Tag: couples secrets

THE TRUTH ABOUT FALLING IN LOVE WITH LIFE

My upcoming fourth book will revolve around the concept of falling back in love with your life. To that end, I have been spending a good deal of time thinking about just such a topic. What does falling in love with life look like, feel like and more to the point, how can we accomplish it? Falling in love with life sounds like a complex, New-age sort of goal. It really is neither. Falling in love with life is much like falling in love with a person. It is in considering this, we can answer all of the questions we asked earlier.

When you first fall in love with someone, how does it feel? Like you are walking on clouds. Nothing they do really bothers you… that much anyway. As time goes on, you have your little disagreements. Maybe even a few big ones too. Without realizing it, the hurts and disappointments mount. Not only in your partner, but in yourself as well. Asking yourself why you said or did that stupid thing that hurt your partner. Soon, little things that you didn’t even notice tend you drive you crazy. The more this happens, the more crazy you get. It can be like a snowball rolling downhill.

If this is true, and we all know it is, how does any relationship last? Even more to the point, how do some maintain that love and even grow? It would seem impossible looking at the facts we explored above. The truth is hard for many to take, and too hard for some to do. The truth is falling in love is work. No matter how amazing your partner is, and believe me I have the best, it takes work. Those disappointments must be balanced with moments of care and compassion. We must work on controlling our emotions and proper and healthy communication. We must not only accept our mistakes in learning, but those of our partner. In striving to be better, we will slip on occasion. Growth is never linear. In addition to acceptance, we must learn from them. Every painful lesson has in it the seed of greater understanding and growth.

How do you know if you are succeeding and growing? Do you find yourself arguing about the same things over and over? Are your disagreements more frequent? Then you have some work to do. This work takes years and involves much pain and uncomfortable moments. Why would anyone go through that? The reward is worth far more than the struggle. Being with someone who can not only still make you feel like you are walking on clouds, but has the knowledge of your past hurts and mistakes and still loves you is on another level. Learning and developing yourself is a process that positively affects everything in your life, including your relationship. Look at the photos of my lady and I above. They are 5 years apart and the love has only grown.

Falling in love with life is much the same as falling in love with another person. At first, when we are children every bit of life is a miracle. As we get older, more challenges arise. The hurts we experience tend to mount up. Life can end up seeming like a chore or a job. How can we maintain our love of life, like we do in our relationship? By using the same tools. Yes, there will be the same challenges. We will have moments of doubt. There will be lessons that are uncomfortable to learn. We will have to confront and fix things about ourself that we may not like to. We must work hard to change our mindset. Changing our focus from what is wrong to what is right. That does not mean denying some things need work. No, it means seeing those things as opportunities instead of challenges or failures. It also means spending time focusing on the miracles of life. All of the blessings we take for granted.

Reading this, it may sound like a new-age nonsense advice column, but it is the truth. Feeling like life is a miracle and everyday is an opportunity verses like life is a battle or a job makes all of the difference. Which one do you currently feel? What could you do to change that perception? Falling back in love with your life takes a lot of work, but the payoff is worth far more. The more effort you put in, the greater the return. You only get one life, why not work to enjoy it to the fullest?

THE ANGEL ACROSS THE TABLE

Last post we talked about what it takes to be an angel among us. I want to touch a little on my own personal angel and in doing so, share some insight that occurred to me while enjoying this amazing lady. Above is a picture of my lovely Margie. We have been together for quite some time now. The other morning I was reminded how grateful I am to have such an angel in my life.

On this particular morning, Margie was telling me all of the work she had to do to prepare for the market that the bakery her and her daughter own will be at. Looking across the table I was struck by how beautiful she was. The way that she can be creative with the desserts she makes for the masses. The work she puts in to make it happen. Not to mention her actual physical beauty. Later that morning I was meeting my mother for coffee so I had to leave her.

As I got into the car, I was still thinking of the life I share with this wonderful lady. We really have survived a lot together. There has been financial struggles, death of those we care about, plus the pains and misunderstandings that come with two different people trying to live life together. It was that last thought that really got me thinking. How had we made it through all of the miscommunications and misunderstandings? How had the passionate disagreements not torn us apart?

It was the fact that we decided that our love and respect for each other was worth more that whatever was coming between us at the moment. We had learned that when trouble comes, we can lean on each other and not away from each other. The fact is we learned. In an age where everything from cars to computers are easier and cheaper to replace than repair, the same often happens with relationships. You may avoid the initial argument at the time, but unless you heal what leads to those situations, you are just bound to experience the same thing with a new person.

What makes Margie so special to me is not just her amazing smile and heart-warming hugs. No, it is the memory of seeing that smile after she had struggled. It is feeling that hug when I was struggling. It is the love that fought to continue when our egos may have encouraged us to leave. Learning to forgive and to compromise only serves to make love and life more beautiful. Is it easy? Not at all. That is what makes it so beautiful. I am so grateful that I have found someone to share my life with and will continue to work to ensure we will always have each other.

