Tag: controlling your emotions

ZEN THOUGHT FOR THE WEEKEND 🧘‍♀️

Here is a secret to an amazing life. Many people are so focused on ‘only thinking positive thoughts’. That is enough to drive you crazy. Stuff happens in life that will throw you. I do not care how positive you are, life can be tough at times. The secret is to have the tools and strategies to make sure the tough times are not that frequent and not that intense. One of the best ways that I have found to do this is to reserve my negative emotional energy for what really matters. If you spend days in bed upset because a person you considered a friend of yours spread negative gossip about you, what are you going to do when you lose a job or a loved one? That is not to say that all of these other things are not terrible, but they do not have to control our spirit.

That is the difference to real positivity and the kind that just glosses over life. Real positivity acknowledges that life sucks sometimes. Instead of crying, “Why me?” it says, “This bad thing happened. Now what?” Noticing you are feeling sad, irritable or angry is not necessarily bad. It is a learning opportunity. How did these feelings come about? What were the causes and what possible solutions can we try to use to change our emotional state? These questions can be better answered if you are in the habit of journaling. Trying to figure all of this out in your head can lead one to a state of insanity in a short amount of time.

Do your best to be an observer of your thoughts. Whether they are good or bad, ask yourself some of the questions we mentioned above. When you find things that trigger bad moods, try to avoid or eliminate those. When you find things that lift up your emotional state, do more of those. In this manner you will continue to move your life one step closer to amazing. Again, this does not mean there will not be rough patches. I think you can see by observing and understanding your thoughts and emotions, you can add more of what fills you with joy, and less of what takes away from your joy. That is the secret to an amazing life.

WE CANNOT CONTROL THINGS 😳

During a conversation with my boss about a supervisor we have had for 2 years, but has never actually set foot in the building (this is something that could only happen at the Post Office) she exploded with emotion. Yelling about how much the situation is stressing her out and how much it upsets her. I explained the quote above. Far too many of us have the same reaction to many things in life that are beyond our control. As I watched her get angry and yell, I couldn’t help but think of what this was doing to her physically. When we put ourselves into constant states of stress, the physical outcome can be nothing short of lethal. Everything from an upset stomach to a heart attack.

Many of you might be tempted to say that the situation was actually to blame. That is not so. Our emotions are one of the things that we can control. This is something that most of us are never taught. We assume it is just an action/reaction world. Yes, it is a lot easier to be happy after winning the lottery than when you discover that you accidentally took two laxatives instead of allergy medicine, but we still have a great deal of control over our reactions. Our mind, where our emotions actually come from, is a muscle to be exercised. Like starting to exercise any muscle, it will be difficult at first, but will get easier the more we try.

Why bother with all this effort to train our emotions? For starters, not having a heart attack would be a good thing. You may be saying to yourself, “That could never happen to me!” The number one risk factor for a heart attack is high blood pressure. It is called the silent killer because it has no symptoms. Guess what raises your blood pressure? Stress! One of the greatest ways we can reduce our stress is through gaining control over our emotions. There are many ways in which this can be done. One of my favorites is to change what things mean. Bullying, at both the adult and child level, is a huge problem since Covid and getting worse. We can let the emotional, verbal attacks really stress us out, or we can understand that these are really people who are usually suffering from a poor self-esteem themselves. Nobody who is completely happy with themselves will attack another.

Another way is to change our perception about the event. When we are constantly in reaction mode, we become slaves to our emotions. They control us instead of the other way around. Are you really going to be anger’s slave? In addition to being a slave to the emotion, you are letting the person or event that caused your reaction control you and your emotional well-being. Nobody deserves to have that power other than you! That person who insulted you might have made you angry. That person who broke your heart may have made you sad. That is understandable. To stay in that emotional state is to let them continue to hurt you over and over again. You deserve better.

Lastly, you can mine your emotions. What I mean by that is to find the lesson in why you find yourself reacting and feeling that way. Is it telling you something about yourself? Is it telling you something about the people you have in your life or the situations you put yourself in? These are all things that we have some control over. Let your emotions give you the gift of improving your life. Stop being victim to them and put them to work for you. It will save you stress. It may even save your life!

CHANGE EVERYTHING! 🦁

The last few posts we have been talking about gratitude, appreciation and such. These are not mere idle words. They are powerful ways of thinking. Roughly ten years ago, I began to change the way that I thought and viewed the world. It has created some radical shifts in my life. I gained the love of my life. I wrote and published 3 books. I started a podcast and YouTube channel. I began speaking. This was all due to a change in the way I thought. When you develop an attitude of gratitude and live in the present life becomes nothing short of magical. Even if your life is tough right now, there are so many things we have to be grateful for. Clean water, the ability to read these words, the fact we are alive when there are so many advances in science and medicine.

