if it is something you are passionate about. It is not easy, especially in the moment, but we must remember people have a lot going on in their heads far more than just what upsets us. Again, personally I confess this is something I am still really working on.

Here is the takeaway. If there is something that is bothering you, or even something that would make you extremely happy that someone can do. Tell them. Once you share with them “This is what I like, this is what I don’t like” then the responsibility is on them. When and if they forget that or fail to do what you desire do your best not to get upset. Instead remind them that you told them and ask if there is a better way to communicate your desires or if there is anything you can do to help them remember for next time. Trust me the response you will get is far better than just getting upset.

Also remember to look at the other side of things. How fair do you think it is that people expect you to know everything that makes them happy or upset? Make being around you easy and enjoyable. Be upfront with what you do and do not enjoy. Chances are your relationships will improve and all parties will be happier.

Feel free to share your communication secrets below as well as sharing this post. Most importantly remember to share your feelings with the parties that can do something about them.

HOW ARE THEY SO LOVING?

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Do you see the smiles in this picture? This is my beautiful love and I. This is pretty much how we are most of the time. Sure we both have our days. Neither one of us is perfect, but our love is close enough to perfect for me. I would love to tell you those smiles come free, but they don’t. Some rare days they don’t even come easy, although as time goes on I find myself grinning from ear to ear from the time I wake up until the time I fall asleep. The truth is both of these smiles are earned. Behind the scenes there is hard work put in by both parties. What do I mean hard work? Let me first add a caveat to that, it is also extremely fun work. Having a successful relationship involves a great deal of things and could easily fill and book and one may very well be on the way co-authored by this lovely lady. Yet one of the most important things is commitment. Not only to each other, but to your relationship. What do I mean by that? Look into ways of keeping your love fresh. Look for ways to stay in that “honeymoon period” I can safely say my love and I not only still are, but it seems to be growing everyday. Find new ways to make your love feel special and appreciated. Every person is different and different things have different meanings to people. Do not assume your lover views things the exact same way you do. Which brings us to our next point, get to know your love. Sit them down and ask the big questions, what are their dreams? What are they afraid of? How do they experience love? In our case my lady loves soft touches and physical connection the most, where I am more of a verbal person. Learning this one small thing about each other has made it possible for us to help each other feel so much more loved. Again, I could fill a book with all we have learned and how it has helped, but I can tell you everything I have learned has been useful and brought us closer together.

Another important factor couples can forget after a while, have fun together. Do things you both enjoy. Act silly. Create as many happy memories as you can. These are building blocks and can help you both make it through the tougher times. Take time to celebrate your love. My lovely Margie and I have made it a happen to never share a drink together whether it is water, coffee or wine without toasting to some aspect of our love. To learn more about this please read my post “I propose a toast” (August 24/2015). Reason for doing this? Realize all you both have come through to reach the point where you are at, and realize no matter where you are the is still more joy and love to be had.

Another suggestion, when you see a couple enjoying their love, celebrate for them as well. We have a few couples that make us happy to see their love and noticing it only serves to make us happier and more loving. Never be jealous of another relationship. Frist of all you never know what you are not seeing and second if what you are seeing seems better than what you have, use that to motivate yourself to improve your own lot. Don’t be afraid to ask a successful loving couple what they do to achieve great love. If they are anything like Margie and I, they will be more than happy to tell you.