Tag: depression

MOST IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER ON THE JOURNEY TO BECOME THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF

Each one of us, the author included, is on a journey to become the best version of ourselves and to create an amazing life. One of the most difficult things to understand about that is that self-improvement, like many other things in life, is not linear. That is to say you do not become a progressively better version of yourself every day. Your life does not go on a perfectly upward trajectory. It sure would be great if it did, but it does not. You feel like you are finally getting a handle on your anger, and then on a stressful day you snap on someone for no good reason. You feel you have managed to heal from the hurt in your life, and one morning you wake up in tears. It can be tempting to think this amounts to some sort of failure. It does not. In fact, it is necessary for several reasons. When this happens to you, as it will to all of us, there is one thing to remember.

This was brought home to me in a personal way today. Writing this site, and writing in general, is something that always brings me a great day of joy. Researching and learning ways in which I can make my own life better and then sharing them with this community is often one of the best things in my day. There are days, like today, that I find myself in a funk. Have you ever had one of them? You wake up and feel down. A little defeated. Perhaps a bit of sadness fills your heart? It is worse when you can’t even pinpoint what the cause of these feelings are. Maybe there are a million things you are dealing with that all happen to tap on your brain at the same time and it feels overwhelming. That was the kind of day I am having today.

The coffee shop I write at has its own little community. A group of regular people who come and go and cross paths. We learn a little about each other and our lives through simple conversation. One of those people is Cindy. She knows and interacts with many of the people in this coffee shop. Today she asked how I was doing. “Well Cindy, the tricky thing about writing a daily motivational website is doing so when you feel in a funk.” Cindy looked rather understandingly at me and said 3 words that I feel is an important reminder for all of us to carry on this journey to better ourselves and our lives. She said, “You’re only human.”

There is a great thing about days like this. It reminds us why we want to improve our life and ourselves. It also reminds us what it is like to struggle. It is that reminder that allows us to have compassion for the rest of the world who struggles too. It reminds us that there will always be challenging days and that they give us the kick in the butt to build a life where they are fewer and less intense. In this case, it also reminded me how important it is to befriend others. They can give us that powerful reminder like Cindy did to me today. In your own journey, when you make a mistake or have a day where you are in a funk, remember you are only human. Use those days and that pain for motivation. Use it to increase your compassion for others.

WHEN THINGS ARE TOUGH AND YOU CAN’T SEE THE LIGHT

We have spent countless posts and words on this site talking about the benefits of developing an attitude of gratitude. One of the main benefits is to help you see the light in the darkest of times. That it why it is important to develop that attitude when things are going your way. It makes it a lot easier to develop gratitude as a lifestyle when you start using it when things are going good for you. What happens when you have not sufficiently developed your attitude of gratitude, or when you are facing a situation that feels so dark to you that it is impossible to find the light? It is then that this quote above will serve us well.

In the worst cases. That is the toughest times we face. It can be hard to think of what to be grateful for. Given some time and hindsight, it will usually occur to us. What about those first few moments? The day we lost that job? The weeks after we suffer the breakup of that relationship we thought would last forever? Even losing someone we love, what then? Our world seems so dark it can seem as if the light as abandoned us. It can be stark reminder to take a hard look at things we may not have fully appreciated. Everyone complains about going to work, but being unemployed is far more difficult. A breakup is difficult, but did you spend the time you were together loving to the fullest and appreciating the love you received? When we lose a loved one, can we double our efforts to love those that we still have in our life? How about honoring and keeping the memories in our heart of the person we lost?

There are times when life is so dark it is impossible to see the good in anything. It happens to all of us. When that does happen, it can be a great time to reflect on much of the good that we take for granted. You lost your job? Do you have people in your life that love you? Do you have skills that will allow you to get another job? Your partner leave you? Is this a chance to better yourself and learn from your mistakes so that your next relationship will be even more rewarding? It can be hardest to lose someone we really care about. Even then, we can think of our own health. We can realize what a great gift it was to have to opportunity to love someone. Being able to share connection with someone is a gift that should not be overlooked. It is sad when that gift ends, but in reflection, it was great to have. Not everyone does have such a thing.

