It is an interesting fact is that we all are made up of the same elements. 65% of which is oxygen, followed shortly behind with carbon at 18.5%. This alone should deter some of the racists and bigots, but I will leave that for a different day. What I want to talk about is the carbon. roughly 20% of all of us are made up of carbon which is pretty much what charcoal is made of. Before you start feeling like a worthless piece of coal, let’s look at what happens when that coal is put under heat and pressure. It transforms into a diamond!
Next time you feel like the heat is on in your life, or you feel the pressure starting to get to you, think of this piece of coal. Say to yourself, or out loud if you are daring, “Looks like my carbon is being turned into a diamond!” The longer we go through life, the more pressure and heat we will go through. If done right, we can transform into a diamond. If we are treated poorly, it can strengthen our resolve to treat others with compassion and kindness. When we are ignored, it can remind us to include others.
There is a cliche that the challenges of life should make us better and not bitter. The point of that is that we have a choice. Let us decide better. Let us decide to become a diamond. Remember to say to yourself, “This challenge is turning my carbon into a diamond.”
Nobody I know likes to go through hard times. Yes, it is true that they help us grow the most. Yes, it is true that we learn the most about ourselves and our character in those hard times. Still, this does not make them anymore fun to go through. We all wish they would end. Well, end they do. Above you will see the three ways it which they can. The first is the easiest. That is us giving up. There is no growth, no learning or nothing other than the pain of what we experienced. Often this course of action leaves us far worse off in the long run.
The second one is that it becomes easier. This is usually a result of perseverance. Managing to hold on despite the odds and circumstances not being in our favor. By staying in the fight, if I may use that analogy, we learn things or notice patterns that can make the challenge we are facing easier. By not giving up, we become used to the struggle and become more adaptive ourselves. This alone can make the situation feel easier.
Lastly, is the fact that we become stronger. This is a little different than just becoming more adaptable as stated above. This is putting the hard times to work for us. Once a hard time commences, we have the choice as to the attitude in which we approach it. The fact that we are going through hard times is seldom, if ever, under our control. The attitude in which we face these challenges, however, is completely under our control. Becoming stronger involves deciding we are going to use this hard time to develop some area of our character, practice a skill we are working on or maybe just learn something new. The difference is that we are actively deciding this from the onset.
Next time you are faced with a hard time, remember it will end. Most importantly, remember you have the choice as to how it will end. Going through hard times is never fun, but coming out the other side stronger makes them worthwhile.
I must confess to not being a fan of ‘fate’ or “It is what it is.” type thinking. Quite the contrary. I believe life is what you make of it. What happens then when we find ourselves in situations that are not only undesirable, but beyond our control? We have all been there. You are on your way to get a nice surprise for someone and another driver hits your car. You drive across town for a nice dinner only to find the restaurant closed. These things happen. What then?
My thinking is still the same. Life is what you make of it. When you find yourself in a situation that is undesirable, ask yourself, “What can I do while I am here?” I recall being one of the first people in the state to get Covid. That was scary. At the time they did not know a lot about it. I have some preexisting conditions such as asthma that could make it worse. Was I scared? Absolutely. Then I asked myself how I could use that situation to serve the greater good. Often, when we take the focus off of ourselves and put it on serving others, great things happen. I decided to make a series of videos to chronical my journey. My hope was that it would take the fear away for many people.
The same happened when I had open-heart surgery two years later. My beautiful love of my life saw that I was rather scared of the whole event and wisely suggested, “Why don’t you write about it?” She even bought me a journal to record my thoughts and events involved. It was the first book I ever wrote by hand before publishing. You can read that fine piece of literary work, The Beat Goes On, by yours truly – Neil Panosian, on Amazon. Again, it was taking the focus off of myself and my problems and looking how it could all serve others and the greater good.
