After reading the quote in this picture, there is not much to say, but yet you could spend forever pondering it. We will spend a little less than forever but spend a little time pondering the virtues of spending our time wisely. Looking at time as a currency certainly gives it more value in many people’s eyes, which is ironic in itself. Can you imagine spending money never knowing how much you had? You could wind up with a bunch of worthless junk and not enough money to afford food and shelter. Sadly, this is how many people do live.
I often look at life like an hourglass. The sand only goes one way and it is always flowing. That is like our life. Our years are flowing from the top to the bottom. We can do things to slow the flow, but there is no putting the sand back. In addition, it is as if the top of the hourglass is covered. We never know how much sand we have left. Try looking at an hourglass and pondering this. Even a little timer that comes in a boardgame will do. Watch the sand flowing and realize the time you have left is doing the same. This should not make you sad, but create a sense of urgency.
We only have so many more tomorrows. How many, none of us know. That is why wasting our time on senseless gossip or the destruction of others is not only a vile use of our time, but a waste. There is a cliche that says, “Every minute you spend in anger is 60 seconds of happiness you lose.” That might not be it exactly, but you get the idea. We must use our time in ways that not only serve our peace and development, but that of those we care about. Doing things to help the world live in peace and harmony is a good use of anyone’s time. How about you? How are you spending your time?
I cannot convey this point enough. Many of you who follow this blog, or know me in person realize this. In 2022 my life changed forever. I had open-heart surgery, died briefly and was brought back. That whole experience blessed me and taught me more than I ever thought it would. It not only changed my perspective of life, it changed my life’s mission as well. Let us quickly touch on all of these points and how my death can save your life.
From the time I was told I needed surgery until the surgery was scheduled was 2 months. This was done to make the most of the insurance company. A sad but necessary way of doing business. To say that a lot happened in those 2 months would be one of the greatest understatements. First, during a superhero film my beautiful Margie and I were attending I had a great epiphany in the men’s room. This could be the very last movie I had the chance to see with her. Death was a real possibility. It could be the last Thanksgiving, her birthday and Christmas we spent together. It could be the last time we ring in a new year together.
Shockingly, these realizations did not cause a feeling of fear. Instead, what I felt was a great sense of urgency. It felt like while I was there taking care of business in the gents, some divine power flipped over an hour glass and said “You have 2 months and….go!” It brought into focus what was really important in a hurry. How can I help the most people realize all they have to be grateful for in their lives on Thanksgiving. It is, after all, my favorite holiday. Even this blog was started on thanksgiving. How could I make Margie’s next birthday the best one she has ever had? Speaking of Margie, how can I convey my love for her in the way that she can understand and feel it the deepest? How could I do that with everyone in my life?
It was a moment of forced self-reflection. It did not involve trying to get material things or travel to specific places. No, what was really important was creating memories with those I cared about and making sure they knew how much I cared. Then, there were the thoughts about my life and the legacy I would leave behind. Did I do enough? What could I leave behind in the next 2 months? Could I write another book? Should I spend that time writing blogs or making YouTube videos? What should I say that will have the greatest, and longest lasting impact? All good questions.
When the surgery happened, it was the second wave of Covid, and I could have no visitors. Therefore that trip to the hospital could have been the last time I saw, and hugged my mother and Margie. The feeling I had watching the elevator doors close behind them as they left is too painful to describe. Then there was the strange feeling of realizing I had died and been brought back. I had more time.
Here is one of the most impactful things I had learned. We went to get lunch at a Panera after I was released from the hospital. I was warned that my emotions could be more intense after the surgery. This was also an understatement. As we entered the restaurant, a realization hit me. All of these people would die. It could be tomorrow, next week or years from now. We never know. So many of us never ask the tough questions the specter of death brings to light. Being faced with death is the one thing that has given me the most life.
Imagine what your life would be like if you were given a few months (or less) to live? Really imagine. Who would you want to spend time with? What would you want to do? What would be important to do? Once you have that answer, do that now! As Marcus Aurelius said, “Death hangs over you.” It hangs over us all. We never have as much time as we wish. We often do not have as much time as we think.