When you develop this attitude, that of gratitude, you will recognize that merely being alive is such a great gift! One way to really begin to appreciate all that you have in your life is to live in the present. Way too many of us are filled with regret for the past, or anxious about the future. One already happened, one hasn’t happened yet. Regret the past? The only way to do anything about it is to take action in the present to make up for it. Worried about the future? The best thing you can do is to take actions now to prepare for the future. Don’t want to risk taking things in your life for granted? Stop looking at your phone and take a look around you.

We can get so busy working to afford a life, that we fail to realize that life itself is the gift. It is in mastering our thoughts and choosing what to focus on that is the secret to an amazing life. We can choose to focus on what is right with the world, or what is wrong with it. They are both available at all times. Focusing on what is good in the world does not mean you are ignorant to the fact that there are things that need improvement. Just that you are not dwelling on them. This is a lesson I practice daily. I work long days most of the time. I have a wonderful lady at home that I will soon marry. There are times that my heart almost breaks because I miss spending time with her. If I were to focus on that, my day would be filled with sadness and heartache. Instead, I choose to focus on how fortunate I am to have someone I am so excited to come home to. That is a gift that not many have. I can be grateful that I have a job that I can work to help support us. Again, something not many have.

Even writing this blog and my next book. People ask how after working 56 hours at my day job, 5 hours on Sunday as a DJ, and going to the gym 3 days a week, do I manage to still have ambition to write? Still have ambition? How many people get to share thoughts for reducing stress, increasing joy and becoming the best version of ourselves to people in over 200 countries? It is a feeling of joyous obligation. Meaning I know people are relying on me to bring motivating and empowering positive thoughts to them daily. That is such a great blessing and opportunity. Does that make it easy? No. It makes it worth it.

Changing your thinking begins with mastering your thoughts. Until you do that, you can’t do anything. Once you do that, you can do anything. Mastering our thoughts means mastering our inner dialogue. Controlling the conversation that is going on in our heads and not leaving it up to chance or outside circumstances. This takes some discipline and willpower. It is certainly a skill worth mastering. When you do get control of your thinking, you will empower yourself to accomplish anything you are going after.

If you want to know the secret to an amazing life, start by mastering your own thoughts and emotions. It is a skill that will pay off more than anything else. More importantly, it will allow you to develop any other skill. If you fail to master your inner dialogue, you will forever be at the mercy of others and outside circumstances.

DON’T MAKE IT WORSE 😒

Anger sucks. Feeling anger causes many poor physical symptoms. High blood pressure, depressed immune system, and impaired judgment. Can you imagine how maintaining these for any length of time could affect you? There are some people who live an angry lifestyle. Continuous high blood pressure can…well…kill you. That certainly is not envious. Short of killing you, there are many other bad options from high blood pressure. I will let you research that on your own. A constantly depressed immune system means you will suffer many more colds and illnesses. You will miss more work and not be as productive in general.

What is worse than anger? When you let someone else’s anger make you angry. It is like trying to put out a fire by throwing gasoline on it. If we are being honest, it can really be difficult to not get angry when someone is yelling at us. When we do, however, we fall victim to the three conditions mentioned above. We did not even mention the impaired judgement. Sure, what someone did to anger us is most certainly terrible. When we respond from that state of anger, the chances that it will be a good response is slim to none.

Work on mastering your emotional control and your response to anger. When you do become angry, realize your ability to judge the situation objectively is seriously compromised. Learning how to get yourself out of anger quickly will reduce the chances of having to deal with the consequences of choices made from a poor emotional state.

WHATEVER YOU DO… BE A PRO 🏆

Today we are going to talk about the huge difference between two different words, reactive and proactive. Let us look at reactive first. When we put ‘re’ in front of a word, it means to do something again. If you think of what it means to reclaim something, it means you had it once, then you did not have it, now you have it again. In terms of our lives, when we react it is the same thing. There was an action and then it caused our action, or our reaction. That means our actions or behaviors, are predicated on the actions or behaviors of others. How would you like to live your life when how you feel, or how you act, is determined by others? I can’t imagine that you would feel in control of your life. In fact, you wouldn’t be. You would be at the mercy of outside circumstances.