When you face the darkest periods of your life, be grateful it was not always that way and it will not always be that way no matter how dark it looks. Do your best to notice things unrelated to the area of your life that is hurting. Do you have your health? Do you have friends? You have the ability to read a site like this and be a part of a community dedicated to seeing the beauty in themselves, others and the world around them. You can, and you will, outlast the darkness!

WE WILL MAKE IT THROUGH

This site, secret2anamazinglife.com, is generally filled with tools and strategies to live an…well…amazing life. How to succeed and excel in every area of your life. We touch on such important areas as your health, your career and your relationships. Somedays, pursuing lofty ideals do not even cross your mind. It does not escape my attention that there are days when all of us just struggle to make it through. There are days when the struggles of life weigh heavy and it seems the world is on our shoulders. On these days we may not be interested in hearing about self-care, certainly not self-improvement. We are just doing our best to make it through to the next sunrise. On some days it can take all we have to get out of bed. On the toughest of days, we might not even be able to do that.

It is for these very days that what we share with each other here is so important. When your world seems dark, the last thing you want to think about is being the light for others. That can seem impossible when you cannot see the light yourself. It is okay to have these days. There is nothing wrong with calling in sick to work when you feel a sadness you just can’t seem to shake. That is what sick days are for. We can suffer physically, mentally, but we can also suffer emotionally and spiritually. There are days when you may feel sick in your heart and spirit. Take the time you need. Even the strongest of us have days in which it can become too much for us to handle. There is no shame in that.

Days like that remind us of why the kindness we show each other is so important. That can be the kindness of a friend, or a simple, but powerful, smile from a stranger. We may not be having one of those days today but we know what it is like to have one. The smile on someone’s face can be hiding a pain we know nothing of. That is why it is important to stay together and help each other out on this journey we call life. Whether we like it or not, we are all in this together. The easier you make the journey of your fellow human, the easier yours will be too. Whether you are the one we needs to take a day to recover, or you are running into someone who does, we must stick together. Despite differences, despite disagreements, we must all show each other love and respect. Doing this we will be able to get through this together.

ANOTHER REASON TO STAY ACTIVE 💪

People are looking for the secret to an amazing life. That is the purpose of this website. Part of an amazing life is keeping your mood up. Doing so with pharmaceutical products leads to side effects and other undesirable aspects.

Working out not only outperformed many of these products, but it also helps you physically. A two-for-one if you like. Certainly every form of therapy has its purpose, but if you can take one actin that will help you in many ways, why not do it?

ZEN THOUGHT FOR THE WEEKEND 🧘‍♀️

Here is a secret to an amazing life. Many people are so focused on ‘only thinking positive thoughts’. That is enough to drive you crazy. Stuff happens in life that will throw you. I do not care how positive you are, life can be tough at times. The secret is to have the tools and strategies to make sure the tough times are not that frequent and not that intense. One of the best ways that I have found to do this is to reserve my negative emotional energy for what really matters. If you spend days in bed upset because a person you considered a friend of yours spread negative gossip about you, what are you going to do when you lose a job or a loved one? That is not to say that all of these other things are not terrible, but they do not have to control our spirit.

That is the difference to real positivity and the kind that just glosses over life. Real positivity acknowledges that life sucks sometimes. Instead of crying, “Why me?” it says, “This bad thing happened. Now what?” Noticing you are feeling sad, irritable or angry is not necessarily bad. It is a learning opportunity. How did these feelings come about? What were the causes and what possible solutions can we try to use to change our emotional state? These questions can be better answered if you are in the habit of journaling. Trying to figure all of this out in your head can lead one to a state of insanity in a short amount of time.

Do your best to be an observer of your thoughts. Whether they are good or bad, ask yourself some of the questions we mentioned above. When you find things that trigger bad moods, try to avoid or eliminate those. When you find things that lift up your emotional state, do more of those. In this manner you will continue to move your life one step closer to amazing. Again, this does not mean there will not be rough patches. I think you can see by observing and understanding your thoughts and emotions, you can add more of what fills you with joy, and less of what takes away from your joy. That is the secret to an amazing life.