OLD-FASHIONED IN THE MODERN DAY 🌻

Here is a relationship secret that really shouldn’t be a secret at all. It is something that a lot of couples find very difficult to manage in today’s complex and connected world. That secret is to not share too much of your relationship online. It may be tempting to air out your dirty laundry like your favorite celebrity. Especially in the heat of the moment. You want everyone to know what they did to upset you so. Here is two problems with that. First, there are people who are just waiting to swoop in and take the person you love, even if you do not like them at the moment. Every episode of drama you air on social media puts a chink in your armor of love and gives them a little more ammunition to try and tear you two apart. You may not even know who these people are, maybe your partner doesn’t either. They are out there, rest assured.

The second one is even more certain. It makes you look foolish. You might be asking yourself how sharing something totally thoughtless your partner did can make you look foolish. There are actually two answers to that as well. You are the one who chose to be with them. If you are constantly belittling them, what does that say about your judge of character? We all know that couple that are forever breaking up and getting back together online. One day they are trying to convince the world how terrible they have been done wrong, the next day they are waxing poetically about the ‘forever love of their life’. Stop it. You look foolish. People are reading it and thinking “How can she go back to him?” or “I would never lower myself to being with a woman that treated me that way.” You are making your partner look bad and you are making yourself look bad.

That being said, you would certainly benefit by sharing your love for your partner. Sure, you may have to deal with some sarcastic comments from those who are either jealous, jaded or affection-challenged, but it is a small price to pay for the rewards you will get by sharing all the wonderful things about your partner and all the reasons you love them. What are those rewards you ask? Let us take a look at just a few of them.

In many ways you could flip the things we discussed earlier. For people who are looking to damage your relationship or steal your partner away from you, sharing how wonderful you think they are and how much you love them would serve as a great discouragement. They may search out easier prey. Second, you make both your partner and you look good. When you post what an amazing cake your partner made or the wonderful dinner they prepared for you, people will look and say things like, “That Margie is sure talented.” or “Look how good she treats her man.” A random post about how grateful you feel to have your partner, provided it is genuine, will accomplish much the same thing. People will read all the things you are grateful for in your wonderful partner and think highly of them. They will notice how appreciative you are, and think, “Boy I wish my partner appreciated me that much.” You will help both of you look better in the world’s eyes.

Relationships are not for the world at large and neither should your efforts. Although we have shown why that can be important, let us look at another important to share your pride and gratitude for your partner with the world. That is you increase the intimacy between you. Why? Who does not like to feel their partner is proud of them? Do you know what else feels good? When the wonderful things you say about your partner get back to them. I recall being at a jewelry store with Margie and one of the employees came up to tell her all of the wonderful things I say about her. I am sure she might have been hoping to sell us some more diamonds, but gave us an even greater gift. She showed my love that my affection for her is alive and well even when she is not around. Who wouldn’t want to hear their partner is telling everyone how much they love them? In turn, that increases trust and affection between the two of you.

You should feel proud and grateful for your relationship. If you don’t, there are bigger issues you may want to address. Follow the steps we have outlined here to make sure you take some of these old-fashioned values with you into the modern world of love.

WHAT FITNESS AND LOVE HAVE IN COMMON 💪❤️

We like to share secrets to amazing relationships on this site as well. This should be no surprise as relationships are one of the things that can have the greatest impact on your life. Nowhere is this more true than your romantic relationship. The romantic partner you choose in life can have a greater impact on the success or failure of your life than almost any other choice you make. How you take care of this relationship will make all of the difference.

The first order of business is to understand that the fitness of your relationship is very much like the fitness of your body. It is never ‘handled’. What would happen if you got into the best shape of your life and then stopped working out and started eating all of the junk food you could find? In no time flat, all of your efforts would be in vain. The same is true for your relationships. If you work to achieve a loving, caring and growth-minded relationship and then stop working at it, soon you will not have that relationship anymore.

Here is another ‘secret’. When you are first starting to workout, it is extremely hard. You must put in a lot of work upfront. It can be very difficult to develop a discipline to engage in physical activity on a regular basis. I heard a quote that said the heaviest weight at the gym is the front door. That is so true. Once you are at the gym, working out is a lot easier to do. Dedicating the time and getting to the gym is where the struggle is. The same when you are first working on growing your relationship. There is a lot to learn. There will be fights. Both of you will say and do the wrong things. You will forget to say and do the right things. Setting up and dedicating time and effort to work on your relationship can often be where the difficultly lies.

Here is some good news, both for fitness and relationships. Once you get into shape, it takes a lot less effort to stay there than it did to get there. Although, you must put in the effort just the same as we discussed above. In a relationship, once you learn how to develop a loving and healthy relationship with your partner, it is a lot easier to maintain and grow than it was to get there. Once again, you must put in the effort just the same. Just as you will continue to discover new things about health and fitness, you will do the same about relationships. You will also experience challenges in both. I cannot count the times I was on a roll at the gym and then got an injury or illness. It is hard to keep that discipline and often start over. Same in love. You will have a long period of love and romance when it seems nothing could come between your hearts. Then, a disagreement pops up out of nowhere.

It is important to learn from these. When you get injured at the gym, it might be form or perhaps a muscle that needs special attention. When there is a difficulty in a relationship, there may be some communication that needs to be cleaned up, or affection that needs to be redefined. Both of these situations, as humbling as they are, provide us an opportunity to come back stronger. We can make sure they happen less frequently and with less severity as time goes on. We can also walk away with additional knowledge we did not have before.

As a side note, this is not the post I sat down to write at all. Therefore, there will be more relationship secrets in the next post!