What does it mean to be proactive? It means that we take action in advance of the upcoming situation. If you know you have an early morning, you may be proactive in your actions by putting your clothes out the night before, or getting the coffee maker ready. When you show up the next day you will be well-rested, well-dressed and on time. In short, you will look like, and act like, a pro. This not only works for getting up early. One of the best ways to be proactive is to work on controlling your thoughts, emotions and focus. Eventually, you will be faced with challenges to all of the above. If you are proactive when it comes to your self-control, you will be less likely to be reactive when the situation arises. This means if someone were to treat you unkindly, you would not have to react by feeling anger towards them or sadness based on their treatment of you. If you are able to control your thoughts, emotions and actions regardless of outside circumstances, that will make you a pro.

Invest in being proactive when it comes to improving yourself today. The result of such preparation will be more control over your life and less stress about it. Ask yourself, do you want to be at the mercy of the world around you and controlled by others, or do you want to be a pro?

THIS IS WHERE THE POWER IS 🔋

Here is one of the secrets to an amazing life. This may seem like an obvious conclusion, and for the most part it is. Here is the tricky bit, try remembering it in an emotionally charged situation. Reacting, as easy as it is to do, makes you a slave to outside circumstances. They control your emotional state, they control you. This is true whether that is a rude driver or a flat tire. Mindful acting, as difficult as it can be, puts you back in control.

Would you like to control your life, or would you like others to? Again, that sounds like a foolish question, but one that could serve you when you are tempted to react. Here is another thing that reacting to outside circumstances steals from you, in addition to control, it steals a feeling of security. If your emotional state is determined by things outside of your control, you will never be certain how you will feel. Can you imagine trying to plan anything not knowing what kind of mood you will be in? This can be demonstrated at work the day before you leave for vacation. Nothing seems to bother you. Boss upset? It is alright old chap. Project you were working on fell apart? That is a problem for another day. You walk through life unfazed! What if I told you that you could go through life this way? It is true. Unless you are my boss reading this, in which case I do need to go on more vacations to demonstrate.

Gaining control over your emotional state not only provides you a feeling of security, it also helps add a great deal of inner peace. Knowing that you are not going to let outside circumstances influence your emotional well-being gives us a sense of calm and inner peace that those who react will never have. I have been on both sides, trust me on this one. You decide how you want to feel. Look at outside obstacles for what they are, challenges to test and strengthen your resolve. With each test, you will gain greater control over your emotions and gain a greater sense of inner peace and security. Try it this weekend!

1 OF THE BEST LESSONS I’VE LEARNED. 👩‍🏫

In this crazy world, I have learned lots of lessons. This has become accelerated the older I get. That is a lesson itself. People generally go one of two ways when they get older. They become more rigid, or stuck in their ways, or they realize that they ‘don’t know what they don’t know’. I am fortunate enough to fall into the latter category. The older I get, the more open and compassionate I have become. Going through challenges in life can make you hard or allow you to relate to others in a deeper and more meaningful way.

One of the greatest lessons I have learned through everything is the importance of remaining calm. Extreme emotions can be beneficial. They can give us a boost of energy when we need it. Extreme fear can heighten our senses to keep us safe. More often than not, extreme emotions are a negative. They drain us of valuable energy and deplete our immune systems. Yes, you may get a boost of adrenaline at first, but it comes with a price eventually. When we are in the whirlwind of emotion, it can cloud our judgement and we may make decisions we will regret. Things that seem like the right thing to say or do when we are angry, sad, depressed or a host of other intense emotions, can have us asking for forgiveness for years after.

The quote above is some great advice. Decisions that could affect you long-term are best not made in an extreme emotional state. Why? When you act impulsively, you are transferring control of your decisions from your logical mind, to your irrational emotions. When you are able to stay calm, it is almost like being able to look down on a situation from above. When you act emotionally, it is like looking out from inside a whirlwind. You may not have all of the information to make the best decision. Even if you do, you may not be taking it into consideration.

I am not going to be foolish enough to tell you that staying calm in the middle of an emotional decision is easy. It is not. It takes a good strategy and a lot of practice. What is a good strategy for staying calm? That varies as much as the individual. You can try deep breathing, counting to ten, picturing something that makes you laugh. Whatever works for you. There is plenty of books and research on the topic I invite you to investigate on your own. What I can tell you is that developing the ability to stay calm is worth all of the effort. Staying calm is not only a talent, it is a rare and valuable talent. It allows you to maintain control when others lose it. It saves you the stress and heartache of regret over something you said or did that you should not have. One more thing that staying calm requires is patience with yourself. This is not a talent that will come all at one. No matter how much you study and practice methods on your own, it will be a lot different when you have to put them into practice.

My advice is to invest some time and energy into developing the ability to stay calm. It will not only give you the ability to objectively approach challenges in life, but will save your relationships much of the pain you will inflict by acting emotionally. Invest time in discovering strategies for staying calm. Invest time in practicing them. Your relationships will thank you. Your stress level will thank you. Your life will thank you.