YOUR LIFE IS WONDERFUL 😊

Today I am going to see the movie It’s a Wonderful Life with my mother. It is her favorite movie and a holiday classic. In it, a man during the depression faces many set backs and challenges. Fearing he may not even be able to provide for his family he contemplates taking his own life so his family could at least collect the life insurance policy. While deciding weather to jump off a bridge and end it all, an angel appears and decides to show him what the world would be like if he had never been born. He realizes all of the lives he has touched and the differences he has made. Eventually, it occurs to him that despite all of the challenges his life was…well…wonderful.

During the holiday season, we can face so much stress, and sometimes sadness, that it may become overwhelming. We may not reach the depths of feeling the character in the movie did, but we can suffer some seasonal, or even daily depression. We may not have the benefit of a heavenly being showing us what a difference we make, but we all do make a difference. There are so many lives we touch on a daily basis that we will never know. Some may be too shy to voice their appreciation. Many never even think of doing so. After all, if it is not something you grew up doing, the chances you will do it are quite slim. All this to say that so many lives are touched simply by having us in them and we may never know.

Many of you might be thinking, “I really don’t make a difference. Trust me, you do. There is an answer to this feeling. Go out and make a difference. This doesn’t have to be something grand. It can simply be offering a smile and a genuine compliment to every person you encounter today. During the holiday season, I am sure all of my friends working in retail will tell you what a tremendous difference this makes. Another way that you can make a positive impact in someone’s life was mentioned in the paragraph above. Did you catch it? Letting someone know that they make a positive impact in your life is a gift worth its weight in gold. Nothing touches the heart like knowing you touch someone else’s heart.

There is today’s message. Your life is wonderful and you have a chance to make other’s lives wonderful as well. Take care of each other.

YOU MIGHT BE ASKING THE WRONG QUESTION

This is a very difficult post to write, but one that I feel is so important. The reason that it is difficult to write, is that I want to make sure it comes out correctly. It is also difficult to explain in the small space of a blog, but I will do my best. The reason it is important is because it is a condition that almost everyone finds themselves in, myself included. It is one of the issues that I am asked about most. The answer is not easy and is seldom well received. What is the question? How can I get rid of the pain and sadness inside of my heart? This could stem from many things. It could be the loss of a job you really loved. It could be a heartbreaking separation. Most often, the pain comes from the loss of a loved one.

I think all of us reading this blog have experienced the loss of someone, if not more, that we really care about. You understand that initially the pain will be great. Depending on the individual, we have some arbitrary expectation as to when that grief may start to diminish or fade away all together. When we find ourselves breaking down in tears, months or years later we just can’t understand. How can we just make this pain go away? To me, that is asking the wrong question.

Trying to eliminate the heartache we feel with the loss of a love one, or whatever issue may be causing it, is like trying to change the current of the river because it is not going the direction we want. Often, the more we find ourselves fighting against our pain, the stronger it seems to get. What we should be asking is how to use our pain. One of the best ways it to understand the empathy and credibility that gives us when helping others going through the same situation. We can understand what they are feeling. We will have a far better idea what they need in their moment of grief.

Another thing that many of us fail to consider is that pain can come from some of the greatest blessings. If we feel a great deal of hurt from the passing of a loved one, for example, than there must have been a great deal of love felt before that. When we consider how many people have a true lack of love in their lives, than how blessed are we who, although it may be lost, have felt such deep love. There is the cliche “Better to lost in love than to have never loved at all.” Attributed to one of my favorite authors, Alfred Lord Tennyson I might add.

Lastly, is the gift we can get from the pain. Lost a great relationship from a mistake you made? Maybe love faded away? You are certain not to make the same mistake in the future and do your best to keep the flames of desire alive and burning bright. When we lose someone close to us, often the pain is mixed with regret. We wish we would have told them how we really feel, or went on a trip with them one more time. Feeling this pain can be the best motivation to love those we still have in our lives that much more. To make sure we never miss a chance to tell someone how much we care. We will spend the time to take that trip with them, or maybe just sit and listen. Knowing the pain and regret that comes with losing someone, we do our best to give the best of ourselves to those we are still blessed enough to have with us.