One of the great strategies I advocate in my second book is writing your own eulogy. It will help you focus on what you want to be remembered for and let you know if you are living a life to be on track for that. If you would like to know more about this exercise and why it could be beneficial to you, feel free to check out my book, Living the Dream, available on Amazon.
With all of the people who have done this exercise, NONE have written anything about material possessions. This is interesting as the group that have done this includes many people, from many different countries with different beliefs and cultures. Still, not a single one wanted their eulogy to include mention of their “stuff”.
The irony in all of this is that we spend our lives in pursuit of pleasure and all of the trappings that go with it. We realize what truly matters in the end, but fail to focus on it. That is part of what makes the human creature a never-ending source of amusement.
Do not make your life all about your stuff. One of my favorite quotes is from Denzel Washington who said, “You never see a U-Haul behind a hearse.” All of the time and effort we spend on stuff and we can’t take it with us. Focus on friends, family and creating memories. That’s what really matters.
One of the things that is difficult for many of us is letting things go. This can be made even tougher when there seems to be no good explanation as to why something, or someone, hurt us. You can be thinking hours, days or weeks later, “Why did that happen?” Most of us have had someone say something hurtful to us that has left its mark. It pops up in our heads now and then and we can’t help but wonder, “Why did they say that?” I know I have been there. Perhaps you know why they said it. It could have been completely unfair and unjustified. That can make it even worse.
Do you know what is worse than staying upset? Realizing what we lost by being so. The picture above shows the temperature on my way to work the other morning. Mind you, this is in summer. Only a few days earlier, it was in the 80s. In this state, the weather can turn that quick. Life is much the same. While we are busy being mad or being stressed out ruining our ability to have a good time and enjoy life to the fullest, life is moving on. What do I mean by life is moving on? We are getting older. Those we love are getting older as well. The most common emotion I have seen displayed at funerals is regret. If only I had one more day with them. If only we had spent more time together. Have you ever heard yourself say things like this? Have you thought them to yourself?
See this pretty lady next to me? We occasionally get upset with each other. There is usually a pretty good reason when it does happen. In the heat of the moment we can lose touch with how beautiful it feels to be in love with each other. That is why we like to fix things and get back to loving as quickly as possible. Why is this important? Hourglass. Life is like the sand in an hourglass. It is always slowly draining away. The time we lost fighting is time we will never have back. Say we spend an hour mad at each other. If we are together for 20 more years, we still would have lost that hour of love we could have had. Here is the important bit, we do not know how long we have with each other. Hopefully it is long, but there is the chance it could end for one of us tomorrow. How would we feel if we would have spent 60 minutes of the time we had left mad?
Do not misunderstand me. There are reasons to be upset. You should not fake emotions or not communicate your unhappiness. That will only lead to more problems and resentment later on. The point here is that we should work diligently to discover ways to solve our problems and move on. We all have less time than we think. I do not recall hearing of anyone who looked back on their life and said, “I sure am glad I spent that time being upset.” That is why self-improvement is so important. Becoming our best version of ourselves will allow us to experience more of the joy life has to offer in however much time we have left.
This post comes out on a Monday. Back at work for most of us. We are busy working to keep the lights on and the bills paid. Before we know it, the week is over and we are exhausted. Socrates, and by the way of this post myself, are here to tell you not to forget the things that truly matter. I cannot convey my dismay at how many of us spend our lives majoring in minor things. I am not judging. I am guilty of this far too often myself.
This life we are given is a great gift. If we are not enjoying it, we are wasting it. You might be saying, “Neil, you do not know my situation. I cannot enjoy life right now.” You are right. I do not know your situation. There is one thing that I am sure of when if comes to your life, even if we have never met. That is that your life, and the lives of those you share it with are growing shorter by second. Each and every one of us will leave this beautiful planet and we have no idea when. It seems as we get older, or maybe face a serious medical condition, our urgency to live a life that matters increases. That is why you see so many people contemplating their own lives at a funeral of a loved one. It serves as a reminder that life is shorter than we think.
This thought of ever approaching, and uncertain, death is not to scare you. Quite the contrary. It is to motivate you. Life is meant to be lived to the fullest. Even situations that are not ideal. Your job may not be the one of your dreams. Personally, I am still waiting to host a talk show. Even in that job you can practice gratitude and find the joy. It can be your coworkers. It can be the interactions you have with the public or the opportunity to make their day a little brighter.