Next time you find yourself somewhere you would rather not be, or with someone you would rather not be with, ask yourself, “How can I use this?” The answer could be to develop some aspect of your character that needs work. If you can find a way to use the situation to serve others, that will be a big win! Have you ever found yourself in a situation like this? How did you use it?
Many people shy away from the fires of life. That is to be understood. Nobody really enjoys discomfort. What you must consider is what discomfort and challenges do in our life. They provide us opportunities that comfort and ease simply cannot. You grow exponentially more during difficult times than you do when life is easy. You also display to others your true character.
Everyone can be patient, helpful and happy when the sun is shinning and all of the bills are paid. Can you still have that kindness and compassion when life is not going so well? Can you still treat others as you would want them to treat you when life is beating you down? If you can, it speaks volumes about you and your character. This is something that you could never display unless you face challenges and adversity. Next time life seems to descend into chaos, ask yourself one very important question, “How am I going to walk through this fire?” If you are really brave, you can ask a follow up question, “What will that say about me?”
Be grateful for the challenges. They help us to grow and to demonstrate to the world the strength of our character. You can dislike the challenge and still be grateful for the opportunity.
A few posts back we spoke about the dangers of letting comfort become an addiction. Many of you were asking, “Why seek discomfort?” This is a fair question. Why spend your life pushing and pursuing the difficult path. For one, it leads to greater destinations. The steeper the climb, the better the view. If you wish to become truly great in any field, there will be lots of work and sacrifice. Nobody has ever grown to greatness sitting on the couch.
Another reason is put forth to us in the quote above by the great Martin Luther King Jr. It is challenging times that give us the best opportunity to show our true character. In this quote he uses the term ‘man’ but it holds equally true no matter the gender. Challenges provide us an opportunity to stand up for others and for our principles. It is easy to stand up for what is right in a room full of people who agree with us. Will we still be willing to stand up for what we feel is right when it is unpopular? When it is difficult?
More important that the opportunity to prove ourselves to others, is the chance to prove ourselves to…well…ourselves. Will you still make it to the gym after a hard day at the office? (hint, that is the day it might be most beneficial) Will you still be able to be kind to others when your life is going through a rough patch? These are things that you can only find out for sure during the dark times.
Challenging times are never fun, and life can often seem too full of them. Still, they can provide opportunities that just cannot be found when life is easy. Next time a challenge comes into your life, ask yourself how you can put it to use for you. Before long you will become just as grateful for the challenges as you are for the good fortune.
Today’s post is a combination of a lot of great sources. It also contains one of the great secrets to turn your life from one you just have, to one you love. If you are looking for more of these, my book Living the Dream, is full of them. I will leave a link for it at the end of the post. What is great about this strategy is that it is free, anyone can do it, and the more upside down your life seems to be, the better it will work for you. All that is required is a single change in perception. While this is certainly simple, it takes a bit of practice to get the hang of.
The first source of inspiration was my mother. After a nice 3 mile walk through the park, as seen above, we stopped to enjoy an iced coffee. While relaxing and taking in some sun, she mentioned this plaque she had seen. It mentioned something about turning your challenges into blessings. I fail to remember the exact words. This is the great secret. Do not be tempted to discount such a powerful tool. By seeing what we often think of as challenges in life as the blessings they often are, it can change our entire emotional state.
As we discussed this subject, more examples jumped into my mind. This also shows my interest in a vast amount of subjects, but that is for another post. First was Bishop T.D. Jakes. I enjoy a lot of his thoughts, and am currently in the middle of reading one of his books. He said that a lot of people do not open the gifts God has given them because they do not like the wrapping paper. Ponder that for a second. How many times in our life do we reflect on what seems to be a challenge, or even a tragedy, and realize without it, we would not have received some very important good things? To further accent the point, some lyrics also popped into my head. Michael Franti sings a great song called Work Hard and Be Nice to People. One of the lyrics from that song states, “Take all of the lessons, add a little love and turn them into blessings.” With a little love, any situation can be used to help both us and the world around us.