Does any of this make the pain go away? Not at all. Understanding the purpose in pain, and using it to serve us and others can make it a little more bearable. Next time you think about that failed relationship, learn how to do better and use the pain to motivate you to work on yourself. When tears fill both your eyes and heart thinking of the person you loved so much that has left your life, call or message a friend and send them as much love and encouragement as you can. This has helped me deal with pain in my life. I hope it will help you too.

I COULD USE A LITTLE HELP OVER HERE!🆘️

Ever have one of those days you are just in a funk and have no idea why? That is me today. I am not even sure what emotion I am feeling. Is it sadness? Not exactly. Is it frustration? A little. For someone who writes a motivational/inspirational blog, this can feel like a double failure. Then, I recall something I always stress in my books and in my writing here. The goal is not to be happy all of the time. Not only is this unrealistic, it will set you up to experience the feelings of failure more often then not.

Frustration. It is a little of what I am feeling. I kind of feel like the kid in the picture above. In fact, he actually looks a little like me when I was young. That’s a little creepy, but moving on. Often, frustration can be a gift. When we are frustrated, it tends to force us to get off our ass and take action to change whatever aspect in our life that is not working. What if you are not sure what exactly is bothering your spirit? This is the dilemma I am currently facing. I began to look at possible culprits. With my commute, I have been working 55 hours a week, Monday through Saturday at my day job. The overtime is nice, but could it be burnout? It is not the most inspiring place, could that be it? My fourth book has reached a point where I am not sure where to go. Is that the source of my frustration? Due to the previously mentioned work hours, I haven’t been going to the gym as often. That affects your mood. I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder and it is the middle of February. That cannot be helping.

Here I sit trying to figure out why there is a disturbance in the force as they say in Star Wars. It can feel impossible to address the issue, when you do not know the root cause. Still, I know there are things to do that can feed your soul. Focusing on what I have to be grateful for. My home life is peaceful. It includes the most beautiful and amazing lady ever. I have my health, for the most part. I do have a job, although not the most inspiring. I have written three books and over 1800 blog posts. I am working on leaving the world a better place than when I got here. Really, this is a first world problem. I have enough to eat. I have a house to live in. Clean water to drink.

Next, I thought about ways to help my own brain. The first thing that came to mind is that I stopped journaling. Getting your thoughts down on paper can be a great form of therapy. It can also clear out some space in your head. It may even help me discover the source of these unpleasant feelings I am having. Listening to, and doing more meditation can also assist you in clearing out your head. Need to do more of that. Perhaps using my ‘happy lamp’ can help chase away a little of the winter blues? Even writing about it has me feeling a little better. Planning time with the love of my life to do something fun couldn’t hurt either.

So, I am asking for your help. What do you do when you feel yourself in a funk? Especially, when you just can’t put your finger on what is causing it. Thank you all in advance for any suggestions you might have.

HOW DO I DO IT?🤔

My schedule is one that is quite full. I spend roughly 46 hours commuting and working at my day job at the post office. On top of that, I spend about one to two hours at the gym three days a week. I record three podcast episodes a week. I am currently working on my fourth book. People are always asking me, “How can you still spend time doing blogs everyday?” This is compounded by the fact that they bring me very little, if any, financial gain. The picture above can help us answer that question. It is a partial list of countries that had logged on to read my blog during a particular week.

The last country on the list is Ukraine. This country is facing one of the toughest times in its history. People are being forced from their homes. If they are staying, they often have to do so without power, running water and under the threat of violence and destruction. To know that a person in this country took the time to log on to secret2anamazinglife.com, is not only a great honor, but a great responsibility. How many of us have thought to ourselves, “I sure wish I could say something encouraging to all of the people in the Ukraine.”? In this case, I get that chance. When you are living in a country that is at war, you need all of the inspiration you can get. It is difficult to keep your head above water, not to mention deal with all of the death and destruction. A voice of inspiration, encouragement and motivation from afar could be, at the very least, a welcome escape.

