Tag: disappointment

IT CAN BE GOOD TO HAVE YOUR FLIGHT GROUNDED.

That is a picture of me. It is probably what I looked like when I was informed that the vacation I had planned for my lovely lady’s birthday would be canceled. Six months I had managed to keep it a secret. There were days of work I scheduled off. We were mere weeks from takeoff and our Jamaican vacation was canceled. It was a tragic once in a lifetime hurricane that devastated the island. Regretfully, our hotel was unable to open at the time they had anticipated. Obviously, our dismay was nothing compared to what the people were dealing with, and are still dealing with, on the island. Still, we were quite dismayed not to be able to escape the brutal Wisconsin winter, if only for a few days.

Looking at the temperature in my hometown above (in Fahrenheit) one can see it would be wonderful to get away. One of those situations where you might ask, “Where is the upside in all of this?” First of all, the reason our trip was canceled is a great reminder of what we have to be thankful for. Yes, it is beyond cold and snowy here, but we have power and our houses have not been blown away from a 200 mph hurricane. The fact the hotel could not open reminds us of how months later the island continues to struggle. On top of that, on the day we were supposed to be leaving Margie came down with an illness. She had it for quite some time. It would have been the whole time we were scheduled to be on vacation. Just a few days ago, I also came down with something. If there is anything worse than your vacation being canceled, it is going and being sick the entire time. The trip being called off saved us from that happening.

It can be hard to see that what appears to be something negative in life is actually setting you up for something better. Have you ever had a major setback while pursuing a goal? My guess is that if you are reading a website like this, you have. It gives you a chance to refocus and gain additional skills that will make the goal even more rewarding when you do reach there. The additional time you have to wait will make achieving the goal that much sweeter. Sure, nobody likes to think this way when it is happening to them, but that does not change it from being true. If you do manage to change your mindset from “Why me?” to one of, “What positive thing can I gain from this setback?” Life is not only a lot less stressful, but becomes something to always look forward to.

As a side note, the delay in taking a trip with my love has allowed us to save more and hopefully spend a few more days on our getaway. Something we could not have done without the delay. It also allows me a little more time to work on my beach body which has been missing in action for quite some time. There are always silver linings to the dark clouds of life. We may just have to look a little harder for them.

I’M DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF. WHY THAT’S GOOD.

Above is the results for a 5K race that I ran last Wednesday. I run this race every year. It is held at the Wisconsin State Fair park. This is one of my favorite places to go. This year, I had open-heart surgery in January. My goal was to come back and finish the race in 30 minutes or less. As you can see, I fell short by 7 minutes. I was disappointed to learn this. My cardiovascular and breathing were just not up to the task. I vented to those that did the race with me. I figured 6 months after surgery would have been enough to get back in shape. I was reminded for the first 4 months after surgery, you are advised to do little, if anything at all. This means that I really only had 2 months to train for this race.

Although this made me feel slightly better, I am still a little disappointed I did not make me goal. Normally, I am the fellow who advises you to find and focus on the positives in a situation. This is true here too. After having my chest sawed in half and a chunk of my heart cut out and replaced (and dying for a brief period of time) I still finished with the same time I did the year prior. It was only 6 months after surgery, and I was told it will take a full year to be back at 100%. Still, I want to keep this feeling of disappointment with me. Why on earth would I want to do that? I want to do what I advise everyone to do in my book Living the Dream. Find a way to use your emotions instead of letting them use you.

In this case, on the days I do not feel like going to the gym, I am going to remember that feeling of disappointment. When I do not feel like eating better, I am going to remember how it felt to struggle as I ran. These feelings will not only serve to keep me on track, but will push me to better myself. That is how to put negative feelings to work for you. Is there something you are disappointed in yourself for? Did you yell at your spouse when they didn’t deserve it? Use that to push you to get a better control of your temper and to find ways to make it up to yourself. Disappointed you didn’t get what you wanted done at home? Use that feeling to get you up and out of bed the next day to tackle the activity you want to accomplish.

So called negative emotions will always be a part of our lives. As we work to limit them, we should also find ways to put them to use for us as well. In that way we turn what used to be a negative into a positive. What are some ways in which you have done this in your own life?

WHY ME??? WHY YOU???

The other day I had a discussion with my friend Terri. We discussed how both of us have bought ‘new to us’ cars that have proven to be lemons. Mine is a PT Cruiser who in the first 5 months of owning has cost me $2000 in repairs and still runs rough. Daily I am looking forward to going back to driving an SUV. Terri’s plight is much the same. She bought a car and now things have started to go south.

What does our car trouble have to do with living an amazing life? Terri asked me a very thought-provoking question. That question was this, “How to keep calm, cool and collected when life is throwing me disappointment and struggles?” This is an excellent question and one I think we have all asked at some point or another. No matter who you are or how together you have your life, at some point life will hand you a bunch of lemons in the form of challenges and disappointments. This is never fun.

How do we stay calm, cool and collected as Terri so wonderfully put it? The first point I suggest is to gain perspective. In our situations, we bought a car that turned out to be not what we had thought. This can be especially hard when you are truly excited and then get let down. By her sharing her story with me, we found out neither of us were alone in our troubles. This can be a healing itself. The next thing we need to do is work on what questions we ask ourselves, or more importantly, what answers we give ourselves. It is all to easy to ask the question “why me?” when things go wrong. God knows I asked this when I found out all that needed to be repaired on my car. What you answer is more important. I am a fan of putting everything that happens to me in my life to work for me. When I asked myself, after my last vehicle was totaled while parked in front of my house by a elderly man visiting from Greece as I was sleeping, why did I get a car that was filled with issues? Truly neither of them were my fault. I could focus on how unfair it all was and how much of a victim I was, but that would not serve me and only serve to make me feel helpless and terrible.

Here is another secret, what you focus on in any given situation can literally transform that situation. What should we focus on? Here are two things I suggest; first, what you have to be grateful for. In my case, I was not in the car when it happened. His car was so badly damaged he could not drive away and not be held responsible. He and everyone else was safe for the most part. Let me be perfectly clear right here, this is not an easy habit to do. Focusing on what you have to be grateful for in the middle of a challenging situation takes practice and patience. When you master it, however, it will soften the blow of disappointment you encounter.

The second thing I recommend focusing on is what is positive about the situation, or another way to word it is how to use what happened. What did I find positive about my car being totaled while I was inside sleeping? Like I mentioned, I was inside sleeping for one. Another is maybe there was an impending problem with my car that could have surfaced while driving 70 miles per hour on the freeway, that now will never happen. Another great thing that happens when challenges arise is you find out who really supports you. This is something that can only happen during a challenge. Someone can tell you they will be there for you, but until the ‘chips are down’ you never know for sure. In this case there were so many who were. There were also other benefits of this awful situation. I became better at dealing with rental car companies. Something I just would not randomly do. Also got practice researching used vehicles to purchase. Obviously I still have a way to go on that one. There was the extra practice in asking for and receiving help. I have written about that in the past, but allowing others to help you can be giving them a great gift as well.

All of those skills I would not have had a chance to learn if my car had not been unfairly totaled. Did it inconvenience me? Absolutely. It happened in the coldest month of the year. Did that suck? Yes indeed. Still I gained valuable skills and appreciation for both patience and people. My love and I had to learn new fun ways to entertainment which serve us to this very day. Even having the new car problems has put me into contact with some truly amazing people.

We all will have challenges in life. Remember you are not alone. Take time to focus on what will serve you. Be grateful for the lessons and look for the positive. This will not be easy, but if you keep at it the rewards will be a far happier, and yes more amazing life.