The last example that came to my mind was that of David Blair. He was a British merchant seaman in the early 1900s. He was going to get a big pay day by being part of a crew on a new ship’s first voyage. At the last minute, another ship owned by the same company was held over for repairs. The crew from that ship was transferred to Blair’s ship and our good friend David was told to stay home. He was very mad that he was going to miss the prestige, the pay day and the experience of sailing on this ship. He was stuck on land. The ship he got kicked off of at the last moment? The Titanic. 1500 people lost their life on that ship and no doubt David Blaine would have been one. What looked like bad luck ended up saving his life.
As we can see in these examples, what often seems like misfortune can turn into some of the greatest blessings in our life. We cannot often see it at the time, but it pays to ask the question, “What is the blessing in this challenge?” it can turn the event around, turn your day around and turn your life around. Here is one final example about how bad luck can be good fortune generations later. My Great-grandmother was scheduled to sail over to America on the Titanic. For some reason that has been lost to time, she was unable to. No doubt disappointed at the time, it saved her life. That in turn allowed my life to be and you to be reading this post right now. How many challenges in your life have turned out to be blessings?
Today is Thursday. It is about that time in the week when we begin to falter. Where we might have started the week out with enthusiasm and gusto, the weight of our endeavors may begin to start feeling heavy right about now. This holds especially true if you find yourself going through one of those periods where everything you touches turns to…well…manure let us say. Whatever you are involved in seems to go wrong. If you haven’t had one of these periods, rest assured it will happen. It is also rather frustrating. The harder you seem to try, the more mistakes you seem to make. It can feel like digging your way out of a hole.
It is leaning into the photo that started this blog that will help us. Raise your hand if you know that you learn far more from mistakes than from almost anything else. Keep your hand up if you look forward to making those mistakes in an effort to learn. I am guessing most of you put your hands down now. None of us like to make mistakes. At the moment we make them, it can be hard to look at them objectively and understand they are nothing more than a learning opportunity. Practicing this will benefit us in two ways.
My lovely lady is a cake designer. A very good one at that. This is one of her many creations. Being that all I know about cakes is how to eat one, I usually try to stay out of her way when she is creating them. On occasion, our paths do intersect when this process is taking place. What she is able to do never ceases to amaze me. Here is another fact about this amazing lady – she usually takes things to the last minute. wanting to deliver fresh cakes, and the need to make some parts shortly before the order is picked up, leave very little room for error. With stress levels that high, when a mistake does occur…well did I mention I usually try to stay out of her way?
One of the coolest parts of this happening, is that she always finds a way to create a new process or create a new way of putting things together that allow the cake to be completed and look amazing. Many of these ideas would never be realized had the misfortune not occurred and the pressure not be on. If you were to ask her if she would like for the frosting to melt, or some other cake related tragedy to happen at the last minute, I am positive she would say ‘No’. Being the honest lady she is, I am sure she will be the first to tell you that some of her best ideas come in these situations.
How about you? Do stress and challenges force you to stretch your mind and engage creative thinking that you may normally not use? That is true of all of us. Mistakes can be a vein of gold in regards to learning. To get the most out of that mine, we must be looking for what we can learn from our mistakes. Next time you find yourself seemingly making one mistake after another, ask yourself, “What on earth can I learn from all of this?” In order to overcome the emotional aspect of the moment, here is an idea. Start by reflecting on some mistakes you have made in the past and ask yourself what you have learned from them. The more you do this, the more mistakes will actually be something to be grateful for.
The point of this quote should be obvious. In case it is not, let me expand on it. The more we prepare, the better we will be when faced with a challenge. This really holds true across all areas of life. If we save money, or work to create a good side-hustle, we will be prepared for any financial challenge that may arise. If we work on our health and fitness, we will be better prepared for a challenge in that arena. This came in handy for me when I needed immediate open-heart surgery. The doctor telling me, “If you hadn’t been in such good shape, we would not be having this conversation.” Some good food for thought there. Had I waited to take care of my health until I was told that I had a problem, you might not be reading this.
