How many of us spend way too much time on things we cannot control? Lol at everything outside the circle in the photo above. Are there any that you spend too much time worried about? It does us little if any good. They are by definition, things beyond our control.
How about the things inside the circle? The things within our control. Far too many of us focus on these slightly, if at all. How about you? Are there any of the things in the circle you could spend more time focusing on?
Here is the crazy thing. If we spend a concerted effort improving the things within the circle, or more to the point within our control, the things on the outside of the circle will improve as well.
This really is one of the secrets to living an amazing life. Not to spend too much energy on things we cannot control. Instead of worrying about whether someone likes you or not, spend more time on making yourself the best you can be. That way, if anyone doesn’t like you, it is more about them than about you. Most of have heard the saying, “I might not be everyone’s cup of tea.” Here is one to consider. You could be the best cup of tea ever, and there will still be people who don’t like tea. I am a coffee person myself. That is to say, you could be amazing and some people still may not like you. Maybe they have prejudices or preconceived notions that have nothing to do with you.
Another example is focusing on what you can control in an uncontrollable situation. I dislike cold and winter. As I write this, I am looking outside at snow blowing and temperatures below freezing. Try as hard as I might, I cannot control the weather. What I can control is making sure I have warm clothes and a cup of hot coffee, as mentioned above. I also plan trips to warm destinations and try to convince the love of my life that spending the winters in the tropics is a far better idea. It is what I can control in a situation that I cannot control. Focusing on those things instead of trying to change the weather is a lot less stressful and a lot more productive.
Save yourself some stress and focus on what you can change. When you seem to be facing a challenge that is beyond your control, ask yourself, “What can I control in this situation that is beyond my control?” You may not be able to control your job downsizing, but you can control polishing your skills and networking to place yourself in a better position. You cannot control the economy at large, but you can control your own personal economy. Stress less. Worry less. Control what you can.
Monday can be one of the toughest days of the week for many of us. That is one of the reasons we exist. Here at Secret2anamazinglife, we supply motivation and inspiration you can use to get you through, not only Monday, but the rest of the week as well. Today we are giving you this little bit of wisdom to ponder as you start the weekly grind.
What can make Monday tough for some of us is our coworkers. We all have one that can get under our skin. It might not even be coworkers, but people we encounter throughout the day. Customers, the inconsiderate person on the road in front of us, or a million other souls in which we share this planet with. They often provide us with plenty of opportunities to practice our character building skills. This is great and is certainly something we should be grateful for. Unfortunately, this is not easy to remember early in the morning before the coffee has kicked in.
Just remember two words – react or respond. One gives the control of your emotional well-being, your life and your day to the knuckleheads we were discussing earlier. When we react to what others do, we let them determine how we will feel and how our day will go. If, however, we decide to intelligently respond to their actions, we say something entirely different. We are saying, albeit in our head most of the time, “Despite your foolish manner of acting, I am not going to let it disrupt my rockstar flow.” In slightly cruder terms, it is like giving them half a peace sign, or maybe a whole one if we are really in self-control, to those who could ruin our day with their thoughtless actions.
Two words to remember for the week ahead – react or respond. One gives control of your life away. The other keeps control right where it belongs, with us.Who do you want to control your life? You or someone else?
With so many crazy events in our world, and more to the point in our life, we can often be left with feeling that we have a lack of control. To a certain extent that is true. Realizing a lot of what we worry about, and get upset about, is beyond our control. We cannot worry about what politicians do. We cannot worry about what criminals do. In fact, we cannot even worry about what other people do. Even the ones closest to us. Right now, I have grave concern about what the weather does. Do you know what I do not have? Any control over it.
Here is two things we do have control of. We control our attitude and our efforts. I am not a fan of cold and snow. What I should be focused on in not only my attitude during this tough stretch of weather, but my efforts in keeping my spirits up. In many places where this blog is read, there are far greater concerns. There are wars going on. There is corrupt government. There is extreme heat and extreme poverty. We have to be concerned about these things. We also have to be concerned about our fellow humans going through them.
In the midst of all this craziness, we must fully understand that we cannot control them. We must check in and ask ourselves, “How is my attitude? Am I determining it, or am I letting outside circumstances and people do it for me?” Then, focus on the other side of the coin. Ask yourself, “How are my efforts?” Are you just complaining the boss isn’t letting you get ahead, or are you studying and pursuing other opportunities on the side? Are you complaining about the corrupt politicians or are you doing something to change that? It could be as simple as voting, or as complex as running for office yourself.
A quick note. Complaining about things without taking any action to correct them does not count. Not only is it really a lack of effort, but it shows a bad attitude as well. Our attitude is often the most important factor in any situation. Our attitude at the beginning of a task goes a long way into determining the outcome of the situation. Do you know what else it will affect? Our effort. That is why Earl Nightingale called ‘attitude’ the most important word. They are both under our complete control. If there is an area of your life that feels like it could use some work, make sure to check on your attitude and efforts first. Only you can change them.
Last post we talked about not holding on to negative emotions. The easiest way to do this is to not have too many of them in the first place. Easier said than done right? After all how can we help how our family, boss, coworker or even spouse treats us? We can’t tell them “I’m trying to live a more positive life, could you please not act like a jerk?” OK we could tell them that, but not with very positive results.
So how do we limit the effect that other people’s actions have on us? This can be done by asking two very simple questions. I suggest you write them down on a small piece of paper and carry them with you for when such an event takes place.
The first question is this, “what else can this mean?” Quite often the answer can be the other person is just a jerk or has just treated you poorly. Which again is on them and not you. What others do is their business, how we react is ours. So look for a deeper meaning? Often they are hurting and may be expressing that hurt in a very unproductive way or in other words taking it out on you. Another popular thing to note is that often anger is a cry for help. Hearing your spouse say “If you ever stopped playing golf long enough to do something else” may be their way of saying “I would really enjoy spending more time with you” Which brings us to the next item. Sometimes they are bringing to our attention some aspect of our character that could use some work. This is often hard to see if done hurtfully, but ask yourself if there may be a ring of truth to what they are saying? Could you improve a little bit in that area?
The second question we should ask is “How can I use this?” Turn their hurtful emotions to your benefit. Can you use it as positive motivation? Can you use it to learn something about them or even you? Perhaps you can just use it as practice to control your emotions or practice forgiveness?
Either way, understanding we can control our emotions by asking two simple questions “What else can this mean?” and “How can I use this?” Will certainly give control to us.
If you still get upset or hurt see our last post on the power of forgiveness and how it is truly a gift we give to ourselves.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 