We pass by so much beauty and so many miracles on a daily basis it is beyond comprehension. Take walking by a beautiful tree. Have you ever stopped to think about how many years it took that tree to get to the stage it is now? What did it all need and have to go through? How many storms did it weather? Years of growth, fighting wind, rain and perhaps scorching sun. Still, here you are able to stand in its shade. Too obscure of a reference for you? Let us look at another one.
Working with the public is a challenge. I have done it my whole life. When you come to a coffee shop and the lady behind the counter greets you with a smile, do you know how hard that might be? Any smile we are given, whether by stranger or friend, is a tremendous gift! Think of what a smile means. Despite the challenges that person is facing, and we all are facing some challenge, they wanted to share a gesture of joy and acceptance with us. They could have thought of the crazy state of the world and scowled. They could have been overcome with grief and looked at us with tears in their eyes. Which are both gifts as well. Someone being brave enough to share their inner-most thoughts and emotions. Are you beginning to see how we are missing so much in life?
Aside from stopping and staring pensively at a tree, which might not be a bad idea, how can we begin to appreciate all of these miracles and beauty we are missing? There is a clue in the question. Appreciation. When we stop to be grateful for things, it not only adds joy to our lives, it helps us be a more appreciative and loving person. Who wouldn’t want to be around someone like that? Think of the plants in the islands in the middle of the street. Most of us pay them little, if any, attention as we drive by. While it is smart to keep your eyes on the road, a glance in their direction would serve us well. Can you imagine how dull and lifeless the street would look without them? This is just one example.
Another suggestion is to try and be present as much as you can. In the middle of a walk, stop and take a deep breath and soak up the moment. Who you are with. What is around you. You can combine this with finding something to be grateful for. I was behind a lady at the supermarket who was obviously in a hurry and was not keen to wait in the line we were in. That is understandable. How lucky were we that we were both able to afford groceries and that there were some there to purchase? In many places of the world this is not the case. We did not have to hunt or farm. We were not living in an impoverished country. Yes, long lines at the grocery store are not fun. Do you know what is worse? Wasting time being upset about being there. I am getting ahead of myself. We will talk more about that tomorrow.
To me, this conversation seems like one I have had a million times. Although, we only have discussed it on here briefly. My mom and I reflect on certain things and say how it seems like a lifetime ago. Now, with almost 11 years together, Margie and I find ourselves doing the same thing.
Have you ever done this? Think about a restaurant you used to go to, or people you got together with and it seems like it was in another lifetime. The reason I bring that up is this time of year brings to town one of my favorite things, The Wisconsin State Fair. This year it seems many of the staples that have been there for years, or even decades, are gone.
We all understand that things change and hopefully evolve. Still, this begs the question how can we hang on to those moments? As we sat watching a dog diving show, this thought was bouncing through my head.
The answer is to stay grateful for them. To appreciate every moment as they happen. Look around you. The people and places around you may not be there tomorrow. It is a sobering thought to be sure, but hopefully one that will motivate us to appreciate each other and live in the moment.
How little we give value to some of the most important things in our life. Our house, our car and our jewelry are notthe most valuable things we own. As someone who has the unique perspective of facing death, and briefly experiencing it, my view changed dramatically. It is something that is very difficult to convey in words. All I can do is share my story and hope you can gain something from it. When I knew that there was a possibility of death in my life with my heart surgery, you take stock of your life. You ask yourself the question, “What would life be like if I were not here?” It is much like the experience that George Bailey has in the movie It’s a Wonderful Life.
Have you ever asked yourself this question? Have you ever looked around at those closest to you and asked how their life would be affected if you were not around anymore? How would they feel? Would they know how you truly feel? You may not be facing a serious and dangerous surgery like I was, but you do not need to be. We can be the healthiest, most cautious person and our day could be right around the corner. Have you seen the way people drive these days? This is not to sound fatalistic, but to stress that time is not our ally. It is fleeting at best and we never know when it will run out. I heard someone say recently, “You are one phone call, one diagnosis away from a completely different life.” That is frighteningly true.