The common theme through all of these is that if you work on yourself, you will be better prepared to take on any challenge in life. One of the more interesting ones that many of us may not think of is our spirituality. Whatever your faith may be, even if that is faith in yourself, it needs to be fostered and grown. The more you do so, the more you will be ready to face life’s toughest challenges. Many times it is difficult to find the motivation to do what needs to be done in our lives. It is the work we put in when nobody is watching that not only allows us to face challenges, but to grow into the best version of ourselves.
Every second of training and preparation we do, is less damage we will incur when we face a challenge. Trust me when I tell you, face a challenge we all will. You never know when life will test you. The better prepared you are, the more likely you are to pass that test.
Here is an important idea to remember. Things will be okay. This can be hard to accept or believe when we are facing difficult times. There are a million challenges that come to mind that can really try our resolve. Can you think of ones in your past that fit this description? For me, there are several that come to mind. My open-heart surgery and following trip to the hospital. People we care deeply for passing away. Car accidents, job losses. We have all had our share of very serious challenges, have we not?
Here is something to consider, you are reading this. Whatever challenge tried, and may have succeeded, in knocking you down, you are still here. Your record for facing challenges and to keep moving forward is 100%. We all have scars, we may have some pain, be it physical or emotional, that we carry with us, but we are here. That pain, and those challenges, often allow us to better relate to and comfort others going through something similar. It can give us a good story to share with and help inspire others. It can give us motivation that we have overcome a challenge. Eventually, and it may take a good amount of time, everything will be okay. Know that. Trust in that.
In life we all have many challenges. One of mine is the weather where I live. Especially in winter. It seems the older I get, the harder it is to deal with the cold and snow. This year, I vowed to make the best of it and try to maintain a more positive outlook. For a while, mother nature seemed on board with this. The weather was unseasonably warm, and the snow was slight. My attitude seemed to remained elevated. This was good news for my family and friends. I thought to myself, “Neil, you just might do it this year!” Then, mother nature had a wicked grin.
I leave for my day job a little after 4am Monday to Saturday. This morning I woke up to over a foot of snow. As I trudged my way to where my car was parked, I saw it also was covered in snow. Upon reached my car, I discovered it was more ice than snow. Nothing starts the day off right like spending ten minutes chipping ice off your vehicle just to climb inside. Once inside, I began to defrost the windows. Once they were clear, I headed out. Trying to focus on the fact I was grateful to have a vehicle that ran. The plow that went through left a small ridge of snow in it’s path. I had to cross it to get out of the parking lot. As I did my car erupted in a chorus of sounds. None of them were very friendly. It would appear the snow had damaged some vital part of the exhaust. This happened on a Saturday. My mechanic is not open until Monday.
Driving around with a car loud enough to wake the dead is embarrassing enough, but now the temperature, which was doing just fine, is going to drop to ten degrees below zero. This makes my loud car, should it start, quite necessary. It would appear that my resolution to maintain a positive attitude is receiving quite the test. I must remember that is what the world does. I refuse to let it get the upper hand. This is not done alone. My friend CJ jokingly reminded me that some kids are trying to make their cars louder, in essence, I just gave myself a free upgrade. My friend Kurt offered his mechanic. Of course my lovely lady and her smile will keep me warm on the inside. There are my self-improvement skills I not only teach, but practice myself, that will keep me humming along.
All of this serves to remind me that tests are a part of life. They give our resolve strength. They require us to change our focus on what we do have to be grateful for in order to make it through them. It also gives us a platform to demonstrate to others, by our example, that they too can make it through their challenges. When we embrace life’s challenges and put them to work for us, we grow. When we let them get us down, we become less of who we could be. I am going to do my best to grow from this challenge and I invite you to do the same with the challenges in your life.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 