If you look a little further up on the list, you will see Puerto Rico. This view happened shortly after the island was devastated by a hurricane. There was almost no power on the entire island. Yet, someone still managed to log on to this blog to read what was written here. Very likely, their valuables were washed away. It is probable that their house was damaged in some form. They may have even lost some loved ones. These people came to read what I have written. Again, quite an honor, but an even greater responsibility. What could I possibly say to someone in that situation?

It does not have to be people in countries who are both ravaged by war and natural disasters. Take a look at any of the other countries. Any one of the people in Ecuador or Ethiopia could be facing one of the darkest days of their lives. Maybe they have lost a job. They could be experiencing the grief of losing a loved one. It is thoughts like this that are in my mind as I write these words. How can I write these blogs? To me the question is more accurately, “How could I not write these blogs?” If my words could improve the life of a neighbor down the street, or halfway across the globe, I owe it to them to share both the knowledge I know, as well as the love in my heart with them.

You may be thinking to yourself, “That is great Neil, but I don’t have a blog.” It is not just the online community that needs our love and encouragement. In todays social media world, where many people can forget the power of their words, we must remember what a positive impact ours can have. It could be someone who is in our social media network. It could also be a coworker or even the guy sitting at Starbucks with no shoes on. That last one is a personal observation I made while writing this. Any of those people could be facing some of the challenges we mentioned earlier. You may never know the impact your positive words or actions may have, but know they do make a difference.

THINK ABOUT THIS

I know there are days when the sky looks cloudy and it feels as though the sun will never shine. I am not just speaking of the weather where I live, but more of an emotional forecast. A friend of mine posted this online and it really made me think. We have survived 100% of our worst days. If we didn’t, we couldn’t be reading this.

Just last night I found myself in a little of a funk. Wasn’t even sure why or where it came from. We all have those days to be sure. With the world in the crazy state that it is in, we may be having them more often. Lucky for me by spending years in the self-improvement field I have discovered ways to be able to find my way out of the emotional darkness. This includes having a list of people, places and things that bring joy to my life ready ahead of time. This is important because when you are in a depressed state, remembering these items can be just this side of impossible.

My list includes a tea called “cup of sunshine”, which I enjoyed. I also enjoy talking to friends who share an interest in self-improvement topics. One of the places that seems to lift my spirits is the grocery store. Not sure why this is, but it seems to be a relaxing sort of retail therapy for me. Last night I found myself pushing a cart down the aisles of a store called Fresh Thyme. It is a brightly lit and slightly overpriced store but the people were friendly and it is usually not too crowded. As I walked along and placed items in the cart I felt the funk slowly giving way. After checking out I came home and Margie and I watched a rather silly movie from the 80’s that helped push me back to a state of joy.

Not really Margie and me

Having inspiring sayings like the first picture in this post surrounding you makes a big difference too. I have a day-by-day calendar that keeps me inspired. The reasons to have these around you every day is that you never know when life will push the down button on the elevator of emotion. That is also why it is important to craft a list of people, places and things that bring you joy. Not only is it handy when you are feeling down, but it is fun to compile as you go along.

It has two bonus functions as well. It has your subconscious mind on the lookout for things to add to the list. In other words, things that make you happy. This leads to a far better life than focusing on the things that make you unhappy. Sounds like a ‘no brainer’ but you would be amazed at how many people get this backwards. Another wonderful side-effect of this activity is it fosters an attitude of gratitude. As you are compiling a list of movies that make you feel inspired or laugh until your side hurts, how can you not be grateful that we can watch them with a push of a button? As you think of people that you enjoy spending time with or talking to, how can you not feel grateful they are in your life? As you begin to list places that bring you peace and joy, how can you not be thankful to have that option? Lastly, as you watch your list of joyful items grow, how can you not feel grateful to have so many of these things in your life that you may not have taken the time to notice, and certainly not list, prior to this moment?

So list away my fabulous friends! You never know when this list will become an item of necessity. It will certainly become a fun activity to create and a great thing to add to. I suggest maybe keeping a little journal of these items and opening the pages to treat yourself to a few of them to help keep your spirits up and keep the funky feelings away! By doing this often enough we will create an amazing life.