Tag: conflict resolution

ARE YOU SORRY, OR ARE YOU SORRY YOU GOT CAUGHT?

Here is a situation that many of us find ourselves in. Someone does wrong by us. They then say they are sorry. Whether that was saying something hurtful, not fulfilling a promise to us that they had or a host of other things. We have also been the one apologizing. Here is a good question to ask, “Are you sorry, or are you sorry you got caught?” What do I mean be this? Let us take a look.

Apologizing is a necessary and important first step. It is not an entire step. Let us take a really simple analogy. If I were to kick you in the shin because I am mad at you, that would be a very bad thing. I apologize, as I should. Does your leg feel any better at this point? Probably not. If I were truly sorry for your actions, I would want to do something to help. Maybe I would get you some ice to put on your leg, or some pain pills? I could help you lay down and put your leg up to rest. I would also have to develop a plan as to what to do in the future with my anger, so we do not find ourselves in the same situation. This is good conflict resolution. Apologize for the wrong. Take what immediate action you can to help repair and correct the wrong. Finally, develop a plan so that in the future you will not have the same situation come up.

We all know some people who seem to be forever apologizing. What is worse, they seem to be doing so for the same reasons. If you apologize for something, and then continue to do that very thing, are you really sorry? You might be, just not for why you think you are. You are not sorry for the thing you did, you are sorry you got caught. If you were truly sorry for your actions, you would do your best to correct them and improve them. That is not to say you would not make another mistake, just not the same mistake. Growing and evolving includes making new mistakes. We are human after all. If, however, you are continuing to make the same mistakes, you are not growing and evolving.

Pay attention not only to the people in your life, but to yourself as well. Are you following the formula for conflict resolution, or are you just saying you are sorry and hoping that fixes everything? A good rule to follow is to not just say you are sorry, but to show that you are sorry. We do so but taking actions to correct the wrong we have done and to put in place plans that will stop us from doing that same wrong in the future. That is how we grow and evolve.

YOU ARE JUST LIKE THEM!

Here is a good thought to remember- hurting people back makes you just like them. This can be difficult to remember in the middle of an emotional situation when all you want to do is see the other party hurting just as bad as their actions hurt you.

If we are being honest, not only is that becoming just like them, it is the lowest course of action we could take. Giving into our emotions and reacting makes us a slave to both our emotions and the other person’s actions. If we take a breath, and a moment to ourselves, until we are able to respond, then we can make the choices and take the actions that are best for the situation.

It also keeps the door open for the future of the relationship. Reducing the amount of hurt and terrible things done or said,in any relationship, increases the likelihood that relationship will continue.

Next time someone gets you upset, before you react, and hurt them, ask yourself if you are going to be a slave to your emotions and let them control you. Instead, take a moment and respond. That way you are in control. Not the other person’s actions. Not your emotions. You are in control. It will only benefit your relationships in the long term.

SAME..BUT DIFFERENT

As we watch what is going on in our current political climate i am reminded of my great friend Cari. That is a picture of her above. Not only does she obviously have great taste in books (you can get a copy of that very book by clicking this link A Happy Life for Busy People) but she is one of the sweetest people I have the honor of having in my life. Cari literally will help anyone and everyone she can. When her friends are hurting, she is hurting. She is a great listener and has a kind word about everyone. She even bakes amazing cookies. 

Other than the fact I am grateful for my friend and can take a moment to brag on her,what is this post about? Here is something about Cari and I, when it comes to some very important issues we have major differences. We are both very spiritual people and lean heavily on our faith. It is one of the things that I respect most about Cari. She stands by her beliefs even when it is not the easiest thing to do. She also does her very best to not only stand by them, but live her faith as well. She ‘walks the walk’. She also expresses her faith quite openly.

One evening Cari and I met for dinner which ended up lasting several hours. We discussed at length our beliefs and how they would apply in certain situations. We discovered on a lot of issues, important ones, we were miles apart. On others our views were in direct conflict with each other. 

A discussion like that could lead to conflict between the two individuals. How often have we heard never to discuss religion and politics? Here is what came of the evening with my friend. We expressed our views openly and passionately while the other party listened with the intent of understanding and not to ‘correct’ or even contradict each other. On several issues we agreed to disagree and on others even incorporated each other’s belief to gain a more complete understanding. 

The reason i bring this up is to encourage all of us to do the same. We can obviously see on a bigger scale governments having difficulty doing this, but it starts at a fundamental level between two people. I encourage us all to search for common ground and learn to agree to disagree. You can certainly respect someone and their convictions even if you do not agree with them 100%. Feel free to share any ideas you have for doing so in the comments below.