Enough of these sobering thoughts! Look at those around you and try to picture their life if you were gone tomorrow. What would they be like? When I began to picture this, I realized many things. First of all, memories are the greatest gifts that we give each other. There is a cliche that people may forget what you say or do, but they will never forget how you made them feel. This is so true. I shifted my focus on the feelings I was trying to share. Realizing the greatest moments of my life consisted of memories I shared with the people I love, my focus was on creating as many as possible. People leave our life for a variety of reasons all of the time. Seldom do we see it coming. We are all there one day and the next, one of us is not. It can be friends moving away, loved ones passing or a terrible misunderstanding.
One of the things I enjoy reminding people of is that although our time on this earth is finite, the impact we create does not have to be. Some of the people that inspire me the most have been dead. Some of them for many years. When I think of Margie, if I were to be gone, I would want her heart to fill with love every time a thought of me arose. When I think of my friends, I would want memories of our times together to make them smile. Wishing and wanting are great, but we need to take actions now to make that a reality. It is sharing these little things with each other that mean the most. If I had a bad day, a hug from Margie would mean a lot more than if she bought me a cup of coffee. Staying with me when I feel sick means more than any grand gesture she could make. It is the little things that create the big amount of love that will live on long after we are gone.
A few posts back, we touched on the benefit of writing our own eulogy and how it can help us gain both clarity and direction for our life. The majority of people who listen to this concept whether through my book or in a seminar, can see how powerful it can be. By pondering how we want to be remembered and what we would like people to say about us and our life after we are gone, we can clearly see if we are taking the right actions. If not, we certainly know how to fix them. Having clarity and direction to our life can reduce a great amount of stress and a foster a greater sense of fulfillment.
When discussing this there are still a few people, some I know very well, find this concept morbid. I am not sure why exactly. Death is something that happens to 100% of us. It is one of the very few things that every human on the planet has in common. It should be something that unites us. The quotes above are Latin. They loosely translate as “Remember you must die” “Remember to live” and of course, “Seize the day.” These together provide a good map to life. Remembering we must die is what gives life its value. If we lived forever, it would little matter what we did. That fact that our time here is finite makes it priceless.
“I do not want to think about dying!” some people cry to me. As if not thinking about it will somehow delay its arrival. It will not. The only thing that not thinking about your death will do is leave you unprepared for its arrival. I do not know about you, but that would lead to a lot of stress as the end is drawing near. One tricky bit, as the first quote tells us, we do not know when that day will be! The older we get, the more likely it is to arrive. It is vital to know that old age is not a prerequisite to death. I died when I was 47. Lucky for me and my family, it was a temporary condition.
In the days leading up to that operation and temporary flirting with the other side, it became abundantly clear what was important to me. I no longer fear death. My fear is not accomplishing what I set out to do. Love my lady. Leave the world a better place than I found it. Inspire, encourage and empower all of those I come in contact with. Ignoring the fact that my death is drawing ever closer would rob me of a great source of urgency that I use to get a lot of things done in my life. Knowing that any hour could be our last to impact the lives of those we love, not to mention the world at large, should push us to be the best version of ourselves that we can be.
As we get older, we appreciate how fleeting life is. It was difficult to understand this as a child. Isn’t a year always the same length of time? It is, but as the years go by, they seem to go past with a quicker pace. The loss of a childhood friend yesterday, before the age of 50, just proves life may not even be as long as we think it is.
That is why it is so important not to save the good things for the future. The joy, the love, just enjoy them now. You may not get another chance. Share love, share happiness. Live now, it’s later than you think.
This is a quote from one of my favorite poets. It sheds light on a very important way to live your life. In my second book, a corresponding YouTube video, I encourage people to write their own eulogy. Not only as a reminder that life is fleeting, and you should live with a sense of urgency, but because it will help them better clarify what they want their legacy to be.
A eulogy is what people will say about you after you die. Sadly, if it is a good speech, you will not be there to hear it. You do have a great amount of control of what it will contain. What do you want yours to say? Do you want them to say you were a leader of your family? Are you currently acting like one? How about a loving partner? A hard worker?
One you decide how you want to be remembered, you can start working towards earning that eulogy. Meaning you are living in such a way that people will say kind things about you long after you are gone. Put another way, you are planting a tree you will never sit under.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 